Emotional support animals are just the best! Snickers keeping me company…..
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#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness
Today treatment started. I wanted to blog but the meds they put in made me sleepy….so only a few pics for now. A proper blog to follow…..
I received this scripture for today, yesterday (or was it the day before?) from someone I know. Before the person knew what decision we will have to take. Today this is so profound to me. You see, God is already in tomorrow. This is something we intend to forget frequently. But this verse gives me such a promise and hope – He is already there, making the path that I must walk on as level as it can be, so that I do not feel like I am climbing a mountain so to speak.
Nou wanneer mens so daaraan begin dink en besef dat die Here reeds in môre is, kan mens nie anders help as om Sy hand in alles te sien nie. Die woorde wat nou deur my kop maal soos ek die skryf, is The path of least resistance. Dis iets wat in die Lego movie gesê was, as ek dit nie mis het nie. Maar dis ook waar van weerlig en water is dit nie? Dit volg die pad van die minste weerstand.
So now I wonder why God placed those words in my mind? Perhaps because we as humans want to choose the path of least resistance? We are inclined to jump ship when the storm gets tough around us, but sometimes we have to stay inside the boat, because that is the safest place for us to be in. If we jump into a rubber lifeboat with paddles, that we have to paddle ourselves, in the midst of a storm, then will we not struggle to stay afloat?
Dis moeilik vir enige mens wanneer hulle voor enige keuse te staan kom. Hierdie hele reis waarop ek is, hoe lank of kort hy ookal gaan wees, voel vir my soos ‘n decision tree met elke tree wat ek gee. Nou die wat al geoudit het en belasting goedjies doen, behoort ‘n decision tree te ken. Dis letterlik wanneer ‘n vraag oor iets gevra word en jy een van twee antwoorde moet kies. Die een antwoord se uitkoms is anders as die ander een sin.
This is how it felt to me thus far. We get to a point and then we have to decide, this way or that way. The only thing with this is, I cannot see the next step, option or choice to be made. Only God can see it. So it is slightly different than my day job, where I can see what each decision leads to, ensuring that the original answer made, is in fact the right one with the right outcome.
Vreemd hoe die lewe werk en draaie maak met ‘n mens? Presies een maand gelede, het ek niksvermoedend na Prof. Benn se spreekkamer gegaan omdat ek ‘n knop in my bors het. Nie ek of my man Heinrich het in ons wildste drome gedink dat die aaklike woord van Borskanker, sou ‘n diagnose wees wat uitgespreek word oor die ding in my lyf nie. Ek het regtig gedink dis net iets wat uitgesny gaan moet word. Wel, toe nou nie!! Maar as ek nie daardie keuse daardie dag gemaak het nie, het ek nie nou hier gesit waar ek sit vandag nie.
God is busy making the way for me. He is letting everything fall into place. I have done very little thus far in this process, except arrive, show whomever what they need to see (i.e. the boobies – yes so many people outside of my marriage have now seen the jewels and gems), listen, process and decide. The doctors’ offices all deal with the medical aid authorisations. They deal with the accounts that are to be paid. We do not have to argue with anyone about anything. They do all of that for us. This is a side of the medical industry that I have not seen or experienced before. We are usually the people having to get authorisations, submit payments, follow up and who knows what with the doctors and the medical aid.
Laaste ding – die Here maak nie net die pad oor die berg nie. Nee, hy breek die brons deure en Hy slaan die ystergrendels stukkend. Hy breek die tronke oop. Dit voel so vir my of dit aansluit by die skrif wat ek gekry het oor Petrus en Silas in die tronk. Dink jy nie hulle wou nie daar wees nie? Dink jy dit was hul droom om in die tronk te wees? Ek dink nie so nie – dis vir seker niemand se droom of bucket list item om in die tronk te wees nie! Net so is dit nie my droom om hierdie pad van Chemo te stap nie, maar ek weet ek moet doen wat ek moet doen, sodat Triple Negative uit my lyf kan kom. Vir seker kan die Here dit net laat verdwyn. Maar, Hy het ‘n ander plan. Dit voel amper te maklik as die ding nou net na ‘n maand verdwyn. Die wonderwerk wat ek reeds sien is dit – die grootte van alles het presies dieselfde gebly sedert my eerste MRI in September tot die CT scan nou in Oktober. As iets aggressief is, dan is die verwagting mos dat dit vinnig groei en versprei, nie waar nie? Wel, die Here het dit gestop! Die sensasie wat ek in die kerk gevoel het toe daar vir my gebid was, was dit! Hy het dit aangeraak en die groei en verspreiding gestop!
I feel like God wants to purify me even more for His greater purpose. I need not fear, because He is on my right hand, holding onto me, supporting me. This now leads me to the next thought – what is part of the purification process? Fire!! I cannot help but think of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who were thrown into the fire. Did you know that the guards that threw them in, died from the heat of the flames? Did you also know that they did not smell of smoke when they got out?
Dis my gebed, dat ek nie eens soos rook sal ruik wanneer die proses klaar is nie. Mag daar min tot geen newe effekte wees. Mag ek elke dag net die Here loof en prys vir Sy goedheid en wonders. Mag ek nog nader aan Hom beweeg in hierdie tyd wat voorlê. Mag Hy die pad gelyk maak en die deure en tralies van die tronk oopbreek. Ek voel amper ook of ek moet afsluit met iets wat in die Fast & Furios flieks gesê word – See you on the other side. Dis wat ek ervaar die Here in my gees laat val. See you on the other side. Hoe die pad na the other side lyk, kan ek nie vir jou sê nie, maar die Here weet.
Today’s entry is late. We had to be at the Oncologist at 10, only to see him around 12. It is a waiting game this, and we have learnt to keep ourselves busy and take stuff with to remain occupied. The wonderful news is, the CT scan showed that the Triple Negative has not grown in size, nor has it spread! We are so grateful to God for this!
Ons het vandag ‘n ander deel van die praktyk gesien. ‘n Rustige deel, waar dit nie voel of chaos heers nie. Ek weet nie of dit was omdat ons in die oggend daar was, en almal redelik vars nog was en gevoel het nie (al die ander kere was laat die middag, en ons almal weet mens voel ‘n slump van so 3 uur of 4 uur die middag af). Maar die lang en die kort is, ons het kalmte en vrede ervaar. Iets waarvoor ons gebid het.
We prayed to God that His will be done, not ours. Of course our will is that the CT scan shows nothing and leaving the professors dumb struck. Although, I think they are a little dumb struck by the fact that the tumour has not grown, but it was not said in that many words. If only they knew how hard and long we prayed for a miracle to happen! And this news is the first of many to come I would dare say at this stage.
Ons antwoord waarvoor ons gevra het, het ons vandag gekry. Ons gaan voortgaan met die behandeling. Ons ervaar dat die Here ons daar wil gebruik vir Sy groter wil en koninkryk. Deur Sy genade, kon ons vandag vir ‘n tannie daar bid, dis wat die Here op my man Heinrich se hart gelê het om te doen. Nou wonder jy seker wat het al hierdie goed uit te waai met vandag se bybelversie?
It is simple – if you read carefully you will note that we are laying off our life that we know and have come accustomed to, so that God can be glorified every single step of the day. This is what we feel He wants to do. His healing has and is still taking place every second in every cell in my body. The size of the tumour and the fact that it has not spread (even though it is an aggressive thing this, making it in my mind a fast moving thing) is miracle and healing enough for us. God has got this! And because He has got this, I have got this!
Yesterday I did not write or post anything, as I left early in the morning to visit my new breast friend who was admitted to hospital to undergo surgery to remove a lump in her breast. We met the day that we received the diagnosis. So grateful with her, that her lump seems to be something benign. We are praising Jesus all the way for this for her and that He let our paths cross. She lives far, in Nelspruit, so the moment that she was at Millpark, I ceased the moment to visit her! We have only spoken on Whatsapp and briefly saw each other again the other day, probably two weeks ago. Of course, we forgot to take a pic together. But anyway!! We will get there!
Na die hospitaal besoek, was ons stout en het ons gesin gaan fliek. 2 uur op ‘n Maandag middag. Iets wat ons nooit gedoen het nie, maar wat tog nodig was met alles wat aan die gebeur is by ons, die chaos waarin ons gevoel het ons gedompel was. Nie te min, hier is ek nou, besig om ‘n inskrywing te tik oor wat die Here op my hart lê vir vandag. Vandag se vers gaan oor Petrus en waar hy op die water geloop het. Maar toe verloor hy fokus, en kyk na wat die wind aanvang rondom hom, hy begin twyfel, en toe sink hy onder die water in.
I feel I want to mention why I am writing about this and how this was confirmed to me. Just yesterday, I was chatting with a total stranger again on Whatsapp (YES THIS IS WHAT I DO, but not a weird total stranger). I have never in my life met this lady, but we have something in common – the Emotional Intelligence Activator course or programme that we are on. She sent me a message yesterday, saying that she thought of me when she heard a podcast. I replied to it saying that I know I must now stay focussed on Jesus in this whole process. I am not sure if I have already set my foot on the water or whether I am already walking on the water.
Maar een ding weet ek vir seker – ek moet gefokus bly op Jesus. Net Saterdagoggend het ek emosioneel geraak oor die moontlikheid van chemoterapie. Ek het vir my man gesê ek voel of ek nou twyfel oor wat ek gevoel het die Here vir my aanbied. Dis asof ek nie dit wat ek in my hart en gees gevoel het duidelik kan onthou nie. En nou twyfel ek of ek reg gehoor het. Ek voel of ek die Here se naam met ‘n plank gaan slaan, hoe almal vir Hom gaan lag as wat ookal nie gebeur nie en ek wel vir die chemoterapie moet gaan. Hoe mense hul oë gaan rol en sê, ai foeitog, die arme vrou wat so geglo het die Here gaan haar dit spaar en hier is sy nou, besig met dit wat teenstrydig is wat sy vir ons vertel het haar God kan doen, ons glo nie regtig in sulke wonderwerke nie, jy weet….? Ons weet die Here kan wonderwerke doen, maar Hy het nou maar nie hierdie een gedoen nie.
I am not worried about what people will say about me, more that they will believe even less in God. Does this make sense the type of doubt that I have? Anyway, so, back to how I got confirmation of the scripture for today. A friend of ours, sends us daily scriptures of Oom Angus Buchan. Today’s scripture is from this verse. I listened and immediately I thought of this newly found friend, sister in Christ, with whom I had a conversation yesterday about Peter and walking on water. I was busy packing school lunch tins and could not send it to her immediately. I thought I would forward it later when everyone has left.
Wel, toe spring sy my voor. Sy stuur vir my presies dieselfde video aan. Sy vertel my dat haar man daagliks dit vir haar stuur en toe sy dit hoor, toe dink sy aan my. Weereens ken sy nie die persoon wat eerste die boodskap vir my gestuur het nie. Weereens weet nie een van hulle watter boodskappe ek ontvang nie. Toevallig? Ek dink nie so nie! Hoe wonderlik is die Here nie net nie? Ek kan nie help om te dink dat Hy net vir my wil sê dat dit ok is nie. Hy het alles onder beheer! Ek weet Hy het alles onder beheer, maar Hy weet mos hoe is ons as mense, so Hy kom bevestig net oor en oor en oor vir my dat Hy reeds in die situasie is.
With all of this being said, I know that He has this. Something that I have been saying from the start. I have got this because He has got this. At this stage, the medical aid has not approved any treatments. We absolutely see God’s hand in all of this. He has gone before us. In the meantime, while we wait, God has confirmed to me to start putting Castor Oil on the lump. Something that I have been praying to Him, asking Him if it is ok to do so. Here I am, doing it, just being obedient. To the outside world, it does not make sense, but right now I am focussing on Him and what He wants me to do.
Die storm woed om ons. Met allerhande dinge wat gebeur, maar ons kies om te fokus op Jesus. Hy is in beheer. Hy weet hoe die ding gaan eindig. Ons gaan saam met die proses, as die dokters sê ons moet iewers wees, dan is ons daar. Tot die Here die proses stop, is ons in dit. Nie uit ongeloof uit nie, maar uit gehoorsaamheid uit. God has got this. I have got this because He has got this! Don’t think, just do.
I just want to close off with this – I spilt water on my desk pad AND diary on Friday. I never spill fluids around my laptop. But this happened, very early in the month of October, forcing me to look past the water marks on this month’s page until 31 October 2023. Last month it was coffee (luckily only a few drops, but still, enough to make the desk pad look ugly), and that was worse than the water. Immediately after I spilled it, I felt God talking to me, showing me that in September something that stains the paper was spilled, but in October, water was spilled, something that cleanses…. every time I look at this desk pad now, I am reminded of God’s water cleaning everything around me.
So here we are waiting at Prof Rapoport’s offices. Did our Jericho walk around the building, our neighbour blew on the Shofar for us in Skeerpoort and now we wait….
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#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness
Today we were at the Breast Care Centre. Markers inserted and now on our way to Rosebank Centre of Oncology to hear what they say is the plan.
One step at a time. And yes a bit of a fake smile purely because the timer is 5 seconds for a selfie 🤣
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#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness
Wow, where do I start? I cannot begin to describe how BIG GOD IS!!!!! Today’s verse was confirmed yesterday in a wonderful way by God, like only He can do. You see, on Sunday, our neighbour gave me a bag with a butterfly on that has Psalms 46:10 on with the words, Be Still. As you may know, I just love receiving scripture in any form whatsoever, as I know that God is talking to me. As I am typing this, God reminds me that a butterfly also undergoes a transformation process. From something ugly like a worm, to a beautiful creature with wings to fly where you need to go.
Gister, stuur ‘n liewe vriendin vir my ‘n pakkie met ‘n notaboek in en ‘n beker. Die notaboek se skrifvers is ook Psalms 46:10 met die woorde Be still and know that I am God op. Pragtig met ‘n boom en goue blare en ‘n voël wat op vlieg uit die boom uit. Die boom verteenwoordig vir my hoe mens groei as jy gewortel is in Jesus en jou blare sal glinster soos goud omdat Hy jou voed. Toe ek dit sien toe weet ek dat ek vandag oor dit gaan skryf. Dis wonderlik hoe die Here nou die afgelope paar dae vir my die skrif verse ‘n dag voor die tyd al gee.
Yesterday I was debating whether I should not write about today’s scripture yesterday. But I felt God pressing on my heart to not do it that way. I must write about the scripture about being healed, because that was my last stone that I cast at the giant in front of me. A stone in the sword fight, but I know who is standing behind me. Of course the devil is still trying to fool me with symptoms that I feel in my body. With words echoing through my mind, creating a worst-case scenario to me.
En dan dink ek by myself, hoekom op dees aarde sal die Here vir my ‘n worst-case scenario ooit gee na al die skrif en die beloftes? Ek weet nou, dit wat ek in my lyf voel, is net simptome. Die Here het klaar genees. Net gisteraand voel ek in my linkerbors, op presies dieselfde plek waar die knop in my regterbors is ‘n steek pyn. En so ook onder my linkerarm waar die limf klier is. Weer dink ek by myself, regtig? Hoekom mimiek die linkerkant nou die regterkant? Dis net die duiwel wat my van stryk af probeer bring. Nie eens te praat van al die chaos wat hy probeer maak om ons met geysers wat nie werk nie, elektrisiteit wat trip want proppe op die stoep het nat geword na die reën, om net ‘n paar te noem.
Last night, both my husband and I slept very well. We are exhausted, the travelling to Rosebank, Milpark and surrounding areas is really exhausting. I went for a spinning class yesterday, which was the best decision that I could make since last week Monday (not exercising since last week Monday). This morning we feel refreshed. My husband was even dancing for joy as he is excited for what lies ahead today. Then my sister-in-law Marisca, forwards me the daily scripture from Oom Angus Buchan. She does not normally do this, another friend of ours had been sending it to us since last week.
In hierdie stuk vandag, lees hy versies en toe sê hy dat hy ervaar dat hy moet bid vir genesing vir mense. Net daar bars ek en my man uit in trane. Hoe op dees aarde kan oom Angus dit nou weet om te bid, juis op hierdie dag? Hy het nie ‘n IDEE wat in my lewe gebeur nie. Hy lees vir seker nie my blog nie. Hy ken my dan nie eers nie. Ons bid saam met hom en plaas ons hande op die dele waar die gewas is en die geswelde limf klier is. Ek begin nog meer kinderlik opgewonde raak, want ek dink nie een van ons besef HOE GROOT GOD IS NIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hierdie gaan alles oor HOM!!!!!
As my husband leaves to drop off the kids, I feel a warm sensation again where the lump is and where the swollen limph node is under my arm. The sensation is the same as when I touch it with my hand and body heat comes into contact with it. Only I was not touching it. Similar to what I felt in church on Sunday and again yesterday and a few times this past week. Now I know, with this verse today, that I need only be still. God has got this, like I have been saying from the start. We are going through the motions and doing what is expected of us, but God has already worked a miracle, and is busy working it still, just crossing His t’s and dotting His i’s in this miracle. Almost like placing the cherry on top you know?
Ek laai die dagstuk van Oom Angus op my blog en kan nie help om te merk dat die lengte van die audio 3:16 is nie. Dit laat my dink aan Johannes 3:16. For God so [greatly] loved and dearly prized the world, that He [even] gave His [One and] only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him [as Saviour], shall not perish, but have eternal life. Toevallig? Ek dink nie so nie! God is in die detail!
Vroeër die week, (was dit gister?) ervaar ek dat ek soos Dawid, my 5 klippies opgetel het, om die reus te gaan veg. 5 Klippies van genade. Die Israeliete het vir hom gelag, die Filistyne het ook vir hom gelag. Dawid se oudste broer het selfs hom probeer van stryk af bring, hom laat probeer fokus op die skape in die veld, eerder as dit wat besig is om voor hulle af te speel. Dit alles omdat Hy met ‘n slingervel en 5 klippies die reus aangepak het. Die reus wat een massiewe swaard gehad het. Die reus wat alles en almal gekoggel het. Amper soos wat ek af en toe ervaar die duiwel met my probeer doen. Hy probeer my koggel op verskeie maniere.
I was debating whether I should post this or not and even bother writing about it. But this is the scripture that God gave me yesterday. You see, if we believe it, we will receive it. I do not believe in coincidence. None of the scriptures that I got these past few weeks (that feel like months by the way) were sent coincidentally. You see, I believe that God speaks to everyone in a manner which they understand. I LOVE getting scriptures, especially when one goes through the fiery furnace. Because scriptures are what carries us through circumstances that we did not choose.
So hier sit ek nou, eers die tyd van die dag, besig om my oordenking te gee oor die skrif vers wat die Here vir my gegee het. Hy het dit vir my op sosiale media gegee gister, terwyl ek middagete geëet het. Ek het maar net iets gesoek om te doen, want ek kan wragties nie net sit en eet nie jy weet? Ek moet nog iets bo op dit ook doen, en my tyd verdryf was toe maar sosiale media. Toevallig kom daar ‘n advertensie van Radio Kansel op met die skrifvers uit Matthëús 9:29 uit. Enige ander vers of selfs enige ander dag met die spesifieke vers, en ek sou seker dit nie so aangegryp het soos wat ek het nie. Dit het gevoel of dit direk uit God se hand vir my gegee is. Wat ek daarmee maak is my keuse.
You see, God’s perfect will for us is not to be sick to begin with. But, we are in this broken world and illness is part of it. So why do we fall ill? It is so that in our weakness, God can be elevated and glorified. Back to David, I cannot help but think of the story of him. How he was not supposed to be on the battlefield, how well protected Goliath was with his armour, how Goliath mocked them, thinking he was invincible.
Hulle (die Israeliete) het probeer om Dawid aan te trek in Saul se wapenrusting. Dit was te swaar vir Dawid, en Dawid het gekies om met 5 klippies, sy staf en slingervel die reus te gaan aanvat. Natuurlik was daar weer ‘n gespottery van Goliat se kant af. Dawid se antwoord is vervat in 1 Sameul 17:45 Maar Dawid sê vir die Filistyn: Jy kom na my met ‘n swaard en met ‘n spies en met ‘n lans, maar ek kom na jou in die Naam van die Here van die leërskare, die God van die slagordes van Israel, wat jy uitgedaag het.
So you see, sometimes, we have to be bold like that. To say things that do not make sense. To do things that no one understands. You see, this diagnosis that was made is dressed fully, in armour that seems like it cannot be defeated – everyone fears it. It is mocking those around it. But now, with this stone, the one called faith, is what I am taking to this battle. It is a sword fight, that I am very well aware of, but, the power of God is not to be underestimated. I know that I know that He has got this.
Natuurlik is dit moeilik om steeds oorkant ‘n dokter te sit en dat hulle met jou die pad vorentoe bespreek, die pad wat eintlik nie gestap gaan word nie. Die Goliat probeer steeds twyfel saai. Hy probeer steeds my koggel. Is ek seker? Is ek seker dat ek nie my naam en God se naam met ‘n plank gaan slaan nie? Is ek regtig egtig, genuine enuine seker? My antwoord is dat ek wel seker is! Ek weet die Here sal my nie beskaam nie. Hierdie ding gaan gebeur soos die Here wil hê dit moet gebeur. Ek gaan nou net deur die motions. Ek gaan sien nou maar net die dokters en professors, kom die afsprake na soos dit gemaak is en wag geduldig vir my klippie om te val waar die reus wat voor my staan vulnerable is. Sodat die reus met sy neus in die grond in sal ploeg.
My words to this thing is – You come to me with a triple negative rare type disease (note that David pointed out 3 things of Goliath), but I come to you in the Name of the Lord, the Lord of heaven and earth. The One that created all of us and holds the world in His hand. The One that let the Israelites walk through on dry ground, through a sea. The One that performed many miracles throughout the bible, and still does today. The One that called me by my name, so that I am set apart for His work and glory. That is who is behind me!
Ek het reeds voor ek gaan oefen het (ek het besluit ek gaan vandag Spinning doen, want dis die eerste dag wat daar so bietjie normaliteit is tussen alles wat gebeur het sedert laas week), die inskrywing gepubliseer. Maar het besluit om dit op te dateer. Die instruktrise by die klas, het kommentaar gelewer dat my nuwe haarstyl mooi lyk. Ek gaan deel haar toe vlugtig mee hoekom dit gebeur het, en net daarna sien my dogtertjie Sioné, ‘n baie ligte reënboog tussen die wolke, net voor die reën begin val. So asof die Here net nog ‘n konkrete iets vir my wil gee van Sy belofte. Dan dink ek ook aan die liedjie Crazy People van Casting Crowns en kan nie help om te glimlag as ek aan dit dink nie….Crazy People trust in Jesus! Following Him where ever He leads them!
So now that God has cleared my diary so to speak, tending to minimal day job matters, I can actually do a proper post about the daily scripture. It will still be bilingual all in one, like I have started doing with the daily scriptures, but the only difference is, it will be on the blog with the link being shared on socials. As some pieces may be a bit longer than others.
Nou ja, soos julle almal seker weet, het Professors ‘n diagnose gemaak oor ‘n knop in my bors. Sedert 17 September 2023 was dit net soos ‘n woeste storm om my. Alles het so vinnig gebeur, dokter’s afsprake en dinge. Al wat ek die heeltyd by die Here hoor is Don’t Think. Just Do. Dis al. So met dit in my gedagtes het ek net gedoen en nie gedink nie. Die Here het vir my ‘n visie gegee van ‘n boek se voorblad en toevallig ken ek ‘n baie goeie illustreerder wat seker nie eens 5 km van my af bly nie. Ek het laas week met haar vergader om die visie wat die Here gedeel het deur te gee. Dit was die eerste Don’t Think. Just Do. oomblik.
For a long time, I was considering doing microblading on my eyebrows, because my eyebrows are very pale in colour (I always have to colour it in). I made an appointment with Irene who does my nails, she also does the microblading. Well, the microblading turned into permanent make up. That was the second Don’t Think. Just Do. moment in my life. This is now besides the doctors’ visits for scans, and professors’ visits for discussions and so forth. I was also advised to cut my hair shorter in anticipation of their chemo treatment plan. I had a hairdresser appointment on Friday and the plan was not to cut the hair short. But, after receiving this advice, I cut my hair short. I am still adjusting to it, because I was not emotionally prepared for that. This was the third Don’t Think. Just Do. moment.
Toe ervaar ek Saterdag oggend dat die Here my bonatuurlike genesing aanbied, sonder behandeling. Ek was omver gegooi deur dit. Want dit was nooit iets wat ek by myself aan gedink het nie. Vir my om hierdie bonatuurlike genesing te aanvaar, moes ek deur goed werk. Die detail hiervan spaar ek vir my boek. Want ja, dit is OOK besig om te gebeur. Ek meen, die voorblad is klaar uitgesorteer. Ek weet mens doen seker die voorblad heel laaste, maar vir die boek, gebeur dit anders om….
In church on Sunday, I felt a warm sensation where the tumour is. Something I have never felt before. This was while the pastor was preaching and also while we were singing a song I speak Jesus. I felt it a few times, twice I think, cannot remember exactly where in the sermon, but I felt it. I knew God was doing something. I was then called forward so that they could anoint me and pray for me. The message was the same, even though different people were praying – BE HEALED IN JESUS NAME!
Ek het toe gevoel ek moet iets deel op die Whatsapp groepie wat ek het om almal op hoogte van alles te hou. Ek het getwyfel of ek moes deel van wat ek voel die Here aan my openbaar het oor die genesing, en ook dit wat ek in die kerk ervaar het. So herkou ek toe ‘n dag of wat aan dit, terwyl ek besluit wat om te doen. Toe hoor ek weer God sê Don’t Think. Just Do. Die deel op Whatsapp van dit wat die Here my bied en die kerk ervaring, was die vierde Don’t Think. Just Do. oomblik. God sal my nie beskaam nie. Soms is ons so huiwerig om te deel wat ons ervaar, en dit belemmer die getuienis wat hieruit gaan kom!
Yesterday, I received two messages from two different people who do not know each other. Each one of them, played a role in my daughter’s education. The first message was in Afrikaans and it contained the scripture from Acts 16:26. The reflection and thoughts on that verse was also shared in that message. EXACTLY 30 minutes later a message came in from the second lady, this time the message was in English but it was EXACTLY the same verse, same daily reflection, just in English.
Toe ek dit sien, kon ek nie help om God se hand in dit te sien nie. Hy probeer iets vir my sê. Nou die verse voor die vers, is waar Paulus en Silas in die tronk sit. Hulle het God geloof en prys en gebid tot Hom. Toe gebeur die aardbewing en die tronk se deure gaan oop en die boeie val af. As jy verder aan lees, sal jy sien dat Paulus en Silas nie self uitgeloop het nie, hulle het gewag vir die owerhede om hulle vry te laat. Wat ek hier ervaar het, is, die ding wat gediagnoseer is, probeer my gevange hou. Maar die Here skud die fondamente. Die Here maak die tronk onstabiel sodat ek vry kan wees.
But it is not up to me to get up and walk out. Like Paul and Silas I have to wait for the authorities (the Professors) to let me go from the jail. Again I was contemplating whether I should post anything publicly about this and again I heard God say Don’t Think. Just Do. Which is what I am doing now. I cannot save everything of the miracle for my book! I have to share some as I go along. And this is now my fifth Don’t Think. Just Do. moment. A good friend of mine said that Dawid took 5 little pebbles to defeat the giant. He only needed one. Five is the number for grace.
Dit is nou waaraan ek herinner word soos wat ek hierdie tik. God se genade is met my. Ek moes 5 klippies op tel. My Don’t Think. Just Do. oomblikke. Maar daar is net EEN klippie wat nodig is om die reus te oorwin. Ek moet net stil wees en weet die Here veg hierdie geveg vir my. En raai wat…..? My tweede naam is Davina. Dis die vroulike vorm van Dawid. Ek noem dit maar net per toeval….’n naam wat ek nooit baie van gehou het nie, tot ek die betekenis uitgevind het.
So the long and the short is, God is sorting this out in one wonderful way. A way I don’t even think I can imagine and I am not sure if it is going to go exactly as I have it planned in my mind. But I know God is always terribly on time. This is the beginning of something new. The short hair is so that God can work with me when I am not all polished and pretty with my long hair. He needs to get me to a place where I can be open to hear Him clearly, so that I can serve others and so that the dream that He gave me 15 years ago, can be fulfilled.
Laaste ding voor ek afsluit. My noem naam Elsie, beteken Consecrated to God. Set apart for His work and glory. Wow. Dis hoekom so baie goed op my hart gedruk was deur die Here. Hy het my werklik by my naam geroep! Om te doen waarvoor Hy my geskape het! En net so tussen ons, die liedjie wat ons oor en oor speel na en van dokter’s afsprake is Praise….ek sluit hom ook in op die post….
This has been the hardest thing for me to do. To cut my hair which I had been growing for almost a year after cutting it a very short bob last year December.
I cannot help but hear God’s whisper echo in my spirit Don’t think. Just do. I even joked yesterday saying that it would be really funny if I did all of this, the permanent make up and cutting the hair short, only for nothing to fall out. Something which I am secretly hoping for and praying for.
I am glad I did not know how painful the permanent make up is to apply, I surely would not have done it if I knew. I literally made an appointment one hour before going, not planning on doing it that day when I got up. No time to prepare myself mentally for that either.
Don’t think. Just do. That is all I can hear. It is scary, but, I know that this is the start of something beautiful that will develop and unfold. The song that keeps me going is from Elevation worship – Praise. I cannot help but keeping on praising God, irrespective of what is happening.
He has got this. I know this. So, with all of that being said, here are some pics before the haircut and permanent make up and then the after photo…..praaaise the Lord, oh my soul! In the after photo, I have a bit of a bad “ass” girl look 🤣.
These past few weeks, feel like a dream to me. The carpet, that I had laid out for my life, the road which I thought I was going on, doing what God intended me to do, was ripped out under my feet on Sunday 17 September 2023. That is the day that I learnt that I am diagnosed with something called Triple Negative Breast Cancer.
End of May 2023, I felt a lump in my right breast (or rather above my breast – it is in a weird place). I immediately saught help and went for a mammogram and sonar beginning of June. At that stage the doctor that interpreted the images, was not too concerned. The only thing that bothered him was the fact that the lump did not have straight lines, but rather curvy lines. I was advised to come back in 6 months to check it out again if it does not go away.
The weeks leading up to the diagnosis, were just normal days. Only that I did not feel well. During exercise I felt old, could not keep up with doing the number of rounds of exercise at the Gym. I knew I had to seek help but did not know where to go to. God kept the doors closed to the avenues that I sought help from. I was confused, frustrated and really not wanting to feel like this.
The long and the short is, God guided me in the right direction, sending me to the local GP in Hekpoort who ran blood tests and referred me to a Professor at Millpark Hospital. Now we all know that Professors and specialists have waiting periods. However, when Carolien from the Doctor’s rooms phoned for an appointment, I got one for the very next day, on 12 September 2023. The scripture that God gave me on 11 September 2023, was so profound. It is from Isaiah 41:13 (Amplified) – For I the LORD your God keep hold of your right hand; [I am the Lord], Who says to you “Do not fear, I will help you.”
The lump is in my right breast and I could not help but notice that in this scripture, God is telling me that He is holding the hand on the side where the lump is. In the first consultation with Prof Benn, the word Cancer was dropped. It shocked me and my husband, as this is the last thing that we had expected. We were sure it was something else. We were referred to Prof Joseph, who was to do the Biopsy. Off track a bit, for this Biopsy appointment, I decided to wear my flamingo shirt, you know, the one that is sold online? Why I could not tell you, but I felt God pressing it on my heart to do, and when He presses, He has something that He wants to do. I know I have to be obedient.
Back to the biopsy – this was done Friday 15 September 2023. Everything started moving faster, much faster than what we anticipated. This appointment was squeezed into their diaries first thing the Friday morning. The driver taking the results to the Lab was arranged for collection at 9 am, rushing it off to who knows where to analyse and report on. We saw Prof Benn again the Sunday, 17 September 2023. The waiting time was long, as the Professor was in theatre the morning and the Doctor that had to sign off on the report was in theatre with her. The report was not ready by the time we were due to see her and off we went to have some breakfast.
Coming back from breakfast, we continued to wait. I was amazed at how many patients this one Professor sees at any given time. Can there be so many sick people with this disease? Again, for that appointment, I decided that I would wear my flamingo shirt. I felt silly getting dressed in it, as I was not sure why I was supposed to do this, but, knowing God, I just did it. The shirt, it turns out, is a conversation starter. Everyone comments on the flamingo on the front, and then I say, but wait, look at the back. Then I show them the words printed on – Pink Feathers ® for God.
We were all chatty, I even gave out a few of my business cards to one of the patients there, as well as to another lady’s husband waiting for her. Anyone that knows me, knows this is what I do. Chat with strange people, giving them my business card. Off we went to the discussion with Prof Benn. There the bomb was dropped like the one that was dropped over Japan years ago. Unexpected and extremely damaging. At first, I got excited when I heard triple negative, thinking that it is three times not breast cancer. Yes, you may laugh at my thought process. But this is what I thought. The long and the short is, how I understand it to be, is the triple negative means it is not a hormonal based cancer (does not feed off the two female hormones) and the last thing that ticks the box, so to speak for the triple negative, is, it does not have the normal receptors of a typical cancer tumour.
Then she started explaining. I think my ears and brain did not catch half of what she said. I was in shock, tears welling up in my eyes, not knowing how to react. Thinking they have it wrong. She explained that the chemo treatment will leave the cancer belly up (vulnerable) and then I inject myself with something to force my body to produce more white blood cells. It will be the white blood cells that will kill the cancer. Then radiation and then operation to remove the tumour. Breast preservation is her first priority.
We left there in shock. Another lady, one to whom I gave my business card, walked past me, to go and see the Professor, asking my name and saying that she will pray for me. I was in a daze. Things were said of what was going to happen next, but I don’t quite remember it all. I just remember the Professor giving me assurance over and over again that they will sort this out. I do not have to worry, they will sort it out.
In the car, I burst out in tears, crying a weird cry like I have never cried before. I don’t even think I cried like that when my mom passed away. I was in shock. It was an ugly cry. Lots of tears. Even more tissues. Shaking my head in disbelief. This cannot be happening to ME!!!!! But the reality is, it IS happening to me. Close family knew of the situation, and they were waiting in anticipation for the results. We decided to not send a message just yet to anyone. We wanted to process it all first and then tell our kids first before we tell anyone else.
Back home, we talked with our children, explaining the situation. My daughter, who is 9 years old, came to me, telling me that I am going to talk to people, like that lady that spoke at a ladies’ event at our church in July (Adri Williams). I was amazed at how God works and how He reveals things to us in manners that we cannot begin to imagine. Shortly before she said that to me, I felt exactly that in my spirit. God will be using this for the greater good and to glorify His name.
The message that I sent to our family that Sunday, was exactly what God placed on my heart to say. It is what it is, He has got this. He is in control. I need not fear – like the scripture from the Monday before confirmed this. I did not choose this cancer, and I did not place my signature on the dotted line for this. But then I realised that, because I said yes to Jesus, I said yes to everything, even this thing called Cancer. I just know that HE HAS GOT THIS. I am trying to go on like normal, going with the flow and the process to follow.
When God formed the earth, He knew that I would get this result and diagnoses from Prof Benn on 17 September 2023. Amazing to think of it in that way is it not? God already knew then and He already chose me for this journey. He is not caught off guard. This is the way that I am looking at it. This is the path that God laid out for me to walk on. HE HAS GOT THIS! Here is to the book that I have been begging Him to write, because this is what it will be about 🥂! Here is to the people that I will be talking to, the crowds that He revealed to me in a dream 15 years ago already 🥂.
It is always about Him and never about me. That is the reason why I am sharing this publicly on social media. This is what HE wants me to do. To tell everyone about His goodness and greatness. How He provides, protects and heals. Back to the medical facts – we were referred to Professor Rapoport who is an Oncologist specialising in this type of cancer. They are all confident in the treatment, but before anything can happen, I must undergo more tests. The full MRI was done, waiting to hear from the Cardiologist as well as when the PET scan will take place. Once these are done, which we are expecting to be done after the long weekend, we will know what we are working with.
We are seeing Prof Rapoport again on 28 September 2023, after which it will be decided what treatment to receive and then it is probably going to start early October. In the meantime, I am trying to arrange my work life, handing over to someone that will be standing in for me, assisting with the workload. I will therefore be taking a sabbatical from my day job, if you want to call it that. I will be focusing on resting, healing, writing and doing whatever I need to do to get through each day. I am also sorting out admin on and in myself, in the sense that I must get my leaking tooth filling sorted, cut my hair shorter (which was not my plan as I am trying to grow my hair) and get permanent make up done for my brows. The permanent makeup for the brows is something I have been overthinking for years and now it is push comes to shove in that regard.
The words that I hear God say to me over and over is from Top Gun Maverick – Don’t think, just do. Beroepsvrou will continue to take orders for diaries, desk pads, calendars and whatever else whomever wants to order. Please remember – I have not chosen my bush or tree to curl up under and die. I do not have a death sentence and would need something to keep my mind occupied. I don’t think tax calculations are going to do it for me, getting me through each day.
The cover photo of this post is a Protea that I made from cardstock (with my Cricut machine), the day I received my diagnoses. This is symbolic to the process that I am going to go through. The germination of the Protea seeds can only take place when it goes through fire. Only then does it produce this beautiful flower. This is what I am holding onto.
I cannot help but to see God’s hand in everything of Beroepsvrou – from the trademarks that I applied for in 2021, the flamingo’s, the name of the range of items being sold Pink Feathers®, the saying Pink Feathers® for God, the colour pink and the fact that the ribbon for breast cancer is pink. I even see the Trinity of God in the name of the Cancer – triple – God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. There are much more, and I can talk about it for hours, but I am saving it for my book.
I will update on my website as things progress and happen and will place it on social media too. I am so grateful to have this support network that God put in place for me. He is so good, all the time. Sending wonderful people over my path, assisting in whatever manner possible. I now understand why it is physically impossible for people to answer all messages – it is just so overwhelming! I also realised that I have a HUGE problem! I know too many people!
In the meantime, I am arranging more colours of the flamingo embroidered t-shirts for me to wear (I think black and green will become boring) – so watch this space! I will take pictures going to each appointment, sharing the journey with the world, giving a message of hope. Sowing God’s seeds with every step that I take on this journey. Of course, I trust God for a miracle, letting the PET scans show no signs of any cancer! All I know is, He has got this, irrespective of which way this goes! I need not fear! HE HAS GOT THIS! HE HAS MY BACK! DON’T THINK JUST DO!
I may also only write in English, or a combination of English and Afrikaans like I do with my daily scriptures, just to include as many people as possible. I may not have time to translate all to Afrikaans as well, but, let us see how things go! Thank you to each and everyone who has sent me a personal message. Some of you had me in tears with your messages. I am so grateful to each and everyone of you supporting me, praying for me and my family. Until the next update, that is all from my side!
