Just the other day I was driving in my car. I decided to listen to Spotify via the blue tooth of the car. I felt like listening to a specific song, which I found and started to play.
You see, the first time when I heard this song, which my sister-in-law introduced me to, I thought, jôh, it is a bit of a wild one. But it grows on you. I realise more and more that there is somewhere a techno rocker inside me that wants to break free for a spot in the sun.
As I was sitting in my car, jamming and singing (yes I am one of those people that look weird to other drivers), I thought to myself that this is HOW I feel about Jesus. I really have this urge in me to tell everyone about Him. And which I am pretty much doing.
As the guy sings in the song Lemme Tellya, it is as if he is hammering on Jesus and you cannot help but to sing along JESUS! JESUS! JESUS! Well, this was just a quick feel good post. A little something to listen to and to jam on if the opportunity presents itself.
I relive the words of the song I am closing off this entry, thinking of my head bobbing and jamming moment in the car….Lemme tellya ’bout Him, Jesus is His name. And I’m all about Him, I live to bring Him praise. He is the way and the truth and the life, God is three in one. Reigning undefeated, our God has overcome. Jesus (Jesus) Jesus (Jesus) Jesus (Jesus)…..
First and foremost – is tumbleweed really the right word to use for tolbos? Anyway, it is Monday evening and the whole house is asleep. Fudge the Pekingese is snoring away happily on the bed between us. I hear the sound of the clock in the lounge, silently counting the number of times it rings. I actually know it will be 12. It is midnight. The hamster is having a race to the moon and back on her wheel in the cage in the lounge. I wonder how many watts a hamster generates in their lifetime?
It is officially Tuesday and not Monday anymore. My brain feels like a tumbleweed (yes I do seem to think this is the right word to use), being driven by the wind in a direction. Like something I have no control over. The wind and my thoughts.
I think about what is lying ahead. Provisional tax. How I am going to feel tomorrow, potentially like a worn out rag. All because I missed my little window of sleep (due to an unplanned task landing on my desk, not work related). I missed the opportunity to sleep by I don’t know how many hours.
How many calculations must be done before 31 August 2022? Was it right of me to remove someone from my list because they owe me money for months and I am unable to reach them by all means possible to me? Is my interpretation of a provisional tax payer correct? Am I reading and interpreting the Act correct? What am I going to wear to the event that I was invited as a guest speaker in November?
What must I tell the people??? Who wants to listen to me? I wonder how the Adorned camp is going to be like? Am I going to know anyone there? Am I going to share a room with a stranger? How am I going to submit all the tax returns by 24 October 2022? Why did I choose this job??? This job that makes me want to panic and run around the room, every second day, like Spongebob and Patrick. If you are wondering what I am talking about – go to Whatsapp and under gifs search for Spongebob and Patrick panic and then you can laugh with me with what I am trying to say here.
I AM now both Spongebob AND Patrick. Or can I let my husband be Patrick? He does not look like he has a worry of a day old. I envy him and my daughter that can just fall asleep when they get into bed. Why am I typing this? What am I going to achieve with this? Oh my word, are the 2023 diaries really going to look pretty? What am I trying to say with this entry?
Just like a tumbleweed being blown around by the wind, all my thoughts are tumbling and twisting through my brain. Without control and left at the mercy of the wind. I take a deep breath, close my eyes and try to sleep. But man oh man, it is like sleep is playing a dodge game with me. There is just too much traffic in my brain. Then, out of no where, it is as if God comes to create order in my thoughts.
That which must be said at the event later the year starts to take shape. Of course I am making mental notes, because it was just too cold to get up for a pen and notebook or even start up my laptop to capture the concept.
The uncertainties about how I am going to get everything done is moved to one side. Everything is going to be ok. I am going to finish in time with everything. I must just do my bit. If people do not want to pay, then I am not obliged to render a service. Pick ‘n Pay does not hand out sugar to people who does not want to pay for it. Why should our industry be any different?
I can feel how Tiredness is stalking me. Slowly but surely, on tippy toes and gently so that I do not get a fright that might change my DNA or blood group if I spot Tiredness. With a greatful heart, I snuggle in and pull the duck down duvet up to my nose, turn on my side, greeting Tiredness with open arms.
The Tuesday, as I was getting ready for the day, I find myself humming a song. Psalm 46 (featuring Chelsey Scott) by Bifrost Artists. The chorus stands out to me. Be still….and know… that I… am God. I realise again, that this is what God told me in the wee hours of the morning when sleep was avoiding me….
The joy always comes in the morning. Words that I tell myself often and I think purely it is because someone else said it to me when I was younger. Perhaps my mother? A few years ago I realised that this was from God’s word these words, out of scripture.
This month the scripture is Psalms 30:5 and the essence of that scripture is joy. You see, since 2020 it was as if my joy had been stolen by the enemy. Before then too, but since 2020, it was almost amplified if I can use that word here. More intense.
I know at some stage during 2020 I felt like I JUST WANT TO GO HOME!! and all that, while I was at home the whole time. Did anyone else also feel like that? I felt like I was in a jail of some sort. The sword of uncertainty hanging over our heads the whole time. Which way is this Pandemic going to go? Are we going to fall ill? Are my loved ones going to fall ill? Will I still be able to generate income in spite of the Pandemic?
What is the economy going to look like? The previous Pandemic was followed by the Great Depression. Are we also going to experience something like this in our lifetime? How do we handle this? The questions ran around in my mind, leaving a path of sadness and destruction. Almost like a footpath that has been walked on over and over, where the grass does not want to grow anymore.
Many mornings I struggled to find my joy in 2020 and even in 2021. Everything was just too much at times. It was as if the lack of joy was just there, day in and day out. Did others also feel like this? Or was I the only one? I have been through tough times during the Pandemic. I also know that I am not the only one that struggled during this time.
Something that I do love is, that, when I am at my lowest low, I feel the closest to God. It is as if I can hear His voice more clearly. I still remember one day, where I was sitting in tears, behind my computer, trying to tell and explain to my husband how I feel. I struggled to find the words to explain to him what I was feeling and experiencing inside of me.
The next moment, we hear a song playing on Spotify. It was as if God just placed the words there so that my husband can hear it. Obviously the tears were more as I listened to the song. It felt as if God was speaking to me directly, in an audible verbal form.
I cannot explain how, what or where. But, after that song, my joy came back. It was as if my spirit calmed down, because she knew God sees and hears EVERYTHING. He knows my heart, He knows what makes me happy and sad.
At this present day, I do not enjoy it that much to listen to that song. Probably because I am not at THAT low place anymore. But, when I struggle, feeling worn out, this is the song that I like to play over and over and listen to.
God is so good and wonderful to us as people. May we always remember, when we are on our lowest low, that God is there. It is so true what David wrote about – even when I go through the valley of death, there is God. I am sure I am not quoting the words correctly, but I am sure you understand what I am trying to say here.
I also feel in my spirit that April’s scripture will only have one entry. Purely because it is very simple. Just keep on looking for God in everything, even if you feel you are at your lowest of low level in your life. SEARCH for Him. He is everywhere and if you start searching you will surely find Him. This too is out of scriptures and I can confirm this from my own experience. I choose to listen to God’s voice and to search for Him.
I see the tears sitting on your cheeks. I know you’re tired, fall now to sleep. Stop fighting so hard, it’s time to surrender. Raise your white flag, and always remember. Your heart will feel lighter, everything will be brighter, find peace in knowing that all will be well in the morning….I hear the song’s words play and I think to myself, it is true. Everything will be better in the morning!
During February (my busiest time ever) I saw an advertisement on Facebook for an Easter Market that will be hosted locally (and literally around the corner of my house). I feel how God is working in my spirit telling me to do this and take this on.
Never in my life, have I done a market myself. I do remember as a child that my mother attended flea markets to sell her handmade wired trees with stones stuck on for leaves (that was high fashion at the time, let me tell you). My sister joined in later, when she was older, making clay objects that were sold.
After writing the previous paragraph, I wonder about two things – why they call it a flea market and why my mom (and sister) sold their handmade items at flea markets? I remember that I was always an eager beaver (almost like my daughter now with the Easter market) – always ready to help.
Well, back to MY first market that I felt God gave me instructions to take on. My goodness, this was a challenge. In my busiest time ever, one Sunday afternoon I designed more mouse pads and notebooks. Because, come on, you cannot do a market like that with one design of a notebook and one of a mouse pad! People need options and choices!
Diaries, tent calendars and desk pads are put to the side at this time, because, by the time it will be the market, it will be April and I am not going to design anything new for 2022 in that regard. Plus, if you missed out on 2022’s products, then you have to watch this space for 2023’s products, to be quick to make your purchase before they are sold out….
Oh my word, I am distracted again. None the less, new designs were done, I submitted the application for the market and take, once again, one MASSIVE leap of faith. Because, what else do you call this that is busy happening? It started with 10 aprons that I ordered, not knowing WHAT to do with it. And here I am, at my first market.
The people that pass my table probably think to themselves, this is a crazy lady. My first words to them are “I write, you can read if you want to.” and then I stick a business card in their hand, whether they want one or not. Then I start chatting about flamingo’s and what God has revealed to me thus far about it.
Some people buy something, others just nod their heads very politely, saying that they will go and read. Nowhere in any of the conversations I had, I introduced myself to them. One woman asked me my name and seemed very keen to read my blog. The free gift (from Sculpted Clay designs – specially designed for me in the shape of the heart of the leave that is in my logo) is a winner, and it seems almost if that is the item that convince some people to buy something.
To sit at the market, talking to people, is probably the easiest part of the whole process. The preparation, on the other hand (oh my goodness – when ever I use that phrase, I think of Naas Botha on Super Sport saying On the other hand Darren) was very interesting. I had this idea in my head of what I wanted to do on the table. I am convinced that the display is also directly from Heaven, because, for the first time ever, I could follow through on the idea that was in my mind AND call it pretty.
I had to sand down (is that the right word? Afrikaans is skuur) wooden boxes, also using paint stripper to remove the excess paint (first time for me but now I know how that works), purely because I did not want to spend MORE money for marketing and the props and who knows what. I borrowed a table cloth, took some things out of my house. Bought some other items and borrowed a last little something from someone. Deciding HOW MUCH stock to buy was another puzzle to resolve….
I thought, going through the stock, just after fetching it, and marking it will be easy. Think again!! It took hours and in the process I learned A LOT. Like – I want to save for a barcode printer of some sort. And have my own table cloths made, and buy a doll on which the apron is displayed. To name only a few.
I did my day job, you know, the one that puts food on the table, between everything and on Thursday, I put 11 hours in (yes – in one day) to finalise that work, before I granted myself the time to take photo’s of the new stock for the website and to finalise the preparation for the Market. What an interesting evening it was. Little sleep, watching a movie between marking and writing the labels, but I managed, by the grace of God and finished in time.
While I was at the market, watching all the people that entered the building, my eyes caught a phrase on one of the posters I made. Flamingo’s are filter feeders…. I stop for a moment to think. Filter feeders. Mmmm… this is interesting. Then it dropped in my spirit like a coin does in a piggybank.
The world and everything around you is full of things. Stuff. Some are good for you and others bad. The things that are the nicest, are not always the best for you. But we have to be like flamingos. We must FILTER what we take in, so that we can be sure to let our feathers change pink and stay that way for God. I googled the meaning of filter feeder. As opposed to predators who seek out specialized food items, filter feeding is simply opening up your mouth and taking in whatever happens to be there, while filtering out the undesirable parts. Wow. It is up to us to purify what we take in. To cast out the bad and undesirable items.
Wow. This is such an interesting journey that I am on. God reveals everything systematically to me as I go along, while taking the next step blindly to follow Him. Unconditional. Faith like a child. A mustard seed’s faith. Placing hope on that which cannot be seen. Planted and rooted in Him so that the winds of doubt will not let me be moved around like waves in the ocean. Everything out of scripture.
I’m sold out….nananana Jesus….I’m SOLD OUT TO YOU!!! These words are dancing around again in my mind. The song that God gave me as the theme song for everything (if I can call it that) – the whole Beroepsvrou thing. I listen to it often, yet I cannot remember the words exactly if the song is not playing. Long and short is – I am SOLD OUT to Jesus. I am like the song says – DIFFERENT than other people. Created for THIS purpose.
I ain’t like no one you’ve met before. I’m running for the front when they’re all running for the door. And I won’t sitdown, won’t back out, you can never shut me up, ’cause I’m on a mission and I won’t quit now. In a world full of followers, I’ll be a leader, in a world full of doubters, I’ll be a believer. I’m stepping out without a hesitation. Because the battle’s already been won. I’m sold out, I’m no longer living just for myself. Running after Jesus with my whole heart. And now I’m ready to show I am sold out, I’m sold out!!!
I have to stop myself from typing the whole song here. But I am sure you understand what I am trying to say. This song just TALKS to my spirit. I cannot have anything less than Pink Feathers for God and to tell people about that. I pray that seed was sown through conversations and that the Holy Spirit will water it when the time is right for those people. Thank you God that You chose ME for this purpose and may I ALWAYS glorify God’s name.
I thought it was a good idea to start writing the closing chapter. The days fly past and the weeks even faster, I do not want to be caught off guard and out of time, not writing the final chapter before end of March.
When I started writing this chapter, there were two weeks left in March. Now it is basically one week (ok less than one week). I still wonder on a daily basis, why the time goes by so quickly and if God is shortening our time because we are in the Oppression times that the bible talks about?
Back to the song. The devil is still trying to steal my song and he thinks he is going to get it right. But, it is actually hillarious to me when things start to feel upside down for me, the way that it is sometimes, because then I KNOW that I am on the right path and that this ís what God wants me to do.
My heart is still singing different songs for God, all that other artists have written, and it is as if I cannot sing His praises enough. After all, He gave me life and the breath that I breathe, so I cannot do anything less than to sing His praises, can I?
Every so often, it feels as if my heart and spirit wants to sing its own song to God. I truly hope that His ears are not sensitive to off-tune songs (oh my word is off-tune even a word? I am sure you understand what I am saying here, in Afrikaans we call it vals sing – not quite keeping to the tune). In my opinion, my physical person does not sing very beautifully at all (even if I was selected for the school choir and revue’s AND even landed up in a recording studio to record songs – I often wonder if the teacher that chose me just liked me or did she really see the potential in my singing abilities?).
Anyway, I laugh at the thought of how I sound in God’s ears when I sing and whether He will like it; whether it will be on the right tune or not, and whether any of these factors have an influence over His liking it or not? I don’t think I have to sing perfectly for Him to appreciate it?
We are all imperfect humans, are we not? If this was the case (perfect singing) then everything in our lives must be perfect before He will accept us, and that is surely a lie!! God takes us as we are, broken and full of mistakes. As long as we accept HIM and His son is declared as our Saviour in our lives, then we are on the right track. And of course we have to live like this daily and strive to be holy like Jesus (and stop sinning the same sins over and over).
My song will always praise God. Especially now in March (a very busy March for me) as I reflect on what happened the past year i.t.o. my blog. How I have grown, how God has just added and keeps on adding. I am so grateful that I was able to celebrate the first birthday on 23 March 2022. Grateful for the knowledge that He instilled in me and still does.
The wisdom that He gives me and people that He lets my path cross with, just to make everything even better for the purpose for which He has created this. What is your song? Do you have a song? It does not matter if you can sing or not and whether you can write or not. You must still SING for God! Does the devil try to steal your song? If that is the case, then you should be jumping for joy, because that means that you are on the right road!
I want to close off with a few songs that are on my heart, songs that I sing to God over and over. Songs that I search frequently on Spotify, while I am doing my day job AND preparing for the Easter Market that lies ahead…for those of you that is close enough, come and visit me at my table 1 to 4 April 2022 at Gerber Plaaskombuis in Skeerpoort. The first 7 purchasers each day will receive a free gift…
And just a last little thing to close off completely – I include my first two entries (in Afrikaans – sorry hope Google translate will work for you) of my blog as short cut links on this entry. Just so that we all can see where I was and where the blog is now – all the glory to God!
No, not that type of burpee where you break up winds. The exercise called a BURPEE. That is how it feels to me since 15 March 2020. As if I must do emotional Burpees, even if I am not able or ready to do it.
Before I started Cross Fit in February 2020, I also did not know WHAT a burpee was. I learned the hard way though and in the process I became more fit physically.
Do your self a favour and google what a Burpee is if you are uncertain. Let me tell you, the people in the videos make it look EASY. When last did you do a Burpee? Have you ever done a Burpee?
With that being said and me going off point (again), I experienced this whole Pandemic as emotional exhaustion. And the only thing I can compare it with is a hectic heavy exercise such as a Burpee. One thing you must know about Burpees is, they make you fit like nothing else.
But it is hard. Grueling. To be exhausted like this emotionally and to be at a point where you just CANNOT go on anymore is tough! I know that I am NOT the only one that feels like this. It is as if these feelings are flaring up again everywhere, just like during and after the first hard lockdown.
The whole world expects one to function like normal. To go on as if nothing happened and to work as if there is nothing wrong. That while nothing is normal. Was it even normal to begin with? Or where we caught up in this lie of what we perceived to be normal?
You see, in my line of work (and here all accountants will agree and understand) things are just getting harder and hardee. The institutions you work with become more strict, issue penalties much quicker and faster and sometimes it feels just unfair. We are expected to perform, while it feels like they are doing very little from their side to make things work andmake progress on finalising matters that have been with them for months!
The emotional wellness of people are not taken into consideration. Illnesses, days in isolation, compassion towards people are just not taken into consideration….is that then not the same as expecting someone to do a Burpee the whole day, every day?
From the moment that you wake up until you go to bed, you must do at least one burpee per second. Let us say it is 12 hours (we all know it is more as none of us sleep for 12 hours in a day). 60 minutes per hour. 60 seconds in every minute. Thus 12 hours x 60 minutes x 60 seconds. 43,200 burpees. And yes, I used my calculator for this calculation, purely because my brain in incapable of thinking this hard and do calculations to this extent. And now I doubt if I even did this calculation right….
Then I start to wonder…..is it God’s way to make us fit? Can He be this cruel? Getting us fit for what? The end times? I know that going through hardship forms you and shapes you….but I don’t know. I still wonder about the Pandemic.
When I started writing this article, it was January. Now it is February. January was for me and many people with whom I had discussions, an EXCEPTIONALLY (I use caps to express how I experienced it) tough month. It was as if there was this block and cloud hanging over us.
Your mind reminds you about everything that must be done, but at the same time it is on some or another strike that refuses point blank to continue to do these burpees. Then he condems you by reminding you how far you have fallen behind and that you will never be able to catch up your daily 43,200 burpees that is expected from you. You barely did ten for the day…..
As I was thinking about this article and talked to God about it between everything else, He sends me 2 songs. The first one is Hello, my name is… by Matthew West and the second one is en Borrow (one day at a time) by Josh Wilson.
Both songs had such a great impact on those thoughts that were moving around in my mind. The thoughts that made me feel that what I am doing is not even close to a burpee. I realise that this what I am feeling, is NOT from God. I serve a living God of order and full of love.
Then I softly and in my mind sing (for a few days now I might add) the words from Josh Wilson’s song…..Don’t Borrow, no trouble from tomorrow…..na na na….one day, one day, one day at a time! And I know that God calmed me (suddenly from beginning of February) so that I can focus on that which lies ahead relating to work.
We are all on our way to checking in at the Accountant’s Inn just to be forced to work behind your computer and desk with a ball and chain. To go speed dating with your clients and their tax matters. To pray that your speed date appointment allows you to see everything and to account for everything so that you don’t have to sit, later in the year, with your hands in your hair about not paying enough tax….
Now that my brain has done its channel hopping between my childhood and the past two years, I decide to sit quietly and gather my thoughts…..I have been reflecting all the way. I truly hope that I am not going to end up in a dead end and also hope that I am not going nowhere slowly (or fast for that matter).
I wait patiently for God to put some sense into my mind while he is busy calming the spout of thoughts that have been racing around in my mind. Why does one feel like this? Why is it as if nostalgia is trying to make a little nest in your mind and heart? Grateful is the next word that is starting to take the lead in my mind, racing to make it to the end of my fingertips so that it can be used and typed. Just like that. Grateful? I am starting a conversation with myself and God again about this.
Jip, you got it girl! Grateful. Alrighty then. Grateful it shall be. I chew a little bit on this. It is not long before the light comes on. I got it! I get it! I feel this way about everything and this time of the year, because deep, deep down inside of me, I actually have this huge sense of being grateful for everything that was and is still to come.
Grateful that we have been spared for another year on earth. Grateful that God provided for us despite the Pandemic. Grateful that we have work, can generate income. Grateful that we are healthy.
Now it feels like all these thoughts are streaming in through my mind. It is as if they are all jumping up and down, putting their hands up, as if to say “Pick me! Pick me!!” How can one pick only a few when there is so much to be grateful for?
Grateful for good memories despite the hardship and tough times the entire world finds itself in. That is why it feels like nostalgia. It is actually nostalgia in a good way….thinking back on good times…..fun times…..
With a grateful heart I close this entry. I ask God to give me a song that will fit in with what I am feeling. I close my eyes for a moment. Then I remember a song from Matthew West. Brand New.
I can hear the song, the music notes and lyrics dance through my mind. I am sure I have already blogged about this. But that is the wonderful thing about God’s word and praise and worship music too.
It is as if it lives and each time you listen to it or read it, then there is this whole new meaning that you can identify deep within. He is making you new, He is breaking your chains, he is making you BRAND NEW! I hear the words rumble around in my mind……
As time goes on and things happen, it is God who is constantly renewing us, IF we let Him, I might add. Everything that happens with us, the good and the bad (as it feels for all of us some times) is busy making us better and stronger for the next set of memories that we are going to make…..our time on earth is short. I realise that more and more every day.
When you are 20, 40 feels so far away. But when you are 40 you KNOW 70 or 80 is so close. Have you done your part for God’s kingdom? Do you still have enough time on earth to do what God has placed you on earth to do? Are you busy doing what He called you to do? Or are you waiting for one day? Goodness me, it is as if there is a whole new bunch of thoughts starting to march through my mind….
I listen to the song again…..drinking in the words. I am watering my thoughts like the rain feeds and wets the earth….in the hope that Godly thoughts will grow and come to be and that one will not be caught up in the demands of this world…..He is making you BRAND NEW!!!!!
Can I tell you how Mr. Doubt tried to destroy the Pink Feathers ever since I collected the proofs from the printers last week? He comes and then he sows seeds of doubt between that which I have felt God had laid on my heart, and the weeds of doubt almost, very close to ALMOST started to grow, trying to oppress (this word I had to Google because I could not think of the English word for Verdruk) the Pink Feathers.
This morning, we attended church at Doxa Deo Hartbeespoort campus. As always, Kobus Windt is marching up and down the stage (I am SURE it is a stage and not another fancy word to describe what is used as a stage), giving his sermon. He is so passionate and uses examples that we all can relate to, to UNDERSTAND what God is trying to say.
He always uses the saying that sleeping in a garage does not make you a car. The same is applicable to our Christianity. You cannot ONLY attend church on a Sunday and call yourself a Christian. You have to LIVE like one too. Today’s message was no different and certainly portrayed God’s message.
The name of the Series that is being discussed is Reageer (in Afrikaans) or React if you wish to translate it in English. We must react on God’s voice. As I am listening and making notes in my notebook, I can hear the Holy Spirit talk with me and I can sense that he is throwing weed killer over all the little plants of doubt that is trying to grow. Again, He presses on my heart to say “This is what I want YOU to do.”
Just this morning, while getting ready for church, doubt comes yet again and tries to sow negativity all over my mind. The thoughts? How can God use YOU, really? You fail at pretty much everything in your life. Your YouTube video that you tried to make, you called an Epic Fail yourself and laughed about it. What makes you so special and different than other people? You don’t even know the books of the Bible in order and off the top of your head. Not even to talk about the Bible itself.
Doubts similar to the previous ones repeat and continue in my mind. But God is faithful. In the sermon I receive my confirmation that this ís what God wants me to do. I must do thís, I have to reach a certain demographic area, Career woman, as this is where God wants to use me. If I am not going to do it, who will?
For the first time since I started the blog, I heard God speak to me through an Afrikaans song (they are normally English songs). While Kobus closes off the sermon, the worship team walks back onto the stage. Carindé sings in her gorgeous voice Stuur My, so passionate, you can see she is overflowing with God. He invites us to stand up while they are singing the song, if you feel you want to make an impact on a certain demographic environment.
I want to jump up immediately, but as per usual, I am self-conscious. Why I cannot tell you, because NO ONE in the church is observing who stand up and who remain seated. I ask my husband if I heard correctly – can we stand up? He does not answer me immediately, he is sitting with his eyes closed, worshipping God. After a while I hear him say – you may stand up.
I stand up and the moment I did that, I felt the Holy Spirit in a tangible form in my spirit. My eyes shoot full of tears. Not tears of heart ache, just tears that I have NO control over. From experience I KNOW that this is the Holy Spirit. I am on the right track, I am doing what God is expecting from me.
With that being said I am closing off this entry with what I perceive to be better YouTube videos. Shorter videos that explains each individual item better. I am busy working on price lists and I am just going to do it. I am not going to use my technical Accounting skills to try and work out and calculate complex formulae. I am just going to trust God. He will let it happen the way it should. After all, it is all about Him and not about me, so why doubt?
In a world full of followers, I’ll be a leader! In a world full of doubters I’ll be a believer! I am stepping out without a hesitation ’cause my soul is like a stadium! Nananananana na naananana (words that I cannot remember but sing along to on the beat of the music)…..I’m SOLD OUT!!!
I have been walking and singing the song Sold Out by Hawk Nelson for days now, no wait, weeks. I search for the song on Spotify every time I sit behind my laptop to do my day job. I dance to the beat of the music (on my chair which is a funny sight) while slaving away.
I decide to Google the lyrics. I read it. It feels like this song has been written JUST for ME, for this very secretive project that I am sharing bit-by-bit with the rest of the world. It is just WOW. I cannot help but feel like this! I am totally sold out to Jesus. I always was, but now even MORE than before.
Every time when Doubt tries to whisper something in my ear, I read the scripture, the promise, that God gave me for this project. “Do not remember the former things, Or ponder the things of the past. Listen carefully, I am about to do a new thing, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even put a road in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19 AMP
With such a powerful piece of scripture, how can one even THINK of Doubt, let alone listen to him? Then I think of the other confirmation that I received. For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 AMP
Wow! With that being said I push forward with the project. I am on a mission as they would say….I am SOLD OUT…..nannnannanna nana SOLD OUT! I continue to sing this while I work on the project. God will make a path in the wilderness!
I survived THE CRASH. Not a car crash or a plane crash. A computer crash. Yes you read correctly – for the second time in my life as a business owner, this has happened.
The first time was 15 years ago and let me tell you, I did not deal with it like I did now. I was upset and crying the whole time. Wasting precious time and energy on something that was out of my control.
This time it was different. It was a new laptop, 3 months old. No work data lost, but other personal and business data (that I decided to store electronically on my C: due to the sensitivity of the information) was lost.
Yet, all was not lost if this makes sense? My e-mails are on a web based platform, so I only lost really old e-mails from longer than 4 years ago. Let me rather say, I cannot access them now. This is probably ok as the information is not necessarily relevant you know?
All the business documents are on e-mail on the web, I just have to locate them again and save them like I used to. Fill in the gaps from when I got the new computer to now. Long and short is I can work around it. It is a pain, but it can be done. My biggest frustration? Not being able to work for 3 days while trying to recover data, setting up on another laptop…..trying to remember links, etc.
I told the people that work for me I feel like I started a new job! I am there, earning a salary but not contributing to pay the salary. I felt lost, hopeless with no one to guide me as to what to do!
This whole week a song has been playing in my mind. Matthew West’s Brand New. I could not understand WHAT God was trying to tell me with this song? If you listen to the words, it is more applicable, in my opinion, to someone that has just turned their life around.
I then felt deep in my spirit God pressing on my heart so many things I have been praying about for so long. Things that He says MUST happen. Things that I was doubting on whether I HEARD correctly. He sends me 2 verses confirming something that must be done, one verse overlapping in two messages if that makes sense? I got three messages, coincidently the second one I received, had both verses on.
When I realised that the laptop was crashing I prayed for it. I anointed it. I bound the work of the devil, because I thought it was him trying to stop me from doing what God had laid on my heart to do. I just did not grab the garlic to keep the vampires away (as some myths teach people)…. I was frustrated but calm at the same time. Never in my life had I been this calm about something as big as this. Remember – this is my WORK LIFE that is going up in smoke so to speak!
But, the more I thought about it, the more I realised that God allowed this to happen. He created order for me because He saw that I could not create it! You see, I had a system on Outlook. It worked wonderfully for me, or so I thought. But that system that I had was actually driving me into the ground, causing me to not function efficiently!
I was in such a daze feeling overwhelmed all of the time, that I was still operating in 2020 mode to some extent. Doing what I had to do to survive….not really winning and making progress. I have to laugh at God’s sense of humour! He is now forcing me to write on a piece of paper again, especially work stuff.I always had lists, but my lists got lists. Things were written on little pieces of paper, post it notes, scrap paper. They were there but all over the show. Everywhere! Name it and it had a list on it!
You see, what I realised was, we are so dependent on technology to create order, that when technology fails us, we are lost. The Boxwood tree that I am felt LOST and out of control. I feel God’s Spirit pressing on my heart to just LISTEN to what He wants me to do. “Create order the way I taught you long ago” I hear the whisper in my soul. “Write it down, mark it off when done. Stay focused on what you need to do when your time to do it is there.”
Suddenly I realise WHY the song was playing around in my head this whole week. It is because God wants to make something new. He is making me new on different levels in places that I did not know I had to be fixed and made new.
He’s making you new….He is making you brand new! I hear the words turn and turn in my mind. “I know God. I understand.” is my answer. Here is to the newness being created! May God’s name be glorified always, especially in all that He has pressed on my heart to do.
Acts 1:9-11 tells us how Jesus left this earth and that two angels told His disciples that He will return in the same manner in which He left. Wow, I think to myself HOW AMAZING is this? The manner in which He left is the manner in which He will return.
Yesterday, I had the absolute privilege to spend a day with a dear friend of mine, her daughter (and my daughter of course), attending one of Thea van Rooyen’s classes, from Thea se Poeierkamer. It was organised and hosted by Lynn Grobler from Journaling on the Way. In this class, we had to, yet again, FOLD something. I laughed a lot, as there was confusion at times, but not as much as on the Adorned camp, while making the very famous junk journal.
Later, while chatting with Thea, I found out that folding is her THING that she does. To fold something when attending one of her classes before journaling the page in your Bible. I STILL want to know HOW she got to the process of folding and sticking the envelopes together making the junk journal….? Yesterday, we folded an envelope that is not straight (if you have OCD then this is NOT the envelope to try and fold). Inside the envelope, she said that we must do SOAP. SOAP stands for Scripture, Objective, Action & Prayer.
I must admit, folding this envelope, was substantially easier than making the junk journal. This is more than likely due to the fact that 3 envelopes and glue were not involved in this process. If you do not understand what I am typing here, do not despair! Simply try to make a junk journal using only 3 envelopes, glue (in all the right places by the way) and old paper, then you will surely understand where the uncertainty came from to begin with!
The message yesterday was from the book of Acts. She explained it so beautifully and presented it in a way that I did not see before. Ascension Day (yes you guessed it – I had to Google this yet again), had long passed. We are now between Ascension Day and the Return of Jesus here on earth. Wow, I never thought of it like this before! We are all aiming to be like Jesus. We all make mistakes, because we are not perfect. We are in this world but we are not from this world.
The picture that we had to do in our Bibles, had clouds in the background. You do it in any color that you feel like. We do the technique with a chinese, as she refers to the brush we used (because it is imported from China if you were wondering why this reference was used and it is surely not to offend anyone!). I love the latest addition to my gadgets that I journal with, by the way! On any given day, I love anything that resembles a gadget. And if it can help me to do the journaling in my Bible, even more so!
Anyway, back to the page and her message. She tells us further that we all have a new address and that we should not forget to put our stamps in our picture, because that is where our post must go to. Even while on this earth, your address has changed. It has changed, because you are on your way up. Towards heaven. Therefore the house with the balloons from the movie UP. If you are happy in your house, then you decorate it nicely, make sure the garden is neat and tidy. She also taught us to hammer on a flower to make an impression on a paper, which is then in turn used in your bible. Of course the hammer we used is a crafting hammer, not a DIY one! I did not use mine, because it seems that my hammering technique did not work so well…but this is by no means an indication that I am not happy, it just did not work on my page!
I think about it for a moment. It is actually very simple. God uses us, broken people in a broken world, to make a difference and to lead people to Him in this process. Even if we all are full of mistakes (the Afrikaans word that best describes this is propvol) it does not hinder God to use us. We must continue to aim to be like Jesus. To ask for forgiveness when we make mistakes.
This makes me think of the song by Matthew West. Broken Things. I listen to the words which are so true. May we always remember that no one is perfect. May we always remember to ask for forgiveness and to forgive like Jesus forgave us and all of those who sinned against Him. This is hard, right? But so worth it to reach the end destination. Heaven. Eternity.
You use broken things I hear the words move around in my head. The first will be last and the last will be first……
Commitment. Life long commitment. The wedding march starts to play (which I don’t like by the way but what other song do you use to enter the church on your wedding day?). With sparkling eyes behind a veil, dressed in what I perceived to be a stunning dress, I try to walk down the isle towards my future husband. I say try, because, my dad was so nervous, it felt like he was trying to break Usain Bolt’s 100m record running down the isle, with me hanging onto his arm for dear life (ok not that bad but he was almost sprinting).
My husband stands in the front of the church. We have this childlike excitement within us about our future together. He sees me in the isle, tears spring into his eyes as he watches me walk towards him. The photographer captures the moment (at my request of course). Because of this photograph, I can remember his facial expression in much detail.
It is HOT. The ceremony is in Brits. It feels like a Heatwave! 30 September 2006 was an exceptionally hot day. While I was fitting my dress at the dressmaker, I insisted on wearing pantyhose, because, I was convinced that I would be cold (I often get cold…). She looks at me strangely and says something to the effect that I am going to get very hot under all the layers of tulle. I just have to believe her and trust her. It was, after all, winter while the dress was being made and the season will change.
That day, I was so grateful towards her for convincing me to not wear the pantyhose. Oh my HAT! It is HOT underneath all those layers and layers of tulle! The ceremony takes place and the pastor preaches his sermon. One of the things I can remember about the ceremony was, his comparison of a marriage to a circle – or was it the rings he was referring to? No beginning and no end. He also talks about a marriage being like a triangle. God at the top and each of us at the bottom opposite corners of the triangle.
The closer we move to God, the closer we will move towards each other. Of course nothing makes sense to me, but, I listen, because Mathematically it makes sense what he is saying. I could still remember a little bit of matric Geometry at the time we got married (yes I had to Google the Afrikaans version of Geometry as I almost typed Trigonometry).
And so 15 years passed. Just like that! In the blink of an eye. When I look back at where we were spiritually then and where we are now, then I can only stand in awe and amazement. It is by Grace alone that we are where we are.
We most certainly fought in the past 15 years. Sometimes harsh words were uttered, other times threats (to our own embarrassment). Lots of tears but much more laughter. Amongst everything that was happening, God had appointments with us at regular intervals. They were at different times but every time it was at just the right time. Perfect timing to get our timing to continue to be in sync and just be better than before.
Back to the wedding day. I mentioned before that I do not like the wedding march. I wanted other background music to play with a recording of my voice with a message to my husband, saying what he meant to me and how I feel about him. It sounded cool and romantic when I heard a friend’s sister did that on their wedding day. I wanted to surprise my husband.
BUT, we could not agree to playing something other than the wedding march on that day. Remember, he did not know that I wanted to add a personal touch to this background music. I also did not have the time to find someone to record my voice, layering it over the background music without it sounding unprofessional. Just remember, 15 years ago we did not have smart phones. If I remember correctly I had just upgraded from a Nokia 3310 before our wedding!
These days, it is much easier and you can do it yourself from the comfort of your own home. If you have a smart phone and a laptop, you can do anything it seems! None the less, for years I was mad for not being able to put this personal touch to our wedding (as if there was NOTHING else that was decided upon and made by myself that represented my personal touch on our wedding day. My personal touch was there, I just did not see it).
Today, as I am typing this entry, I KNOW I was not emotionally ready for something like that. I think I would have thought more about how silly my voice sounds over the speakers just stumbling through a bunch of words while making the recording, missing the essence of what I was trying to do.
So, I am grateful. Grateful that God saved me from what could have been a HUGE mishap! Earlier this year, or perhaps even last year, I hear a song playing over Spotify. The words catch my attention. The song is called Commitment from Sanctus Real. I listen to it, replay it. It strikes my heart deeply.
If I could choose a song with which to walk down the isle with, this would be it. It describes so beautifully what it means to be committed to someone. When you are 25 years old, standing in front of the pulpit (this word too had to be Googled by the way), you have NO idea what strikes and curve balls life will throw at you.
You also don’t know how you are going to handle this. But, with God you can remain standing and deal with everything life throws at you. Sometimes it feels like it is Us against the world when things happen and there is pressure. BUT, God has always come through for us. He has always provided. We do not have to fear anything, because we have Him by our side.
I wanna finish the way we started, just two broken souls clinging on to Jesus. We’ve seen His faithfulness and grace and I wanna love you that way I hear the words echo through my mind. My heart sings for joy as we celebrate again the promises we made before God on that day.
Here is to another 15×15 years together! May God strengthen and deepen our marriage even more as we move closer to Him.
Welcome to my blog and online store. All A4 and A5 notebooks as well as mousepads marked down by 15%. Visit the online store on this webpage today to view products available. Dismiss
Manage Cookie Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional
Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes.The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
