I was awake one morning early this past week. Something that has not happened in a long time. Surprisingly enough I feel rested enough to get up. To lie around and wait for the sun to come up feels like a total and utter waste of time. I sit behind my laptop and decide to get some quotes for the project.
I start on Facebook, do Google searches. You name it I did it. I ask all these questions on all the quotes. Some people just don’t understand what it is that I am asking for. Then I hear it again – Doubt is screaming in my ears. Am I not TOO specific? Is it not too early in the morning that I am not awake enough and cannot type properly? These are only a few of the questions that ran through my mind.
It feels like I am hitting the one brick wall after the other. As if things just don’t want to happen. Did I waste time AND money on this project? Did I get excited for nothing about this Divine Heavenly download that God gave me? I feel a bit deflated at times. At the point of just giving up.
Then I get the e-mail from someone. He can print the things for me the way I want it. No problem. Just not bigger than a certain size – which is perfect for me else it is too big. Again I sit with my hands in my hair in absolute unbelief. Can it be true? Is it really going to happen?
I confirm with him that I will finalise my designs this weekend. You see, it is month end here again AND end of year madness is starting to kick in. Everyone wants something of me. I like to refer to this feeling as Stukkie van der Merwe (an Afrikaans song that I have not really listened to in depth so I cannot tell you exactly what it is about….) – everyone wants a piece of something. Just quickly this and that.
I chat with someone else, she suggests that I do a catalogue. I think to myself – HOW? I wanted to have the things printed and then make a video to promote and market it in that manner. My goodness, I do not even know HOW MANY to make? What price am I going to charge? How much is it going to cost? What if I print too many and then I get stuck with things that I will have to use until the end of the world if it does not sell?
As the project reaches the end of its runway (gosh I had to Google this as I could not think what aanloopbaan was in English!). Anyway, as it reaches the end of the track, ready to take off, I hear this noise. Hectic loud noise. It is so loud I struggle to hear anything else. I keep quiet for a moment. Then I realise – it is Chaos and Doubt that is making this noise.
I am trying to ensure that I heard correctly. MUST I do what God has laid on my heart? Did I hear correctly? Is it not me getting carried away again with something that I enjoy doing? Am I not getting excited because it is something DIFFERENT to my day job?
Just as the pressure from Chaos and Doubt almost becomes too much for me, and I almost give up on everything, I HEAR God’s voice again. He sends me confirmation. The confirmation is in such a unique way like I have never experienced it before. It comes with two scriptures in three different messages. Both the scriptures overlap in the messages that I receive. I hope this makes sense what I am trying to say? Long and short – Message 1 had a scripture, then message 2 has the scripture from message 1 and another additional scripture. Lastly the third message had the second scripture from message 2 in it. How is that for a riddle? Almost like my mom’s bother’s wife’s aunt’s dog’s babysitter. (As I typed this, this just sounds better in Afrikaans, but I leave it here anyway, I am sure you understand what I am trying to say…).
Wow, if I ever wondered, well, now I know! It is what it is. It MUST be done! I MUST do this!! This is what God wants. As I work on my day job, it is as if God drops things into my spirit at regular intervals. I grab my dedicated note book and make notes as I receive it and then I continue with my day job. You know, the one that puts food on the table and pays the bond, that day job.
My goodness, I have NEVER in my life experienced something like this! It is a turmoil of STUFF. Do this, do that, make so and so…(that just sounds like a direct translation but I am leaving it here anyway as that is what my mind told me). It feels like I cannot stay ahead!! It is like I am receiving this absolute Divine Heavenly download. Things God is just GIVING me. The decision remains mine what I want to do with it. Do I ignore it or do I take the leap of faith?
I chat with Anri again. She suggests that this thing that I want to do, must not be bilingual together in one thing (it is very cryptic what I am trying to say, but you will see in the closing chapter what it all is about). It makes it look cluttered and just not pretty. I listen to her and agree. I thought I was saving time (and money) but actually, it will just destroy the whole effect to try and squash everything in.
While working on the project again, it is as if God shows me WHY He made the two ladies part of the project. You see, the one is Afrikaans and the other one English. It was not a deliberate decision before hand. It just happened.
Following my recent incident with technology, I felt that God laid something on my heart that must be done. Ok, it was actually laid on my heart BEFORE the incident with the laptop. But, I was VERY skeptical about this concept that He wants me to do, especially before the episode with the laptop. I shared it with two people who are close to my heart and they were almost more excited than what I was about this THING that God laid on my heart to do! Just like that, easy peazey lemon squeezyI had a team of two people who will help me to look at this project with critical eyes before the big launch.
You see, He is busy with a new season for me. I was unsure what it was, somedays I still feel unsure about the whole thing. But I can FEEL it. Deep in my spirit I can just FEEL it. I do not know how else to describe it other than this total and utter calmness inside of me, even if chaos is calling all round me.
It surely does not mean that I am suddenly all high & mighty and don’t panic at times about things. No, unfortunately I still have MOMENTS. But the MOMENTS do not rule my life. Not like before.
I start to work on the project, chat with selective people about that, because God’s instruction was to NOT share it with everyone, like I normally do. No, I must test the waters and ask a few people what they think about the concept and then work from there.
So it happened that I chat with Anri from Painted Lemons and I asked her to do the blog’s logo electronically. One thing leads to another and when I saw again she was part of the design and concept! Something I am so grateful for. You see, she has a very trained eye when it comes to designs and she is not scared to give her opinion at all.
I am very eager to learn and grab hold of any and all pieces of constructive criticism uttered. I make the changes systematically. She guided me so wonderfully during this process and gave me such precious advice about everything. From the design to the layout, ag just sommer about everything!
Each moment that I have, that is my own, is applied to this project. Week nights I work for short periods of time and this frustrates me for two reasons. The first one is that by the time I get round to doing this, I am so EXHAUSTED after laboring the whole day and everything that had to be done. The second one is the small amount of time that I have to do something but actually not doing anything you know?
Last weekend I sat pretty much the entire Sunday working on the project. Finally it is done! I am not sure if I should laugh or cry because this is it. It is DONE. I am finished with this, barely 2 or 3 weeks after I started this project. The project that felt so overwhelming and TOO MUCH at times, is finally finished. I am not sure how this is possible, but it is finished.
Last week I was trying to be super effective. You see with the computer crash the week before, I lost some valuable work time. The documents on the computer are not a big issue, although as time passes by, I realise what I needed and used – mostly templates and control sheets for internal use, thus not really affecting the work output. Although it affects me, as I feel lost without everything that I was used to using on that machine!
So Monday afternoon, I get on our treadmill and I decide today is the day that I am going to exercise WHILE watching some training videos. I could not go to the Cross Fit club as my children were ill. I had to do the responsible thing of being a mother and take care of them and put my own needs aside. You see, I realised that I NEED exercise to stay sane. For years I was praying to God to help me LOVE exercise. Guess what? He came through for me! Now I deter missing a week of exercise!
I am also one of those people who like to think I am effective. A scenario such as the one from last Monday is a typical one. If I can exercise WHILE doing something to take my mind off the walking on the Treadmill, well, then I do it!
I decide to start climbing the mountain of Ethics training that is literally lying in front of me like Mount Everest. You see, since signing up in September, I have not really left the base camp as yet. I try to do what needs to be done and then some or another snow storm hits, forcing me back to pretty much where I started.
I spent a good 30 minutes or so on the treadmill, reading through the first four weeks’ worth of documents that have to be completed and tended to on a weekly basis. Of course I did not do this – complete them as they should have been done. But at least I READ them. That is a start. Now my brain knows what to expect.
Again I had eye-rolling moments reading through the content. I was thinking to myself, how can people not know this? Why do people have to have ethics training? Is it not something that just happens? Well clearly not! I realised that these documents are meant for trainees too – not only for people such as myself with 20+ years experience in the field (now I sound OLD if I look at the number of years’ experience I have…).
Young adults entering our business world, who may not have been brought up in an ethical environment. That is why the layout is the way that it is. I should not roll my eyes at it but rather just roll with it if this makes sense? Just do it, even if I KNOW it, just do it. That is the requirement.
One of the documents catch my eye – learning to say No. This is interesting. A skill I am yet to master. Something I personally struggle with. I read through it and realise that my eye-rolling moments for week one’s training notes should be withdrawn. I can benefit more from this than what I realise!
I then start to watch one of the videos – one of the first ones where Hettie Brittz speaks. I only get up to about 5 minutes into the video and then my time is up. I have to finish on the Treadmill and start supper….immediately regret takes over. I should not have spent all that time reading through the documents! I should have watched the videos!
But, now I know how I am going to take on Mount Ethics. One step at a time and where needed, I will use the Treadmill to burn some calories that accumulated during the day from all the coffee that I had while slaving away behind my laptop.
I just also HAVE to mention – while doing this training, I did NOT set up my laptop next to the treadmill! No – I used my phone. Probeta was so kind enough to design an Application that can be used on phones and tablets to assist you on the go, literally like I did while walking on the treadmill…with this being said, one really does not have any excuse for not doing this training!Make a plan man!
I also decided somewhere through this post to not blog this one in Afrikaans. You see, the heading Training while training will just not be as catchy and effective in Afrikaans….Opleiding tydens oefening just does not sound right to me!
Watch out for the next blog post about this Mountain that all CA’s in South Africa are trying to climb! You might just get some tips and tricks or even motivation to start the process and just do it…
I survived THE CRASH. Not a car crash or a plane crash. A computer crash. Yes you read correctly – for the second time in my life as a business owner, this has happened.
The first time was 15 years ago and let me tell you, I did not deal with it like I did now. I was upset and crying the whole time. Wasting precious time and energy on something that was out of my control.
This time it was different. It was a new laptop, 3 months old. No work data lost, but other personal and business data (that I decided to store electronically on my C: due to the sensitivity of the information) was lost.
Yet, all was not lost if this makes sense? My e-mails are on a web based platform, so I only lost really old e-mails from longer than 4 years ago. Let me rather say, I cannot access them now. This is probably ok as the information is not necessarily relevant you know?
All the business documents are on e-mail on the web, I just have to locate them again and save them like I used to. Fill in the gaps from when I got the new computer to now. Long and short is I can work around it. It is a pain, but it can be done. My biggest frustration? Not being able to work for 3 days while trying to recover data, setting up on another laptop…..trying to remember links, etc.
I told the people that work for me I feel like I started a new job! I am there, earning a salary but not contributing to pay the salary. I felt lost, hopeless with no one to guide me as to what to do!
This whole week a song has been playing in my mind. Matthew West’s Brand New. I could not understand WHAT God was trying to tell me with this song? If you listen to the words, it is more applicable, in my opinion, to someone that has just turned their life around.
I then felt deep in my spirit God pressing on my heart so many things I have been praying about for so long. Things that He says MUST happen. Things that I was doubting on whether I HEARD correctly. He sends me 2 verses confirming something that must be done, one verse overlapping in two messages if that makes sense? I got three messages, coincidently the second one I received, had both verses on.
When I realised that the laptop was crashing I prayed for it. I anointed it. I bound the work of the devil, because I thought it was him trying to stop me from doing what God had laid on my heart to do. I just did not grab the garlic to keep the vampires away (as some myths teach people)…. I was frustrated but calm at the same time. Never in my life had I been this calm about something as big as this. Remember – this is my WORK LIFE that is going up in smoke so to speak!
But, the more I thought about it, the more I realised that God allowed this to happen. He created order for me because He saw that I could not create it! You see, I had a system on Outlook. It worked wonderfully for me, or so I thought. But that system that I had was actually driving me into the ground, causing me to not function efficiently!
I was in such a daze feeling overwhelmed all of the time, that I was still operating in 2020 mode to some extent. Doing what I had to do to survive….not really winning and making progress. I have to laugh at God’s sense of humour! He is now forcing me to write on a piece of paper again, especially work stuff.I always had lists, but my lists got lists. Things were written on little pieces of paper, post it notes, scrap paper. They were there but all over the show. Everywhere! Name it and it had a list on it!
You see, what I realised was, we are so dependent on technology to create order, that when technology fails us, we are lost. The Boxwood tree that I am felt LOST and out of control. I feel God’s Spirit pressing on my heart to just LISTEN to what He wants me to do. “Create order the way I taught you long ago” I hear the whisper in my soul. “Write it down, mark it off when done. Stay focused on what you need to do when your time to do it is there.”
Suddenly I realise WHY the song was playing around in my head this whole week. It is because God wants to make something new. He is making me new on different levels in places that I did not know I had to be fixed and made new.
He’s making you new….He is making you brand new! I hear the words turn and turn in my mind. “I know God. I understand.” is my answer. Here is to the newness being created! May God’s name be glorified always, especially in all that He has pressed on my heart to do.
God has laid it on my heart for a while now to make this entry. At the Adorned camp that I attended beginning of September, I chatted with someone about my ability to write. As I was talking to her, the words just came out as to how it started that I could write. For those of you who do not know about the camp, read the post about Heart, Heartbeat, Rhythm.
Ok, so back to my story that I told on the camp. I spoke with Lynn Grobler from Journaling on the Way. I mentioned to her that I am convinced that my background for my work and the training that I did, gave me the advantage to be able to write. She was quite surprised when she heard that. This, together with the fact that I think my mom had this hidden talent to write and that I inherited it from her enables me to write the way that I do.
You see, my mom wrote to each of her three daughters a very personal letter on our 21st birthdays. This was so special and precious to me. We never had conversations like these in real life. It was more reduced to writing if I remember correctly. As time went on it changed to sms messages, e-mails and Whatsapps. Not always DEEP things, but things that were just dealt with easier in writing than verbally – if this makes sense what I am trying to say.
So my training as a Trainee Accountant taught me that my files should speak for themselves. Any audit file, must be able to stand on its own two feet, so to speak, without me uttering any words whatsover about that file. The file must be able to tell the reader, one with reasonable knowledge and background, why I did the tests I did and why I made the professional conclusions that I did.
There I go again sounding like an Audit Standard!! But I took this very seriously. My files can, at any time, be subject to review by the professional bodies that I belong to. Because of this, I took it very serious! Things must be done right the first time around! I also did the training to ensure that I remain relevant and up to date with changes, and also because my qualification required me to do, what felt like endless hours of training, annually.
When I started my own practice, I searched for more training. I was now the responsible person, the partner. I must ensure that everything is correct. You know what a mammoth task that is and how much uncertainty that creates within oneself? None-the-less, I found Probeta to assist with training. I often attend their training sessions, all of those which I consider to be relevant to my practice. I must admit, this too gave me the advantage that enabled me to write – the training that I received from them.
The institution to which I belong, SAICA, changed the rules surrounding training in 2020. Thank goodness for this, as this was just before the Pandemic hit the world and everything was left in turmoil! It makes life so much easier, even if we all were uncertain as to what to do and how it works. As soon as you embrace change, then it no longer overwhelms you. What I also learnt over time, is, if you are teachable then you get so much further in life. But, if you go through life Knowing it all then it gets hard. No one can teach you anything if you do not WANT to learn!
In 2021 the rules changed YET AGAIN. This time the requirement is Continuous Ethical Training over a 12 month period. Yes, I admit, I rolled my eyes at this change. I mean SERIOUSLY. Just ANOTHER thing to fit into a schedule that is already so busy and overflowing with STUFF to do. And ethics of all things? Do we as CA’s REALLY have to learn about being ethical? It is burnt into my heart to ALWAYS try to do the right thing, even if no one is watching. I still cannot understand people who do not think the way I do and act the way I do. Anyway….
This whole year, since the changes came into effect, I have been postponing this ethics thing purely because of the uncertainty surrounding it and what it entails. Probeta sends an e-mail about a twelve month program that they host and it meets the requirements of SAICA. I read the marketing material and decide THIS is what I am going to do! I am not even going to TRY to do anything continuous on my own as it is more than likely to end up in anEPIC FAIL. Recovering from that is just going to create more issues!
I also decide to take the best option that they present, the one that goes into depth about your character. I am, after all the boss and I have to KNOW things so that I can train others. I am not even going to waste my time with the first option, not that it is a waste of time if you get what I am trying to say? I need the hard core stuff you know? If I can refer to it like that!
After signing up, a month passes by before I get going with this program. Ok, three weeks after signing up, towards end of September. I start working through the material and deep inside my spirit I feel this excitement awakening in me! Seriously WHO gets excited about TRAINING of all things?
The theme? Authentic journalling. My husband laughs and says it sounds like something that woman would love to do. I roll my eyes at his comment and decide to just proceed. I committed to this thing so I have to do it. If I don’t then I am no longer valid with SAICA. I do my Tall Trees Analysis – the one where your character is identified as a certain type of tree, based on Hettie Brittz’s books Growing kids with character.
I receive my analysis back and read through it. I stand in awe and amazement of the feedback. It summarises my personality and character to the point. It is as if Hettie was sitting opposite me, doing an interview with me and summarised me in person. I go back to my report from 2019 and see that my profile has changed. “This is strange.” I think to myself. I contact Lynette Berger from Probeta via e-mail. Half concerned and amazed at the same time.
Her feedback? One’s profile can change and that is why they recommend that you do this regularly to ensure that you get to know yourself and know how to deal with certain situations that you may encounter. I start to wonder by myself WHY my profile would have changed. The answer? The Pandemic. The Pandemic that changed EVERYTHING and ALL of our lives.
This afternoon (yes on a Saturday afternoon) I watch the introductory video of Authentic journalling and as she speaks and explains things, so many more things start to make sense to me and how my blog entries actually take form and get life so to speak. You see, for me, the words start turning and moving around in my head. The concept begins THERE as a thought. But, if I do not write it out, it becomes cluttered in my brain.
It is usually then that one starts to feel overwhelmed and then you end up just staring at your computer screen not knowing WHERE to start. BUT, if you start to just make a list of what to do, you channel your thoughts into written format. Lynette describes so many things so wonderfully in that video – for those of you who have to do ethical training, it is worth the watch and you will understand what I am saying here better.
But do you know what my problem is? My lists get lists for the lists of lists of things that have to be done. Yes, you may laugh, but we ALL have lists for lists!! As Lynette describes it, the written form is the physical manifestation of something that was in your thoughts or, as I also refer to it, within your spirit.
I realise now that, 2020 was one HUGE challenge for me. I am still trying to catch up work from 2020. You see, the Boxwood tree that I am, does not like it when things are out of control. So the Pandemic just did not work for me – everything felt out of control. You get to a point where you just do the BARE MINIMUM. But the bare minimum does not necessarily fall within the quadrant that makes you function optimally.
“Quadrant?” you ask. “Yes” is my answer, “quadrant”. Lynette explains in her video that you spend your time on stuff that can be categorised into four quadrants. For those of you who have NO IDEA what I am talking about – take a page and split it into four parts. Draw a line from the top to the bottom (in the middle of the page) and again from left to right, also in the middle of the page. Each block presents a quadrant…..
Each block has a name. It is one of four – Important & urgent, Important & not urgent, Not important & urgent and lastly Not important & not urgent. If your time spent falls into the last two quadrants, it usually means that chaos rules in your life.This I can confirm – is how 2020 was for me. I was more worried about the washing that was busy piling up and the house that I almost HEARD getting dirty as everyone moved around, than what I was about getting work done. I just could not function.
God has helped me to create order by journaling on this platform. Of course there are MANY things I cannot blog about, because it is just too personal to share with the whole world. What I also realised is that, if you do not make time to share your thoughts and emotions with God in a written format, you are actually exposing yourself to gossip.
Yes, you read correctly. We all fail at some stage – we tell something quickly about something that someone did. If you do not guard against this, it becomes gossip. I realise now, that, I have to journal even more frequently to channel my thoughts, which Lynette also describes as energy, and get it out of my system so that it does not make my heart turn black and bad. I know emotions are energy and do emotions not arise from thoughts? Actually, we as human beings, are one bundle of energy that needs to be channeled correctly.
Only once we get to that point, then God can use us truly what we were placed on this earth to do. Until such time we will remain like waves in the ocean being tossed around by the wind….the long and short of a not so short post? Go an channel your energy so that you can use it in a positive manner! I am so excited about the journey that God is taking me on. I am excited about this training, because I know that I will come out the other side as a changed person.
All the glory be to God always! He gives us the talents to serve others and to help them and lead them to Him. We must sow the seeds and when the time is right, the Holy Spirit will give it water and it will germinate in the people’s lives in whom we have sown seed.
I am super excited to announce and launch the new electronic logo of this blog. What started as a concept God changed so beautifully to the final product that you see here for me to use on this platform.
When you compare the one I drew in March by hand with the one that is electronically, done by Anri Erasmus from Painted Lemons, you will clearly note the differences.
As I was chatting with her about the logo and listening to her opinion about what works and what does not work, I realise yet again that you start with something. In your mind you have this set idea of what it must look like and you write it down. As time progresses, you realise that the concept will NEVER represent the final product. That is why you call it a concept.
God dropped in my spirit that, even though my first attempt was from my hand, the final product, the electronic logo, is out of His hand. This is what He wants for me. He showed me that I captured what He wanted in the logo but now it is time to change.
The colour pink is there, not in the form of a heart-shaped leaf, but in the writing. The softness that He created a woman with simmers through in this logo. The green leaves that are heart-shaped, represents a plant that I have on my desk. If not mistaken, it is called a String of Hearts. It was one of my mom’s favourite plants…..
On the original logo I had a THING, I have no idea to describe WHAT I tried to do there. The twirley-whirley flower like THING. Whilst chatting with Anri, I realised that this THING was a place-holder for the scripture from Proverbs that God gave me for this blog.
Remember, I only received the scripture in September while the logo was drawn and designed in March already. I compare the two logo’s again. Both are beautiful in their own unique way. Each one represents what God had showed me. The final product is gorgeous and stunning, I cannot stop looking at it! I am like a little girl with a new Barbie doll. I just want to use it on everything and want to show the world the beauty captured in that logo. I am super excited about everything that God is showing me of what is to come!
It is big and overwhelming! I am taking it day-by-day and step-by-step. This elephant I am going to tackle with great pleasure – piece-by-piece and day-by-day. I hope that those who are reading this article, also enjoy the beauty of the logo as much as I do.
Acts 1:9-11 tells us how Jesus left this earth and that two angels told His disciples that He will return in the same manner in which He left. Wow, I think to myself HOW AMAZING is this? The manner in which He left is the manner in which He will return.
Yesterday, I had the absolute privilege to spend a day with a dear friend of mine, her daughter (and my daughter of course), attending one of Thea van Rooyen’s classes, from Thea se Poeierkamer. It was organised and hosted by Lynn Grobler from Journaling on the Way. In this class, we had to, yet again, FOLD something. I laughed a lot, as there was confusion at times, but not as much as on the Adorned camp, while making the very famous junk journal.
Later, while chatting with Thea, I found out that folding is her THING that she does. To fold something when attending one of her classes before journaling the page in your Bible. I STILL want to know HOW she got to the process of folding and sticking the envelopes together making the junk journal….? Yesterday, we folded an envelope that is not straight (if you have OCD then this is NOT the envelope to try and fold). Inside the envelope, she said that we must do SOAP. SOAP stands for Scripture, Objective, Action & Prayer.
I must admit, folding this envelope, was substantially easier than making the junk journal. This is more than likely due to the fact that 3 envelopes and glue were not involved in this process. If you do not understand what I am typing here, do not despair! Simply try to make a junk journal using only 3 envelopes, glue (in all the right places by the way) and old paper, then you will surely understand where the uncertainty came from to begin with!
The message yesterday was from the book of Acts. She explained it so beautifully and presented it in a way that I did not see before. Ascension Day (yes you guessed it – I had to Google this yet again), had long passed. We are now between Ascension Day and the Return of Jesus here on earth. Wow, I never thought of it like this before! We are all aiming to be like Jesus. We all make mistakes, because we are not perfect. We are in this world but we are not from this world.
The picture that we had to do in our Bibles, had clouds in the background. You do it in any color that you feel like. We do the technique with a chinese, as she refers to the brush we used (because it is imported from China if you were wondering why this reference was used and it is surely not to offend anyone!). I love the latest addition to my gadgets that I journal with, by the way! On any given day, I love anything that resembles a gadget. And if it can help me to do the journaling in my Bible, even more so!
Anyway, back to the page and her message. She tells us further that we all have a new address and that we should not forget to put our stamps in our picture, because that is where our post must go to. Even while on this earth, your address has changed. It has changed, because you are on your way up. Towards heaven. Therefore the house with the balloons from the movie UP. If you are happy in your house, then you decorate it nicely, make sure the garden is neat and tidy. She also taught us to hammer on a flower to make an impression on a paper, which is then in turn used in your bible. Of course the hammer we used is a crafting hammer, not a DIY one! I did not use mine, because it seems that my hammering technique did not work so well…but this is by no means an indication that I am not happy, it just did not work on my page!
I think about it for a moment. It is actually very simple. God uses us, broken people in a broken world, to make a difference and to lead people to Him in this process. Even if we all are full of mistakes (the Afrikaans word that best describes this is propvol) it does not hinder God to use us. We must continue to aim to be like Jesus. To ask for forgiveness when we make mistakes.
This makes me think of the song by Matthew West. Broken Things. I listen to the words which are so true. May we always remember that no one is perfect. May we always remember to ask for forgiveness and to forgive like Jesus forgave us and all of those who sinned against Him. This is hard, right? But so worth it to reach the end destination. Heaven. Eternity.
You use broken things I hear the words move around in my head. The first will be last and the last will be first……
Commitment. Life long commitment. The wedding march starts to play (which I don’t like by the way but what other song do you use to enter the church on your wedding day?). With sparkling eyes behind a veil, dressed in what I perceived to be a stunning dress, I try to walk down the isle towards my future husband. I say try, because, my dad was so nervous, it felt like he was trying to break Usain Bolt’s 100m record running down the isle, with me hanging onto his arm for dear life (ok not that bad but he was almost sprinting).
My husband stands in the front of the church. We have this childlike excitement within us about our future together. He sees me in the isle, tears spring into his eyes as he watches me walk towards him. The photographer captures the moment (at my request of course). Because of this photograph, I can remember his facial expression in much detail.
It is HOT. The ceremony is in Brits. It feels like a Heatwave! 30 September 2006 was an exceptionally hot day. While I was fitting my dress at the dressmaker, I insisted on wearing pantyhose, because, I was convinced that I would be cold (I often get cold…). She looks at me strangely and says something to the effect that I am going to get very hot under all the layers of tulle. I just have to believe her and trust her. It was, after all, winter while the dress was being made and the season will change.
That day, I was so grateful towards her for convincing me to not wear the pantyhose. Oh my HAT! It is HOT underneath all those layers and layers of tulle! The ceremony takes place and the pastor preaches his sermon. One of the things I can remember about the ceremony was, his comparison of a marriage to a circle – or was it the rings he was referring to? No beginning and no end. He also talks about a marriage being like a triangle. God at the top and each of us at the bottom opposite corners of the triangle.
The closer we move to God, the closer we will move towards each other. Of course nothing makes sense to me, but, I listen, because Mathematically it makes sense what he is saying. I could still remember a little bit of matric Geometry at the time we got married (yes I had to Google the Afrikaans version of Geometry as I almost typed Trigonometry).
And so 15 years passed. Just like that! In the blink of an eye. When I look back at where we were spiritually then and where we are now, then I can only stand in awe and amazement. It is by Grace alone that we are where we are.
We most certainly fought in the past 15 years. Sometimes harsh words were uttered, other times threats (to our own embarrassment). Lots of tears but much more laughter. Amongst everything that was happening, God had appointments with us at regular intervals. They were at different times but every time it was at just the right time. Perfect timing to get our timing to continue to be in sync and just be better than before.
Back to the wedding day. I mentioned before that I do not like the wedding march. I wanted other background music to play with a recording of my voice with a message to my husband, saying what he meant to me and how I feel about him. It sounded cool and romantic when I heard a friend’s sister did that on their wedding day. I wanted to surprise my husband.
BUT, we could not agree to playing something other than the wedding march on that day. Remember, he did not know that I wanted to add a personal touch to this background music. I also did not have the time to find someone to record my voice, layering it over the background music without it sounding unprofessional. Just remember, 15 years ago we did not have smart phones. If I remember correctly I had just upgraded from a Nokia 3310 before our wedding!
These days, it is much easier and you can do it yourself from the comfort of your own home. If you have a smart phone and a laptop, you can do anything it seems! None the less, for years I was mad for not being able to put this personal touch to our wedding (as if there was NOTHING else that was decided upon and made by myself that represented my personal touch on our wedding day. My personal touch was there, I just did not see it).
Today, as I am typing this entry, I KNOW I was not emotionally ready for something like that. I think I would have thought more about how silly my voice sounds over the speakers just stumbling through a bunch of words while making the recording, missing the essence of what I was trying to do.
So, I am grateful. Grateful that God saved me from what could have been a HUGE mishap! Earlier this year, or perhaps even last year, I hear a song playing over Spotify. The words catch my attention. The song is called Commitment from Sanctus Real. I listen to it, replay it. It strikes my heart deeply.
If I could choose a song with which to walk down the isle with, this would be it. It describes so beautifully what it means to be committed to someone. When you are 25 years old, standing in front of the pulpit (this word too had to be Googled by the way), you have NO idea what strikes and curve balls life will throw at you.
You also don’t know how you are going to handle this. But, with God you can remain standing and deal with everything life throws at you. Sometimes it feels like it is Us against the world when things happen and there is pressure. BUT, God has always come through for us. He has always provided. We do not have to fear anything, because we have Him by our side.
I wanna finish the way we started, just two broken souls clinging on to Jesus. We’ve seen His faithfulness and grace and I wanna love you that way I hear the words echo through my mind. My heart sings for joy as we celebrate again the promises we made before God on that day.
Here is to another 15×15 years together! May God strengthen and deepen our marriage even more as we move closer to Him.
The weeks leading up to my 40thbirthday in April, it was as if God was showing me the significance of the number 40 over and over. In my opinion 40 is a very significant number in Biblical terms.
As the days passed by, it is as if every single Bible story we read to our children before they went to sleep, featured the number 40. The Israelites that wandered in the desert for 40 years, Kings that ruled for 40 years, Jesus that was in the desert for 40 days, and so the list goes on.
I then decide to look up the meaning of 40 in my book to try and understand the meaning of the number and WHY God laid it on my heart.
Text quoted from the book: The numeric association can be calculated by multiplying four (material completeness, worldly kingdom) with ten (fulfilment, completeness) which implies the fulfilment of worldly or material dominion (or trial).
The book refers further to the 40 years that the Israelites were in the desert, the time Moses spent in the desert before he got the instruction from God to free the Israelites, the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert and a few others. This is more or less the same as a previous paragraph in this blog what God had shown me beforehand.
Another quotation from the book: This implies that natural circumstances have to fall in place (fulfilled, matured) so that you can be released to take up your place in your calling (or position of leadership and authority). It symbolises that the time of trial is over and the time of release has arrived. This is also the number of Judah (in Hebrew) whose name means praise the Lord or celebrate. This is also the number for milk (in Hebrew) which symbolises the foundation (basis) of the Word of God which gives people a basic understanding of the teachings of the Word.
The text quoted with this is Heb 5:12. I decide to look up the scripture on my electronic version of the Bibles on my phone, as the desks that I work on, look like a paper tornado went through them(yes you read correctly – plural, more than one desk. Those who know me will understand that I need SPACE to work on). It looks like that, because I am trying to create order in my work life and it feels like it has been going on like this for months!! The constant prioritizing of urgent matters and working, tending to requests from clients…papers lying, waiting in anticipation for responses from clients after requests have been sent, not wanting to put it away as I will surely forget to follow up on these matters.
Initially I read it in Afrikaans. I then decide to read it in English too, to ensure that I gain a proper clear understanding of the scripture that God has placed before me.
I also decide to select the option to compare versions on the Bible app. This helps me to read it in different versions of English and Afrikaans, to gain a deeper and better understanding of what is being said.
The New International Version explains it as follows: In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk not solid food!
I read the meaning in my book again. Then I grasp it! As babies, we all drank milk. No one ate solid foods like pumpkin or Purity when they were born! The milk that we drank, whether it was breast milk or milk from a tin, gave our bodies the foundation to grow so that you can get to the point where you can eat your pumpkin or Purity.
The verse does not imply to me that, at the age of 40, one is not ready for the deeper more meaningful information contained in God’s word. No, you see, I see it as follows – up to this point in time, I have had milk. God’s word was given to me in smaller portions, the form being easier to digest. This was the basis for me.
I read on in my book. There is a heading Maturity in Understanding. A symbolic meaning. It can be seen as the age of maturity, understanding and ability to rule, when a man reaches his intellectual prime. It also suggests completeness and conclusion (Num 32:13). It symbolizes a period of rest (40 or 80 years). (Judg 3:11, 30; Judg 5:31; Judg 8:28).
The text in Numbers refers to the time when the wrath of God flamed up towards the Israelites and He banished them to the desert for 40 years. He did this until the ENTIRE generation that sinned against Him and in His eyes, were gone.
Wow! He must have been MAD at them!! We all know how unfaithful they were and how disobedient they were towards Him. But sometimes we miss the scripture about WHY they went into the desert and WHAT the plan was with this. God had to cleanse the Israelites, the generations that were unfaithful and disobedient towards Him had to die first. Wow, this is BIG!
The scripture in Judges (just an after thought – I did not know what book Judges was in Afrikaans at the time when I typed the Afrikaans version of this entry. I had to select the English version on my bible first and then go back to Afrikaans to get to the name in Afrikaans….I was chuckling at myself while I struggled to do the translations of the book names…). Anyway, back to the point about the scripture in Judges – I have decided that the previous sentence was now too long and confusing that I have to start a new paragraph to explain this.
Judges 3:11 tells us that the land had to rest for forty years. Verse 30 refers to land that had to rest for eighty years. All the other verses in Judges refers to the land that had to rest for forty years in different times when different leaders were leading the Israelites.
I think for a moment about the scripture. What is God really trying to tell me? While I was typing this, thinking it over, I feel the Holy Spirit press on my heart. It is as if He wants to show me that the time was not right for me before 40. I was not ready.
Maybe I was like a piece of land that had to rest for 40 years, if you want to look at it like that. I know, deep inside my spirit, that, when God showed me the first time, at the age of 27 years what He had planned for me, I was not ready! I was not mature enough for the task.
Until now I had drunk milk. Little by little I took it in, digested it, thought it through, growing in the process. But now I am ready! I am ready to take the next step to the maturity to spread God’s word in the manner that HE wants me to do it!
Here is to being 40!Being forty and fabulous (also known as Fortabulous!). Thank you God for the opportunity to be Your instrument. May I always only preach and say what YOU want me to say. May each and every person ALWAYS remember that it is not about me, but ALWAYS about God. All the Glory be to God and Him alone!
Shortly after attending the camp hosted by Adorned through Christ, I spoke to someone about the logo of the blog. I told her that I could not really explain to her WHY I drew it in the way I did or why I used the colors that I had used.
This past week, I was walking and thinking about the symbolic meaning behind the logo. It was on the back of my mind the whole time. While working, while the blog entry about the camp was being formulated in my mind, even while dealing with a personal matter, I was thinking about this logo.
Now I wonder – do other people also do it like this or is it only me?? Do other people also walk around with what feels like 10 million things on their minds while having to deal with life in general?
Anyway, back to the meaning…..the circle (wow for a moment I struggled to spell that, reverting to Afrikaans spelling….I had a good chuckle with myself now). So the circle represents Gods love. It has no beginning and no end. If not mistaken, this was the message that the pastor that married us, spoke about during our wedding ceremony 15 years ago. (We will be married for 15 years on 30 September).
The little leaves on the circle are also hearts if you look closely. I absolutely LOVE drawing hearts! Since I figured out how to make hearts with the Brush tip pens from Faber Castel I am obsessed with it! Everything has to have a heart in and all i’s have to have a heart instead of a normal boring dot….
The colors – the green symbolises life, like a tree getting new leaves. The pink symbolises being a woman. The hearts / leaves are on top of the circle, because we are in God and He is in us. You cannot see where they start or end. I hope this makes sense?
The writing and font is just how I like to journal at this stage. Some fancy lettering and others just less fancy and more ordinary. This symbolises each person being uniquely and beautifully created by God. We are all beautiful in our own way.
The little curl at the bottom of the words symbolises the beauty of life. I think I saw it somewhere on a bottle of body cream once and liked it. I like florals and the older I get the more I seem to take a liking to florals and floral like patterns.
I hope that I am not becoming a little old lady with my likings to florals increasing and now that I am 40! Long and short is, everything that we do, that is laid on our hearts, even if they do not make sense at the time, usually has a bigger meaning and God will reveal all when the time is right.
The logo will be transformed into electronic format and as soon as it is ready, I will introduce it to the readers…..I drew the logo in March already and only received the meaning of it in September. God is always terribly on time. Maybe I would not have understood the symbolic behind it as well as I do now? Or perhaps I would not have been able to translate it into words? Who knows?
Heart. Heartbeat. Rhythm. This is something God has been talking to me about for a while now. My husband has been telling me for years now that the mother is the Heart of the home. I never quite got what he was saying. You see, people can tell me things and they don’t make sense. Then later in life, during a non-related event (sometimes while showering…..ok most of the time while showering and getting ready for the day ahead), the light comes on in my brain for things such as this! As I have said before, I feel like a latebloomer in some aspects! But I know that God’s timing is always perfect, so I know I should not feel like that!
During August 2021, I had a conversation with my sister-in-law. She confirmed what my husband has been saying and what I had been feeling in my heart for sometime now. The mom is the one that sets the tone in the house. She determines the pace at which things take place. She determines HOW things take place.
I had lost myself. My rhythm was lost and out of sync.
You see, since the first Lockdown was announced in March 2020, I started to feel lost. I have never in my life felt like that before. I felt alone even when I was surrounded by the ones I loved. I felt trapped when I had a massive piece of property to wander on if the house got too small. I felt squashed in a corner when we have a descent size house.
My rhythm was lost, out of sync and just not working anymore. No matter how hard I tried, I just could not get it back to where it was. I could not get up at 4 am like I used to (I love this time of the day by the way – it is as if I can feel God’s presence more when the rest of the world is still asleep). I did not get up at 4 am EVERY SINGLE DAY before March 2020, but I did do it frequently and the days I did get up at that time, I felt like I had climbed Mount Everest so to speak.
Before I go on typing, go and get your cup of coffee or tea ready! I feel in my spirit that this is not going to be a quick post, as what I have to say here, cannot be broken up into three or four posts! It must all be read together, else God’s message will not be relayed correctly….
The weekend of 10 to 12 September 2021, I attended the Bible journaling camp of Adorned through Christ. You see, God had an APPOINTMENT with ME that weekend! I am not one to go to camps and do things where only women are involved. The mom-guilt usually kicks in and then I decide against it.
But this time, when I saw the advertisement from Carolien Cross on Facebook, I just KNEW I HAD TO GO! Now, some of you may know that I am a serious OVERTHINKER. I am an overthinker of NOTE. I overthink pretty much everything, except my work of course, in life!
I get distracted with detail. This is my brain’s way of remembering the detail and everything I have to say.
Why am I telling you this? Overthinking things? Well, you will laugh now, but, I overthought the idea of Bible journaling. I frowned upon it. Yes, you heard me! I FROWNED upon Bible journaling. I even made it known to Carolien when she started with her arty farty fancy schmancy (not sure of that spelling but you get my drift) Bible journaling that I do not like it.
Back to my story…..let me give some background. Those of you who know me, will understand that I jump around a lot while telling a story.That is my brain’s way of just remembering every single little detail.
If it feels like I am distracted telling you this, well, then I most probably am, but try to keep up! Some background – you all would have (hopefully) read my introductory page on this Blog. At this stage it is in Afrikaans still and I am in the process of changing the blog to transition through to a bilingual Blog.
None the less. I am a Chartered Accountant with my own business. Which God has blessed ABUNDANTLY by the way. Carolien was the first person (in the history of our business) we had interviewed and appointed in the interview and she started working for us.
She brought another atmosphere to our office, a motherly nurturing feel. She made birthdays special, going crazy with decorations sometimes. I just loved it! It was funny, we laughed a lot and made jokes.
Speaking of birthdays – God confirmed to me in a very unique way, what birthday present to get her one year. I think it must have been 2016 or there about? Not sure about the timeline here… She had told someone in the office what she liked and it was this turquoise bible used for Bible journaling.
Of course I had NO IDEA what I had to purchase and while standing in CUM Books, I saw someone I knew. A Pastor – to be more specific, Francis Hartzer’s husband, Danie Hartzer. I told him I have to get a present for someone. If I recall correctly I did not identify “the someone”. He looked at me and said, “Let me show you” and walked directly to the shelf where these Bibles (still unknown to me) were in the shop!
I frowned upon Bible journaling. I over thought the process for many years.
I was amazed with this and of course the rest is history and Carolien has since then done so many beautiful pages in her Bible. Of course I have not seen all of them but I know her talent and that she just enjoys this!
To cut a long story short, Carolien left our employment in 2019 as she had found a job closer to home with pretty much just better benefits than what we could offer. Adorned was born shortly before she left our employment.
Back in 2021 – on my way to the camp that Friday, I realised that Carolien had to leave our employment. If she had stayed with us, she would not have been able to do her ministry the way she has since leaving. We would have held her back and we would have withheld her from her true calling from God.I was convinced that God let my own dog bite me (a story for another day) to send me to the doctor’s rooms where she now works, to see her in action.
Do we miss her and the help that she had provided to us? Of course yes!! I still feel like I am drowning in the work, but we are getting there and God is good all the time! But it was the right time to let her go and God reassured me that this all was in His plan and greater picture! Her surname is not Cross by chance you know….
He sent me to her current workplace to see her in action. To see that she was where she belonged.
So back to the camp people. You see, my brain, ai, what can I say?? I get distracted!! On the camp, it was hard at times being away from loved ones. Often between classes, I would hear woman talk to their kids on the phone or making a video call to her family.
Words I heard the most that weekend? “Mommy misses you my darling! How are you?” I was one of those mommies missing her family terribly much! I have a 7 year old daughter at home who was NOT impressed with her mother going away for a weekend all by herself!
I got a Whatsapp message from her the Saturday morning saying I must please return home! My heart just felt so sad when I read that! At a point during the day on Saturday, I felt like going home. It was too much for me being away.
Perhaps it was my spirit sensing that God is wanting to talk with me? Not wanting to cry yet again over the same old garbage which is supposed to be dumped and out of my life so that I can live the life God had intended for me….
Heritage theme.
Adorned Through Christ
Being away from your loved ones is HARD. But, God needs to get us to become silent, so that we can HEAR Him and get the healing that we need. If the heart of the home is broken, then there is no rhythm and no heartbeat, everything is out of sync and nothing works out and then we just MISS the boat completely!
The theme of the camp was Heritage. Of course, with it being hosted in September, one connects the dots to Heritage day, the Public Holiday in September. That is the one that we have on the 24th is it not???
The message that I picked up, amongst other things, was God’s Heart for the people. He wants to mend our hearts and show us our Heritage. Not our earthly Heritage. Our Heavenly Heritage. Because, we are in this world, but not from this world….
In Matthew 11: 28-30 Jesus invites us to come to Him when our burdens feel heavy. If you read the Message translation (I think this was when Rochelle brought her message and page for us to do) it really just simplifies it so beautifully! I love comparing different translations. I am convinced that God uses all translations to bring His message to His people.
As Rochelle had said during her message, not everyone can understand William Shakespeare type English…I for one cannot understand it, without spending, what feels like 3 hours, reading one sentence! Anyway, I am not going to go into the different translations and all the debates there are around that. The only thing I am going to say is, if God wants to speak to you, He most certainly will. Whether it is Spanish, English, Afrikaans or Tswana. If He has something to tell you, He will make sure you hear it!!
The camp itself was not luxurious at all. We were between 4 and 5 woman who shared a room, with one bathroom (with paper thin walls by the way). In my head I was really worried about HOW we are going to all use the bathroom! If everyone takes 15 minutes, and we are 5 in the room, then that is 1 hour and 15 minutes before everyone is ready for either bed or to get up in the mornings. Are we going to be in time for breakfast?? Yes you may laugh, that is what I was concerned about before the weekend….
God’s heart for His people. He wants to mend us.
Man, that FREAKED me out!!! But I still went through with the camp and arrived at the camp site. I was very grateful to see someone that I knew, Lynn Grobler, and immediately connected with her and her two friends.
Back to the luxury of the Camp – within my heart I felt that God wanted to “treat” us with the luxury of His presence and message and just being able to spend time with Him without constant interruptions of making food or helping with this or doing that. Because that is who we as moms are, right? Working with interruptions the WHOLE time! I have a saying in Afrikaans. “Alles gebeur in paaiemente in my lewe.” Direct translation? Everything happens in instalments in my life.
Friday evening, while unpacking my things in the hall where the journaling was to take place for the weekend, I noticed writing on my table where I picked a spot. Now this is where the FUN starts. Because God has such a great sense of humor and just TALKS to us (if we let Him).He is in every single detail….
The writing on my table? God be praised in all we think and do. WOW! That is HUGE! I had, just the week before, ordered a desk organiser for my work space at home with a similar scripture on it. The scripture on my organiser? Colosians 3:23-24 CEV (Contemporary English Version).
There was no luxury at the camp. This is when God can spoil you with His heavenly luxuries.
Work as though you work for God and not an earthly master…..that is the message of that verse. A confirmation to me. You see, sometimes I get caught up in the noise of the people who are dissatisfied with what we do in our business, what seems like EVERYTHING, complaining about fees, work that has to be done, and so the list goes on and on…..
That Friday evening, Elmarie who was the presenter, brought a message from Joshua 1:6 where God promises that He has made a covenant with all of us, irrespective of where we come from. The promise from God’s word related to Rahab who had a shameful past. When you read in the new testament, she became part of Jesus’ family! Wow!
Now this is where the fun started – doing the page. You see, everyone was so uncertain about what they had to do. Techniques were being taught that were unknown to the most of us. As soon as you are put out there, out of your comfort zone, doubt starts to come in and whisper the biggest load of rubbish in your ears.
Friday evening was no different for me, and I think for most ladies around me! What I realised was, we did not UNDERSTAND what we were doing. We were told to do things, that, in our minds, did not make sense at all!! And because there is this lack of understanding, you start doubting that you are on the right track.
Every piece of art has an ugly stage.
Elmarie
Is that not how it is with life? When you are in a moment, you do not understand WHY something is happening the way it is. As soon as you have gone through what ever it is that you had to go through, and when you look back, you then understand the steps and processes a bit better.
I experienced that weekend like that! Hardly ever fully understanding WHY we were doing something but as soon as the page was done, looking at the results and feeling proud, then only did I understand WHY I had to do things the way I did.
Elmarie often said “Every artwork has an ugly stage”. That was so true. Because my page that I was doing, which Elmarie presented was looking TERRIBLE at one stage! Then, God gave me an idea and it turned out fantastic! That comment made me think. Do we all not have an ugly stage? We are all God’s artwork, but at one time or another, we feel and look UGLY so to speak. But then God steps in and does a little bit of this and a whole lot of that and then suddenly we are where we are supposed to be doing what He had created us to do.
You see, shortly after this weekend, I felt ugly again. It was like the devil tried to take away my voice to write about that wonderful God inspired weekend. Things happened and as a human being I acted on emotions. Misbehaving like I did before I truly met God. I was ashamed of my behavior and immediately apologised for my actions towards someone close to me.
This whole week I felt unable to write, feeling that, when people that know what happened, will read this piece of art that God has instilled in me (I see writing as a form of art) with “judgy” eyes. Rolling their eyes saying to themselves and others how can I write about God and glorify Him while I had the behavior that I had.
But, I am reminded by God over and over again to keep on looking forward and not look back on the past. Someone once told me that, the more you fail, the stronger you become. You see, in weakness He is made strong. God made each and every person imperfect, because there is only ONE perfect human being that was ever on this earth. Jesus.
No one slept well. The donkey kept many people awake.
From Glory to Glory we all go. We have our moments. God uses broken people to heal a broken world. We are the instruments in His hands. If we do not respond to His call, He will just keep on calling and if you keep on ignoring Him, He will use someone else to do the task set before you but He will also keep on calling. You see, God has every person’s name and address. You can run but you cannot hide!
Back to the weekend again. Saturday morning arrives. Everyone looks weary and tired. Hardly anyone slept well. I, for one, never sleep well the first night away from home. When chatting to others about how they slept, I realised that I had a GREAT sleep as I did not hear the Donkey during the night.
Apparently there was a Donkey making a whole lot of noise! Thank God I did not hear the Donkey, but I still didn’t feel too great. We all go to the hall and it is as if the exhaustion that everyone felt is lifted when we start with the first page of the day.
Francis Hartzer presented her page. Let me just also back track a bit – everyone presenting, shows the final product first. Everyone oohs and aaahs about the beauty presented in the page. Then the fun starts actually DOING the page.
Here we go again. Confucius seems to be roaming the hall yet again that day! With much uncertainty we start following the steps presented. We draw a block and leave spaces open, mix colors for sand, unsure how much of what to use, we all continue with our art work….very uncertain of whether we ARE in fact DOING the right thing.
Confucius was roaming while doing pages….we were uncertain of what to do most of the time!
You see, what I realised is, that most people (here I thought it was only me), but most people want to KNOW WHY they are doing something. I do not like it when I receive an instruction but have no idea what I am doing!!
We all went about, doing our pages and making Francis CRAZY with all our questions. The result? Beautiful, individual, and very different pages done by all the ladies. Somewhere during the day on Saturday, God instilled in my heart to “Trust the process” when there was confusion.
Trust the Process…
– God –
I then started uttering those words every time anyone was confused around me. “Trust the process” I would hear myself say. Just trust the process. I recall Tammy Tambourlas (I had to check my phone for the spelling of her surname and STILL don’t know how to pronounce it!) laughing at me every time I said it…..
Rochelle was up next and AGAIN we were out of our comfort zones having to Trust the Process. She brought a beautiful message with her page that touched everyone deeply. As I was listening to her, I was so amazed, yet again, at God and His detail that He works with.
You see, each of the ladies presenting their pages that weekend, just got the word Heritage and had to work with that. Right through the weekend it was as if God was building up to a climax, bringing the same message over and over again.
Heritage. That made me think again. I am not sure at what stage I had this thought, but I realised that, like every other person, I have a history, a heritage that I come from. An earthly one. I know all the stuff if I can call it that, about our heavenly Heritage. I was thinking about my earthly Heritage. Where did I come from.
Earthly Heritage.
Being brought up bilingual, remembering my Heritage confirmed the bilingual blog
I felt the Holy Spirit whisper in my heart that my Heritage, for me, Elsie Potgieter is one of a Bilingual upbringing. You see, my mother was English (I say was because she has completed her race on earth and now worships Jesus every single day that we are still here on earth) and my dad is Afrikaans.
I was brought up Afrikaans, yet visited with my mom’s side of the family frequently. My best friend was my dear cousin Jacqui (who now resides in Australia). Having an English best friend whom I spent holidays with reading English books, telling jokes, playing games, reading funny passages from the books to each other, helped develop my linguistic skill (wow is that even a word?? Linguistic….sounds so formal).
I then thought it was very appropriate that God further prompted me to write in English too. Hence the blog post about Metamorphosis. Writing in English like this is harder than in Afrikaans, as it just runs out through my fingers so to speak while I am blogging in Afrikaans.
BUT I am going to TRUST THE PROCESS with this. With the new platform that I am blogging on, it is like God is FORCING me to get some structure in my life. Something I have been BEGGING and praying to Him for years! Having your own business, working from home makes is so hard to put up the Chinese Walls they refer to in our world. Creating controls to ensure that other processes within an environment are not tainted.
O my hat, I see I have wandered off again! Back to the weekend. After Rochelle, we had the privilege to do a page with Thea. But it was not a page. We thought it was a page, but then we ended up making a junk journal. Yes, I heard you saying HUH? A junk journal? Don’t worry – that was my thought exactly.
We had no idea what we were doing with Thea’s junk journal.
With Thea, I was LAUGHING more than what I was doing my junk journal. You see, Thea has this dry sense of humor. I love it and enjoy her to bits! Again Confucius was roaming and we were all yet again CONFUSED beyond words.This time, the words TRUST THE PROCESS seemed to be spoken and uttered more and more. We had NO CLUE what we were doing.
Sticking two envelopes together, careful NOT to glue it in places where it should not get glue. Not understanding what we were doing, but doing as instructed. It was during this time, that God started to speak to me about a very personal matter that I had questions about for some time.
I was not questioning God. I was questioning a process in my life….. Amongst the pages that Thea had handed out and prepared for everyone, there were so many messages from God I could not ignore. I started to get my answers as the day progressed.
Thea’s message was about Joseph and how his journey went. Let me tell you, it was not a pleasant journey! I am pretty sure that He questioned the process more than what I had done in the past. Yet, God sent him ahead to fulfill the greater plan that He had for the Israelites.
I received a very personal answer directly from God that weekend about things I had asked Him questions about.
Bottom line is that God uses any person and all people who are willing to serve Him. He uses broken people. Broken hearts are hurtful. God needs us to mend our hearts so that we can do what is needed to spread His word and love.
Suppressing a broken heart does not heal you! Read that again! When you suppress something very painful, you do not receive your healing that you have to receive to become the person that you have to be so that God can use you!
I learnt, yet again, over that weekend, that, running away from the heartsore is not the answer. God had an appointment with not only me, but each and every lady that was there that weekend! Let me tell you something else, the devil also knows each person’s potential.
I always say, when the going gets tough, then you must be elated with joy that you are in the right place doing the right thing. The devil does not like it and does what ever needs to be done to hinder you from progressing and doing what you have to do. I am by no means giving the devil credit for everything, but I can see very clearly what he is up to.
I further learnt that the weeks leading up to the camp were tough for many people attending, not only me. Things would happen that would discourage you to not attend. By the grace of God, everyone arrived. Because He had an appointment with each and everyone of us there! A very intimate healing appointment. Healing hearts.
A mended heart makes you a better person.
When your heart is mended, you are a better and different person. Many times you hurt those closest to you because of your broken heart. You do not intend on doing it, it just happens. Those closest to you are the ones that God sends to you. He puts people together for a reason and sometimes only for a season.
The message that I got was that we have to pay attention to our footsteps that we leave behind and be conscious of where we are going. We have to always choose the better option! We remain His children no matter how broken we may feel and appear to others.
We are still His heirs, no matter our past. Just keep on trusting the process. It is almost like the song from the movie Finding Dory.“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!” Back to Thea’s envelope, we trusted the process and with much laughter we all managed to get our junk journals finished and in a working order.
42 – the number of ladies that attended the camp.
The meaning of the number 42 is not a coincidence.
Even if we do not understand WHAT God is doing and it does not make sense at all, we have to continue TRUSTING Him and His process. Everything ALWAYS happens for a reason! Something BIGGER than what our minds can fathom. Who are we to stand in the way of HIS plan?
I heard from Carolien the Friday that there were 42 ladies that attended that weekend. 42! I could not believe it! That is BIG! For us living on the platteland that is HUGE! Now remember, we do not live in one horsed towns but things are just different in the rural areas, or platteland as I refer to it.
I sought the meaning of the number 42. My book tells me the following: The numeric association can be calculated by adding two (agreement) to forty (mature leadership) which implies a readiness to lead (or to reign). It is also calculated by multiplying seven (perfection) with six (spirit of man, natural man) which point to the perfection of the natural man that can be achieved as a “spiritual man” or follower of Jesus Christ.
WOW! WOW! WOW! A further meaning, with scripture, states that Jesus was the 41st generation in His natural lineage, we as His children are the 42nd generation which is the perfection of man in Christ Jesus. Gal 6:1; Rom 8:15 and Eph 1:5 are the scriptures linked to this meaning.
Prophetic song had me in tears.
Back to the camp and the very personal message that God had for those attending….shortly after Thea’s junk journal was finished, a lady, whose name I did not get, stood up and started to speak. She said that we should listen to what God has to say and that we should not sit with our arms folded.
Next thing I know, she bursts out with Prophetic singing. I jolted in my seat as I did not expect that! BUT God got my attention. Hours before she started singing, I was complaining about the weird clues that God was giving me. Lynn was encouraging me that He was giving me promises and I was complaining saying I want a telephone call or Whatsapp message.
Well, I got something better than that! Prophetic singing. By the second line I was in tears. Crying like I have not cried in a very long time. Tammy held my hand while I was crying. My nose was running, my eyes were starting to swell, but I did not care! God was busy cleaning my heart.
The Protea has to go through fire so that the seeds can germinate.
Carolien
I do not remember much of what was sung and it sounded perfect like it was composed before hand. Which of course it was, it was composed in heaven sent through the instrument that God placed there on that camp at that time.
Saturday evening, shortly after Carolien presented her page, listening to her message about the Protea and that it has to go through fire to let the seeds germinate (I did not know this word and had to ask my husband AND google it to make sure that he did not give me the wrong word), God started WORKING with each and everyone that was there.
I remember Carolien saying this about the Protea before, while still in our employment. I always thought to myself that it is very interesting that such a gorgeous flower has to go through something as harsh as fire.
Then I hear my mom’s words that she uttered once, while I was sitting next to her hospital bed, crying about the diagnosis about cancer. She said that we all have to go through the fire to be purified.
Crying like never before, feeling and experiencing God’s healing to my broken heart.
Back to the point of no return, so to speak. Saturday evening. Carolien felt it in her heart to explain to us what to do (and strangely enough, I did not feel confused with her process….a bit uncertain but not confused like before). She then said we can choose how we worship God now. We can either journal, sing praise and worship or do what ever we feel necessary to bring Him praise. Nastassja Potgieter lead the praise and worship. Wow, what a voice! I never knew she could sing!
I was of course, crying like there was no end to my tears (I mean have I not cried enough before this weekend??). Then it was my turn to be ministered by Carolien and her sister. We were crying, praying, talking. At one stage it felt to me that Carolien was crying more than what I was about the heartache that I was feeling.
I realised that this was God working through her, TALKING TO ME! At one stage I was irritated with myself for crying over the same thing over and over and over. But then I realised that this was the last time that I was going to cry about this. The last time that I was going to believe the lies the devil has told me ever since I was a little girl that my best will just never be good enough.
That evening, after crying what felt like forever, I finished my page. I went to the room and got ready for bed. As I was lying in bed, God pressed it on my heart to pray for Carolien the next morning. She was praying for everyone, but no one was praying for her. He pressed on my heart to also join her ministry when it was required and to help pray when needed.
From the rooftops I proclaim, I am yours!!! I am yours!!!
Extract from Rooftops by Jesus Culture, Kim Walker-Smith.
You see, I am a prayer warrior! I felt so moved after being cleansed for the very last time of not feeling worthy to be me, to do what I was placed on this earth to do. I felt ready. Ready for the next step. Ready to start spreading the news (no not the Frank Sinatra song but you can sing it if I just placed the idea in your head).
I woke up with the song from Kim Walker-Smith from Jesus Culture Rooftops that Sunday morning. When I shared with her what I felt, she looked me in the eyes and said that she knows. Jesus showed her the night before. We hugged (ignoring the Pandemic rules) and almost “shook” on it if you can call it that.
Sunday’s closing message from Lynn Grobler was AMAZING! Again the golden thread that started Friday evening, was woven through the message portrayed that entire weekend. I loved her spin on things. She turned it around saying what legacy are we leaving? Our inheritance becomes someone else’s lecay.
Prayer warriors. That is my legacy.
Wow. I never thought of that! We are all leaving legacies behind. She gave an example of a friend of hers and how, for four generations, a legacy was built and left behind. That made me think of my heritage and what legacy my mother and grandmother left me.
Both my Grandmother and Mother were prayer warriors, without them realising it. My grandmother always prayed for me before an exam. She knew when I was writing exams and then she prayed. I believe that is partially why I passed. Of course I studied and prayed myself, but it is just so much better when more people do purpose filled prayers.
My mom always prayed. She always talked about how she prayed about things and the testimonies she gave about what she prayed for. I was one of her prayers. She prayed for another child. When scientifically it was not possible for them to fall pregnant again (that is a story for another day) my mom fell pregnant with me.
I look at my daughter. Sometimes while we craft together I see her murmuring. Always fascinated, I look at her, asking her what she is doing. Her answer? Praying. Just that. Then she would elaborate stating that she was asking Jesus to help her with something that she was unsure of doing. This is something that she learnt from the Tutoring Centre she attends.
Back to Lynn’s message – forgetting breeds Rebellion. When you REMEMBER what God has done for you, it gives you faith. Lynn’s page was simple, and by this time we all had learnt to trust the process. Here and there, there was uncertainty, but we made it! We did it!She closed off her message with a song from Steffany Gretzinger – No one ever cared for me like Jesus. What a powerful song!
Trust the process. Even if NOTHING else makes sense in your life. Trust God. Always. Just a last afterthought – all the pages I journaled in my bible fell on the left side of the page. It only dawned on me towards the end of the camp….God was showing me that I must be the passenger in His vehicle. He is busy driving. Trust the process.
Metamorphosis. That is what my Blog is currently undergoing. You see, when I started this blog, I truly thought that I would keep it Afrikaans. However, as time has passed by, God has shown me that there are English readers too.
When they have to read long Afrikaans entries that I wrote on this blog, it takes them hours. My husband told me shortly after starting the blog that he thinks I should make it English as well.
I did not listen and felt that it should remain purely Afrikaans. This past weekend, I had the absolute privilage to attend a Bible journaling camp hosted by Adorned Through Christ.
On this camp God connected me with three woman whom I shared a table with while having meals. Two of these woman were English. One of them was not shy to say that it takes her a few hours to read through one of my blog posts, because she is English.
Lynn Grobler, from Journaling on the Way, you confirmed to me, that I should start writing in English. I hope I will be able to think more English when writing these posts. Ek is mos Afrikaans en wanneer ek praat oor die Here dan is dit in Afrikaans!
I know that God will not fail me when writing and that I will be able to produce what he places in my heart in English when it needs to be English and Afrikaans when it needs to be Afrikaans.
The cover photo that I had selected was the Monarch Butterfly. The reason for this is to symbolise the change, the metamorphosis that this blog is undergoing. I also chose it, because of the distances these butterflies travel over a short period of time, how they are created for a purpose and how they survive.
A dear friend of mine told me about this butterfly approximately one year ago. I have not studied it in depth as much, but I have read about them and what they must go through to survive. Now I am not at all saying that this blog is a Monarch butterfly! No surely not, what I am saying and praying over the blog is for God to help this Blog to reach people that He wants to be reached.
To cover long distances over short periods of time. To do what it was created to do. All the glory be to God always. It is never about me, always about Him. May He always inspire my thoughts, my words, my hands that type these blog posts. In the Name of Jesus. Amen and Amen.
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