Month: February 2024

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Vrees / Fear

Vandag se skrifvers is eenvoudig, kort en kragtig. Dawid het gesê wanneer hy vrees, vertrou hy net op die Here. Net dit. So maklik soos dit. So hoekom, in ons hedendaagse lewe, spartel ons rond as ons vrees? Hoekom kry ons angsaanvalle, of voel oorweldig, of wonder wat regtig aan die gang is met ons liggame? Dit alles terwyl ons net moet vertrou op die Here.

Did you know that NOTHING that you try to do out of your own power, will change anything about the situation around you? It is more than likely to create more fear, uncertainty, panic, you name it, you will feel it. Fear leads to worry, and worry leads to illness. So why do we fear and worry, when God has got this?

Soos wat ek hier sit en tik, kan ek nie steeds help om te wonder wat regtig aan die gang is in my liggaam nie? Is alles regtig soos dit moet wees? Wat gaan hulle bevind wanneer die knop uitgesny gaan word? Het die chemo sy werk ten volle gedoen? Ek weet en besef hierdie is alles vrae en leuens van die vyand af, iets wat ek daagliks moet afweer, want ek WEET ek is genees. My hoop en vertroue is in God. Wanneer ek hierdie tipe gedagtes kry, is dit dan wanneer vandag se skrifvers in werking kom. Ek kan toelaat dat vrees my lewe oorneem, of, ek kan op die Here vertrou. Ek kies om aan te hou hoop en glo en te vertrou op God.

The healing is not in the medicine or any surgery. The healing comes from God, the medicine and surgery are the tools that we are given to receive healing, but ultimately, it is God who gives us healing. So why do we fear and not trust God for everything in our lives? Hashtag Just saying…. hashtag I will trust God…. hashtag God is our healer.

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The end of Phase I

We saw Reconstructive surgeon today and Prof Rapoport. Surgeon’s appointment was first, delaying us a bit for the wait at Prof.

Surgery scheduled for mid-March-ish (how is that for a word 🤪).

Then it was off to wait at Prof Rapoport for almost 2 hours….and when we went in, he was almost chatty. I think today was the most he spoke to us during this process.

And PRAISE THE LORD!!! He is satisfied with everything. The port can come out too in the same surgery.

The conclusion I have come to is, the devil is a liar! The week since seeing Prof Benn up to today was such a battle of the mind! The uncertainties whether Prof Rapoport will be satisfied, whether this is the end of chemo and the start of surgery and Phase II of this process ….

All the GLORY BE TO GOD ALWAYS! He was with me in this process. He saw my tears, my begging in prayer for mercy to let this end, me crying about my hairloss, not liking my features without hair, seeing all my tears about everything the whole time in this process. He is a good good Father. Thank you Lord. Your mercy is truly renewed every day.

Thank you to each and everyone for your support and prayers during this process. Without prayer, I would not have made it!!

The last of all – thank you to my husband, best friend and lover Heinrich. Now I know that you TRULY love me. Not that I had any doubts. But if you know what this guy has been through since September….wow, all I can say is by the Grace of God we are still standing. Somedays it is harder than others to stand tall and proud.

And as if God wanted to talk to us, a thunderstorm broke out while we were waiting, with lightning and all. As if He wants to say – all is washed clean and He has spoken through the lightning.

The Jerico wall is busy crumbling – hence the cavities in the lump. Thank you Jesus!

P.S. the lipstick was always worn at Prof Rapoport appointments….it is called Ruler…God rules over this disease….and because He rules I rule.

🦩

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Healing

Growing up, I never really thought about healing. No one in our house was chronically ill. Every now and then there would be a cold or something similar, but nothing serious. If it was a bit bigger and more serious than a cold, we would go to the doctor to get the illness resolved.

I never realised that healing comes from God. And that is the reason why Jesus died on the cross for us. I know it sounds stupid to say it like this, but that is how it was for me. Probably also the exposure I had to religion that resulted in me thinking of it in this manner. Perhaps also because I never read the bible on that manner, if that makes sense. I always thought Jesus died so that we can go to heaven.

There is more to His death on the cross than only going to heaven. Of course I do not imply that going to heaven is not the best thing ever. Of course it is first prize! But there is so much more included for us in His death on the cross. Again, when I chose the verses for 2023, I could not imagine in my wildest dreams how relevant November 2023’s scripture would be on my life. I know, I sound like a record stuck in one place when I explain why November’s entry on the scripture is late. I will not elaborate on this topic anymore. At least I am writing it even if it is more than two months late….

Back to the scripture. I just love the English version. For by His stripes we are healed. Wow. Each and every lashing from the whips, was for us. For every person on earth. Not just for me. Also not only for a select few people. I cannot help but wonder, and it sounds strange to say it like this, but I am going to say it, then we will see how it works out. I wonder, when Jesus was on the cross, and every time he got a lash to His body, did He talk to me in His thoughts? Saying, Elsie, this one is for you. For the diagnoses of September 2023. For everything you have to go through in this entire process.

Would He, with a next and a next lashing, think about me and everything I had been through thus far in my life? This one is for your kidney pipe infection at the age of 5, tonsils, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, cracked vertebrae from the car accident, neck, arm or hand that is sore from sleeping in the wrong manner….I can go on with my list. If He said it about me more than 2,000 years ago, then He said it about every single person on earth. Wow. This is huge. He has, over all the decades, taken each and every person’s illness and ailment on Him that day on the cross and with each lashing. That is huge. Have you ever thought of it like that?

Just the other day, we were travelling to Milpark hospital for the umpteenth time. The route we take goes past a burial site. My husband, Heinrich, said that he cannot believe that there is still place for people to be buried. We see what looks like freshly dug graves. I answer him with a question, saying that I wonder how many people have ever walked on this earth. From the beginning of time up to now. I leave the question unanswered, because I don’t think anyone knows and even if there is a number, I most certainly will not be able to pronounce it, because there will be so many thousands, hundreds, millions and billions in that number! I will not even know where to start with that pronunciation. If I look at it like this, then my brain cannot fathom God’s greatness. It cannot even begin to grasp how much Jesus did for us.

For a few years now, when I pray, I rebuke the illness to go away in the Name of Jesus. For by His stripes, we are healed. Jesus already did the healing on the cross. The illness cannot do anything but go away. When I look at the results of the sonar that we did in November and that the tumour had already shrunk by 6 mm, then I get reassurance that God has got this. Even if the sonar measurements taken after this one is different – which I assume is normal, because the thing is busy dying and changing shape in the process. The healing is not in the medicine or the doctors. Those are the instruments that are there for us to receive healing. Instant healing from God is most certainly available. Deep down inside of me, I do know that there is a greater purpose for this. What it is, I cannot say.

Only time will tell. I know when I am going to look back on this time, when everything is over, I will only stand in absolute awe about God’s hand in everything. I know I am healed. God has already done this. I am just going through the process, because this is where God wants to use me. I am trusting that I am doing what God wants me to do during this process. I still cry a lot about everything. I am only human. With emotions and made in the image of God. We also laugh a lot. Try to function as normal as possible. But the most of it all is prayer. I pray a lot, rebuking the tumour and the swollen lymph nodes in the Name of Jesus. For by His stripes, we are healed...

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Genesing

Toe ek groot geword het, het ek nie eintlik oor genesing gedink nie. Nie een van ons in ons huis was sieklik nie. Daar was af en toe ‘n verkoue of ‘n ding maar nooit iets ernstig nie. As dit so bietjie groter as ‘n verkoue was, sou ons dokter toe gaan om die probleem uit te sorteer.

Ek het nooit besef dat ons genesing van God af kom nie. Of omdat dit is dat Jesus aan die kruis vir ons gesterf het nie. Ja ek weet, dit klink stupid om dit so te sê, maar dis hoe dit vir my was. Seker maar ook die exposure aan godsdiens wat gemaak het dat dit is hoe ek dit ervaar het. Dis bloot ook seker maar net omdat ek nooit die bybel op daardie manier gelees het nie, as dit nou sin maak. Ek het altyd gedink Jesus het net doodgegaan sodat ons hemel toe kan gaan.

Maar, daar is meer aan Sy kruisdood as net hemel toe gaan. Ek sê nou nie dit so dat dit klink of hemel toe gaan nie eerste prys is nie! Natuurlik is dit eerste prys, maar daar is soveel meer vir ons ingesluit in die kruisdood van Jesus. Weereens toe ek die verse vir 2023 gekies het, het ek nie in my wildste drome gedink hoe relevant November 2023 se vers sou wees op my lewe nie.

Ek weet, ek klink nou al soos ‘n vasgehaakte plaat as ek dit sê. Ook as ek verduidelik hoekom November se skrifvers inskrywing laat is. So ek sal maar nie weer uitbrei nie. Ten minste skryf ek dit, al is dit meer as twee maande laat…Terug by die Bybel vers. Die Engels sê dit vir my so mooi. For by His stripes we are healed. Wow. Elke liewe sweep slag op Jesus se lyf, elke hou wat Hy gevat het, was vir ons. Vir elke liewe mens op aarde. Nie net vir my nie. En ook nie net vir ‘n uitgesoekte handjie vol mense nie.

Ek kan nie help om te wonder, en dit klink nou vreemd as ek dit so sê, maar ek gaan dit sê dan kyk ons hoe werk dit uit. Ek wonder, toe Jesus op die kruis was, en as ‘n hou uitgedeel was, of Hy in Sy gedagtes met my gepraat het en gesê het Elsie, hierdie een is vir jou. Vir die diagnose van September 2023. Vir alles wat jy moet deurgaan in die hele proses. Sou Hy met ‘n volgende hou en ‘n volgende hou, elke keer aan my gedink het met alles wat ek al deur is in my lewe? Hierdie een is vir jou nierpyp ontsteking toe jy 5 jaar oud was, mangels, miskraam, buisswangerskap, gekraakte werwels van die kar ongeluk, verslaapte nek, arm, hand…..so kan ek aangaan met my lysie.

As Hy dit van my gesê het meer as 2,000 jaar terug, het Hy dit van elke liewe mens op aarde gesê. Sjoe, dis groot. Hy het oor al die eeue heen elke liewe persoon se siekte wat daar al ooit was, op Hom geneem met elke sweep slag. Dis groot. Het jy al ooit so daaraan gedink? Net die ander dag, ry ons vir die soveelste keer Milpark hospitaal toe. Ons roete neem ons verby ‘n begraafplaas. My man Heinrich lewer kommentaar dat hy nie kan glo dat daar nog plek is vir mense om begrawe te word nie. Ons sien wat lyk soos nuwe grafte. Ek antwoord hom met ‘n vraag en sê, ek wonder hoeveel mense was al ooit op hierdie aarde. Van die begin van tyd af tot nou toe.

Ek los toe maar daardie vraag net daar, want ek dink nie iemand weet nie, en as daar ‘n syfer is, sal ek dit nie kan uitspreek nie want daar gaan soveel duisende, honderde, miljoene, biljoene wees. Ek gaan wragties nie weet waar om te begin nie. As ek so daarna kyk dan kan my brein nie om God se grootheid kom nie. Dit kan nie begryp oor hoe baie Jesus vir ons gedoen het nie.

Vir ‘n paar jaar nou al, wanneer ek bid, beveel ek siekte in die Naam van Jesus om weg te gaan. For by His stripes, we are healed. Jesus het dit klaar kom doen. Die siekte kan nie anders as om weg te gaan nie. Wanneer ek kyk na die uitslae van die sonar wat in November gedoen is, en dat die gewas met 6 mm reeds kleiner is, dan word ek net weer herinner dat God het hierdie. Al is die ander sonar mates weer anders na dit – wat ek aanvaar normaal is omdat die ding besig is om dood te gaan en van vorm te verander. Die genesing is nie in die medisyne of die dokters nie. Dit is die instrumente wat daar vir ons gestel is om genesing te ontvang. Vir seker kan die Here hierdie ding wat in my liggaam geidentifiseer is, oombliklik genees. Ek weet diep binne in my, dat daar ‘n groter doel met alles is. Wat dit is, kan ek nie vir jou sê nie.

Net tyd sal leer. Ek weet wanneer ek gaan terug kyk na hierdie tyd, wanneer alles verby is, gaan ek in verbasing staan oor God se hand in alles. Ek weet ek is genees. Die Here het dit reeds kom doen. Ek gaan nou deur die proses, want dis waar God my wil gebruik. Ek vertrou dat ek doen wat die Here wil hê ek moet in die proses. Vir seker huil ek steeds baie. Ek is net ‘n mens. Met emosies en na die Beeld van God geskape. Ons lag ook baie. Probeer so normaal as moontlik funksioneer. Maar meeste van alles is die gebed. Ek bid baie, bestraf kort-kort die gewas en die geswelde limf kliere. Beveel die ding om in die Naam van Jesus nou weg te gaan. For by His stripes, we are healed...