Year: 2023

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The joy and the peace

I am late with October 2023’s entry and with very good reason. Let me just back track a bit for those who may not know. On 16 October 2023, I received my first Chemotherapy treatment. I have to laugh at myself at being unprepared for that event. The information booklets tell us to bring stuff with to keep ourselves busy, stuff like laptops, tablets, books to read. So what do I do? I pack a whole bag full of stuff to do, because four hours is long and I don’t know what it is that I would want to do. That is also just typical me. Overcompensating and never using everything I packed.

So there I was, drip in my left hand, laptop set up, logged into my website. I really thought that I was going to blog while the Chemo was dripping through my veins. Well, think again! The pre-meds that they give you to line your stomach and protect whatever needs protection, is so heavy, it makes you drowsy. I started crying when the drips were on, as it leaked into my tissue rather than running through my veins. Then I had the attention of everyone in the room. Not intentionally, but I had it.

Needless to say, the laptop was packed away. I felt drowsy, put some praise and worship music on, earphones in my ears and fell into a light sleep. In between a state of being awake and asleep, I heard some of the other patients chat with each other. I admired them for being able to do that, I was so sleepy, I could not think straight. And the only reason I had for this was that their chemo is different to mine, their pre-meds are different to mine. What I wanted to say with these introductory paragraphs were, I have not been able to blog properly for some time now, due to everything that is happening.

The scripture for October is from Psalms. Now when I checked the scripture in Afrikaans, I noted that I have the same verse number for the English version of the desk pad, yet the two scriptures are different. This is because in the Afrikaans version they had some titles or info about the Psalm that is seen as a verse, which is not the case in the Amplified version. Anyway, that is beside the point. This entry for October 2023, will then be about the two scriptures. The one I have on the English version of the desk pad as well as the Afrikaans version of the desk pad, combined.

At first I was a bit cross with myself for missing this, but, at the end of the day, I know God has a plan with this. So the Afrikaans version talks about receiving more joy than when one has more than enough and the English version talks about lying down in peace, falling asleep because David feels safe with God. Wow, how appropriate are these verses not to my current circumstances?

The joy we experienced, was when we saw the professor one and half weeks after receiving the first treatment. Realising that there is a change in the lump and that it is starting to feel ever so slightly smaller. That joy that was in our hearts, cannot be compared when one has more than enough physical provision. The other verse is also true. In all of this that is happening, I cannot help but feel unsafe everywhere. Uncertain and unsafe. Ever since I can remember, I struggle to sleep. Sometimes to fall asleep, other times to stay asleep.

During that week of Chemo, I experienced another side of sleep, sort of. Falling asleep quickly, staying asleep for longer for some nights (not all). When I was at my weakest physically, I called upon the name of Jesus. I played praise and worship music, playing a song over and over called His Name is Jesus by Jeremy Riddle. The peace that came from doing that, cannot be described. The sleep that I had is like nothing before.

I cannot help but smile when I look at these verses, realising that when I designed the desk pads in May 2022, God was already in October 2023. Amazing is it not? The joy and the peace that one can experience, in spite of the circumstances that one is placed in. Only when you are there, can you relate and understand. Words cannot describe it, that which is felt in these circumstances.

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Die vreugde en vrede

Ek is laat met Oktober 2023 se inskrywing, en met goeie rede. Laat ek net so bietjie terug gaan en verduidelik, vir die wat dalk nie weet nie. Op 16 Oktober 2023 het ek my eerste Chemoterapie behandeling ontvang. Ek moet vir myself lag oor hoe onvoorbereid ek was vir daardie geleentheid. Die inligtingsbrosjures wat hulle vir jou gee vooraf, sê vir jou om goed te bring om jou besig te hou, goed soos skootrekenaars, tablette, boeke om te lees. So wat doen ek? Ek pak ‘n hele sak vol goed om te doen, want 4 ure is lank en ek weet nie wat dit is wat ek gaan wil doen nie. Dis net so tipies van hoe ek is. Oorkompenseer en gebruik nooit als wat ek pak nie.

So daar sit ek, drip in my linkerhand, skootrekenaar opgestel, ingeteken op my webblad. Ek het regtig gedink dat ek sou kon sit en skryf terwyl die Chemo deur my are loop. Wel, dink weer! Die medisyne wat hulle voor die Chemo gee om jou maag te beskerm en wat ookal anders beskerming nodig het, is heavy, dit maak jou moeg en slaperig. Ek het begin huil toe die drips aangesit was, want dit het in my weefsel gelek eerder as om deur my are te vloei. Toe het ek almal se aandag in die vertrek. Nie doelbewus nie, maar ek het dit gehad.

Toe pak ek maar die skootrekenaar weg. Ek voel vaak, sit praise & worship musiek op my oorfone en verval toe in ‘n ligte slaap. Tussen ‘n wakker en aan die slaap gevoel, hoor ek ander pasiënte gesels met mekaar. Ek bewonder hulle dat hulle dit kan doen. Gesels. Ek was so vaak, ek kon nie reguit dink nie. Die enigste verduideliking wat ek vir dit het is dat hulle Chemo anders is as myne, hul medisyne wat vooraf toegedien word is anders as wat ek kry. Wat ek eintlik wou sê met die inleidende paragrawe was dit – ek was nie in staat om behoorlik te kon skryf en webjoernaal inskrywings te maak vir ‘n geruime tyd nie, weens alles wat aan die gebeur is in my lewe.

Die skrif van Oktober is van Psalms. Nou toe ek die skrifvers op die Afrikaanse tafel kalender (desk pad) nagaan, sien ek dat ek dieselfde vers nommer op die Engelse weergawe het, maar die twee verse is anders. Dit is omdat die Afrikaanse weergawe sommige van die titels en beskrywings van die Psalms as verse vertoon en die Amplified weergawe nie dit so doen nie. Elkgeval, dis nie regtig eintlik waaroor hierdie inskrywing gaan nie. Hierdie inskrywing vir Oktober 2023 sal dan oor beide verse gekombineerd wees. Die een van die Engelse tafel kalender en die een van die Afrikaanse tafel kalender.

Eers was ek so bietjie vies vir myself omdat ek dit gemis het, maar, op die ou einde van die dag, weet ek God het ‘n plan met dit. Die Afrikaanse weergawe praat van meer vreugde as wanneer die skure oorloop en die Engelse weergawe praat van om te rus en aan die slaap te raak omdat Dawid veilig voel by God. Wow. Hoe akkuraat is hierdie verse nie net van my huidige omstandighede nie?

Die vreugde wat ons ervaar het, was toe ons die Professor een en ‘n halwe weke later gesien het, na ek my eerste behandeling ontvang het. Ons het besef dat daar ‘n verandering in die knop is en dat dit besig is om te verander en hoe gering ookal, is die knop besig om kleiner te word. Die vreugde wat daar in ons harte was, kan nie vergelyk word met enige fisiese voorsiening nie. Die ander vers is ook waar in my omstandighede. Met alles wat gebeur, kan ek nie anders as om oral onveilig te voel nie. Onseker en onveilig. Vandat ek kan onthou sukkel ek met slaap. Soms om aan die slaap te raak, ander kere om aan die slaap te bly.

Gedurende die week van Chemo, het ek ‘n ander sy van slaap ervaar, soortvan. Ek het vinnig aan die slaap geraak, sommige nagte vir langer geslaap (nie al die nagte nie). Toe ek op my swakste was fisies, het ek uitgeroep na Jesus. Ek het ‘n liedjie gespeel, oor en oor, van Jeremy Riddle genaamd His Name is Jesus. Die vrede wat gekom het deur dit te doen, kan nie verduidelik word nie. Die slaap was soos niks wat ek tevore gehad het nie.

Ek kan nie help om te glimlag wanneer ek na die verse kyk nie. Ek besef toe ek in Mei 2022 die ontwerpe gedoen het, was God reeds in Oktober 2023. Hoe wonderlik is dit nie net nie? Die vreugde en vrede wat mens kan ervaar, ten spyte van jou omstandighede waarin jy jouself bevind. Eers as jy daar is, kan jy jouself vereenselwig met dit en verstaan. Woorde kan dit nie beskryf wat gevoel word in sulke omstandighede nie.

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The One Without the Hair

And so the next chapter begins….

The One without the hair….

En NEE dis nie NET HARE NIE. Dankie vir almal wat probeer ondersteun deur dit te sê, maar dis meer as dit.

Only once you have gone through this will you fully understand and even then I don’t think our brains (those going through this) can even begin to comprehend what is happening….

En ja ek kort rooi lipstick om die GI Jane look af te rond 😉 net jammer ek kan nie nou burpees doen nie….en jammer die lyf kom nie saam met die afgeskeerde hare soos Demi Moore sinne nie….

🦩

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Om te werp / To cast

Dis ongeveer 3 weke sedert ek laas iets geskryf het oor ‘n bybelvers. Die grootste rede is, ek probeer my nuwe ritme en roetine vind in my nuwe normaal, as ek dit nou so kan stel. Vir een week was ek man down soos die Engelse sou sê, na my eerste Chemo behandeling. Ek kon letterlik niks doen nie, en dis seker een van die moeilikste plekke om te wees – is om niks fisies te kan doen nie.

This morning I decided, I need order in my life. I have not been doing my daily scripture writing and thoughts about it and I am convinced that this is why it seems like everything is in chaos at the moment around me. I have been keeping myself busy with plenty of things, but nothing seems to get done. One of these is the packing of the stock that arrived this week and dispatching it to people who have ordered from me. It feels like the bag from Mary Poppins – there is no limit or end to it. Sure, it was a big order, but not that big. I cannot help but think that, even the smallest of small tasks, are now like mammoth tasks to me. All because my body is going through something hectic.

Nou ja, terug na vandag se vers. Die woord wat vir my uitstaan is werp. Ek het besluit om maar te gaan Google wat werp regtig beteken, ek het ‘n idee, maar wil seker maak ek verstaan dit reg en in konteks. Volgens Google trek hy die betekenis van Wikipedia deur. Dit beteken Met ‘n kragtige swaai van die arm iets uit die hand gooi; smyt. Goed, so ek was nie te verkeerd nie. Maar weereens wat hier uitstaan is kragtige swaai.

In English the word is cast and this time the Oxford Dictionary comes up on Google. The one meaning that seems to be in context in this verse is An act of throwing something forcefully. So, you see, in both languages, (not that I thought that it would not be like this), the act is that of force. Back to this verse – David says here to forcefully throw our burdens onto God. Not gentle. Not a soft hand over. No, forcefully throw. That is what we should do.

Nou wanneer jy iets met ‘n kragtige swaai gooi, is dit met mening, hard en iets wat jy nie meer by jou wil hê nie. Wow, dis wat ons met ons sorge moet doen. Ons moet dit GOOI vir God. Hy sal dit vang. Hy gaan nie dit mis en terug gooi vir ons en sê probeer weer nie. Glad nie. Saam met dit wat ons moet doen, die gooi aksie, is daar ‘n belofte – Hy sal ons onderhou en sal nooit die regverdige laat wankel nie.

He will care for us. He will not let the righteous be shaken, slip, fall or fail. Is that not an awesome promise to receive? In my situation and what my body is going through right now, I often wonder if I am not slipping and falling. Am I dealing with this right? Am I getting it right? Or am I failing horribly? Then I get a verse like this. I have to forcefully throw my burden that I am feeling now, onto God, He is looking after me, providing for me and He will not let me be shaken, or slip, fall or fail. Wow. What an awesome verse with an awesome promise. This is not mine to carry. He has got this, something I have been saying from the start. God has got my back.

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The last one with hair (probably)…..

Today I twisted Heinrich’s arm….he snuck away from his laptop (which he was tied to by the way since my first treatment) and we went for a Wimpy breakfast……how lovely…..

This will probably be the only photo with me with hair this short….it is falling out a lot now and the next step will be to shave it all off to get some relief from the pain (it feels like when your hair is tied up too tight….)

So geniet maar die laaste een van my met hare….ek weet nie hoeveel hare teen Maandag oor gaan wees wanneer ek die volgende behandeling moet doen nie…..

🦩

#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness

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Results after first cycle

Nothing can stop an Unstoppable God! Praise the Lord, we are rejoycing! Finished our follow up visit with Prof. My bloods are all good and whatty whatty. And then better news, the lump feels and looks smaller as well as the lymph! All the praise be to God! And so that I can post to Insta, here is our pic again from before the appointment….

🦩

#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness

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Follow up visit after first cycle

Follow up visit after first cycle. Bloods done. Waiting to see Prof.

And now I see that none of the pics we take show the flamingo on the shirt 🙈 maar ek het een aan belowe….

🦩

#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness

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Oom Paul Skool visit

Here are some pics from today’s visit at Oom Paul skool. So blessed and grateful to have been able to attend this day before treatment starts on Monday…..

My naamgenoot – Elsie – soos altyd ‘n voorreg en eer om te kon bedien vandag! Hou aan met die goeie werk daar wat julle doen!!!

🦩

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The Path / Die Pad

I received this scripture for today, yesterday (or was it the day before?) from someone I know. Before the person knew what decision we will have to take. Today this is so profound to me. You see, God is already in tomorrow. This is something we intend to forget frequently. But this verse gives me such a promise and hope – He is already there, making the path that I must walk on as level as it can be, so that I do not feel like I am climbing a mountain so to speak.

Nou wanneer mens so daaraan begin dink en besef dat die Here reeds in môre is, kan mens nie anders help as om Sy hand in alles te sien nie. Die woorde wat nou deur my kop maal soos ek die skryf, is The path of least resistance. Dis iets wat in die Lego movie gesê was, as ek dit nie mis het nie. Maar dis ook waar van weerlig en water is dit nie? Dit volg die pad van die minste weerstand.

So now I wonder why God placed those words in my mind? Perhaps because we as humans want to choose the path of least resistance? We are inclined to jump ship when the storm gets tough around us, but sometimes we have to stay inside the boat, because that is the safest place for us to be in. If we jump into a rubber lifeboat with paddles, that we have to paddle ourselves, in the midst of a storm, then will we not struggle to stay afloat?

Dis moeilik vir enige mens wanneer hulle voor enige keuse te staan kom. Hierdie hele reis waarop ek is, hoe lank of kort hy ookal gaan wees, voel vir my soos ‘n decision tree met elke tree wat ek gee. Nou die wat al geoudit het en belasting goedjies doen, behoort ‘n decision tree te ken. Dis letterlik wanneer ‘n vraag oor iets gevra word en jy een van twee antwoorde moet kies. Die een antwoord se uitkoms is anders as die ander een sin.

This is how it felt to me thus far. We get to a point and then we have to decide, this way or that way. The only thing with this is, I cannot see the next step, option or choice to be made. Only God can see it. So it is slightly different than my day job, where I can see what each decision leads to, ensuring that the original answer made, is in fact the right one with the right outcome.

Vreemd hoe die lewe werk en draaie maak met ‘n mens? Presies een maand gelede, het ek niksvermoedend na Prof. Benn se spreekkamer gegaan omdat ek ‘n knop in my bors het. Nie ek of my man Heinrich het in ons wildste drome gedink dat die aaklike woord van Borskanker, sou ‘n diagnose wees wat uitgespreek word oor die ding in my lyf nie. Ek het regtig gedink dis net iets wat uitgesny gaan moet word. Wel, toe nou nie!! Maar as ek nie daardie keuse daardie dag gemaak het nie, het ek nie nou hier gesit waar ek sit vandag nie.

God is busy making the way for me. He is letting everything fall into place. I have done very little thus far in this process, except arrive, show whomever what they need to see (i.e. the boobies – yes so many people outside of my marriage have now seen the jewels and gems), listen, process and decide. The doctors’ offices all deal with the medical aid authorisations. They deal with the accounts that are to be paid. We do not have to argue with anyone about anything. They do all of that for us. This is a side of the medical industry that I have not seen or experienced before. We are usually the people having to get authorisations, submit payments, follow up and who knows what with the doctors and the medical aid.

Laaste ding – die Here maak nie net die pad oor die berg nie. Nee, hy breek die brons deure en Hy slaan die ystergrendels stukkend. Hy breek die tronke oop. Dit voel so vir my of dit aansluit by die skrif wat ek gekry het oor Petrus en Silas in die tronk. Dink jy nie hulle wou nie daar wees nie? Dink jy dit was hul droom om in die tronk te wees? Ek dink nie so nie – dis vir seker niemand se droom of bucket list item om in die tronk te wees nie! Net so is dit nie my droom om hierdie pad van Chemo te stap nie, maar ek weet ek moet doen wat ek moet doen, sodat Triple Negative uit my lyf kan kom. Vir seker kan die Here dit net laat verdwyn. Maar, Hy het ‘n ander plan. Dit voel amper te maklik as die ding nou net na ‘n maand verdwyn. Die wonderwerk wat ek reeds sien is dit – die grootte van alles het presies dieselfde gebly sedert my eerste MRI in September tot die CT scan nou in Oktober. As iets aggressief is, dan is die verwagting mos dat dit vinnig groei en versprei, nie waar nie? Wel, die Here het dit gestop! Die sensasie wat ek in die kerk gevoel het toe daar vir my gebid was, was dit! Hy het dit aangeraak en die groei en verspreiding gestop!

I feel like God wants to purify me even more for His greater purpose. I need not fear, because He is on my right hand, holding onto me, supporting me. This now leads me to the next thought – what is part of the purification process? Fire!! I cannot help but think of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who were thrown into the fire. Did you know that the guards that threw them in, died from the heat of the flames? Did you also know that they did not smell of smoke when they got out?

Dis my gebed, dat ek nie eens soos rook sal ruik wanneer die proses klaar is nie. Mag daar min tot geen newe effekte wees. Mag ek elke dag net die Here loof en prys vir Sy goedheid en wonders. Mag ek nog nader aan Hom beweeg in hierdie tyd wat voorlê. Mag Hy die pad gelyk maak en die deure en tralies van die tronk oopbreek. Ek voel amper ook of ek moet afsluit met iets wat in die Fast & Furios flieks gesê word – See you on the other side. Dis wat ek ervaar die Here in my gees laat val. See you on the other side. Hoe die pad na the other side lyk, kan ek nie vir jou sê nie, maar die Here weet.

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Life / Lewe

Today’s entry is late. We had to be at the Oncologist at 10, only to see him around 12. It is a waiting game this, and we have learnt to keep ourselves busy and take stuff with to remain occupied. The wonderful news is, the CT scan showed that the Triple Negative has not grown in size, nor has it spread! We are so grateful to God for this!

Ons het vandag ‘n ander deel van die praktyk gesien. ‘n Rustige deel, waar dit nie voel of chaos heers nie. Ek weet nie of dit was omdat ons in die oggend daar was, en almal redelik vars nog was en gevoel het nie (al die ander kere was laat die middag, en ons almal weet mens voel ‘n slump van so 3 uur of 4 uur die middag af). Maar die lang en die kort is, ons het kalmte en vrede ervaar. Iets waarvoor ons gebid het.

We prayed to God that His will be done, not ours. Of course our will is that the CT scan shows nothing and leaving the professors dumb struck. Although, I think they are a little dumb struck by the fact that the tumour has not grown, but it was not said in that many words. If only they knew how hard and long we prayed for a miracle to happen! And this news is the first of many to come I would dare say at this stage.

Ons antwoord waarvoor ons gevra het, het ons vandag gekry. Ons gaan voortgaan met die behandeling. Ons ervaar dat die Here ons daar wil gebruik vir Sy groter wil en koninkryk. Deur Sy genade, kon ons vandag vir ‘n tannie daar bid, dis wat die Here op my man Heinrich se hart gelê het om te doen. Nou wonder jy seker wat het al hierdie goed uit te waai met vandag se bybelversie?

It is simple – if you read carefully you will note that we are laying off our life that we know and have come accustomed to, so that God can be glorified every single step of the day. This is what we feel He wants to do. His healing has and is still taking place every second in every cell in my body. The size of the tumour and the fact that it has not spread (even though it is an aggressive thing this, making it in my mind a fast moving thing) is miracle and healing enough for us. God has got this! And because He has got this, I have got this!

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Discussion time again…

So here we are again at Prof Rapoport’s offices. Going to discuss last week’s CT scan and then the way forward.

Not my will but God’s will, ALWAYS!

🦩

#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness

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Believing / Om te glo

Yesterday I did not write or post anything, as I left early in the morning to visit my new breast friend who was admitted to hospital to undergo surgery to remove a lump in her breast. We met the day that we received the diagnosis. So grateful with her, that her lump seems to be something benign. We are praising Jesus all the way for this for her and that He let our paths cross. She lives far, in Nelspruit, so the moment that she was at Millpark, I ceased the moment to visit her! We have only spoken on Whatsapp and briefly saw each other again the other day, probably two weeks ago. Of course, we forgot to take a pic together. But anyway!! We will get there!

Na die hospitaal besoek, was ons stout en het ons gesin gaan fliek. 2 uur op ‘n Maandag middag. Iets wat ons nooit gedoen het nie, maar wat tog nodig was met alles wat aan die gebeur is by ons, die chaos waarin ons gevoel het ons gedompel was. Nie te min, hier is ek nou, besig om ‘n inskrywing te tik oor wat die Here op my hart lê vir vandag. Vandag se vers gaan oor Petrus en waar hy op die water geloop het. Maar toe verloor hy fokus, en kyk na wat die wind aanvang rondom hom, hy begin twyfel, en toe sink hy onder die water in.

I feel I want to mention why I am writing about this and how this was confirmed to me. Just yesterday, I was chatting with a total stranger again on Whatsapp (YES THIS IS WHAT I DO, but not a weird total stranger). I have never in my life met this lady, but we have something in common – the Emotional Intelligence Activator course or programme that we are on. She sent me a message yesterday, saying that she thought of me when she heard a podcast. I replied to it saying that I know I must now stay focussed on Jesus in this whole process. I am not sure if I have already set my foot on the water or whether I am already walking on the water.

Maar een ding weet ek vir seker – ek moet gefokus bly op Jesus. Net Saterdagoggend het ek emosioneel geraak oor die moontlikheid van chemoterapie. Ek het vir my man gesê ek voel of ek nou twyfel oor wat ek gevoel het die Here vir my aanbied. Dis asof ek nie dit wat ek in my hart en gees gevoel het duidelik kan onthou nie. En nou twyfel ek of ek reg gehoor het. Ek voel of ek die Here se naam met ‘n plank gaan slaan, hoe almal vir Hom gaan lag as wat ookal nie gebeur nie en ek wel vir die chemoterapie moet gaan. Hoe mense hul oë gaan rol en sê, ai foeitog, die arme vrou wat so geglo het die Here gaan haar dit spaar en hier is sy nou, besig met dit wat teenstrydig is wat sy vir ons vertel het haar God kan doen, ons glo nie regtig in sulke wonderwerke nie, jy weet….? Ons weet die Here kan wonderwerke doen, maar Hy het nou maar nie hierdie een gedoen nie.

I am not worried about what people will say about me, more that they will believe even less in God. Does this make sense the type of doubt that I have? Anyway, so, back to how I got confirmation of the scripture for today. A friend of ours, sends us daily scriptures of Oom Angus Buchan. Today’s scripture is from this verse. I listened and immediately I thought of this newly found friend, sister in Christ, with whom I had a conversation yesterday about Peter and walking on water. I was busy packing school lunch tins and could not send it to her immediately. I thought I would forward it later when everyone has left.

Wel, toe spring sy my voor. Sy stuur vir my presies dieselfde video aan. Sy vertel my dat haar man daagliks dit vir haar stuur en toe sy dit hoor, toe dink sy aan my. Weereens ken sy nie die persoon wat eerste die boodskap vir my gestuur het nie. Weereens weet nie een van hulle watter boodskappe ek ontvang nie. Toevallig? Ek dink nie so nie! Hoe wonderlik is die Here nie net nie? Ek kan nie help om te dink dat Hy net vir my wil sê dat dit ok is nie. Hy het alles onder beheer! Ek weet Hy het alles onder beheer, maar Hy weet mos hoe is ons as mense, so Hy kom bevestig net oor en oor en oor vir my dat Hy reeds in die situasie is.

With all of this being said, I know that He has this. Something that I have been saying from the start. I have got this because He has got this. At this stage, the medical aid has not approved any treatments. We absolutely see God’s hand in all of this. He has gone before us. In the meantime, while we wait, God has confirmed to me to start putting Castor Oil on the lump. Something that I have been praying to Him, asking Him if it is ok to do so. Here I am, doing it, just being obedient. To the outside world, it does not make sense, but right now I am focussing on Him and what He wants me to do.

Die storm woed om ons. Met allerhande dinge wat gebeur, maar ons kies om te fokus op Jesus. Hy is in beheer. Hy weet hoe die ding gaan eindig. Ons gaan saam met die proses, as die dokters sê ons moet iewers wees, dan is ons daar. Tot die Here die proses stop, is ons in dit. Nie uit ongeloof uit nie, maar uit gehoorsaamheid uit. God has got this. I have got this because He has got this! Don’t think, just do.

I just want to close off with this – I spilt water on my desk pad AND diary on Friday. I never spill fluids around my laptop. But this happened, very early in the month of October, forcing me to look past the water marks on this month’s page until 31 October 2023. Last month it was coffee (luckily only a few drops, but still, enough to make the desk pad look ugly), and that was worse than the water. Immediately after I spilled it, I felt God talking to me, showing me that in September something that stains the paper was spilled, but in October, water was spilled, something that cleanses…. every time I look at this desk pad now, I am reminded of God’s water cleaning everything around me.

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God’s fight / God se geveg

As my days on this journey (whether it be a long or short one – a journey is a journey, as you travel from one place to another), as I call it, progress, I cannot help but be reminded of what mere mortals, from the Old Testament, had to do to win significant wars against their fleshly enemies. Moses and all his wonders that he did, with a stutter.

Dawid wat klippe na ‘n swaard geveg neem. Gideon wat klei potte breek. Joshua wat om Jerigo stap en lofprysing doen wat maak dat die mure kraak. Hierdie is maar net ‘n paar waaraan ek nou kan dink en onthou terwyl ek hierdie inskrywing maak. Nou wonder jy seker hoekom ek nou hieraan dink wanneer ek in ‘n ander vleeslike geveg betrokke is? Jy sien, dit maak eintlik glad nie saak watter geveg dit is nie. Of dit teen die Filistyne, Amalakiete of Triple Negative borskanker is nie.

A fleshly fight it will remain. The world’s systems say one thing, but God’s upside-down kingdom says another. As you may (or may not) know, I felt that God pressed on my heart to do random things that don’t make sense at all and to the world, has no significant meaning to the giant that is standing in front of me. Or so it seems. One of them was the Jericho walk we did around the Oncology centre on 28 September 2023.

Ek wonder gereeld by myself, of ek regtig reg gehoor het van God. Dan kom die fluistering van die Heilige Gees in my gedagtes en hart en herinner my aan die skrif verse wat Hy gestuur het. Groot skrifverse. Die tronk se fondamente wat geskud word. Tronk deure wat oopgaan, boeie wat afval. Bevestigings dat Hy in beheer is. Bevestigings dat ek stil moet wees en wag. Wag op God. Ek deel nou glad nie hierdie paragraaf uit ongeloof uit nie, ek deel dit omdat ek heeltyd bevestiging van God kry dat ek nie moet twyfel nie.

You see, this battle is bigger in my mind than anything else. I have to endure symptoms in my body, wondering WHAT is going on inside of me? Wondering why the lymph node feels more and more uncomfortable as the days progress. What do the reports say of the scans and stuff that I did? How is God going to do this thing for us? How is He going to stop Chemo and cure this thing? I do know that it is not going to be the way I have played it out in my mind. It is going to be in a way that only God knows. Something awesome. Something majestic and wonderful. Something we have not even thought of.

Net soos wat ek al hierdie honderde vrae in my kop onder beheer probeer kry, kom daar weer bevestiging. Die keer een week uit mekaar uit. Laas week Vrydag het ‘n baie goeie vriendin van my, Anika, (wie ek gans en al te min sien net so tussen ons), die skrif uit Eksodus gestuur. Vanoggend vroeg, kry ek by ‘n ander tannie, vir wie ek so ‘n spesiale plekkie koester in my hart, dieselfde skrif wat sy voel die Here op haar hart lê om vir my te gee. Tannie Corrie het die skrif, saam met die een uit Lukas uit gegee wat sê – vir God is niks onmoontlik nie.

Again, these two people do not know each other. Again, they are not aware what who has sent to me. Yet, I cannot help but see God’s hand in all of this. I need only be still. He is fighting for me. He has got this. Something I have been saying over and over. When I look at it like this, then I just confirm that there is no room for doubt at all!! Doubt is not from God. That I know. And that is what I must keep out of my mind. God has got this!

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Today’s manna / Vandag se manna

Today I fully grasp what it is to live fully dependent on God. Not only physical provision, but also spiritual provision. A friend of ours said a few weeks ago, that God will give us our daily manna, like He did with the Israelites. Just enough to get through this day. How true those words spoken are! You see, yesterday, and even today, I feel a bit of exhaustion. Physical exhaustion. A type of tired that I have never felt before.

Nou die wat my ken, weet dat ek ongelooflik sleg slaap vir jare al. Ek het elke aand enige tyd van middernag af wakker geword. Dan staan ek maar op, loop my draaitjie en klim weer in die bed. Net om weer oor ‘n uur of twee wakker te word, weer ‘n draaitjie te loop, weer te probeer slaap. En so het die proses homself herhaal tot dit opstaan tyd is. Sommige nagte was ek gelukkig en het ek net 2 maal wakker geword, ander kere is dit 3 of 5 keer. Die afgelope paar aande, dalk al seker vir ‘n week, het dit skielik verander. Ek slaap dieper, meer deur, word minder wakker. Nou wonder ek of my lyf nie weet wat om te doen met al die slaap wat hom nou skielik toegeval word nie? Die dat ek so bietjie moeg voel…

Somehow, somewhere, I have this peace that words cannot describe. Even though the circumstances around me try to take my focus away. The worries that the devil try to implant in my thoughts. The wondering why you pay for insurance policies and medical aid, when it is just such a mission to get them to pay things? Why things take so long to progress. Of course the devil tries to plant the worst-case scenario with EVERYTHING in life in my mind. Not only the diagnosis, but also the physical around us. Then I just counter-act that thought saying, WHY on earth, would God give a worst-case scenario like that?

Gisteraand het ek ‘n oomblik met God gehad en al my bekommernisse voor Sy voete gelê. Ek het Hom vertel hoe moeg en uitgeput ek voel. Dis tien teen een ‘n kombinasie van alles – die skok, die adrenalien en wat ookal anders deur mens se liggaam gaan wanneer jy sulke nuus ontvang. Die oomblik wat dit begin insink en jy die realiteite van alles begin besef, dis dan wanneer die uitputting kom. Al die hormone en goed in jou liggaam wat jou dryf om deur situasies te kom, los jou uitgeput en uitgemergel.

This morning, I received this scripture from my dad. With a short message in English, a daily thought and devotional. Shortly after reading it, I prayed to God, asking Him to confirm this message to me. There was a thought from my side, of it being in Afrikaans when He confirms it, thinking that it would be special like that. Now, like I know God, He does not disappoint – He confirmed the EXACT same scripture in Afrikaans, from another person, whom I have never met in person (we met her husband at the Oncologist’s office last week). There was again, no way that she would have known that my dad would send me this scripture.

Ten spyte van alles wat om ons aangaan, die digte mis wat ons voel ons in beweeg, weet ons net dat ons na God se stem moet luister. Die plek waar ek geestelik is, is vir my so lekker om te wees, ongeag my omstandighede, ongeag die simptome wat ek voel in my liggaam, ongeag die fisiese moegheid na die adrenalien uitgewerk is. Die op en af ryery na Rosebank en Milpark toe elke ander dag, help ook glad nie vir die moegheid nie, maar nou ja. Dit is wat dit is. Ek is hier. In hierdie situasie. Ek het dit nie gekies nie, maar, toe ek Jesus gekies het, het ek enige omstandigheid wat oor my pad kom indirek gekies en gekies om Hom te vertrou binne in daardie omstandighede. So vir geen oomblik sê ek ja vir enige iets wat sleg is nie, ek weet net, dat die pad van die Here nie maklik is nie, dis nie ‘n rose tuin vol prag nie. Maar, wanneer jy in daardie omstandighede is, kry jy net krag om aan te gaan. Dis Goddelik en dis wat die Here wil hê. Volle vertroue in Hom, veral in hierdie daunting omstandighede.

I am still not taking ownership of the diagnosis, because that implies that it is my thing to carry, worry about and care for. Which is not what I want to do. This is God’s battle. I have got this because He has got this. Words that I have been uttering since the first time this was diagnosed. This thing is for sure a battlefield of the mind. Mind over matter. This is where one has to mentally submit all to God, all our thoughts. You see, there is a song, sung by Josh Wilson – Things that I’m afraid of. This is my song for today. The things that I am afraid of, are afraid of You.

In die tussen tyd, kies ek steeds om die Here te loof en te prys. Ek doen wat ek moet om deur die dag te kom. So bietjie day job goed, bietjie Beroepsvrou goed, tyd saam met die kinders maar meerendeels, tyd saam met God. Ek drink elke woord in van elke liedjie wat oor die luidspreker in my kantoor speel. Ek hoor selfs hoe God daar met my praat. Skielik kan ek vereenselwig met die lirieke wat die kunstenaars sing – kan ek hoor hoe hul gevoel het in daardie oomblik.

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The fight / Die geveg

Yesterday I did not get round to writing anything about scripture, because we left our house at 6h30 the morning, to arrive in Rosebank at 8h30 for blood tests. After that we hung around, had breakfast, did a little bit of work on our laptops, all the while waiting for the CT scan at 14h00. I read yesterday’s verse to my husband, and said that this tells me that God honours obedience.

Vandag se oordenking is dus oor gister se versie op die Bybel Toepassing, net met ‘n paar ekstra verse by, om die konteks beter te verstaan. Nou ek weet al vir jare dat ons geveg nie in die fisiese vlees is nie, maar eerder in die gees. Ek is baie lief daarvoor om die Amplified weergawe te lees, want die woorde wat daar gebruik word en die ekstra verduidelikings in hakkies, voel net so gepas. Wie sou ooit kon raai dat ek oor woorde liries sou raak? In die vers, praat dit van wat ons wapens is.

I love the words used – our weapons are divinely powerful. Emphasis on divinely. And then it goes on to say that it destructs fortresses, sophisticated arguments and every exalted and proud thing that sets itself up against the true knowledge of God. I cannot help but think, to draw this scripture to the treatments that are being discussed. Very sophisticated terminology is used during this process. The word fortress also stands out to me. A fortress is a place that no one can enter easily, is it not?

Nou ek kan nie help om te dink dat die diagnose wat gemaak is, soos ‘n fort is nie. Dis nie ‘n tipiese kanker gewas nie, dus is die behandelingsplan anders. Daar moet eers ‘n chemiese middel gegee word wat die ding swak maak, voor hy aangeval gaan word. Dis die fisiese wapens. Tog kan ek nie help om te hoor dat die Here vir my die klem lê op ons wapens en waar ons oorlog is nie. Dis nie in die vlees nie. Dis in die gees. Dis waar ons oorlog voer, deur gebed, lofprysing en aanbidding.

I want to close off – what war are you facing at this stage in your life? Are you trying to fight it with the natural, physical fleshly things? Or are you fighting this thing with prayer, praise and worship music? Singing songs for joy, irrespective of your circumstances. To me, this battle that I am in, is one in my mind. The devil keeps on wanting to create fears with What if questions. What if this, that and the next is actually happening in your body? What if God does not come through for you, after you posted things publicly? What if things don’t go the way you had hoped they would?

So kan ek aangaan met die Wat As vrae. Maar ek sal liefs nie. Ek weet die Here eer gehoorsaamheid. Al die goed wat ons gedoen het die afgelope ruk, wat nie sin gemaak het nie. Maar tog het ons dit deurgevoer. Want dis wat die Here wil hê en verwag – net gehoorsaamheid. Die versie bevestig ook dat elke gedagte gevange geneem sal word en sal buig voor Koning Jesus. Elke ongehoorsaamheid sal gestraf word. Gehoorsaamheid sal geëer (is die spelling reg?) word.

Wow, we cannot wait to see how God is going to turn this situation that we are in, around and what He will be doing! I still don’t think our brains can fathom the greatness of God! All I know is, every thought not from God, will be held captive and will bow before King Jesus!

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God’s perfect time

During May 2022, when I chose the scriptures for the 2023 year’s range of deskpads of Beroepsvrou, I think I felt that this scripture is applicable to the month of September. Purely because the season starts to change, trees get new leaves, flowers are blooming and everything seems to get life again after the winter. Well, what I thought was appropriate, was not the case at all. If you read deeper into this scripture, especially in the Amplified version, you will understand better.

God revealed the meaning of this month’s scripture beautifully and now I am grateful that I did not write about it earlier in the month. Else I would have missed it. I cannot help but notice that the meaning of the scripture is interlinked with what is happening in our lives, how quickly things changed, without our interventions, something that feels like months, but in reality, is only 3 weeks. Let me explain.

The Amplified version reads as follows – He has also planted eternity [a sense of divine purpose] in the human heart. Now it feels if it hit a bullseye and explains what I am feeling inside of me. You see, since September 2021, I have had this thing pressing on my heart. That thing manifested and the Pink Feathers ® range of Beroepsvrou was born. Something that I could not explain yet followed through. Something I actually did not have time for, especially in my very busy, overloaded schedule. Yet I pushed on with it.

My husband did not quite understand in the beginning, and I did not know how to explain it to him. I just continued to proceed with it, without him fully understanding what is going on and why I feel the way I do. Now, two years later, I understand why I felt what I felt. It was not my heart’s desires that I was chasing, but rather God that planted my purpose in my heart. The Divine Purpose as the Amplified calls it.

The next thing that stands out to me, also from the Amplified version, are the words in brackets – a mysterious longing which nothing under the sun can satisfy except God. You see, nothing that I did, felt right to me anymore. I did not know how to put it into words to my husband. Yet I continued with that which I felt God placed on my heart to do. I had this longing for something that only God could satisfy. That is also the reason why I do this writing thing, MAKING time for it. Because it feels as if I am finding my divine purpose for which I was created while doing it.

In between everything else, God kept on pressing it on my heart. In spite of crazy busy times, with deadline upon deadline. More admin loaded onto me due to changes in legislation. It feels like chaos in my day job (due to things changing rapidly there and me not being able to keep up), but when I sit and write, doing something for Beroepsvrou, it feels like the chaos disappear. It is just confirmation that this is where I must be.

The last thing in the verse that I want to point out, also from the Amplified version – yet man cannot find out (comprehend, grasp) what God has done (His overall plan) from the beginning to the end. And this is where I am now. My brain feels too small to even start figuring out what God’s plan with everything is. With me, the diagnosis, Beroepsvrou, the day job, everything. I have this childlike excitement about what lies ahead, but at the same time I am nervous, because this is BIG. The greatness of everything is what causes the nervousness, but I know, that I know, because I know, that God also has this under control. Like everything else in my life.

I cannot help but wonder if others also feel the way I do? If they also feel as if they are called for something bigger than that which they do every day? I cannot help but think that God does big things in my life, annually, in September. September is our anniversary month. September 2021 my life changed for the greater good on a Bible Journaling camp, where God revealed to me in such a unique way, that my sister and her husband MUST move to New Zealand (this is what He wants) and where I cried my cries, truly undergoing a transformation, from who I was before the camp.

September 2022 I was invited to Radio Pulpit for an interview. The highlight of my life, together with our wedding day, the birth of our two kids and other big life events. And now in September 2023, where I am going through the fire, with God by my side, undergoing another transformation. It is here where something bigger is busy developing. Something that my brain cannot fathom. I cannot help but think of the start of Ecclesiastes 3:11 – He has made everything beautiful and appropriate in its time.

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God se perfekte tyd

Toe ek in Mei 2022 die skrifverse gekies het vir die 2023 jaar se reeks tafel kalenders van Beroepsvrou, dink ek, het ek gevoel dat die skrifvers van toepassing is op September maand. Bloot omdat die seisoen begin draai en bome nuwe blare uitstoot, blommetjies opkom en alles lewe kry na die winter. Wel, wat ek gedink het van toepassing is, is toe nou glad nie so nie. As jy dieper gaan lees in hierdie skrifvers in, veral in die Amplified weergawe, sal jy beter verstaan.

Die Here breek die maand se skrif vir my so mooi oop, en nou is ek dankbaar dat ek nie vroeër in die maand hieroor geskryf het nie. Want ek sou dit gemis het. Met alles wat gebeur in ons lewe, en hoe vinnig alles verander het, sonder dat ons dit beplan het, iets wat voel soos maande, maar in werklikheid net 3 weke is, is waar die eintlike betekenis van die skrifvers vir my inkom. Kom ek verduidelik.

Die Amplified weergawe, praat van He has also planted eternity [a sense of divine purpose] in the human heart in hierdie vers. Nou dit voel vir my tref kolskoot vir wat ek hier binne my voel. Jy sien, sedert September 2021, het ek hierdie ding wat druk op my hart. Daardie ding het gemanifesteer en Beroepsvrou se Pienk Vere ® reeks is gebore. Iets wat ek nie kon verduidelik nie, maar tog voort gedruk het mee. Iets wat ek nie eintlik tyd voor het, in ‘n baie besige, oorvol skedule nie. Tog druk ek voort met dit.

My man het nie lekker verstaan aan die begin nie en ek het nie geweet hoe om dit vir hom te verduidelik nie. Ek het voortgegaan met dit, sonder dat hy wel verstaan het wat aangaan en hoekom ek voel wat ek voel. Nou, twee jaar later, verstaan ek hoekom ek gevoel het wat ek voel. Dis nie ek wat my eie hartsbegeertes nagejaag het nie, dis die Here wat my doel in my hart geplant het. Die Divine Purpose soos die Amplified dit noem.

Die volgende ding wat vir my uitstaan, ook uit die Amplified uit, is die woorde in hakkies – a mysterious longing which nothing under the sun can satisfy except God. Jy sien, niks wat ek gedoen het, het vir my meer reg gevoel nie. Ek het nie geweet hoe om dit in woorde oor te dra vir my man nie. Maar tog het ek voort gegaan met dit. Ek het hierdie hunkering gehad na iets wat net deur die Here vervul kan word. Daarom ook dat ek die skryf ding doen en tyd MAAK vir dit. Want deur dit voel ek of ek my doel waarvoor ek geskape is begin uitleef.

Tussen alles deur, bly die Here dit druk op my hart. Ten spyte van woes besige tye in my werk, met sperdatum op sperdatum. Nog admin wat op my gelaai word a.g.v. verandering in wetgewing. Dit voel soos chaos in my day job (a.g.v. die vinnige veranderinge in wetgewing en ek wat nie kan byhou met alles nie), maar wanneer ek sit en skryf en iets vir Beroepsvrou doen, voel ek hoe die chaos verdwyn. Dis net vir my bevestiging dat ek is waar ek moet wees.

Die laaste ding in die vers wat ek wil uitwys – ook in die Amplified weergawe – yet man cannot find out (comprehend, grasp) what God has done (His overall plan) from the beginning to the end. En dis waar ek nou is. My brein voel te klein om enige iets te probeer uitredeneer oor wat die Here se plan is met alles. Met my, die diagnose, Beroepsvrou, alles. Ek raak kinderlik opgewonde oor wat voorlê maar tog terselfde tyd verskriklik nervous want dis GROOT. Die grootheid van alles is wat benoude oomblikke veroorsaak, maar ek weet, dat ek weet, wat ek weet, dat die Here dit ook onder beheer het. Soos alles in my lewe.

Ek kan nie help om te wonder of ander ook voel soos ek voel nie? Of hulle ook voel of hulle geroep is vir iets groters as dit wat hulle elke dag doen? Ek kan nie help om te dink dat die Here elke jaar in September groot goed in my lewe laat gebeur nie. September is ons huweliksherdenking maand. September 2021 word my lewe onherroeplik verander op ‘n Bible Journaling kamp, waar die Here vir my op so ‘n unieke manier bevestig het dat my sussie en haar man Nieu-Seeland toe MOET trek (dis wat Hy wil hê) en waar ek my huile gehuil het en werklik verander was van wie ek was voor die kamp.

September 2022 word ek genooi vir ‘n radio onderhoud op Radio Kansel. Die hoogte punt van my lewe tot dusver, naas ons troudag, kinders se geboortes en ander groot life events. En nou in September 2023, waar ek deur die vuur gaan, met God aan my sy, besig om nog ‘n transformasie te ondergaan. Dis hier waar iets groters besig is om te ontvou, iets wat my brein nie kan begryp nie. Ek kan nie help om te dink aan die begin van Prediker 3:11 nie – Alles het Hy mooi gemaak op Sy tyd.

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In sickness and in health

Today, my husband and I celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary. So much has changed in a year’s time. Last year this time we were on our way to our seaside vacation, travelling the whole day, not really enjoying an anniversary like we have come accustomed to do. This year, neither of us expected the diagnosis to be made two weeks before our special day. These past few weeks feel like months. So much has happened in such a short period of time.

When you stand at the altar, you vow to love each other, come what may. Never once, did it cross my 25-year-old brain at that time, the impact of that vow. There have been really great times, there have also been tough times. For the first time this year, actually when he had his little DIY mishap in January, injuring himself underneath his foot, we were confronted with the sickness part of the vow.

Our world was turned upside down by that event. I played chauffeur, taking him to a client to work, as he was not able to drive himself. It was a bit of a frustration to me, as I had my day planned differently than that. But I did it, because, that is what we do right? Then all went better, he was up and running again, able to walk on his foot, things were slowly getting back to normal. Then Vertigo hit me like a freight train – unexpectedly and unannounced. This time it was his turn to take me to the doctor when it did not get better.

On and off this year, we had our moments. Where we either felt very exhausted or a bit under the weather and not too healthy like we are used to feeling. The event in our marriage, that shook everything, was the diagnosis that was spoken over something in my body. Our world was shattered. This was not what we had planned. Illness is never in anyone’s plans, can I just add! But at that time, we realised just how short our time on earth together is. How quickly our lives could change in the blink of an eye.

Now the short period of time on earth, is by no means that we accepted a death sentence with the diagnosis. Not one of the Professors we have seen have given any indication that I only have two hours to live, so best I get my things in order and choose a nice shady tree to curl up under and wait for the end to come. Not at all! But, something like this, just makes us realise, that we truly love each other. That we truly want the best for each other. That we are there for each other, come what may.

It actually drew us closer to each other, like we have never been before. The shock to our bodies was horrific, we struggled to sleep, cried a lot together, woke up at odd hours, having chats and conversations that we normally did not have time for before. It actually just made us realise to appreciate every single moment in every single day that we have together.

Today we celebrate 17 years of that! 17 years, made up of I don’t know how many seconds, of everything we have shared – laughter, tears, fights (there were many when we were younger – the arguments are less now, thank goodness for growth!), health, sickness, frustrations, holidays, fun times and sad times. You name it, we probably experienced it. To my husband Heinrich – thank you for who you are. Thank you for the person you have helped me become. Thank you for caring for me, loving me dearly, being who God created you to be! I prayed for you, I was not very specific in my prayer at that time, but God ticked the two requirements that I had in that prayer as a young woman.

I thank God every day for you. Yes we have had tough times too, not always agreeing on everything. But, those tough times are the times that formed both of us. God does not make mistakes when He puts two people together like He did with us. Here is to another 17 x 17 years of marriage for us! May we always be in this place where we seek God in all we do. May we always be in this place where we share everything with each other, not being afraid to talk about what ever may be bothering us, or wondering about something and even how to react to a certain situation that needs to be dealt with.

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In siekte en gesondheid

Vandag vier ek en my man ons 17de huweliksherdenking. So baie het in ‘n jaar se tyd verander. Laas jaar die tyd, was ons oppad na ons see vakansie toe. Ons het die hele dag gereis en glad nie ‘n huweliksherdenking gehad soos ons gewoond geraak het om dit te vier nie. Hierdie jaar, het nie een van ons verwag om die diagnose te ontvang twee weke voor ons spesiale dag nie. Die afgelope paar weke voel soos maande. So baie het gebeur in so ‘n kort tydperk.

Wanneer jy voor die kansel staan, maak jy daardie belofte om lief te wees vir mekaar, ongeag wat gebeur. Nie een keer het dit in my 25-jarige brein se gedagtes opgekom die werklike impak van daardie belofte nie. Daar was baie goeie tye maar ook harde tye, wat minder goed was. Vir die eerste keer die jaar, eintlik toe hy sy voet beseer het in ‘n klein DIY projek ongelukkie, hier by die huis in Januarie, was ons gekonfronteer met die siekte deel van die belofte wat ons gemaak het 17 jaar gelede.

Ons wêreld was onderstebo gekeer deur daardie gebeurtenis. Ek het selfs chauffeur gespeel en hom na ‘n kliënt geneem om te werk, omdat hy nie homself kon bestuur nie. Dit was ‘n bietjie van ‘n frustrasie vir my, want ek het ander dinge beplan vir daardie dag. Maar, ek het dit gedoen, want, dis mos wat ons doen nie waar nie? Toe word alles beter, hy kon weer op sy voet trap en dinge het stadig terug na normaal gekeer vir hom. Toe tref Vertigo my soos ‘n goedere trein – onverwags en ongenooid. Die keer was dit sy beurt om my na die dokter te neem toe dit nie beter raak nie.

Aan en af die jaar, het ons oomblikke gehad. Waar ons óf so uitgeput en uitgemergel gevoel het, óf net so bietjie nie lekker gevoel het nie. Iets wat ons nie gewood was om te voel en ervaar nie. Die gebeurtenis in ons huwelik, wat alles geruk en skud het, was die diagnose wat uitgespreek was oor iets in my liggaam. Ons wêreld was verpletter. Dit was nie wat ons beplan het nie. Siekte is nooit in enige iemand se planne nie, wil ek net byvoeg! Maar op daardie tydstip, het ons net weereens besef hoe kort ons tyd op aarde saam is. Hoe vinnig ons lewens kan verander in ‘n oogwink.

Nou, die kort tydperk op aarde waarna ek verwys, is geensins dat ons ‘n doodsvonnis aanvaar het met die diagnose saam nie. Nie een van die Professors wat ons sien, het enige indikasie gegee dat ek slegs 2 ure het om te leef nie, en dat ek nou my sake in orde moet kry en ‘n lekker koelte boom soek en wag vir die einde om te kom nie. Glad nie! Maar, iets soos die, laat ons net weer besef dat ons waarlik lief is vir mekaar. Dat ons werklik die beste vir mekaar wil hê. Dat ons daar is vir mekaar, wat ookal oor ons pad kom.

Dit het ons eintlik nader aan mekaar gebring, soos ons nog nooit tevore was nie. Die skok op ons liggame was aaklig, ons het gesukkel om te slaap, so baie saam gehuil, op vreemde tye wakker geword, wat ons benut het om te gesels oor goed, iets wat ons nooit normaalweg gedoen het nie en ook nie tyd voor gemaak het nie. Dit het ons eintlik net laat besef dat ons elke liewe oomblik wat ons saam het moet waardeer.

Vandag vier ons 17 jaar van dit! 17 jaar, wat bestaan uit, ek weet nie hoeveel sekondes, van alles wat ons gedeel het nie – lag en grappies, trane, meningsverskille en argumente (daar was baie toe ons jonger was – die argumente is nou minder, dankie tog vir groei!), gesondheid, siekte, frustrasies, vakansies, lekker tye en hartseer tye. Jy noem dit en ons het dit tien teen een al saam ervaar. Aan my man Heinrich – dankie vir wie jy is. Dankie vir die persoon wat jy my gehelp het om te word. Dankie vir jou omgee vir my, dat jy lief is vir my, en dat jy is wie God jou geskape het om te wees! Ek het gebid vir jou, ek was nie baie spesifiek in my gebed op daardie tydstip nie, maar, God het die twee vereistes wat ek in daardie gebed gehad het as ‘n jong vrou, vervul.

Ek dank die Here elke dag vir jou. Ja ons het moeilike tye ook, tye waar ons nie altyd saam stem oor alles nie. Maar, in daardie moeilike tye, is wanneer ons gevorm word. God maak nie foute wanneer Hy twee mense bymekaar voeg soos wat Hy met ons gemaak het nie. Hier is op nog 17 x 17 jare van huwelik vir ons! Mag ons altyd op ‘n plek wees waar ons God soek in alles wat ons doen. Mag ons altyd op ‘n plek wees waar ons alles met mekaar kan deel, en nie bang sal wees om te deel oor dit wat ons pla nie, of nie bang sal wees om te wonder oor iets en selfs hoe om op te tree in ‘n sekere situasie wat hanteer moet word nie.

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Infusion / Infusie

Initially I thought the google translation for infusion to Afrikaans is wrong. But, I took my dictionary and double checked it, before posting this, and it is correct. Today’s verse is one that everyone knows by heart. I took it from the Amplified version, I just love that translation! It gives so many more words to read and understand a bible verse than the Shakespearian English in the King James Version.

So, met dit gesê, is die woord wat vir my uitstaan infusion. Nou volgens die HAT is Infusie (dis nou die Afrikaans vir Infustion – klink fêncy nê?) ‘n proses van ‘n aftreksel van iets, veral ‘n plant, te maak deur ‘n warm vloeistof, veral water, daarop te gooi en dit stadig te laat trek sonder dat dit kook. Wow. ‘n Plant – Jesus is die Wingerd….. Water – Jesus gee vir ons lewende Water…. Dit trek stadig en kook nie – die proses van transformasie deur Jesus is nie ‘n vinnige een nie. Hy gaan ons nie verskroei en kook dat ons niks beteken nie.

No, He infuses us with HIM. Wow. We will have a flavour of HIM. We will be an infused person because of His very slow, timely process, slowly releasing His flavour into our life. We will not be boiled and killed. Now, because of this Infusion that is taking place in our lives (only if we allow it I might add), we will be able to cope with ANYTHING because Christ’s flavour is captured in our Spirits. I have NEVER thought of it like this!

Die HELE wêreld voel vir my weet nou van die diagnose. Dit was my keuse gewees om te deel met almal, dis net wie ek is – nie vir aandag nie maar eerder vir bemoediging – die Here gaan ander help deur die proses waardeur ons nou gaan, dit glo ek met my hele hart. Ek kry gereeld kommentaar of boodskappe wat sê dat hulle nie weet hoe ek alles doen nie, en hoe ek so “chirpy” kan wees nie. Die Professor van gister, wat die Magseeds ingeplant het, het so ewe vir my gesê ek lyk soos ‘n model met my kort hare….dit was baie snaaks. Toe spot ek maar saam en sê I dressed up for the occasion! Maar die punt wat ek wil maak is, Ek is tot ALLES in staat deur Christus wat my krag gee.

Today I feel a bit tired, yesterday was a LONG day! We left our house at 10 am, only to return at 8 pm. We had to see clients too, buy dogfood, Magseed implant, another pit stop for a new friend that we made during this process (all the way from Mbombela or Nelspruit), another client and then the last stop was the Oncologyst Professor. Jam-packed full of travelling. I must actually check how far we travelled yesterday! By this time, with all the appointments and tests and stuff, we probably could have travelled to Cape Town already!

Maar, soos ek hier sit, weet ek net dat ek weet wat ek weet die waarheid is. Die Here het hierdie situasie. In die tussen tyd stel ek myself oop vir God om my te infuse met Jesus, sodat my geur meer soos Hy sal wees en minder soos ek. Die lewe gaan aan, die realiteit is dis maandeinde hier, so bietjie werk vandag en bietjie rus tussen in. Deur dit alles, SAL EK OK WEES. Ek weet dit. Ek is tot ALLES in staat deur Christus wat my krag gee!

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The Jericho walk

So here we are waiting at Prof Rapoport’s offices. Did our Jericho walk around the building, our neighbour blew on the Shofar for us in Skeerpoort and now we wait….

🦩

#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness