I am late with October 2023’s entry and with very good reason. Let me just back track a bit for those who may not know. On 16 October 2023, I received my first Chemotherapy treatment. I have to laugh at myself at being unprepared for that event. The information booklets tell us to bring stuff with to keep ourselves busy, stuff like laptops, tablets, books to read. So what do I do? I pack a whole bag full of stuff to do, because four hours is long and I don’t know what it is that I would want to do. That is also just typical me. Overcompensating and never using everything I packed.
So there I was, drip in my left hand, laptop set up, logged into my website. I really thought that I was going to blog while the Chemo was dripping through my veins. Well, think again! The pre-meds that they give you to line your stomach and protect whatever needs protection, is so heavy, it makes you drowsy. I started crying when the drips were on, as it leaked into my tissue rather than running through my veins. Then I had the attention of everyone in the room. Not intentionally, but I had it.
Needless to say, the laptop was packed away. I felt drowsy, put some praise and worship music on, earphones in my ears and fell into a light sleep. In between a state of being awake and asleep, I heard some of the other patients chat with each other. I admired them for being able to do that, I was so sleepy, I could not think straight. And the only reason I had for this was that their chemo is different to mine, their pre-meds are different to mine. What I wanted to say with these introductory paragraphs were, I have not been able to blog properly for some time now, due to everything that is happening.
The scripture for October is from Psalms. Now when I checked the scripture in Afrikaans, I noted that I have the same verse number for the English version of the desk pad, yet the two scriptures are different. This is because in the Afrikaans version they had some titles or info about the Psalm that is seen as a verse, which is not the case in the Amplified version. Anyway, that is beside the point. This entry for October 2023, will then be about the two scriptures. The one I have on the English version of the desk pad as well as the Afrikaans version of the desk pad, combined.
At first I was a bit cross with myself for missing this, but, at the end of the day, I know God has a plan with this. So the Afrikaans version talks about receiving more joy than when one has more than enough and the English version talks about lying down in peace, falling asleep because David feels safe with God. Wow, how appropriate are these verses not to my current circumstances?
The joy we experienced, was when we saw the professor one and half weeks after receiving the first treatment. Realising that there is a change in the lump and that it is starting to feel ever so slightly smaller. That joy that was in our hearts, cannot be compared when one has more than enough physical provision. The other verse is also true. In all of this that is happening, I cannot help but feel unsafe everywhere. Uncertain and unsafe. Ever since I can remember, I struggle to sleep. Sometimes to fall asleep, other times to stay asleep.
During that week of Chemo, I experienced another side of sleep, sort of. Falling asleep quickly, staying asleep for longer for some nights (not all). When I was at my weakest physically, I called upon the name of Jesus. I played praise and worship music, playing a song over and over called His Name is Jesus by Jeremy Riddle. The peace that came from doing that, cannot be described. The sleep that I had is like nothing before.
I cannot help but smile when I look at these verses, realising that when I designed the desk pads in May 2022, God was already in October 2023. Amazing is it not? The joy and the peace that one can experience, in spite of the circumstances that one is placed in. Only when you are there, can you relate and understand. Words cannot describe it, that which is felt in these circumstances.
