Injection day 3 done and dusted. Off to bed and movie marathons for the rest of the week….
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Injection day 3
Month: November 2023
The one with Rachel
Ever since I could remember, I always felt an emotion when I saw Oncology patients without hair. I always wondered how they do it and how they cope without hair? Never in my life, did I think that I would be in a similar position years later. But, here I am, with no hair on my head, having to work through the emotions of hair loss.
A while ago, my husband and a client convinced me to think about wearing a wig. It was not an option for me, as I thought I would be going through this thing without hair, as that is part of the process. I worked through the hair loss process, cried my cries and moved on. Going big on make up and earrings when I feel better between treatments, wearing something to cover my head when I go out in public.
I decided to give it a go, this wig thing that they convinced me to do. A friend of mine, Lorinda, offered to help me with the wig shopping and travelling. I made an appointment for one Saturday morning and off we went to Linden Johannesburg. The place where we had the appointment was at A Few Gray Hairs. A play of words, as the emblem is that of a few bunnies (or hairs). Here we met with Delia Dashwood.
Delia started first by explaining all the science behind the hairs and hair follicles. So much info was given through to us, all of which we did not realise the reality of what is happening while receiving Chemotherapy treatment. I knew that hairs are fast growing cells and that is why the Chemo targets it first (cancer is also a fast growing and dividing cell and that is why Chemo is administered to patients with Cancer). What I did not know is, that due to the treatment, the shaft of the hair follicle changes in shape. Delia mentioned many terms, but I could not remember them at all so I am not going to even try to recall and retype them here.
The Chemo does not kill the hair, so they do not die, they are just targeted while receiving treatment and hence the reason for it falling out, as it is not allowed to divide and grow as it normally does within the body when you don’t receive treatment. The Chemo also causes inflammation of some sort around the hair follicles and that is why it is sore when it falls out. She explained that there is a gland that produces oils and what ever the hairs need to grow, the natural shampoo and conditioner for hair.
I learnt that I was not supposed to shave my hair off with a razor. OOPS! I did it this two weeks ago, as the hair loss of the short stubs was just an irritation. I further learnt that I should not place any products on my head like cream or oil. It is more than likely that the opening on the scalp, will be clogged up, causing inflammation and it can run the risk of being infected. Something which I am trying to avoid at all costs.
She also explained that the change in the hair shaft/follicle, causes the hair to not grow out like it used to be before. Previously the shaft would have been straighter, the Chemo causes it to be less straight, almost with a kink here and there. This in turn causes the hair to grow out curly. They also call it Chemo curl. It will take approximately two years for it to return to normal. I was also told that it is highly likely to grow out grey…
She further explained that in her 30 years of hairdressing experience, she noted that clients took about 10 minutes to adjust to any changes to their hair. Whether voluntary (or involuntary), colour or style changes. The reactions were the same. She then decided to let her clients comb their own hair shortly after cutting or colouring it, leaving them alone for 10 minutes to process it all. She explained that the same hormones, Cortisol, is released, similar to when you go into flight of fight mode. The doses, is, of course less than another stress situation, and our bodies do not necessarily feel it, but the reality is, it is there.
That is why we have this emotional connection with our hair. That is why, when I went through the process of cutting my hair even shorter after it started to fall out, I posted on social media, that it is not just hair. My own hairdresser asked me in the past, when I wanted to cut my hair shorter or do a drastic change, whether I was going through something emotional? I then realised that, when one cannot change anything in your current circumstances and you feel emotional, you revert to changing your hair, in the hopes that you will feel better…. Now it makes more sense to me.
We then proceeded to discuss the wigs and the inner linings, synthetic and real human hair. She compared the inner linings to vehicles. A Honda Jazz vs a BMW. Of course the BMW was much more comfortable, but, it was the pricing that made the decision for me….choosing the Honda over the BMW….real human hair seemed to be a better option as it will last longer than the synthetic hair, which does not like friction. We all know what a Barbie doll’s hair looks like after a while, and I do not want to look like one of those Barbies!
While fitting the wigs on my head, I was amazed at how weird it felt. I have become used to having no hair and now, having hair on my head, seeing it out the corner of my eyes, was just WEIRD! My whole face changed again while having hair on my head. There was one wig, that Lorinda noted, changed my facial expression more than others. Not even I noticed it! But she noticed it. I did not realise that I actually wanted hair. I really thought that I had dealt with having no hair and that I was comfortable with it. Which I was. But wow, with hair, it is just on another level.
On the way home, Lorinda asked me what we are going to call the wig? She must have a name. Something elegant and royal. But for the life of me, I could not think of a name. Shortly after leaving Delia’s premises, my husband phoned me. He wanted to know if we came right with a wig. Of course, he was very curious with what was chosen, and I simply said that he would have to wait and see. I asked him for a name for her, something that does not sound cheesy or “off”. Something nice. It was him that came up with Rachel, named after Rachel from the Friends series.
Lorinda and I immediately took a liking to the name, and that is what we call her now. Rachel is now a part of my life for how long ever it is needed for her to remain, so that I can have some form of normality under the current circumstances that I find myself in. The reaction of my children when I came home was priceless. My son immediately jumped up from the chair he was sitting on, greeting me with a huge smile, saying that he likes it. My daughter also ran to me with a huge smile on her face.
My husband was standing there, looking at me, saying it is weird to see me with hair again, but that it looks really nice to him. He was amazed at how natural it looks. I really thought that my kids were going to be freaked out by the hair, but clearly having no hair at all, was worse for them. Not once did they ever make me feel uncomfortable without hair, nor did they say anything about it. But deep down, their emotions about seeing me without hair was there, hidden away without anyone being the wiser.
I had such a pleasant experience at A Few Gray Hairs with Delia. She really explained everything to me, without being impatient and without just jumping into wig fittings and trying to make a sale. Delia also does such a good job, she, herself, makes wigs from donated hair. She goes around to schools, collecting hair from girls’ ponies, using that in wigs. The wig that I chose is imported from the US, it was readily available to take home immediately (which I secretly had hoped would be the case before going there). I had the choice of waiting for one to be made, but, decided that the one that I fitted had the right hair colour, length and fit on my head. Delia, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for what you do. For the good deeds that you do by making wigs to fit everyone’s needs – from donated free wigs, to hand made wigs to imported wigs. May you be blessed in abundance for your good heart!
Die een met Rachel
Sedert ek kon onthou, het ek nog altyd ‘n emosie ervaar wanneer ek ‘n Onkologie pasiënt sien sonder hare. Ek het altyd gewonder hoe hulle dit doen en hoe hulle oorleef sonder hare? Nooit in my lewe, het ek gedink dat ek in ‘n soortgelyke situasie sou wees, jare later nie. Maar, hier is ek, met geen hare op my kop en nou moet ek deur die emosies werk van haar verlies.
‘n Ruk gelede het my man en ‘n kliënt my oortuig om te dink daaraan om ‘n pruik te dra. Dit was nie vir my ‘n opsie nie, want ek het regtig gedink ek sou deur die proses kom sonder om ‘n pruik te dra, want dis mos deel van die proses, nie waar nie? Ek het deur die emosies van haar verlies gewerk, gehuil wanneer ek wou huil en het aanbeweeg. Om groot te gaan met grimering en oorbelle, veral die weke wat ek beter voel tussen behandelings, het aan die orde van die dag geword. Wanneer ek uit die huis gegaan het, het ek ‘n kopdoek oor my kop gesit.
Ek besluit toe om maar die pruik ding ‘n kans te gee, siende dat hulle my oortuig het (ek het nie verskriklike oortuiging nodig gehad nie, moet ek by sê). ‘n Vriendin van my, Lorinda, het aangebied om my te help met die kies van ‘n pruik en om my heen en weer te karwei. Ek maak toe ‘n afspraak vir een Saterdag oggend en daar gaan ons Linden toe, in Johannesburg. Die plek waar ek ‘n afspraak het, word genoem A Few Gray Hairs. ‘n Woordspeling, want haar embleem is ‘n klomp hasies of seker eerder konyne (hairs in Engels). Hier ontmoet ons Delia Dashwood.
Delia begin eers deur ons die Wetenskap agter hare en die haarfollikel (sjoe is hierdie spelling reg?) te verduidelik. Daar is soveel inligting wat deurgegee word, ons het nie die realiteit besef en verstaan van wat gebeur wanneer iemand Chemoterapie ontvang nie. Ek het wel geweet dat hare vinnig groeiende selle is en dit is hoekom die Chemo dit eerste takel (kanker is ook ‘n vinnige groeiende en verdelende sel en daarom dat Chemo toegedien word). Wat ek nie geweet het nie, is weens die behandeling, word die haarskag (daar waar die hare vanuit groei) se vorm verander. Delia het soveel terme genoem, dit voel of ek niks van dit kan onthou nie, so ek gaan nie eens probeer om dit oor te dra nie.
Die Chemo maak nie die hare dood nie, so hulle gaan nie weg gaan en nooit weer groei nie. Hulle word maar net geteiken wanneer behandeling ontvang word en daarom die rede dat dit uitval. Dit word nie toegelaat om te verdeel en groei soos altyd, wanneer die liggaam nie behandeling ontvang nie. Die Chemo veroorsaak inflammasie van een of ander aard rondom die haarfollikel (ai tog ek moet seker maar die spelling gaan navors – dit pla my nou – ek het gou gaan Google dis wragties reg!). Die inflammasie is dan wat die gevolg het dat dit seer is wanneer dit uitval. Sy het verduidelik dat daar ‘n klier op die kopvel is, wat olie produseer en wat ookal die hare nodig het om te groei, die natuurlike sjampoe en conditioner (wat is dit tog in Afrikaans? Google laat my in die steek want ek kry net lugverkoeler en dis nie wat dit is nie, en iets wat ek geweet het van airconditioner…).
Ek het geleer dat ek nie veronderstel was om my hare met ‘n skeermes af te skeer nie. OEPS! Ek het dit twee weke terug gedoen, want die haarverlies met die kort stompies vir hare het net ‘n irritasie geword! Ek het verder ook geleer dat ek nie enige produkte soos rome en olies op my kop moet sit nie. Dit gaan heelwaarskynlik tot die gevolg hê dat die opening by die kopvel, geblok sal word en nog inflammasie veroorsaak. Dit sal weer die risiko vir infeksie tot gevolg hê. Iets wat ek nou moet vermy….
Sy het verder verduidelik dat die verandering aan die haarskag en haarfollikel, sal veroorsaak dat die hare nie sal uitgroei soos vantevore nie. Voorheen sou die skaf en follikel meer reguit wees, maar die Chemo veroorsaak dat dit minder reguit sal wees, amper met ‘n kronkel en kinkel hier en daar. Dit veroorsaak weer dat die hare krullerig uitgroei. Hulle noem dit Chemo krulle of Chemo curl in Engels. Dit neem ongeveer 2 jaar vir die hare om na normaal terug te keer en ek was ook vertel dat dit hoogswaarskynlik is dat dit grys gaan uitgroei….
Sy het verder verduidelik, dat in haar 30 jaar van haarkappery ervaring, dat sy agter gekom het dat kliënte ongeveer 10 minute neem om gewoond te raak aan drastiese veranderinge aan hul hare. Of dit nou ‘n vrywillige of onvrywillige, drastiese haarkleur verandering of haarstyl was. Die reaksies was dieselfde. Sy het toe besluit dat sy haar kliënte self hul hare uitkam net na dit gekleur of gesny was. Sy sou hulle vir ongeveer 10 minute alleen los om net dit self te verwerk. Sy het verduidelik dat dieselfde horme, Kortisol, vrygestel word as wanneer jy in ‘n veg of vlug situasie is. Die dosis is aansienlik minder en ons liggame voel dit nie noodwendig nie, maar die realiteit is, dis daar.
Dit is hoekom ons hierdie emosionele konneksie het met ons hare. Dit is hoekom ek, toe ek deur die proses van hare korter sny gegaan het en deur die haarverlies gewerk het, op sosiale media ‘n inskrywing geplaas het dat dit nie net hare is nie. My eie haarkapper het al in die verlede vir my gevra, wanneer ek my hare wil sny of ‘n drastiese verandering doen, of ek nie deur ‘n emosionele iets gaan nie? Ek het toe besef, dat, wanneer jy niks in jou huidige omstandighede kan verander nie, jy emosioneel begin voeI. Jy val dan terug na die een ding waaroor jy beheer het en wat jy kan verander, en wat jou hopelik beter laat voel na jy dit gedoen het – jou hare verander. Nou maak dinge soveel meer sin vir my.
Ons het toe verder gegaan om die pruike te bespreek en hul materiaal aan die binnekant. Die verskille tussen sintetiese hare en regte mens hare. Sy het die materiaal aan die binnekant met voertuie vergelyk. ‘n Honda Jazz teenoor ‘n BMW. Natuurlik is die BMW baie meer gemaklik, maar dit was die prys wat my laat besluit het om eerder maar die Honda te kies bo die BMW….regte mens hare het ook vir my soos ‘n beter opsie gelyk, omdat dit langer sal hou as sintetiese hare, wat nie van wrywing hou nie. Ons almal weet ook hoe ‘n Barbie pop se hare na ‘n ruk lyk, en ek wil nie soos daai Barbie lyk nie…
Terwyl ek die pruike op my kop gepas het, was ek nogals verbaas oor hoe vreemd dit vir my gevoel het. Ek het so gewoond geraak om geen hare te hê nie, noudat ek weer hare op my kop het en dit uit die hoek van my oog sien, was dit net WEIRD! My hele gesig het weer verander toe ek hare op my kop het. Daar was een pruik, wat Lorinda, agter gekom het, dat my gesigsuitdrukking meer verander het as toe ek ander gepas het. Nie eens ek het dit agter gekom nie! Maar Lorinda het dit agter gekom. Ek het nie besef dat ek eintlik hare wou hê nie. Ek het regtig gedink ek het deur dit gewerk om nie hare te hê nie en dat ek gemaklik was met dit. Want ek was. Maar wow, met hare, dis net op ‘n ander vlak.
Oppad huis toe, het Lorinda, my gevra wat gaan ons die pruik noem? Sy moet ‘n naam hê. Iets elegant en koninklik. Maar ek kon net nie dink aan ‘n naam nie. Kort na ons vertek het by Delia se salon, bel my man my. Natuurlik was hy baie nuuskierig oor die keuse en of ons reg gekom het. Ek het hom toe net geantwoord en gesê hy moet maar wag en sien. Ek vra hom toe vir ‘n naam vir haar, iets wat nie cheesy of af klink nie. Iets mooi. Dit was hy wat toe voorgestel het Rachel (nie die Afrikaanse Ragel nie – die Engelse uitspraak). Sy word benoem na Rachel van die Friends reeks. Sy het mos altyd hierdie perfekte hare gehad.
Ek en Lorinda het sommer dadelik van die voorstel gehou en dis wat ons haar nou noem. Rachel (onthou – nie Ragel nie) is nou deel van my lewe vir hoe lank ookal dit nodig is vir haar om te bly. Sodat ek ‘n mate van normaliteit onder my huidige omstandighede, wat ek myself in bevind, kan hê. My kinders se reaksie was priceless soos hulle in Engels sê. My seun het dadelik opgespring van die stoel waar hy gesit het, reg om my met ‘n breë glimlag te groet en te sê dat hy daarvan hou. My dogter het ook na my gehardloop met ‘n groot glimlag op haar gesig.
My man het net daar gestaan en staar, gesê dis vreemd om my nou weer met hare te sien, maar dit lyk mooi vir hom ook. Hy was verbaas oor hoe natuurlik dit lyk. Ek het regtig gedink dat my kinders so bietjie verboureerd gaan wees deur die hare, maar duidelik het geen hare ‘n groter en erger effek op hulle gehad. Niemand het ooit my ongemaklik laat voel sonder hare nie, hulle het ook niks oor dit gesê nie. Maar diep binne in hulle, het hulle tog emosies weggesteek, om my te sien sonder hare. Hulle het dit diep weg gebêre, sonder dat enige van ons dit besef het.
Ek het so ‘n aangename ervaring gehad by A Few Gray Hairs saam met Delia. Sy het regtig alles verduidelik, sonder om ongeduldig te wees en sonder om net in te spring om pruike te pas, vir sommer net se sommer se pas en om ‘n pruik te smous. Delia doen regtig goeie werk, sy maak ook self pruike van hare wat geskenk word. Sy gaan om by skole en sny ‘n stukkie van meisies se ponies af om te gebruik in pruike. Dis nie opsigtelik nie, so dis nie asof hulle met ‘n hap in hul hare rondloop nie. Die pruik wat ek gekies het is ingevoer van Amerika af, want dit was dadelik beskikbaar om huis toe te neem (wat ek eintlik geheimsinnig by myself gehoop het die geval sou wees, voordat ons soontoe gegaan het). Ek het die keuse om te wag vir een om gemaak te word, maar, het besluit dat die een wat ek gepas het, die regte kleur en lengte was, en ook goed gepas het op my kop. Delia, vanuit die diepte van my hart, bedank ek jou vir wat jy doen. Vir die goeie dade wat jy doen deur pruike te maak om aan almal se behoeftes te voorsien – van gratis pruike wat geskenk word, tot handgemaakte pruike asook ingevoerde pruike. Mag jy in oorvloed geseën word vir jou mooi hart.
Die woord / The word
Het jy al ooit gewonder waar kom wysheid vandaan? Dink jy dis jy of iets anders? Ek weet wysheid kom van God af. Hierdie vers bevestig dit, dat Sy woord in ons moet woon in ALLE wysheid.
Not partial wisdom or 10% wisdom. No in ALL wisdom which to me implies 100% wisdom….we are also instructed to teach each other and to correct each other with psalms and praises. Not by shouting, yelling or out of own insight.
Dawid het meeste van Psalms geskryf (daar was een wat deur Moses geskryf was sover ek weet en iets wat ek onlangs geleer het). Nou Dawid het sy hart oopgemaak teenoor die Here. As hy gewonder het waar sy hulp vandaan kom, of as hy angstig was.
There is a reason the writer of this verse refers to Psalms in this scripture and I think it is to remind us that we are only human. If we were perfect we would not need Jesus, but we strive to become more holy and like Christ on a daily basis.
Wanneer jy Psalms lees sien jy so te sê al Dawid se emosies. Tog draai hy heeltyd terug na God toe. As hy angstig gevoel het, soek hy sy hulp by God. As hy teneergedruk was – soek hy God. So kan ek deur al die emosies gaan.
Then this scripture talks about singing praises and showing gratitude towards God. And those praises are also written in Psalms….wow, how wonderful is it not to know that even if you feel at your lowest low, you can turn to God. He is always there for you no matter how blue you feel.
Die belangrikste van alles is om dankbaar te wees vir alles. En om God te eer altyd. Dis wat ek probeer doen. Ongeag my omstandighede, ongeag hoe ek voel wanneer ek behandeling kry. Ek weet ek kan altyd na God draai, Hom loof en prys met dankbaarheid.
💪🏻let’s do this day! ™️
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Follow up sonar
Praise the Lord! Went for a follow up sonar at Prof Joseph and the one lymph node has shrunk in size, as well as the lump itself. The other lymph node seems to be unchanged. All of this is good news!
We forgot to take a pic at the Breast Clinic but took one in the car on the way home….and yes I missed the flamingo on my shirt again 🙈
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#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness
Wat my volg / What follows me
Elke keer wanneer ek die bybelversie lees, kan ek nie help om te dink aan Jenna-Leigh Bilong van ENCA nuus nie. Sy het altyd afgesluit met die woorde Goedheid en guns. Toe praat sy eendag in ons kerk en verduidelik dat dit haar manier was om God se woord te versprei in ‘n omgewing waar jy nie regtig enige tipe geloof mag bevorder of bevoordeel nie….
And what a wonderful way it was not to do something as small and subtle like this? Because it stuck with me and she was actually blessing people with her words. Because is that not what we all want? Blessings of favour and goodness from God?
So wonderlik om te dink dat Goedheid en Guns my volg. Nie langs my stap of doer ver voor my nie, maar wel agter my. So asof dit soos voetspore is wat agter gelaat word… So wonderlik om ook te weet dat ek ook in die huis van die Here sal bly in lengte van dae. Ek wonder wat bedoel Dawid hier? Lengte van dae op aarde of die ewigheid of beide?
Either way, it is a very good place to dwell in. The house of the Lord. That is what we all want, because that is the safest place that we can be in! I want to bless you with the words – Goodness and Favour – may these follow you every day while you are on earth and may you dwell in the house of the Lord throughout all your days and experience God’s presence like never before!
💪let’s do this day! ™
The one with the hair (again)…
So this is just a brief thing to share what is happening on my journey.
A proper blog entry will follow, as this truly deserves an entry, because again – it is not just hair.
The kids’ reaction was priceless as was my husband’s.
Her name is Rachel and she will be with me for the next few months….I did not realise that I needed hair. I really thought I was ok without it, and I was.
But when I put her on, it just did something for me, something I did not realise that was missing, something that will help to get through this – in the physical of course.
And a big special thanks to a special friend….thanks Lorinda! I appreciate you so much more than you will ever know!
Cryday
Almost every day of the week that I receive Chemotherapy, feels like Cryday. I am struggling to discern the days of the week, because every day I just feel like crying. The Mondays are normally the worst. The drips hurt and it seems that I am the exception to the rule, being that one person whose drips leak into the tissue in my arm. According to the info brochure that I received; it is not something that is “likely” to happen.
The Tuesday is normally a bit better, but that is all before receiving the injection that produces white blood cells in my body. You see, it is not the Chemo that is killing the intruder in my body. It is the white blood cells – the Chemo makes it vulnerable and then the army that is being produced in my body, comes and attack it (with force of course, like only white blood cells can do). This was merely round number two. Four more to go. Words that are so cheap and easy to say. Words, that no one realise, are not easy for me to say.
I say it, but cringe as I say it, because I know what each number from 1 to 6 mean to me.How my body feels. For the first time in my life, I can feel the difference in my body when I eat. Especially in Treatment week, it is as if I can feel I need food. The moment that I eat, I feel better. But, when it takes longer than what is allowed, to get something to eat, my oh my, then my body has a protest of its own!
I took so many things for granted. Things like being able to make and pack school lunch boxes, feeding the house dogs, bathing, getting dressed and putting on make-up. Everything comes so easy when your body is not weak. Everybody comments on how brave I am and how well I am handling this thing. Then I hear the devil stir in my thoughts, saying it is all fake. You are fake. You only post the beautiful photos of yourself with make-up on.
At first I believed the father of all lies. You see, my whole world and life has been ripped out from under my feet. This is truly a season in my life where I am stripped from everything. From my hair, nails (yes, I now have to patiently wait for it all to grow out), being able to function like normal to exercise, even my work (even if it was jam packed with stress, it helped me to develop into the person that I am today). My work is something that I know how to do it. I am sure if you were to wake me at 3 am in the morning, with some or another tax question, I would be more than likely be able to steer you into the right direction for the solution.
Fact is, I don’t know how to be the way I am now. To be able to function normally just does not exist. Nothing happens the way it always did. During treatment week, I do not have energy to sit up straight, quickly write a bible verse, making the video and then do my thoughts about that verse. It feels like I am busy losing my pink feathers®. I just cannot seem to feed myself spiritually within God’s word. The best that I can so is to put on praise & worship music. That is all that I can do now.
Bathroom crying has become a norm and in the order of the day. There I cannot distinguish between tears, bath water or shower water (the days that I do have energy to shower). The house is normally quiet, my husband would have taken the kids to school and then I can cry like a girl and call out to God over and over to just stop this process. God, can it not just stop? I find myself asking over and over. The day before the very first treatment, I found myself asking God Why God? Why this? Why me? WHY? During the first treatment cycle, I woke up one morning early, shortly after asking my questions to God. I sleep with praise & worship music too…. that morning when I woke up, I was wide awake. The words that were playing on the speaker was from Mercy Me‘s Dear Younger Me. The words that I clearly heard were Dear Younger Me, It’s not your fault. You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross… This was the first time that I heard God audible in this manner.
So many people check in via Whatsapp, sending scriptures, praying for me. I pray that this will be over quickly and that I will stop thinking about Treatment Day, with the vile taste of medicine in my mouth. I pray that my body will continue to respond to treatment. This thing must now be over and done with. Every time that I think about treatment day, I feel nauseous. It is as if I am trying to get it out of my system. I think for the first time in my life, I understand Philippians 3:13-14 better: Brothers and sisters, I do not consider that I have made it my own yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the [heavenly] prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
I try not to think about how it felt. I am trying to ignore the taste in my mouth. I am trying to continue to function as normally as I can. It is hard, but I try. Yes, I have always been someone to only place pretty pictures on social media, who wants to post pictures without make-up (and in my case without hair too) of themselves on social media? During all of this, I start to understand so many more bible verses better. It just starts to make more sense to me. Only when one goes through something like this, where you are stripped of literally everything and kneel before God with literally with nothing, in prayer and begging Him to let this cup pass you, then, and only then, do you start to realise the true value of life.
The most important to me, in all of this, is to acknowledge and see God in everything in this process. Even if it is not nice. Because of that reason, I decided to share this journey with the world. So that people can see what God can do for them, irrespective of the circumstances that you find yourself in. I think it is normal to be sad, to cry, to beg that this should pass. But God stays in the middle of it all. He brought me to this, and He will carry me. It is not easy for me, but it is what it is.
Thankfully, the smiles on the photos of Heinrich and I are everything but fake. If there is one thing that we have learnt in all of this (and basically any situation that you find yourself in) – you can either sit in a little pathetic heap, swaying back and forth while consuming a can of worms, or you can lie in bed while having movie marathons while you recover and heal. The moment that you feel better and become healthier, then you can get up, shake off the dust that tried to settle and go on. A good sense of humour helps and goes a long way. Normally before every photo, Heinrich does something funny like pull his face in a weird way, so that I cannot help but laugh at him.
My sense of humour is very important to me and helps to carry me through it all. I was extremely sad about my hair, but now I must make the best of it. Poena Potgieter I heard myself say to my husband. He laughed and it is as if everything became normal for us in these circumstances. The little hair stubs irritate me, it feels like Velcro. It clings to my pillow when I move while sleeping.
The half outgrown acrylic nails is even more of an irritation. Small things that I must face frequently, having to deal with it to remember what the end goal is. To be healthy. To do what God wants me to do and be where He needs me to be. Inside the fiery furnace. It is very hot inside that place and one sweats perfusely. I always say sweating like a pig, but I honestly don’t know if pigs can sweat. The story about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego tells us that they walked out of the fiery furnace alive and they did not smell of smoke, nor did their hair or clothes burn.
The Bible does not say anything about their emotions. Or whether they were sweaty. But the Bible teaches us that they walked out unharmed. This is what I trust God for. To walk out of there with no damage. Yes, I may smell a bit like sweat, but, I will not be scortched and I will not smell of smoke. As I am typing this, I feel the Holy Spirit talking to me, reminding me of the scripture from Philippians. Stop thinking about the Monday that you received treatment… I hear the whispering in my spirit. Stretch out to what lies ahead.
I cannot help but know that everything will work out for the greater good. In spite of everything that happens, how terrible and emotional I feel during Treatment Week, I will be ok. More than ok. In the mean time I must do what I must do to spread God’s word wherever I go. Whether it be at the Oncologist or at any other doctor’s office, God’s word will be spread. With a grateful heart, grateful that I know God and have Him in my life, I want to close off. I have found myself saying over and over, that I do not know how people do it without Him. How does one get through something like this without Him? Then I hear the words from Mercy Me again…Dear Younger Me, It’s not your fault….
Huildag
Amper elke dag van die week wat ek Chemoterapie ontvang, voel soos huildag. Ek sukkel om te onderskei tussen die dae van die week, want elke dag wil ek net huil. Die Maandag is gewoonlik die ergste. Die drips maak seer en dit wil voorkom of ek die uitskieter geval is waar die drip in my weefsel in lek. Want dis, volgens die inligtingsbrosjure, nie iets wat “sommer” gebeur nie.
Die Dinsdag is gewoonlik so bietjie beter, maar dis alles voor die inspuiting wat witbloedselle produseer in my liggaam. Jy sien, dis nie die Chemo wat die gewas dood maak nie. Dis die witbloedselle – die chemo maak die gewas swak en dan kom my lyf se weermag en val aan met mening. Hierdie was nou maar rondte twee. Nog vier om te gaan. Woorde wat goedkoop en maklik geuiter word. Woorde wat niemand besef moeilik is vir my om self te sê nie.
Ek sê dit, maar ek krimp ineen soos ek dit sê want ek weet wat elke nommer van 1 tot 6 beteken vir my. Vir hoe my lyf voel. Vir die eerste keer in my lewe kan ek die verskil voel in my liggaam wanneer ek eet. Veral in behandelingsweek kan ek voel ek kort kos en die oomblik wat ek eet voel ek beter. Maar wanneer ek so bietjie te lank neem om iets te ete te kry, o genade ons, dan moan en protesteer my liggaam omtrent!
Ek het so baie dinge as vanselfsprekend gevat. Goed soos om broodjies vir die kinders te pak, die huishonde kos te gee, bad, aantrek en grimering aansit. Alles kom so maklik wanneer jou liggaam nie swak is nie. Almal lewer kommentaar oor hoe braaf ek is en hoe goed ek die ding hanteer. Dan hoor ek die duiwel in my gedagtes krap en sê dis fake. Jy is fake. Jy post net die mooi foto’s van jou met grimering op sosiale media.
Eers het ek ou knopkop geglo. Jy sien, my hele lewe is onder my voete uitgeruk. Hierdie is wragties ‘n seisoen in my lewe waar ek gestroop is van alles. Van my hare, naels (ja ek moet die akriel laat uitgroei), tot my oefening, selfs my werk (al was dit propvol spanning het dit my tog gehelp om te ontwikkel tot wie ek vandag is). My werk is iets wat ek geweet het hoe om dit te doen. Ek dink as jy my 3 uur die oggend sou wakker maak met een of ander belasting vraag, sal ek jou tien teen een kan antwoord of in die regte rigting stuur.
Ek weet nie hoe om te wees soos ek nou is nie. Om normaal te kan funksioneer bestaan net nie. Niks gebeur soos dit altyd gebeur het nie. Tydens Behandelingsweek, het ek nie energie om regop te sit om vinnig ‘n bybelvers te skryf, my video te maak en my oordenking te gee van dit nie. Ek voel of ek besig is om my pienk vere® te verloor. Ek kry nie myself gevoed met God se woord nie. Die beste wat ek kan doen is om praise & worship musiek op te sit. Dis al wat ek nou kan doen.
Om in die badkamer te huil het aan die orde van die dag geword. Daar kan nie onderskei word tussen badwater of stortwater (die dae wat ek stort) en trane nie. Die huis is gewoonlik leeg, my man vat die kinders skool toe en dan kan ek ruk soos ek huil en oor en oor uitroep na God toe om net hierdie proses te stop. Kan dit nie net ophou nie Here? Hoor ek myself oor en oor vra. Die dag voor behandeling het ek myself die eerste keer hoor vra Hoekom Here? Hoekom die? Hoekom ek? Hoekom? Net na ek die vrae vir die Here gevra het, word ek een oggend wakker tydens die eerste behandeling siklus. Ek slaap met praise & worship musiek ook….daardie oggend toe ek wakker word, was ek helder wakker. Die woorde wat op die luidspreker speel is van Mercy Me se Dear Younger Me. Die woorde wat ek gehoor het was Dear Younger Me, It’s not your fault. You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross… Die was die eerste keer wat ek die Here hoorbaar op so ‘n manier gehoor het.
Soveel mense loer in via Whatsapp, stuur bybelverse, bid vir my. Ek bid net dat dit gouer verby sal wees en dat ek sal ophou dink aan die behandelingsdag met die wrang smaak van medikasie in my mond. Ek bid dat my liggaam sal aanhou reageer op die behandeling. Dat die ding nou oor en verby kan kom. Elke keer wat ek dink aan behandelingsdag, dan voel ek naar. Dis asof ek dit probeer uit my sisteem uit kry. Ek dink vir die eerste keer in my lewe verstaan ek die bybelvers in Filippense 3:13-14 beter: Broeders, ek reken nie dat ek dit self gegryp het nie. Maar een ding: ek vergeet die dinge wat agter is en strek my uit na wat voor is, en jaag na die doel om die prys te verkry van die hoë roeping van God in Christus Jesus.
Ek probeer om nie te dink aan hoe dit gevoel het nie. Probeer die smaak in my mond ignoreer. Probeer so normaal as moontlik voortgaan. Dis moeilik, maar ek probeer. Ja ek was nog altyd iemand wat net mooi fotos op sosiale media geplaas het, wie wil dan sonder grimering (en in my geval sonder hare ook) hulself op sosiale media plaas? Ek besef net al hoe meer dat daar soveel bybelverse is wat meer sin maak vir my. Eers wanneer mens deur iets soos dit gaan, iets waar jy gestroop is van alles, en letterlik met niks, voor God kniel in aanbidding en smeking om hierdie beker te laat verby gaan, begin mens die waarde van die lewe besef.
Die belangrikste van alles is, is om God in elke oomblik van hierdie proses te sien en te erken. Al is dit nie lekker nie. Om daardie rede deel ek hierdie met die wêreld, sodat mense kan sien wat God vir my doen, ongeag my omstandighede. Ek dink dis normaal om hartseer te wees, te huil en smeek dat dit net verby gaan. Maar God bly in die middel van dit alles. Hy het my tot hierdie ding gebring en Hy sal my deur dra. Dis nie maklik nie en glad nie iets wat ek alleen en uit eie mag kan doen nie.
Die glimlagte van my en Heinrich op die fotos is genadiglik nie fake nie. Want een ding het ons geleer – jy kan of in ‘n hopie sit en wieg en huil en tyd mors terwyl jy ‘n blikkie wurms eet, of jy kan maar lê en movie marathons hou en beter word. En die oomblik wat jy beter voel en beter word, dan kan jy opstaan en die stof wat probeer lê van siek en sleg voel afskud en aangaan. ‘n Goeie sin vir humor help natuurlik. Gewoonlik voor elke foto, trek Heinrich sy gesig snaaks vir my of doen iets laf, sodat ek nie anders kan as om te lag vir hom nie.
My sin vir humor is baie belangrik en dra my deur dit alles. Ek was ongelooflik hartseer oor my hare, maar, nou moet ek net die beste van dit maak. Poena Potgieter hoor ek myself sê vir my man. Hy lag en dis asof alles weer normaal word vir ons in hierdie omstandighede. My stompies van hare frustreer my, dit voel soos girts band of eerder velcro (ek weet nou wragties nie wat dit in Afrikaans is nie). Dit klou aan my kussing vas as ek beweeg wanneer ek slaap.
Die half uitgegroeide akriel naels is nog meer van ‘n irritasie. Klein goedjies wat ek gereeld moet sien en mee moet deal om te onthou wat die einddoel van alles is. Om gesond te wees. Om te doen wat die Here wil hê ek moet doen. Om te wees waar God my nodig het. Binne in die vuuroond. Dis warm daar binne en mens sweet. Ek sê altyd sweet soos ‘n vark, maar ek weet nie of varke sweet nie. Die storie van Sadrag, Mesag en Abednego vertel ons dat hulle uit die vuuroond gestap het sonder dat hul klere gebrand het, hare geskroei het of dat hulle na rook geruik het.
Die Bybel praat niks van hul emosies nie. Ook nie of hulle gesweet het nie. Maar die Bybel leer ons wel dat hulle ongeskonde uit die vuuroond gestap het. Dit is waarvoor ek die Here vertrou. Om ongeskonde aan die ander kant uit te stap. Ja, ek gaan dalk bietjie stink na sweet, maar, ek gaan nie verbrand wees nie. Ek gaan nie eens soos rook ruik nie. Soos wat ek hierdie tik, voel ek die Heilige Gees in my binneste praat, om my te herinner aan die skrif uit Filippense uit. Hou op dink aan die Maandag wat jy behandeling ontvang het…hoor ek die fluistering in my binneste. Strek jou uit na wat voor jou is.
Ek kan nie anders as om te weet dat alles goed gaan verloop nie. Ten spyte van alles wat gebeur, hoe aaklig en emosioneel ek voel tydens behandelingsweek, gaan ek ok wees. Meer as ok. In die tussen tyd moet ek net doen wat ek kan om God se woord te versprei oral waar ek gaan. Of dit nou by die Onkoloog is en of dit by ander dokters is, God se woord sal versprei word! Met ‘n dankbare hart, dankbaar dat ek die Here ken en in my lewe het, sluit ek af. Ek het al oor en oor geuiter dat ek wragties nie weet hoe mense dit doen sonder Hom nie. Hoe kom hulle deur so iets sonder Hom? Dan hoor ek weer Mercy Me se woorde eggo Dear Younger Me, It’s not your fault…..
Die pad / The path
Vandag se bybelvers in die Afrikaanse weergawe voel amper bietjie Grieks vir my. Te hoog vir my brein om te verstaan. Toe gaan kyk ek maar wat sê die Amplified weergawe net om seker te maak…..
Luckily the Amplified version made more sense to me. Not sure if my brain is just tired or what, but anyway. This explains it a bit better though. When you learn from instruction and correction, then you are on the right path.
Dit dien ook as voorbeeld en stigting vir ander. Om reg te leef en in God se Wil te beweeg help ander om daarna te streef. Maar dan kry jy diegene wat dit net ignoreer. Soos die Afrikaanse gesegde lees – Van die wal af in die sloot in.
That is what happens to those who do not listen to God’s instructions and do not make themselves open for correction. This too is seen by others and I suppose we can say used as an example to others of what not to do.
Watter pad volg jy? Staan jy op die wal of in die sloot? Laat mens so bietjie dink nê….?
💪🏻let’s do this day! ™️
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Being led / Om gelei te word
So today I decided that I must find my rhythm again. In between what feels like chaos, being sick for a week every 21 days. The days that I do not feel sick are the days that I must try to find some normality in my life. And the first way to do it, is to write the daily scripture and my thoughts on it.
So, ek voel so bietjie onfiks wat dit aanbetref, maar hier gaan ek. Iets wat ek nou al geleer het om te bid, is, dat God se waarheid geopenbaar sal word en dat Hy my en my gesin sal lei en leer, om te doen wat Hy wil hê dit is wat ons moet doen.
Little did I even begin to think or know that this is a scripture in the Bible. I also noted that David waited expectantly on God, the whole day long. Something I have also come to learn is this – God never fails and God is always terribly on time.
Hoe wonderlik is al hierdie dinge, wat ek in my gees ervaar het oor soveel jare nie net nie? En die feit dat dit in een Bybelvers vervat is, nog soveel te meer!
💪🏻let’s do this day! ™️
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Injection number 2
Injection number 2 done. Forgot to take a pic with Soné Baird the first time round 🙈 but we will remember for the next time….
Plain Jane (not GI Jane) without lipstick as it was in and out and back to bed…..
Accessories by Sculpted Clay Designs @sculptedclaydesigns (the flamingo on the kopband want ek weet nie wat dit in engels is nie 🤣) and the little heart earrings….
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#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness
Round 2 being admitted
Here we go for round number 2….
Armed with Walter (the pink mannetjie), my yellow blanket from my sunshine gift bag and my scarf with scripture confirming that God is planning something new….
All three from very dear friends. You know who you are…..
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#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness
The friends in the shirts
So I have friends, who, out of their own said they will wear these shirts when I go for treatment….some are still waiting for their shirts (these are hand made so they take longer to get out)…..
Dankie vir elke een wat my ondersteun op hierdie manier. Ek waardeer dit so baie!!!
And I cannot tag them on socials! But they know who they are!!!
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#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness
Treatment day 2
Treatment day 2.
This time I remembered to include the flamingo on the shirt in the pic…..
Bloods done, waiting to see Prof to get the all clear to proceed with treatment….
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#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness
The joy and the peace
I am late with October 2023’s entry and with very good reason. Let me just back track a bit for those who may not know. On 16 October 2023, I received my first Chemotherapy treatment. I have to laugh at myself at being unprepared for that event. The information booklets tell us to bring stuff with to keep ourselves busy, stuff like laptops, tablets, books to read. So what do I do? I pack a whole bag full of stuff to do, because four hours is long and I don’t know what it is that I would want to do. That is also just typical me. Overcompensating and never using everything I packed.
So there I was, drip in my left hand, laptop set up, logged into my website. I really thought that I was going to blog while the Chemo was dripping through my veins. Well, think again! The pre-meds that they give you to line your stomach and protect whatever needs protection, is so heavy, it makes you drowsy. I started crying when the drips were on, as it leaked into my tissue rather than running through my veins. Then I had the attention of everyone in the room. Not intentionally, but I had it.
Needless to say, the laptop was packed away. I felt drowsy, put some praise and worship music on, earphones in my ears and fell into a light sleep. In between a state of being awake and asleep, I heard some of the other patients chat with each other. I admired them for being able to do that, I was so sleepy, I could not think straight. And the only reason I had for this was that their chemo is different to mine, their pre-meds are different to mine. What I wanted to say with these introductory paragraphs were, I have not been able to blog properly for some time now, due to everything that is happening.
The scripture for October is from Psalms. Now when I checked the scripture in Afrikaans, I noted that I have the same verse number for the English version of the desk pad, yet the two scriptures are different. This is because in the Afrikaans version they had some titles or info about the Psalm that is seen as a verse, which is not the case in the Amplified version. Anyway, that is beside the point. This entry for October 2023, will then be about the two scriptures. The one I have on the English version of the desk pad as well as the Afrikaans version of the desk pad, combined.
At first I was a bit cross with myself for missing this, but, at the end of the day, I know God has a plan with this. So the Afrikaans version talks about receiving more joy than when one has more than enough and the English version talks about lying down in peace, falling asleep because David feels safe with God. Wow, how appropriate are these verses not to my current circumstances?
The joy we experienced, was when we saw the professor one and half weeks after receiving the first treatment. Realising that there is a change in the lump and that it is starting to feel ever so slightly smaller. That joy that was in our hearts, cannot be compared when one has more than enough physical provision. The other verse is also true. In all of this that is happening, I cannot help but feel unsafe everywhere. Uncertain and unsafe. Ever since I can remember, I struggle to sleep. Sometimes to fall asleep, other times to stay asleep.
During that week of Chemo, I experienced another side of sleep, sort of. Falling asleep quickly, staying asleep for longer for some nights (not all). When I was at my weakest physically, I called upon the name of Jesus. I played praise and worship music, playing a song over and over called His Name is Jesus by Jeremy Riddle. The peace that came from doing that, cannot be described. The sleep that I had is like nothing before.
I cannot help but smile when I look at these verses, realising that when I designed the desk pads in May 2022, God was already in October 2023. Amazing is it not? The joy and the peace that one can experience, in spite of the circumstances that one is placed in. Only when you are there, can you relate and understand. Words cannot describe it, that which is felt in these circumstances.
Die vreugde en vrede
Ek is laat met Oktober 2023 se inskrywing, en met goeie rede. Laat ek net so bietjie terug gaan en verduidelik, vir die wat dalk nie weet nie. Op 16 Oktober 2023 het ek my eerste Chemoterapie behandeling ontvang. Ek moet vir myself lag oor hoe onvoorbereid ek was vir daardie geleentheid. Die inligtingsbrosjures wat hulle vir jou gee vooraf, sê vir jou om goed te bring om jou besig te hou, goed soos skootrekenaars, tablette, boeke om te lees. So wat doen ek? Ek pak ‘n hele sak vol goed om te doen, want 4 ure is lank en ek weet nie wat dit is wat ek gaan wil doen nie. Dis net so tipies van hoe ek is. Oorkompenseer en gebruik nooit als wat ek pak nie.
So daar sit ek, drip in my linkerhand, skootrekenaar opgestel, ingeteken op my webblad. Ek het regtig gedink dat ek sou kon sit en skryf terwyl die Chemo deur my are loop. Wel, dink weer! Die medisyne wat hulle voor die Chemo gee om jou maag te beskerm en wat ookal anders beskerming nodig het, is heavy, dit maak jou moeg en slaperig. Ek het begin huil toe die drips aangesit was, want dit het in my weefsel gelek eerder as om deur my are te vloei. Toe het ek almal se aandag in die vertrek. Nie doelbewus nie, maar ek het dit gehad.
Toe pak ek maar die skootrekenaar weg. Ek voel vaak, sit praise & worship musiek op my oorfone en verval toe in ‘n ligte slaap. Tussen ‘n wakker en aan die slaap gevoel, hoor ek ander pasiënte gesels met mekaar. Ek bewonder hulle dat hulle dit kan doen. Gesels. Ek was so vaak, ek kon nie reguit dink nie. Die enigste verduideliking wat ek vir dit het is dat hulle Chemo anders is as myne, hul medisyne wat vooraf toegedien word is anders as wat ek kry. Wat ek eintlik wou sê met die inleidende paragrawe was dit – ek was nie in staat om behoorlik te kon skryf en webjoernaal inskrywings te maak vir ‘n geruime tyd nie, weens alles wat aan die gebeur is in my lewe.
Die skrif van Oktober is van Psalms. Nou toe ek die skrifvers op die Afrikaanse tafel kalender (desk pad) nagaan, sien ek dat ek dieselfde vers nommer op die Engelse weergawe het, maar die twee verse is anders. Dit is omdat die Afrikaanse weergawe sommige van die titels en beskrywings van die Psalms as verse vertoon en die Amplified weergawe nie dit so doen nie. Elkgeval, dis nie regtig eintlik waaroor hierdie inskrywing gaan nie. Hierdie inskrywing vir Oktober 2023 sal dan oor beide verse gekombineerd wees. Die een van die Engelse tafel kalender en die een van die Afrikaanse tafel kalender.
Eers was ek so bietjie vies vir myself omdat ek dit gemis het, maar, op die ou einde van die dag, weet ek God het ‘n plan met dit. Die Afrikaanse weergawe praat van meer vreugde as wanneer die skure oorloop en die Engelse weergawe praat van om te rus en aan die slaap te raak omdat Dawid veilig voel by God. Wow. Hoe akkuraat is hierdie verse nie net van my huidige omstandighede nie?
Die vreugde wat ons ervaar het, was toe ons die Professor een en ‘n halwe weke later gesien het, na ek my eerste behandeling ontvang het. Ons het besef dat daar ‘n verandering in die knop is en dat dit besig is om te verander en hoe gering ookal, is die knop besig om kleiner te word. Die vreugde wat daar in ons harte was, kan nie vergelyk word met enige fisiese voorsiening nie. Die ander vers is ook waar in my omstandighede. Met alles wat gebeur, kan ek nie anders as om oral onveilig te voel nie. Onseker en onveilig. Vandat ek kan onthou sukkel ek met slaap. Soms om aan die slaap te raak, ander kere om aan die slaap te bly.
Gedurende die week van Chemo, het ek ‘n ander sy van slaap ervaar, soortvan. Ek het vinnig aan die slaap geraak, sommige nagte vir langer geslaap (nie al die nagte nie). Toe ek op my swakste was fisies, het ek uitgeroep na Jesus. Ek het ‘n liedjie gespeel, oor en oor, van Jeremy Riddle genaamd His Name is Jesus. Die vrede wat gekom het deur dit te doen, kan nie verduidelik word nie. Die slaap was soos niks wat ek tevore gehad het nie.
Ek kan nie help om te glimlag wanneer ek na die verse kyk nie. Ek besef toe ek in Mei 2022 die ontwerpe gedoen het, was God reeds in Oktober 2023. Hoe wonderlik is dit nie net nie? Die vreugde en vrede wat mens kan ervaar, ten spyte van jou omstandighede waarin jy jouself bevind. Eers as jy daar is, kan jy jouself vereenselwig met dit en verstaan. Woorde kan dit nie beskryf wat gevoel word in sulke omstandighede nie.
The One Without the Hair
And so the next chapter begins….
The One without the hair….
En NEE dis nie NET HARE NIE. Dankie vir almal wat probeer ondersteun deur dit te sê, maar dis meer as dit.
Only once you have gone through this will you fully understand and even then I don’t think our brains (those going through this) can even begin to comprehend what is happening….
En ja ek kort rooi lipstick om die GI Jane look af te rond 😉 net jammer ek kan nie nou burpees doen nie….en jammer die lyf kom nie saam met die afgeskeerde hare soos Demi Moore sinne nie….
🦩
Om te werp / To cast
Dis ongeveer 3 weke sedert ek laas iets geskryf het oor ‘n bybelvers. Die grootste rede is, ek probeer my nuwe ritme en roetine vind in my nuwe normaal, as ek dit nou so kan stel. Vir een week was ek man down soos die Engelse sou sê, na my eerste Chemo behandeling. Ek kon letterlik niks doen nie, en dis seker een van die moeilikste plekke om te wees – is om niks fisies te kan doen nie.
This morning I decided, I need order in my life. I have not been doing my daily scripture writing and thoughts about it and I am convinced that this is why it seems like everything is in chaos at the moment around me. I have been keeping myself busy with plenty of things, but nothing seems to get done. One of these is the packing of the stock that arrived this week and dispatching it to people who have ordered from me. It feels like the bag from Mary Poppins – there is no limit or end to it. Sure, it was a big order, but not that big. I cannot help but think that, even the smallest of small tasks, are now like mammoth tasks to me. All because my body is going through something hectic.
Nou ja, terug na vandag se vers. Die woord wat vir my uitstaan is werp. Ek het besluit om maar te gaan Google wat werp regtig beteken, ek het ‘n idee, maar wil seker maak ek verstaan dit reg en in konteks. Volgens Google trek hy die betekenis van Wikipedia deur. Dit beteken Met ‘n kragtige swaai van die arm iets uit die hand gooi; smyt. Goed, so ek was nie te verkeerd nie. Maar weereens wat hier uitstaan is kragtige swaai.
In English the word is cast and this time the Oxford Dictionary comes up on Google. The one meaning that seems to be in context in this verse is An act of throwing something forcefully. So, you see, in both languages, (not that I thought that it would not be like this), the act is that of force. Back to this verse – David says here to forcefully throw our burdens onto God. Not gentle. Not a soft hand over. No, forcefully throw. That is what we should do.
Nou wanneer jy iets met ‘n kragtige swaai gooi, is dit met mening, hard en iets wat jy nie meer by jou wil hê nie. Wow, dis wat ons met ons sorge moet doen. Ons moet dit GOOI vir God. Hy sal dit vang. Hy gaan nie dit mis en terug gooi vir ons en sê probeer weer nie. Glad nie. Saam met dit wat ons moet doen, die gooi aksie, is daar ‘n belofte – Hy sal ons onderhou en sal nooit die regverdige laat wankel nie.
He will care for us. He will not let the righteous be shaken, slip, fall or fail. Is that not an awesome promise to receive? In my situation and what my body is going through right now, I often wonder if I am not slipping and falling. Am I dealing with this right? Am I getting it right? Or am I failing horribly? Then I get a verse like this. I have to forcefully throw my burden that I am feeling now, onto God, He is looking after me, providing for me and He will not let me be shaken, or slip, fall or fail. Wow. What an awesome verse with an awesome promise. This is not mine to carry. He has got this, something I have been saying from the start. God has got my back.
The last one with hair (probably)…..
Today I twisted Heinrich’s arm….he snuck away from his laptop (which he was tied to by the way since my first treatment) and we went for a Wimpy breakfast……how lovely…..
This will probably be the only photo with me with hair this short….it is falling out a lot now and the next step will be to shave it all off to get some relief from the pain (it feels like when your hair is tied up too tight….)
So geniet maar die laaste een van my met hare….ek weet nie hoeveel hare teen Maandag oor gaan wees wanneer ek die volgende behandeling moet doen nie…..
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#pienkvere #pinkfeathersrange #uitdiepenvannberoepsvrou #pienkverereeks #pienkverevirdiehere #pinkfeathersforgod #pinkfeathers #breast_cancer_awareness
