The diagnosis

These past few weeks, feel like a dream to me. The carpet, that I had laid out for my life, the road which I thought I was going on, doing what God intended me to do, was ripped out under my feet on Sunday 17 September 2023. That is the day that I learnt that I am diagnosed with something called Triple Negative Breast Cancer.

End of May 2023, I felt a lump in my right breast (or rather above my breast – it is in a weird place). I immediately saught help and went for a mammogram and sonar beginning of June. At that stage the doctor that interpreted the images, was not too concerned. The only thing that bothered him was the fact that the lump did not have straight lines, but rather curvy lines. I was advised to come back in 6 months to check it out again if it does not go away.

The weeks leading up to the diagnosis, were just normal days. Only that I did not feel well. During exercise I felt old, could not keep up with doing the number of rounds of exercise at the Gym. I knew I had to seek help but did not know where to go to. God kept the doors closed to the avenues that I sought help from. I was confused, frustrated and really not wanting to feel like this.

The long and the short is, God guided me in the right direction, sending me to the local GP in Hekpoort who ran blood tests and referred me to a Professor at Millpark Hospital. Now we all know that Professors and specialists have waiting periods. However, when Carolien from the Doctor’s rooms phoned for an appointment, I got one for the very next day, on 12 September 2023. The scripture that God gave me on 11 September 2023, was so profound. It is from Isaiah 41:13 (Amplified) – For I the LORD your God keep hold of your right hand; [I am the Lord], Who says to you “Do not fear, I will help you.”

The lump is in my right breast and I could not help but notice that in this scripture, God is telling me that He is holding the hand on the side where the lump is. In the first consultation with Prof Benn, the word Cancer was dropped. It shocked me and my husband, as this is the last thing that we had expected. We were sure it was something else. We were referred to Prof Joseph, who was to do the Biopsy. Off track a bit, for this Biopsy appointment, I decided to wear my flamingo shirt, you know, the one that is sold online? Why I could not tell you, but I felt God pressing it on my heart to do, and when He presses, He has something that He wants to do. I know I have to be obedient.

Back to the biopsy – this was done Friday 15 September 2023. Everything started moving faster, much faster than what we anticipated. This appointment was squeezed into their diaries first thing the Friday morning. The driver taking the results to the Lab was arranged for collection at 9 am, rushing it off to who knows where to analyse and report on. We saw Prof Benn again the Sunday, 17 September 2023. The waiting time was long, as the Professor was in theatre the morning and the Doctor that had to sign off on the report was in theatre with her. The report was not ready by the time we were due to see her and off we went to have some breakfast.

Coming back from breakfast, we continued to wait. I was amazed at how many patients this one Professor sees at any given time. Can there be so many sick people with this disease? Again, for that appointment, I decided that I would wear my flamingo shirt. I felt silly getting dressed in it, as I was not sure why I was supposed to do this, but, knowing God, I just did it. The shirt, it turns out, is a conversation starter. Everyone comments on the flamingo on the front, and then I say, but wait, look at the back. Then I show them the words printed on – Pink Feathers ® for God.

We were all chatty, I even gave out a few of my business cards to one of the patients there, as well as to another lady’s husband waiting for her. Anyone that knows me, knows this is what I do. Chat with strange people, giving them my business card. Off we went to the discussion with Prof Benn. There the bomb was dropped like the one that was dropped over Japan years ago. Unexpected and extremely damaging. At first, I got excited when I heard triple negative, thinking that it is three times not breast cancer. Yes, you may laugh at my thought process. But this is what I thought. The long and the short is, how I understand it to be, is the triple negative means it is not a hormonal based cancer (does not feed off the two female hormones) and the last thing that ticks the box, so to speak for the triple negative, is, it does not have the normal receptors of a typical cancer tumour.

Then she started explaining. I think my ears and brain did not catch half of what she said. I was in shock, tears welling up in my eyes, not knowing how to react. Thinking they have it wrong. She explained that the chemo treatment will leave the cancer belly up (vulnerable) and then I inject myself with something to force my body to produce more white blood cells. It will be the white blood cells that will kill the cancer. Then radiation and then operation to remove the tumour. Breast preservation is her first priority.

We left there in shock. Another lady, one to whom I gave my business card, walked past me, to go and see the Professor, asking my name and saying that she will pray for me. I was in a daze. Things were said of what was going to happen next, but I don’t quite remember it all. I just remember the Professor giving me assurance over and over again that they will sort this out. I do not have to worry, they will sort it out.

In the car, I burst out in tears, crying a weird cry like I have never cried before. I don’t even think I cried like that when my mom passed away. I was in shock. It was an ugly cry. Lots of tears. Even more tissues. Shaking my head in disbelief. This cannot be happening to ME!!!!! But the reality is, it IS happening to me. Close family knew of the situation, and they were waiting in anticipation for the results. We decided to not send a message just yet to anyone. We wanted to process it all first and then tell our kids first before we tell anyone else.

Back home, we talked with our children, explaining the situation. My daughter, who is 9 years old, came to me, telling me that I am going to talk to people, like that lady that spoke at a ladies’ event at our church in July (Adri Williams). I was amazed at how God works and how He reveals things to us in manners that we cannot begin to imagine. Shortly before she said that to me, I felt exactly that in my spirit. God will be using this for the greater good and to glorify His name.

The message that I sent to our family that Sunday, was exactly what God placed on my heart to say. It is what it is, He has got this. He is in control. I need not fear – like the scripture from the Monday before confirmed this. I did not choose this cancer, and I did not place my signature on the dotted line for this. But then I realised that, because I said yes to Jesus, I said yes to everything, even this thing called Cancer. I just know that HE HAS GOT THIS. I am trying to go on like normal, going with the flow and the process to follow.

When God formed the earth, He knew that I would get this result and diagnoses from Prof Benn on 17 September 2023. Amazing to think of it in that way is it not? God already knew then and He already chose me for this journey. He is not caught off guard. This is the way that I am looking at it. This is the path that God laid out for me to walk on. HE HAS GOT THIS! Here is to the book that I have been begging Him to write, because this is what it will be about 🥂! Here is to the people that I will be talking to, the crowds that He revealed to me in a dream 15 years ago already 🥂.

It is always about Him and never about me. That is the reason why I am sharing this publicly on social media. This is what HE wants me to do. To tell everyone about His goodness and greatness. How He provides, protects and heals. Back to the medical facts – we were referred to Professor Rapoport who is an Oncologist specialising in this type of cancer. They are all confident in the treatment, but before anything can happen, I must undergo more tests. The full MRI was done, waiting to hear from the Cardiologist as well as when the PET scan will take place. Once these are done, which we are expecting to be done after the long weekend, we will know what we are working with.

We are seeing Prof Rapoport again on 28 September 2023, after which it will be decided what treatment to receive and then it is probably going to start early October. In the meantime, I am trying to arrange my work life, handing over to someone that will be standing in for me, assisting with the workload. I will therefore be taking a sabbatical from my day job, if you want to call it that. I will be focusing on resting, healing, writing and doing whatever I need to do to get through each day. I am also sorting out admin on and in myself, in the sense that I must get my leaking tooth filling sorted, cut my hair shorter (which was not my plan as I am trying to grow my hair) and get permanent make up done for my brows. The permanent makeup for the brows is something I have been overthinking for years and now it is push comes to shove in that regard.

The words that I hear God say to me over and over is from Top Gun Maverick – Don’t think, just do. Beroepsvrou will continue to take orders for diaries, desk pads, calendars and whatever else whomever wants to order. Please remember – I have not chosen my bush or tree to curl up under and die. I do not have a death sentence and would need something to keep my mind occupied. I don’t think tax calculations are going to do it for me, getting me through each day.

The cover photo of this post is a Protea that I made from cardstock (with my Cricut machine), the day I received my diagnoses. This is symbolic to the process that I am going to go through. The germination of the Protea seeds can only take place when it goes through fire. Only then does it produce this beautiful flower. This is what I am holding onto.

I cannot help but to see God’s hand in everything of Beroepsvrou – from the trademarks that I applied for in 2021, the flamingo’s, the name of the range of items being sold Pink Feathers®, the saying Pink Feathers® for God, the colour pink and the fact that the ribbon for breast cancer is pink. I even see the Trinity of God in the name of the Cancer – triple – God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. There are much more, and I can talk about it for hours, but I am saving it for my book.

I will update on my website as things progress and happen and will place it on social media too. I am so grateful to have this support network that God put in place for me. He is so good, all the time. Sending wonderful people over my path, assisting in whatever manner possible. I now understand why it is physically impossible for people to answer all messages – it is just so overwhelming! I also realised that I have a HUGE problem! I know too many people!

In the meantime, I am arranging more colours of the flamingo embroidered t-shirts for me to wear (I think black and green will become boring) – so watch this space! I will take pictures going to each appointment, sharing the journey with the world, giving a message of hope. Sowing God’s seeds with every step that I take on this journey. Of course, I trust God for a miracle, letting the PET scans show no signs of any cancer! All I know is, He has got this, irrespective of which way this goes! I need not fear! HE HAS GOT THIS! HE HAS MY BACK! DON’T THINK JUST DO!

I may also only write in English, or a combination of English and Afrikaans like I do with my daily scriptures, just to include as many people as possible. I may not have time to translate all to Afrikaans as well, but, let us see how things go! Thank you to each and everyone who has sent me a personal message. Some of you had me in tears with your messages. I am so grateful to each and everyone of you supporting me, praying for me and my family. Until the next update, that is all from my side!

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