The clock (is this now the right word to use? Watch sounds wrong) in our lounge rings the tune it normally does, just before announcing the hour. It is one o’clock in the morning. The whole house is sound asleep. With the exception of myself and the hamsters. I sit and listen to the dog’s breathing, how it goes to the next level of deep sleep, as if she is preparing herself to chase butterflies in her dreams. Or maybe rather a Hadeda, after all, the dachshunds and the Hadeda’s have declared a silent war against each other in our garden.
The peep sounds of the baby hamsters can be heard better now that the entire house is quiet (the hamster that my son won at a church bazar beginning of August had babies, without us knowing that she is pregnant – is this the right word to use for a hamster having babies?). Then I sit and think about all the work that has to be done. The extra workload that came unexpectedly due to changes in legislation. Just like that boom, we are part of the FICA train. One that I did not really want to get on to begin with. But here I am. On my way to FICA land, with all its acronyms and stuff that make my head spin.
I cannot seem to find my comfy spot to lie down to sleep. I try to sit upright to sleep on the one couch. That feels impossible too. Some or another infection in my body is keeping me from sleeping. As if I need this too! On top of everything else. Swollen lymph nodes are not for the weak. And I feel weak. I must stop myself; I want to cry every now and then due to the discomfort that I am experiencing. The frustrations of not being 100% healthy is getting to me.
I am trying to make sense of where it comes from but, realise that the signs of infection have been there for some time now. I was just not clever enough to recognise it, and I wrote it off as stress, burnout, little to no sleep. And old age. I really thought in my head that this is probably how it feels when you start ageing? Especially when I could not keep up anymore at the weekly Cross Fit exercise sessions. Moving slower than usual. I thought this is what it feels like when you age. Your strength is not what it used to be, in spite of healthier lifestyles, exercise and who knows what! I almost accepted it as the norm, when this is not the case at all!!
My head turns to this month’s scripture on the desk pad. Then I wonder why, every month this year, I only write about it the last weekend of the month? Why do I not get time like I used to previously, earlier in the month? Why don’t I start working on this earlier in the month? Then I wonder about my designs for 2024. Whether I should continue with designing desk pads, tent calendars and other things subsequent to 2024? Whether I should do an eagle tent calendar for 2024 for men? And a desk pad for men? Would they even use it and buy it? I don’t KNOW!!!!! Everything feels overwhelming!
Too tired to look at my phone’s screen much longer, I decide to continue writing this with a fresh brain and eyes. That is IF can get some sleep. What felt like the longest night in history, with sleep avoiding me like crazy, it is Saturday morning. Here I am, behind my computer. I have to work. I actually want to craft and write. The weekends feel too short for everything that I want to do to fill up my tank for the week ahead.
I decide to do the responsible thing and rather tend to work than to write or do anything else that is more fun than work. Here I am, a few days later, on the day before the last day of August, finishing off this entry. Only for it to be published on the last day of August. But that is just how it all worked out. I read the scripture again and the verses before this one. It is about Abraham that had to offer Izak.
I am trying to make sense on how I am interpreting this scripture, thinking about the story about Abraham, how he in total faith, went to the place where he had to offer Izak, because that was the instruction from God. The specifics about the location is avoiding me too. I wonder so many times what he must have thought. We all just read it as a story, don’t always think of emotions and feelings of the people we read about.
I remember also that he said something to the effect of “God will provide” whenever Izak used to ask him where the animal is that must be offered. And I think this is what this is all about. We must have faith with actions. We must purposefully do something, that does not make sense, to confirm our faith. Does this make sense? Because having faith, is believing in something that we have not necessarily seen or experienced, is it not?
Let me give an example from my own life. Before I was pregnant with my daughter, I felt that God placed it on my heart to buy a home pregnancy test (or two). At that stage, falling pregnant did not happen quickly or easily like it was the case with my son. Grateful that we did not struggle, but it just did not happen spontaneously.
I got prophetic word about a baby girl, months before falling pregnant with her. This deed of mine, to purchase something that did not make sense at that stage, is where my faith came in. You see, I could have chosen to ignore that which God placed on my heart to do. But I chose to believe that I will use the tests and that they will be positive, in spite of where I was in my life.
And I think it is actions such as these, that relates to this scripture. Faith without actions is nothing. Does it make sense what I am trying to say here? I hope so, because this is how I interpret this and I am sure if I read this verse again a few years from now, God is likely to reveal something else that I cannot see now….that is why His word is living and alive!
May we continue to choose to believe, doing things that God places on our hearts to do, so that our faith may be built by our actions. Growing stronger. As I close off here, God reminds me of Beroepsvrou and the faith that came with it. How I started writing without me knowing and understanding why. And when I had to make the aprons, without a plan for it and the plan not coming from myself. How wonderful is God? What does He do for you, and what do you do for Him? To build your faith…..?
