Month: November 2022

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The word

So I have been walking around with a word in my mind, since last week sometime. The word? Benevolence. Now, for a primarily Afrikaans speaking person, this is a big word. Something that does not form part of my vocabulary at all. I had to go and google the word to see what it meant. The word came to me in English too. Something that does not happen often.

My entries normally start in Afrikaans, my thoughts about it and what I feel God wants me to write are all usually in Afrikaans. But this time it was different. Everything happened in English. I have been carrying this word in my mind, asking God what He wants me to write about it. When something like this is on my mind as much as this was, then I just KNOW I have to write about it.

Of course, when you google the meaning, it means the quality of being well meaning, kindness. I left it there, because what am I supposed to do with this? I KNOW God is Benevolent, so to write about that was a bit of a challenge to me, because what am I supposed to write? The Bible is full of testimonies of God being a Benevolent God.

You see how I have now made this word part of my vocabulary? I have to chuckle at this, a word I have never used before was used more than once in a paragraph. Anyway, I am getting distracted again!

Now before I got the word Benevolence, I had been feeling something in my spirit. I could not quite place my finger on it, because it is a feeling I have felt before but also not felt before, saying all of that in the same breath. I have this agitation hanging over me like a cloud.

I am just so irritated with everything and everyone, why I don’t know. From the dogs, to the parrot, the hamster, the kids, the authorities and their ridiculous requirements for us as CA’s and everything (and everyone) in between was agitating me. This is not normal behavior to me, this is something that I had laid off years ago, yet now it is surfacing again. almost like it is coming up to breathe. Why I could not say.

Then God sent me this word. Everywhere in my mind, I see the word and I am reminded of it. Almost like in life, when you notice something, you NOTICE it if you know what I mean? Like a car brand, once you become aware of it, you see it EVERYWHERE! Now this was the same with this word.

If I have to put this into a picture for you of how it was, it would be as follows – in my mind, I saw it written on a banner, then a billboard, then a road sign next to the road, on pieces of paper, even the mushrooms popping up in the grass seemed to spell Benevolence. That is how in my face it was (only in my mind not physically around me).

This morning I realised WHY God gave me this word. You see, I have a teenager in the house and a little tween, who is becoming a tween too quickly according to me, because she is only 8 years of age. Man oh man, did I forget the knowledge that one supposedly possess at the age of 8 and 13 years.

Being benevolent with them has become a challenge. The arguments of how they think something works and must be, when I know it does not work that way. The attitude that I get when I only put in a sandwich for school (this is the tween by the way) and not something else. Or when I put in the something else in a lunch box that is not to her liking, then all things benevolent fly out the door.

Or when the teenager argues about a steering wheel accessory for the X-Box (yes, we purchased one, something that we said we would NEVER do – well, never say NEVER). And when it is installed and plugged in, it does not work as expected. Something which we told him would happen. Him putting it to one side, because it does not work as he had thought it would, wasting money on something like that not being used. When this happens, all benevolence runs out the door, trying to set a new world record for 100 metre sprints, trying to beat Usain Bolt’s world record.

So here I am. Guilty as charged. Not showing benevolence. I realise that God is pressing very hard on my heart to work on this. I have to use the tools that He is providing. The tools I am referring to, are the Tall Trees Ethics Training from ProBeta and Hettie Brittz. The latest addition to my tools, is the EI Activator, which is an add-on or plug in if I may refer to it in that way (and use some computer lingo, something that I have limited knowledge of), to the Tall Trees Ethics Training.

All of these things take time. It feels like life is happening, not allowing me to get to explore these tools. Lucky for me, it is now a requirement to do Ethics training to remain a CA. That is the reason WHY I chose something useful and purposeful like the Tall Trees Ethics Training and EI Activator. And yes, I say it like that now, because, I decided to look for the positive in this requirement, rather than sitting on the sidewalk, with my can of worms, complaining about the requirements.

I truly hope (and deep down know) that I will find benevolence when I start exploring, dissecting and excavating the field of EI Activator. The ground work and tone is being set in the Tall Trees Ethics Training, I just have to finish that (said tongue in the cheek because I am on month 4 and I have forgotten what was said, so I am probably going to have to redo it all in any way, before I can answer the questions to obtain the CPD certificate), so that I can move on to the EI Activator part of the expedition that I am finding myself in.

I know I have not been Benevolent, this is not God’s plan for me, to not be Benevolent. Let us take up the challenge with the teens and tweens in our house, the authorities, the pets and everything in between. Let us use Benevolence as our tool in this challenge. Benevolence – noun – the quality of being well meaning; kindness. How Benevolent are you?

Die woord
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Die woord

Sedert laas week een of ander tyd, loop ek rond met ‘n woord in my gedagtes. Die woord? Benevolence. Nou vir ‘n primêre Afrikaans-sprekende persoon, is die ‘n groot woord. Dis nie iets wat enigsins deel vorm van my woordeskat nie. Ek moes gaan google wat dit beteken, want ek het nie ‘n clue gehad wat dit beteken nie. Die woord het ook so, in Engels, na my toe gekom. Iets wat nie gereeld gebeur nie.

My inskrywings begin gewoonlik in Afrikaans, my gedagtes rondom dit en wat ek voel die Here wil hê ek moet skryf oor iets, gebeur alles in Afrikaans. Maar hierdie keer was dit anders. Alles het in Engels gebeur. Ek het selfs die inskrywing in Engels eerste gedoen, waar ek gewoonlik dit in Afrikaans eerste doen. Ek loop met hierdie woord in my gedagtes en ek vra God wat Hy wil hê ek daaroor moet skryf. Wanneer iets so konstant in my gedagtes is, dan WEET ek net dat ek daaroor moet skryf.

Natuurlik, toe ek die woord gaan google sien ek toe wat dit beteken. Dit is die kwaliteit van goedgesindheid, vriendelikheid. Hier het ek nou net sommer direk die Engelse betekenis vertaal, ek glo dis reg. Ek WEET God is Benevolent, so om hieroor te skryf is so bietjie van ‘n uitdaging vir my, want wat is ek nou veronderstel om te skryf? Die Bybel is dan propvol beloftes en getuienisse van God wat ‘n Benevolent God is.

Sien jy nou hoe ek daardie woord deel gemaak het van my woordeskat? Al is dit die Engelse woord. Ek moet giggel vir dit, ‘n woord wat ek nooit voorheen gebruik het nie, gebruik ek sommer oor en oor in een paragraaf. Ek wonder wat is die Afrikaans vir Benevolence? Ek raak distracted, ek weet. Maar ek het gou dit gaan google en die Afrikaanse woord is Welwillendheid. Wie sou kon raai dat dit die woord in Afrikaans is? Die Engelse een klink beter (en meer fêncy) so ek gaan maar aanhou om hom te gebruik.

Nou voor ek die woord Benevolence gekry het, het ek iets in my gees gevoel. Ek kon nie heeltemal my vinger op dit plaas nie, want dis ‘n gevoel wat ek voorheen gehad het maar ook nie, so in dieselfde asem gesê. Ek het hierdie irritasie wat soos ‘n wolk oor my hang.

Ek is net so geirriteerd met alles en almal, hoekom weet ek nie. Van die honde, tot die pappagaai, die hamster, die kinders, die owerhede en hul belaglike vereistes vir ons as CA’s en enige iets (en iemand) tussen in, het my geirriteer. Dit is nie normale gedrag vir my nie, want dit is iets wat ek jare gelede al afgelê het. Maar nou is dit asof dit opkom om asem te skep. Hoekom weet ek nie.

Toe stuur God vir my hierdie woord. Orals in my gedagtes sien ek die woord en word ek herinner daaraan. Amper soos in die lewe, wanneer jy iets opmerk, dan SIEN JY DIT ORAL as jy verstaan wat ek bedoel? Soos ‘n tipe kar, as jy eers bewus word van dit, dan sien jy dit ORAL! Nou dit was dieselfde met hierdie woord.

As ek dit nou in ‘n prentjie moet skets vir jou van hoe dit was, sou ek sê dit was as volg – in my gedagtes, sien ek dit op ‘n bannier, dan op ‘n billboard, dan ‘n padteken langs die pad, op stukke papier, selfs die sampioene wat in die gras opspring voel of dit Benevolence spel. Dis hoe in my face dit was (in my gedagtes natuurlik, nie regtig fisies om my nie).

Vanoggend besef ek HOEKOM God die woord vir my gegee het. Jy sien, ek het ‘n tiener in die huis, asook ‘n tween, een wat te vinnig na my smaak ‘n tween begin word, want sy is nou eers 8 jaar oud. Mense ouers, het ek nou vir jou vergeet hoe propvol kennis mens is op die ouderdom van 8 en 13 jaar!

Om met hulle benevolent te wees, het ‘n groot uitdaging geword. Die argumente van hoe hulle dink iets moet wees en werk, wanneer ek weet dit werk nie so nie. Die houding wat ek kry wanneer ek net ‘n kosblik met ‘n toeba inpak vir skool (dis nou die tween net so tussen ons wat my hier houding gee) en nie ook iets anders insit nie. Of wanneer ek wel iets anders insit, in ‘n kosblik wat sy nie van hou nie, dan vlieg alle dinge benevolent by die deur uit.

Of wanneer die tiener stry oor ‘n stuurwiel accessory vir die X-Box (ja, ons het een gekoop, iets wat ons gesê het ons NOOIT sal doen nie – wel, never say NEVER). En wanneer dit geinstalleer en ingeprop is en nie werk soos die verwagting is nie. Iets wat ons vir hom gesê het sou gebeur. Hy wat dit een kant toe skuif, want dit werk nie soos hy gedink het dit sal nie, besig om geld te mors op iets wat nie gebruik kan en gaan word nie. Wanneer dit gebeur, dan is dit asof elke stukkie benevolence by die deur uit hardloop, ‘n nuwe wêreld rekord vir die 100 meter probeer opstel en Usain Bolt’s se wêreld rekord probeer breek.

So hier is ek. Guilty as charged. Ek wys nie benevolence nie. Ek besef dat God dit hard op my hart druk om hieraan te werk. Ek moet elke stukkie gereedskap gebruik wat Hy besig is om te voorsien. Die gereedskap waarvan ek praat is die Tall Trees Ethics Training van ProBeta en Hettie Brittz. Die nuutste toevoeging tot my gereedskap is die EI Activator, wat ek sien as ‘n add-on of plug in (as ek nou rekenaar taal kan gebruik, waarvan ek ook beperkte kennis het) tot die Tall Trees Ethics Training.

Hierdie dinge vat tyd. Dit voel of die lewe net gebeur en my nie toelaat om hierdie gereedskap te ontdek nie. Gelukkig is dit nou ‘n vereiste om Etiese Opleiding te doen om ‘n CA te bly. Dit is die rede HOEKOM ek iets nuttig en opbouend soos die Tall Trees Ethics Training en EI Activator gekies het. En ja, ek sê dit nou so, want, ek het besluit om eerder die positiewe in hierdie vereiste te gaan soek, eerder as om op die sypaadjie met my blikkie wurms te gaan sit en kla oor die vereistes.

Ek hoop werklik (en diep binne my weet ek) dat ek benevolence sal vind wanneer ek begin ontdek, dissekteer en uitgrawe in die veld van EI Activator. Die grond werk word gedoen en die toon word gestel deur die Tall Trees Ethics Training, ek moet dit net klaar maak (tong in die kies gesê, want ek is by maand 4 en ek het al lankal vergeet wat gesê was so ek gaan alles dalk weer oor moet doen voor ek my vragies kan antwoord om my sertifikaat te kry), sodat ek kan aanbeweeg na die EI Activator deel van die ekspedisie waar ek myself tans bevind.

Ek weet ek was nie Benevolent nie, dis nie God se plan vir my om nie Benevolent te wees nie. Kom ons vat die uitdaging aan, met die tieners en tweens in ons huise, die owerhede, die troeteldiere en alles tussen in. Laat ons Benevolence as ons gereedskap gebruik in hierdie uitdaging. Benevolence – noun – the quality of being well meaning; kindness. Hoe Benevolent is jy?

The word
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Head vs. Tail

As I was walking through our local shopping centre the other day, I could just feel the end of the year in the air. You know, a vibe that is in the air, around November and December, not at any other time of the year. It feels as if life is just happening all the time, with time flying by and when you wake up one morning, it is past mid-November.

Another year is almost over. Another year to reflect on. What happened? Highlights and low-lights (is this the right word to use for something negative that happened?). This is the nostalgic time of the year. Something that I am not fond of, because it implies that I am yet again, another year older. In my mind I am still a 28 year old. I am not sure if I still look like a 28 year old, or even a thirty-something-year-old… but I still feel young for what it is worth.

This month’s scripture on the desk pad is from Deuteronomy (if you still don’t know what it is about – feel free to visit my online shop, order one and then you too will have something pretty for your work desk and then you will understand why I write about random Bible verses). Now I deemed it necessary to end the sentence right there, because of my long explanation in brackets. Moving on!

This must be the book in the Bible that is the hardest to pronounce, the one that contains this month’s scripture. This scripture is so big and profound to me. The Lord will make you the head (leader) and not the tail (follower); and you will be above only, and you will not be beneath, if you listen and pay attention to the commandments of the Lord your God, which I am commanding you today, to observe them carefully. Deut 28:13 (Amplified).

Wow. Where does one start with the analysis of this and what God laid on my heart about the scripture? Let us start with listening and obeying the commandments. Now I know we are no longer subject to the laws of the Old Testament. Jesus came and set us free from that. BUT, in the New Testament, Jesus refers to the biggest commandment. And Jesus replied to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for others].’ Matthew 22:37‭-‬39 AMP

What this tells me, is, if you love God, and your neighbor (which actually implies any person other than yourself and not literally the person living next door), then you will automatically obey the ten commandments. Because, if you love someone, you will not steal from them, you will not tell lies and so the list continues. So I recon that I can say check, I think I understand what this part of the scripture means, referring to the commandments.

So back to the first part – the promise from God Himself. This does not come via someone else. This is God Himself talking here, PROMISING. It is also not half a promise, not a might, or maybe baby type thing. He promises to ME (and you reading this) that He will make me the head, I SHALL be above, not beneath, be the head and not the tail. But, there is a condition attached to it. You must obey the commandments of God.

Only if you do your part, will God do His part. How many times do we still do something that we have supposedly laid off when we decided to follow Jesus? Did you tell a half-truth, which is actually a lie to someone? Promised something and did not do it? Maybe you did something to intentionally hurt someone or cause damage in a way to them? Talking about others behind their backs, oh, the list feels endless.

You see, and this is here where it feels to me that the fight between the head and the tail comes in. Our spirits are willing, but the flesh remains weak. And that is why we need Jesus! Alone we cannot do it! The devil will condemn you, over and over, judge you, make you feel guilty. In Afrikaans we say laer as ‘n luis which just means he makes you feel worthless! All because you have not done this, that and the next. He tries to pull you down below.

But, when you truly turn around your life, laid down your sinful life, and truly try to do everything within your power to love God AND obey His commandments, then it cannot be different for us than to be the head and not the tail, rising up, can it? God’s grace for us is big, He forgives us when we do something wrong and we repent. I choose to cling onto God’s promise, doing everything within my power to show love for others (and myself), also loving God.

Yes, I fail at times. And that is probably also how we learn and grow is it not? Nobody is perfect, but we can strive to be more like Jesus, obeying His commandments. Be a Jesus-Freak, always trying to show love to others and to oneself, turning away from old habits and sinful acts. Then you will see what God will do for you!

Who is winning in your life? The Head or the Tail? What is the outcome of the banner, spread out, is announcing the fight – Head vs. Tail? I surely hope that my results will be Head 1 – Tail 0 and that I will be able to maintain it!

Die kop vs. die stert
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Die kop vs. die stert

Soos wat ek die ander dag deur die plaaslike inkopiesentrum stap, voel ek net die einde van die jaar in die lug. Jy weet, net so ‘n vibe wat nie op ‘n ander tyd as November en Desember in die lug is nie. Dit voel of die lewe net gebeur en die tyd net aanstap en as jy een oggend wakker word, is dit verby middel November.

Nog ‘n jaar is amper verby. Nog ‘n jaar om oor te reflekteer. Wat het gebeur? Hoogte punte en laagte punte. Die nostalgiese tyd van die jaar. Iets waarvan ek nie baie hou nie, want dit impliseer dat ek nog ‘n jaar ouer is. In my kop is ek nog al die pad 28 jaar oud. Ek weet nou nie of ek nog soos ‘n 28 jarige, of selfs ‘n thirty-something-year-old lyk nie….maar ek voel nog jonk….vir wat dit wêrd is.

Die maand se skrif op die desk pad is uit Deuteronómium (as jy nou nog nie weet waaroor dit gaan nie – besoek maar gerus my winkel, bestel vir jou een, dan het jy ook ietsie mooi vir jou werkstafel en dan gaan jy verstaan hoekom ek oor random verse skryf). Noodwendig moet ek maar daardie sin daar eindig, omdat ek nou so ‘n lang verduideliking in hakkies gesit het. Moving on!

Nou ja, die boek wat seker die moeilikste is om uit te spreek in die Bybel, is waaruit die maand se skrif kom. Díe skrifvers is vir my so ‘n groot en profound een, (by gebrek aan ‘n beter Afrikaanse woord), een met soveel beloftes in. En die Here sal jou die kop en nie die stert maak nie, en jy sal net boontoe en nie ondertoe gaan nie as jy luister na die gebooie van die Here jou God wat ek jou vandag beveel het om te hou en te doen. Deut 28:13 (Afrikaans 53 vertaling).

Wow. Waar begin mens met die ontleding en dit wat die Here op my hart lê van die skrifvers? Kom ons begin by die gebooie onderhou. Nou ek weet ons is lankal nie meer onder die wet van die Ou Testament nie. Jesus het ons kom vrymaak van dit. MAAR, in die Nuwe Testament verwys Jesus na die grootste gebod. Jy moet die Here jou God lief hê met jou hele hart, en met jou hele siel en met jou hele verstand. Dit is die eerste en groot gebod. En die tweede wat hiermee gelyk staan: Jy moet jou naaste liefhê soos jouself. Matt 22: 37- 39 (Afr 53).

Wat dit vir my sê is, as jy God lief het, en jou naaste, sal jy outomaties die tien gebooie onderhou, want as jy iemand lief het, steel jy nie by hulle nie, of vertel jy nie leuens nie, en so gaan die lysie aan. So ek reken ek kan sê check ek dink ek verstaan die deel in die skrif wat verwys na gebooie.

So terug na die eerste deel – die belofte van God self af. Dit kom nie via iemand anders nie. Dis God self wat hier praat en BELOWE. Dis ook nie ‘n halwe belofte nie, en nie ‘n miskien, maybe baby tipe ding nie. Hy belowe dat Hy MY (en jou wat dit lees) die kop sal maak, ek SAL boontoe gaan, en nie ondertoe nie. Maar daar is ‘n voorwaarde daaraan gekoppel – jy moet die gebooie van God onderhou.

Slegs as jy jou deel doen, sal die Here Sy deel doen. Hoeveel keer doen ons nie iets wat ons eintlik afgelê het toe ons bekeer het nie? Of veronderstel was om af te lê met die sondige mens toe ons bekeer het nie…? Het jy nie dalk weer vir iemand ‘n halwe waarheid, wat eintlik maar ‘n leuen is, vertel nie? Iets belowe en dit nie gedoen nie? Iemand dalk ingedoen, op watter wyse ookal? Seergemaak, geskinder, o die lys voel eindeloos.

Jy sien en dis hier waar dit vir my voel die geveg tussen die kop en die stert inkom. Ons gees is gewillig maar ons vlees bly swak. En dis hoekom ons Jesus nodig het! Alleen kan ons dit nie doen nie. Die duiwel sal jou oor en oor kom condemn, oordeel, sleg laat voel. Laer as ‘n luis, want jy het nou al weer hierdie en daardie nie gedoen nie. Jou probeer aftrek ondertoe.

Maar, wanneer jy werklik bekeer het van jou ou sondige natuur en wel alles in jou vermoë doen om die Here lief te hê EN sy gebooie van liefde onderhou, kan dit mos nie anders as om die kop te wees en op te styg na bo nie? God se genade is groot, Hy vergewe ons as ons iets verkeerd gedoen het en ons omvergifnis vra. Ek kies om God se belofte aan te kleef, alles binne my vermoë doen om naaste liefde (en self liefde) te betoon, asook my liefde vir God.

Ja, ek faal nog soms (ek moes gaan google met ‘n v of f, net so tussen ons, sodat dit ek die regte betekenis oordra). En dis seker maar ook hoe mens leer en groei is dit nie? Niemand is perfek nie, maar ons kan streef na heiligmaking, onderhoud van gebooie. Wees ‘n Jesus-Freak, probeer heeltyd self liefde en naaste liefde betoon en wys, draai weg van ou, slegte gewoontes. Dan gaan jy sien wat gaan God vir jou doen!

Wie wen in jou lewe? Die Kop of die Stert? Wat is die uitkoms van die bannier wat groot gespan is, wat die geveg aankondig – Kop vs. Stert? Ek hoop seer sekerlik dat my uitslag Kop 1 – Stert 0 sal wees, en so sal aanhou!

Head vs. Tail