Now I have been meaning to finish this range of entries for some time now and the whole time something else requires more attention from me. Everytime I sit and write about this, storing a draft version, I feel that it is not right. It feels too superficial and actually nothing that God wants me to publish, if I can put it in that way.
Well, one morning in the shower, I think about all my draft versions that have started to write and just never published, and I think about what it really means to be bold. And just like that, the Holy Spirit comes, drops words in my thoughts, almost like when you put coins into a piggy bank.
I think to myself God is terribly on time. Everything on His time. So what God showed me, is, before you can be bold, you must first know what type of letter you really are. And with that I mean your style, your personality type, your body shape (yes this plays a big role in my opinion), who you are as a person, what you stand for on all levels, not only physically. And of course, who you are in Christ.
Then you have to start making peace with it. Apply self-love. I NEVER knew I was an A-shape body type. I always thought that I did something wrong so that my ass (ag I just have to use this word here and those of you who have heard me talk in real life, will understand that this just accentuates what I am talking about) is so big compared to the rest of my body. Instinctively I always purchase dresses rather than pants, because, oh my hat, finding pants that fit this body is just a losing battle it seems. Inherently God built it into me to choose items that flatter my body more, choosing colors and styles that suite my skin’s undertone better, without me even realising it.
Well then, after attending the Masterclass of Aletté Winckler in April, I learnt so much more about my physical appearance. I learnt to make peace with the fact that my bumb is bigger than my upperbody. It is what it is and it is WHAT I make of it.
Then, through all of this, I am busy with Ethics training from Probeta (I have some catching up to do and this is also why you have not heard anything more from me in this regard), based on personality types as described by Hettie Brittz (Tall Trees). Now this is another eye opener if I can call it that. Again, I could NEVER understand how sometimes, I can just go with the flow and be relaxed, taking life as it comes. And then in other situations, I freak out when I feel something does not happen the way I feel it should happen.
Yes you guessed it – THIS is who I am, WHO God made ME to be. I must learn to embrace it, accept it and develop it. This works on an emotional and spiritual level. So between the two things that I do and have done (Tall Trees and Aletté Winckler’s Masterclass), I am busy exploring and discovering who I am and what I am called for. I am also busy with EI Activator (Emotional Intelligence that expands on Tall Trees), but I have not made much progress there as yet, but I just know that the knowledge that I will obtain there will also just add more and more to this process.
So now that I know that I am an A type body letter, a Palm Tree AND a Boxwood, (I cannot elaborate much about EIA because I have to work a bit more through the material to know what I am there), I can proceed to discover myself with God by my side. He is busy teaching me about food (that I feel wants to overwhelm me every now and then) and what I must do to maintain my temple so that I can do the work which He called me for and placed me on earth for. And of course to develop that which needs developing…now my A can be an A that stands out.
Nou ek dreig al lank om hierdie reeks inskrywings klaar te maak, en heeltyd val iets voor. Elke keer as ek sit en hieroor skryf en die draft weergawe stoor, voel ek net nie dat dit reg is nie. Dit voel te oppervlakkig en eintlik glad nie Goddelik nie, as ek dit nou so kan stel.
Wel, een oggend in die stort, dink ek weer na oor al my drafts wat ek begin skryf het en net nie publiseer nie, en ek dink weer aan wat dit werklik beteken om bold te wees. En so kom die Heilige Gees en begin die woorde in my gedagtes laat val, amper soos wanneer jy munte in ‘n spaar bussie laat val.
God is terribly on time dink ek weer. Alles op Sy tyd. So wat die Here vir my gewys het, is, voordat jy bold kan wees, moet jy eers weet watter tipe letter IS jy nou eintlik. En met dit bedoel ek, wat is jou styl, jou persoonlikheidstipe, jou body shape (ja dit speel ‘n groot rol in my opinie), wie jy as ‘n mens is, waarvoor jy staan op alle vlakke, nie net fisies nie.Wie jy in Christus is.
Dan moet jy begin vrede maak met dit. Self-liefde toepas. Ek het NOOIT geweet ek is ‘n A-shapebody type nie. Altyd gedink EK doen iets verkeerd dat my ass (ag ek moet net die woord gebruik hier, die wat my al in lewende lywe hoor praat het sal verstaan dat dit net beklemtoon waarvan ek praat) so groot is teenoor die res van my lyf. Instinktief koop ek eerder rokkies as broeke, want liewe aarde, om broeke te kry om die lyf te pas is net ‘n stryd. So inherent het die Here dit in my ingebou om items te kies wat meer vleiend is, kleure en style te kies wat by my vel ondertoon pas, sonder dat ek dit besef.
Nou ja, na die Masterclass van Aletté Winckler wat ek in April bygewoon het, weet ek soveel meer van myself, wat uiterlike voorkoms aanbetref. Ek het geleer om vrede te maak met die feit dat my boude en bo bene groter is as my bolyf. Dit is was dit is, en dit is wat EK van dit maak.
Dan is ek ook deur alles deur, besig met Etiese opleiding van Probeta (ek het bietjie opvang werk om hier te doen en die dat julle nog nie enige iets sedert my laaste inskrywings gelees het nie), gebasseer op persoonlikheidstipes soos omskryf deur Hettie Brittz (Tall Trees). Nou dis nog ‘n eye opener as ek dit nou so kan noem. Weereens kon ek NOOIT verstaan hoe ek soms net voel ek gaan saam met die stroom dryf en ontspanne wees en die lewe vat soos hy kom nie. En dan weer in ander situasies omtrent uit freak as iets nie gebeur soos EK voel dit moet gebeur nie.
Ja, jy raai reg – DIS wie EK is, dis WIE God MY gemaak het om te wees. Ek moet leer om dit te omhels, aanvaar en te ontwikkel. Hierdie werk op ‘n emosionele en geestelike vlak. So tussen die twee goed wat ek doen en gedoen het (Tall Trees en Aletté Winckler se Masterclass), is ek besig om te ontdek wie ek is en waarvoor ek geroep is.Ek is ook besig met EI Activator (Emotional Intelligence wat uitbrei op Tall Trees) en nog nie verskriklike vordering daar gemaak nie, maar ek weet sommer daardie kennis wat ek daar gaan opdoen gaan ook net nog meer en meer bydra tot die hele proses.
So nou dat ek weet dat ek ‘n A lyf letter is, ‘n Palmboom EN ‘n Sierboom is, (ek kan nou nie iets sê van EIA nie want ek moet nog bietjie meer deur dit werk om te weet wat ek daar is), kan ek voort gaan om myself saam met God te ontdek. Hy is besig om my te leer van kos (wat my kort-kort wil oorweldig omdat ek voel ek weet niks van kos af nie) en wat ek moet doen om my tempel in stand te hou, sodat ek Sy werk kan doen waarvoor ek op aarde geplaas is. En natuurlik om te ontgin wat ontgin moet word….nou kan my A ‘n A wees wat uitstaan.
In October 2021, when I felt that I had to design the Pink Feathers range, I had no idea what I was letting myself in for, on all levels. Just as well, because if I knew, I probably would not have done it.
What am I talking about? The whole process of having an online store, managing the stock, finding money to pay for it all, but the biggest thing of everything – the photos for the webpage. I did not have a clue. Did not overthink it, because I was so focused on the designs and the physical product at the time.
But none the less. I took the photos in my way and as I saw fit. Looking back, they were AWFUL and the fact that someone purchased anything from me with those photos is actually a miracle!!
In the mean time I was growing during this process, and I decided to change the background, retake the photos, going through the motions of uploading them to my website again. It takes long, just by the way, because you are dependent on your internet speed. Then someone makes a comment on the photos, saying it must be a white back ground, taken from another angle, do this and change that.
Over the Easter weekend I decided to retake the photos AGAIN. The only white thing that I had in the house was a sheet. The lines made from folding, frustrates me, the reflection of the light (I am taking the photos at the dining room table, while the rest of my tribe is watching a movie) irritates me even more. I cannot get the phone’s (yes I use my phone because the Canon camera is also a frustration for me) positions exactly the same when holding it while taking the pictures.
The ring light stand thing that I use, actually just does not work and it feels to me like one huge mess. But now I have to push through, because I have already started the process, so I cannot give up now. With lots of frustrations, as you can clearly see, I push forward. Trying hard not to spend money on unnecessary things.
Some time later (a few months), I had a chat on Whatsapp with Anri Erasmus of Painted Lemons. Can I just tell you how this girl helped me since I got the plan from God? She was the one that I contacted to say I want to design a desk pad. She was the one that taught me about Canva, Creative Market and plenty of other things.
She was the one that connected me with the printers that I use, the tannie that makes the aprons. She was the one that just continued to support and guide me during the whole process. Anyway, I cannot remember how we started the conversation about photos, but I told her that I am not CRAZY about the current photos.
That is when she answered me (in her words) Nee tjommie, jy kry vir jou drie borde met mooi textures. I thought to myself WHAT? Say what now? What must I get? Where does one get the boards that she is talking about? Not too long after that, she sent the link to the boards from Flatlay Studio. Shortly after that another message came through with the app that I must download to take and edit pictures like a pro (and here I believe it stands for professional and not probeerder).
Wow! Such valuable knowledge! I took some money and purchased the necessary items. After the goods were delivered (what felt like an eternity but in reality was only a few days), curiosity got the better of me and I could not WAIT to take photos. I open the one item and think UUUHHMMM I think I purchased the wrong thing, I cannot see how one can take nice photos with this. Well, I was wrong!
One Saturday, while at the Spar, I made an Impromto decision to purchase fresh flowers for the photos. I start to take photos, but struggled with the angle and height while taking the pictures, all because I do not have a stand that works.I continue my photography session, snapping away. I took the pictures inside the house at night (because that is all time that I have). To me they look stunning but I still felt that something is missing.
In the mean time, I Whatsapp Anri YET AGAIN, sharing the photos that I have taken, with her, along with my frustrations. Oh my word, I realise now how frustrating the photographs were to me! Probably because I had no idea what it is that I was trying to do.
She said I must purchase a stand and sends a link on Takealot of one that she uses. She viewed my photographs – giving advice, recommending that I take the pictures in daylight rather than inside with lights switched on. The next day I start AGAIN, retaking the photos. Why I don’t know, because I do not have the stand yet. I start a bit late in the afternoon, and I do not have enough daylight to finish. I continue inside and then I saw the difference between natural light and lights switched on.
I felt so discouraged, because my photos are not finished, the fresh flowers are going to die and we are going on leave. I do not have a stand. I don’t have time to do this in the week, I have to work. The day job’s work does not stop. I decided to put the flowers in the fridge (they are Proteas and I reckoned they will last long), letting the other leaves dry out, putting it in a container to protect it from dust.
The stand arrived while we were on leave. The day after returning from leave, I decided to retake all the photos AGAIN, this time with the stand and some stickers as markers for placing the different items in the same position (I am mos now becoming a pro) in daylight on the stoep. The flowers still look fine so I do not have to go to the Spar AGAIN to purchase some fresh flowers.
Let me just tell you, halfway through this process, when it felt like my back was breaking off from being in awkward positions from taking pictures, I think to myself WHAT WAS I THINKING? WHY AM I DOING THIS? But, I cannot stop now. I have come this far, I need to push through….
Can I just say one thing? I have new respect for website photos. Especially of stationery. Because how on earth do you take photos of these items to make them look pretty and inviting for people to purchase? Anyway. The photography session is done, photos are edited and uploaded to my website. When looking back on where I started less than 1 year ago and where I am now, I cannot help but notice God’s hand in everything.
How He sent me people (ok one person with connections) to help and guide me through the whole process. Anri Erasmus, from the bottom of my heart I want to thank you that you responded to this crazy lady’s Facebook messenger message in 2020. That you invited me to your house to answer all my questions around the Bible that I wanted to purchase, the paint and all the other things I wanted to know. Explaining and answering everything that comes so easy and naturally to you, so patiently to me.
And how you just guided me on and off during this process. When I was stuck with something, sending you 500 messages when I am uncertain about something (only people who have communicated with me on Whatsapp will understand this one), you just keep me calm, explaining everything step-by-step of what I needed to know at that point in time. THANKS for this!!!
Above all, thank you God for the knowledge and wisdom that You gave to me, with what I call God’s crazy plan (said with respect of course) and for the development and growth that I can see in myself on all levels. Emotionally, spiritually and physically. I want to share some photos on this entry of the transformation – where it started and where it is now, the ones that stand proud and tall on my webpage.
This is now truly a testimony of the scripture Anything is possible with God. I hear in my mind how the kids sing-talk together A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G IS POSSIBLE WITH GOD. A-L-L-E-S IS MOONTLIK MET GOD. Something they were taught at Eden Leersentrum. And it is truly so. Everything is possible with God’s help. If a Chartered Accountant can take these types of pictures and be this creative, then anyone can do anything!
The first photoThe next oneWith the sheet and other decór itemsWith Flatlay Studio boards and banners
Toe ek in Oktober 2021 ervaar het dat die Pienk Vere reeks ontwerp moet word, het ek nie die vaagste benul gehad waarvoor ek myself, op alle vlakke, in laat nie. Ook maar goed so, want ek dink nie ek sou dit gedoen het nie!
Waarvan praat ek nou? Die hele proses om ‘n aanlyn winkel te hê, te bestuur, voorraad en voorbeelde te laat maak, geld om alles te betaal, maar die grootste van alles – die fotos vir die webblad. Ek het nie ‘n clue gehad nie. Nie daaroor gedink nie, want ek was so gefokus op die ontwerpe en fisiese produk.
Maar nie te min. Ek het toe fotos geneem op my manier en soos ek goed gedink het. As ek nou terug kyk was dit AAKLIG en die feit dat enige iemand by my iets gekoop het met daardie fotos is eintlik ‘n wonderwerk!!
So groei ek toe nou in die proses, besluit om die agtergrond te verander, neem weer fotos, gaan weer deur die proses om dit op my webblad te laai. Dit neem lank, net so tussen ons, want jy is afhanklik van jou internet se spoed. Dan lewer iemand kommentaar op die fotos en sê dit moet ‘n skoon en wit agtergrond wees, neem bietjie van ‘n ander hoek af, maak so en doen dat.
Oor Paasnaweek besluit ek om WEER al my fotos oor te neem. Al wit ding wat ek in die huis het is ‘n laken. Die vou lyne frustreer my, die weerkaatsing van die lig (ek neem dit in die aand op die eetkamer tafel terwyl die res van my gesin ‘n fliek kyk) irriteer my nog meer. Ek kry nie die foon (ja ek neem met my foon want die Canon kamera is ook ‘n frustrasie vir my) se posisie presies dieselfde vas gehou wanneer ek neem nie.
Die ring lig staander ding wat ek gebruik werk eintlik glad nie en dis eintlik net een vet groot gemors voel dit vir my. Maar nou moet ek deur druk, want ek het nou mos klaar die proses begin, ek kan nie nou moed op gee nie. So karring ek aan, baie gefrustreerd soos jy seker kan aflei, maar ek werk met wat ek het en probeer om nie onnodige geld op fieterjasies te spandeer nie.
Heelwat later (‘n paar maande), gesels ek eendag op Whatsapp met Anri Erasmus van Painted Lemons. Kan ek net vir jou vertel hoe die girl my gehelp het sedert ek die plan van die Here af gekry het? Sy was die een wat ek gekontak het om te sê ek wil ‘n desk pad ontwerp. Sy was die een wat my geleer het van Canva, Creative Market en nog vele ander goed.
Sy was die een wat my in verbinding gesit het met die drukkers wat ek gebruik, die tannie wat die voorskote maak. Sy was die een wat my net aanhou ondersteun en lei het deur die hele proses. Nou ja, ek kan nie onthou hoe ons begin praat het oor fotos nie, maar ek sê toe vir haar dat ek nie MAL is ook my huidige fotos nie.
Dis toe dat sy vir my antwoord (in haar woorde nou) Nee tjommie, jy kry vir jou drie borde met mooi textures. Ek dink by my self WAT? Wat moet ek nou kry? Waar kry mens die borde waarvan sy praat? Nie lank na dit nie, kom die skakel deur vir die borde van Flatlay Studio af. Net daarna nog ‘n boodskap van ‘n app wat ek moet aflaai om soos ‘n pro (en hier glo ek dit staan vir professional en nie probeerder nie) fotos te kan neem en edit.
Wow. Watter wonderlike kennis! Ek haal toe maar geld uit en skaf die nodige aan vir my. Na die goed afgelaai word by my (wat soos ‘n ewigheid voel maar eintlik net ‘n paar dae is), kan ek natuurlik nie WAG om foto’s te neem nie. Ek maak die een oop en dink UUUHHMMM ek dink ek het ‘n verkeerde ding gekoop, ek kan nie sien hoe mooi fotos van dit af gaan kom nie. Wel, ek was verkeerd!
Impromto besluit ek een Saterdag, toe ek by die Spar was, om vars blomme te koop vir die foto’s. Daar begin ek toe om fotos te neem, maar sukkel steeds met die hoek en hoogte waarteen dit geneem word, want ek het nie ‘n staander wat werk nie.Ek begin neem en neem en neem. Ek neem in die huis die aand fotos (want dis al tyd wat ek het). Dit lyk vir my stunning, maar ek voel steeds iets kort.
In die tussentyd, Whatsapp ek ALWEER vir Anri en deel die foto’s wat ek geneem het met haar, asook my frustrasies. Sjoe ek kom nou net agter dat die hele foto-nemery vir my ‘n frustrasie was! Seker maar omdat ek eintlik glad nie geweet het wat ek probeer doen nie.
Sy sê toe ek moet ‘n staander koop en stuur ‘n skakel op Takealot van een wat sy gebruik. Sy kyk na my fotos – gee raad en advies en beveel aan om in natuurlike lig te neem eerder as in die huis met ligte aan geskakel. Die volgende dag begin ek WEER van voor af. Hoekom, weet ek nie, want ek het nog nie ‘n staander nie. Ek begin fotos in die middag te neem, daglig raak min en ek kon nie klaar kry nie.Ek neem in die huis verder in die aand en toe begin ek die verskil sien tussen natuurlike lig en onnatuurlike lig.
My moed sak in my skoene, want nou is my goed nie klaar geneem nie, die blomme gaan afgaan en ons gaan met verlof. Ek het nie ‘n staander nie. Ek het nie tyd in die week om dit te doen nie, ek moet werk. Die day job se werk hou nie op nie. Ek bêre die blomme in die yskas (dis Proteas so hulle sal lank hou het ek geredeneer) en laat maar die ander blare uit droog en bêre dit in ‘n houer om te bewaar teen stof.
Terwyl ons met verlof was, arriveer die staander. Die dag na ons terug gekom het van verlof af, besluit ek om WEER alles oor af te neem, die keer met die staander saam, stickers geplak om die verskillende ontwerpe op min of meer dieselfde plek te laat lê (ek sê mos ek raak nou ‘n pro), in daglig op die stoep. Die blomme lyk nog goed genoeg vir fotos so ek hoef nie WEER Spar toe te ry en te koop nie.
Kyk, halfpad deur hierdie proses, toe my rug voel of hy wil afbreek van die vreemde prosisie wat ek in gestaan en buk het om af te neem, dink ek weer by myself WAT HET MY BESIEL? HOEKOM DOEN EK HIERDIE? Maar, ek kan nie nou stop nie. Ek is nou so ver, ek moet maar deur druk…..
Kan ek net een ding sê? Ek het nuwe respek vir webblad fotos. Veral van skryfbehoeftes. Want hoe op dees aarde neem jy dit af dat dit mooi en aanloklik lyk vir mense om te WIL koop? Nie te min. Die fotos is klaar geneem, geedit en opgelaai op my webblad. As ek terug kyk na waar ek begin het, minder as 1 jaar gelede en waar ek nou is, kan ek net die Here se hand in alles sien.
Hoe Hy mense gestuur het (ok een mens met connections) om my net te help en te lei deur die hele proses. Anri Erasmus, uit die diepte van my hart bedank ek jou dat jy hierdie crazy vrou op Facebook se messenger boodskap in 2020 beantwoord het. Dat jy my na jou huis genooi het om al my vrae te vra oor die Bybel wat ek wou koop, die verf, en net al die ander vrae te antwoord en geduldig, alles wat so natuurlik en maklik vir jou kom, te verduidelik.
En hoe jy my net aan en af lei deur die proses. As ek met my hande in my hare sit, en 500 boodskappe begin stuur as ek onseker is (net mense wat al op Whatsapp met my gesels het sal die een lekker verstaan), kom jy, en hou my net rustig en kalm, en verduidelik net alles stap-vir-stap wat ek nodig het op te weet op daardie tydstip. DANKIE vir dit!!!
Bo dit alles, dankie Here vir die insig, kennis en wysheid wat U my gegee het, met wat ek noem Die Here se mal plan (met respek gesê natuurlik) en vir die groei wat ek kan sien in my as mens op alle vlakke. Emosioneel, geestelik en fisies. Ek deel so paar fotos op die inskrywing van waar ek was en hoe dit getransformeer het na die fotos wat nou met trots op my webblad pronk.
Hierdie is nou wragties ‘n getuienis van Met God is alles moontlik se skrif vers. Ek hoor in my gedagtes hoe die kinders saam in ‘n koor sing A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G IS POSSIBLE WITH GOD. A-L-L-E-S IS MOONTLIK MET GOD. Iets wat hulle by Eden Leersentrum geleer het. En dit is wragties so. Alles is moontlik met God se hulp. As ‘n Chartered Accountant sulke fotos kan neem en so kreatief kan wees, dan kan enige iemand enige iets doen!
Die eerste fotoDie volgende eenMet die laken en ander dekorMet Flatlay Studio se borde en banners
Here we are, mid-October already and I cannot help but wonder where the time is going to. I know I have said it in almost every entry (or so it felt like to me), but, seriously, the time goes by so quickly, I feel I cannot keep up! I then look at my desk pad and this month’s scripture.
I compare it with the other versions on my electronic Bible (how wonderful is technology?) just to make sure I have the correct interpretation. And I think I have it!
So Paul (it was he who wrote Corinthians was it not?) wrote here that nothing that we have ever seen, heard or thought about in our hearts, can describe what God has prepared for us. Wow, I think a moment about this and realise just HOW big this is. I think most certainly it refers to the eternal life, but also our time here on earth.
God’s plan for us is prosperity and not harm, is that not so? So why can this not be applicable to our time here on earth too? Practically I can testify about this scripture and what happened in my life. And don’t get me wrong, we need hard and harder times, because that is when we are formed and character is built. But the good times and the prosperous times are needed too.
You see, if I have to think about all my earthly desires that I have, then I think it will be awesome if all my tasks associated with my day job, will be up to date and stay that way. That I have no pressure what so ever and that everything will just go smoothly the whole time, every time. Of course I have a million or three other desires too (we all have this dream about something you know?), but this one stands out to me the most.
So I thought that this was my biggest desire. Well, I was wrong!! You see, during September 2022, God fulfilled a desire for me that I did not think about, heard of before or had seen as yet. You guessed it – the radio interview! What an experience that was! You see, I did not think that it is something that I want to do. And now, said with a tongue-in-the-cheek, it feels like this is ALL that I want to do! The dream job, the one that you always dream about but never get to do.
God fulfilled and surpassed my wildest, biggest desires with that interview. A day or so after the interview, I paged through my desk pad’s scriptures for the remainder of the year and then it struck me – THIS is what God meant with this verse. Now, think to yourself, if something like a radio interview feels big to me, how BIG and WONDERFUL are His plans for us?
It is BIG, very BIG, our brains cannot fathom this, even if we try very hard to wrap it around this. And I think, actually, it is better this way, because now we have something to look forward to! Do you look forward to what God has planned for you? I most definitely look forward to what God has planned for me, Beroepsvrou and my day job…
So staan ons alweer op middel Oktober en ek kan nie help om te wonder waarheen die tyd aanstap nie. Ek weet ek het dit in amper elke inskrywing gesê, (of so voel dit vir my), maar regtig, die tyd vlieg so vinnig! Ek kyk na my desk pad en die maand se skrif.
Ek gaan vergelyk dit met ander weergawes op my elektroniese Bybel (is tegnologie nie wonderlik nie?) net om seker te maak ek het die korrekte interpretasie hier beet. En ek dink ek het hom!
So Paulus (was mos hy wat Korinthiërs geskryf het?) skryf hier dat niks wat ons al gesien, gehoor het of in ons harte opgekom het, kan beskryf dit wat God vir ons berei het nie. Wow, ek dink so oomblik na hieroor en besef net hoe gróót dit is. Vir seker dink ek dit verwys na die ewige lewe maar ook ons tyd hier op aarde.
God beplan mos dinge van voorspoed vir ons, nie teëspoed nie, nie waar nie? So hoekom kan dit nie van toepassing wees vir ons tyd hier op aarde nie? Nou prakties kan ek getuig van hierdie skrif en dit wat in my lewe gebeur het. Moet my nie verkeerd verstaan nie. Die moeilike en harde tye is vir seker ook nodig, want dis wanneer ons gevorm word en karakter gebou word. Maar die goeie tye is net so nodig vir ons tyd hier op aarde.
Jy sien, as ek nou moet dink aan al my aardse begeertes wat ek het, wat ek nou dink awesome sal wees vir my, is dit sekerlik dat al my werk op datum sal wees en so sal bly. Dat ek nie werksdruk het nie en dat alles net die heeltyd vlot sal verloop wat dit aan betref. Natuurlik het ek seker nog ‘n miljoen of drie ander begeertes (ons almal droom mos maar van ietsie jy weet?), maar díe een staan vir my die meeste uit.
So het ek gedink dat dit my grootste begeerte was. Wel, ek was verkeerd!! Jy sien, gedurende September 2022, het die Here vir my ‘n begeerte vervul wat ek nog nooit aan gedink het nie, nie gesien of gehoor het nie. Ja jy het reg geraai – die radio onderhoud! Wat ‘n belewenis was dit nie net nie, jy sien, ek het nie gedink dat dit is iets wat ek graag sal wil doen nie. En nou, tong-in-die-kies gesê, voel dit vir my is dit ál wat ek wil doen! Die dream job, die een waarvan mens net droom en nooit kry nie.
Die Here het my wildste, grootste begeertes met daardie onderhoud oortref. So ‘n dag of wat na die onderhoud, blaai ek deur my deskpad se skrif verse en toe tref dit my – DIS wat die Here bedoel met die vers. Nou kan jy jouself indink, as iets soos ‘n radio onderhoud vir my gróót voel, hoe GRÓÓT is die planne wat die Here vir ons het nie net nie?
Dis GRÓÓT, baie GRÓÓT, ons breine kan dit nie indink nie, al probeer ons hoe hard en lank! En eintlik is dit ook goed so, want nou het ons ietsie om na uit te sien! Sien jy uit na wat Hy vir jou beplan? Ek sien uit na dit wat die Here nog vir my, Beroepsvrou, en die day job in gedagte het…
The whole week, while we were on holiday, I had this longing for the caregiver in our family. As we were travelling back from our sea side holiday, my thoughts wander. To my sister Erika Breytenbach. You see, those of you who are only tuning in to my blog now, may not know this, but she and her family made the choice one year ago to uproot themselves and to settle in another country.
At first I did not understand why I had this yearning and longing, especially now. But then I saw on Facebook how she shared her heart and emotions of being on the other side of the world for one year and how traumatic it actually was with the Pandemic. My heart was crying when I saw this. Then I understood, because, somewhere my brain made the connection with this time of the year and someone dying alive to me, if this makes sense at all at what I am trying to say here. With this I mean, they are still alive, but out of reach for fleshy hugs and physical contact.
I scroll by the entries fast, because I am scared that I will start crying like I did when I greeted them, what felt like 100 times in Pretoria one year ago. We did not visit each that frequently. When I was younger, yes, and before kids, for sure. At that stage we visited them more often. But then life got too busy and the Pandemic and lock down limited travels between provinces.
I call her the care giver, because she is the nurse in our family. She does not like it very much when called a nurse, because she actually is a Sister. And yes, there is a difference. Probably the same as in my career when people call me a bookkeeper when that is not what I am.
She has this ability to keep one calm. Especially in crisis situations. With our car accident 16 years ago, I trusted her more than all the doctors and nurses at the hospital. When my child sustained a head wound from jumping off a bed (with my mom being in a coma at the time), she was the one that I phoned (yes, I panicked and struck a blank as to what to do with the head wound). If a client received a diagnoses of some form, then I would turn to her to explain what is actually meant with this knowledge that we have just gained.
When my mom was in the coma and had to go in for the MRI, she was the one that was standing next to her, cool, calm and relaxed, holdig our dying mother’s hand. Not once could I detect any panic wanting to overwhelm her. I remember standing there, watching her, thinking to myself How do you do that????
I also think of her husband Jaco. How he inspired me to become a CA. Giving crash courses just before exams on how to operate a financial calculator (something I have forgotten long ago and for the life of me, still cannot operate effectively and correctly).
Well then, my dear sister and heavy (a direct translation for swaar when we actually mean swaer – and yes – go and google all the meanings and then you will connect the dots on this translation), I truly hope that your roots will settle quickly on the new soil that you find yourself on. I hear it is hard to immigrate. Mixed emotions when you decide to do something like this. I don’t know if I told you this, but one year ago, on the camp, God confirmed to me that I have to let you go.
Over and over He said this is how it must be. He even gave me a map of New Zealand on that same camp. As if He wanted me to HEAR and SEE that this is part of His plan and that I must trust the process, even if it does not make sense to me.
Love you sis. Our caregiver. Our eldest sister. The one that made slap chips (fries for those of you who do not know and understand the South-African Afrikaans slang used here) from fresh potatoes for lunch, with a white sauce made from scratch. It probably did not happen that often, but it stood out to me from growing up together.
I cried so much when you went to P.E. to go and study there (and no, I cannot type or pronounce the new name for Port Elizabeth so in my mind it will stay P.E.). Because it felt so far away. So out of reach. Little did I know that you will choose a destination even further away. Miss you. Even if we are only a Whatsapp call apart, the time zones are tricky to work around…
I am trying my utmost best to keep the fern alive that I got from you. It almost did not survive winter. But I think I have found the spot for it, where his leaves are green and soft and healthy – I am most certainly not going to move it again. It stands here right next to my computer and when I see it, I think of you. The fern that stands tall and proud on the cover photo of my blog, next to me on the desk.
Until we see each other again. And to be able to give fleshy hugs to each other. Until then I will swallow back the tears. Pretending that it is just a dream. Putting my head in the ground and making the decision to not think about it too much. Because that helps to ease the pain and longing, even if just by a little bit.
The junk journal that came with the map (I made this myself by the way) The celebrations of one year in a foreign country.
Die hele week terwyl ons by die see vakansie hou, het ek heimwee en verlange na die versorger in ons familie. Soos wat ons terug ry van ons see vakansie, dwaal my gedagtes. Na my sussie Erika Breytenbach toe. Jy sien, die wat nou eers inskakel by my webjoernaal weet dalk nie, maar sy en haar gesin het ‘n jaar terug besluit om hul wortels op te trek en in ‘n ander land te gaan vestig.
Eers het ek nie verstaan hoekom ek die verskriklike verlange, juis nou het nie. Maar toe ek op Facebook sien hoe sy haar hart deel van een jaar daar en hoe traumaties dit eintlik was met die Pandemie saam, huil my hart. Toe verstaan ek, want iewers het my brein die tyd van die jaar onthou en gekoppel aan iemand wat lewendig dood gegaan het vir my, as dit nou enigsins sin maak. Met dit bedoel ek, hulle lewe nog, maar is buite bereik vir fleshy hugs en fisiese aanraking.
Ek blaai dan vinnig verby die Facebook inskrywings, want ek is bang ek begin huil soos ek gehuil het toe ek hulle, wat voel soos 100 keer, gaan groet het in Pretoria 1 jaar gelede. Ons het nie mekaar se drumpels deurgetrap nie. Toe ek jonger was, ja, en voor kinders, vir seker. Toe het ons baie meer gekuier. Maar toe raak die lewe te besig en die Pandemie het ons almal nog meer ingeperk met reise oor provinsies.
Ek noem haar die versorger, want sy is die nurse in ons familie. Sy hou nie baie daarvan as jy haar ‘n nurse noem nie, want sy is eintlik ‘n Sister. En ja daar is ‘n verskil. Seker maar soos my beroep en mense wat my ‘n boekhouer noem wanneer ek eintlik nie dit is nie.
Sy het hierdie vermoë om mens rustig te hou. Veral in mediese krisis situasies. Met ons kar ongeluk 16 jaar terug het ek haar meer vertrou as die dokters en ander nurses by die hospitaal.Toe my kind haar kop oopgeval het (met my ma wat in ‘n koma was) was sy die een wat ek gebel het (ja, ek het gepanic en ‘n blank geslaan oor wat om te doen met die kopwond). As ‘n kliënt ‘n diagnose van ‘n aard gekry het, was sy die een vir wie ek gevra het wat hulle nou eintlik bedoel met die kennis wat ons nou bygekry het.
Toe my ma in die koma was en in moes gaan vir die MRI, was sy die een wat kalm en rustig langs haar gestaan het en haar hand vas gehou het. Nie een keer het paniek haar oorval nie. Ek onthou nog ek het haar so staan en kyk en by myself gedink Hoe doen jy dit?????
Ek dink ook aan haar man Jaco. Hoe hy my geinspireer het om ‘n CA te word. Crash courses net voor eksamens gegee het oor hoe om ‘n finansiële sakrekenaar te gebruik (wat ek lankal weer vergeet het hoe dit werk en om die dood toe nie vandag kan reg gebruik nie).
Nou ja sussie en heavy (‘n direkte vertaling vir swaar wanneer ons swaer bedoel) ek hoop regtig jul wortels vestig gou in die grond in. Ek hoor dit is hard en moeilik om te emigreer. Mixed emotions wanneer jy so iets besluit. Ek weet nie of ek vir jou gesê het nie, maar die Here het vir my op die kamp laas jaar, bevestiging gegee dat dit so is, ek moet julle laat gaan.
Oor en oor het Hy gesê dit moet so wees. Hy het selfs vir my ‘n kaart van Nieu Seeland (ag jitte ek weet nou nie of ek dit reg spel nie) gegee. So asof Hy net wou hê ek moet HOOR en SIEN dat dit deel van Sy plan is en dat ek net die proses moet vertrou al maak dit nie sin vir my nie.
Lief jou sussie. Ons versorger. Ons ousus. Die een wat slap chips vars gebraai het vir middagete met witsous van scratch af gemaak. Dit het seker nie baie gebeur nie maar dit staan vir my uit van ons grootword jare.
Ek het my oë uit my kop uit gehuil toe jy P.E. toe gegaan het om te swot (en nee ek weet nogsteeds nie hoe om P.E. se nuwe naam uit te spreek of te spel nie, so Port Elizabeth sal dit bly vir my). Want dit het so ver gevoel. So buite bereik. Min het ek geweet dat jy nou nog ‘n verder bestemming sou kies. Mis jou. Al is ons net ‘n Whatsapp oproep ver neuk die tydsones so bietjie…
Ek probeer hard om die varing wat ek by jou gekry het aan die lewe te hou. Hy het amper nie die winter gemaak nie. Maar hy staan nou op sy plekkie waar sy blare lowergroen vertoon en waar nuwe blare uitkom – ek gaan hom vir seker nie weer skuif nie. Hy staan hier reg langs my rekenaar en as ek die varing sien dan dink ek aan jou. Die varing wat trots pronk in die foto van my blad, langs my op die lessenaar.
Tot ons mekaar weer sien. En fleshy hugs kan uitdeel en gee vir mekaar. Tot dan sluk ek maar die trane af en weg. Maak ek maar of dit net ‘n droom is. Druk my kop in die grond en kies maar om nie te veel daaraan te dink nie. Want dit maak die seer en verlange net so effens makliker om te hanteer.
Die junk journal waarin die kaart was (ek het die self gemaak net so tussen ons)Die vieringe van een jaar in die vreemde.
The other day I went onto social media, on Facebook and saw the memories that were shared 3 years ago. It was a conversation with my son, 10 years old at the time. For those of you who know him, knows that he loves facts and that our house is full of various types of fact books.
None the less, I cannot recall the exact conversation. I almost think that he randomly said something to the effect of “Who is the best mommy in the world?”
With a chest swelling up from being proud, I sit and listen, waiting for Mom of the year award to be given to me by my 10 year old son. But soon all my dreams were shattered. His answer to the question? “An Octopus. Because she looks after her eggs for 52 months.”
I could not help but laugh, and I still laugh when I am reminded about these random facts that we learn every so often from Franco! Never a dull moment in the Potgieter household!
And the Mom of the year award goes to….Mother Octopus!!!
Die ander dag gaan ek op sosiale media, op Bakkiesboek aka Facebook en sien die memories wat gedeel was van 3 jaar gelede. Nou dit was ‘n gesprek met my seun. Toe 10 jaar oud. Die wat vir Franco ken sal weet dat hy versot is op feite en dat ons huis vol verskeie tipe feite boeke is.
Nie te min, ek kan nie meer lekker die presiese gesprek onthou nie. Ek dink amper hy het randomly iets gesê in die lyn van “Wie is die beste mamma in die wêreld?”
Breëbors sit ek en luister en wag om die Ma van die jaar toekenning by my 10 jarige seun te kry. Gou was my drome aan skerwe. Die antwoord op sy vraag? “‘n Seekat. Want sy pas haar eiers vir 52 maande op.”
Ek kon nie help om te lag nie en giggel steeds toe ek herinner was aan die random facts wat ons gereeld leer by Franco! Never a dull moment in die Potgieter woning!
And the Mom of the year award goes to….Mamma Seekat!!!
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