Waking up on Monday morning, I feel exhausted, like usual, dragging myself to sit behind the computer to do my work. I struggle to get going. I feel overwhelmed by everything that must happen. Mondays in particular feel short to me. I normally struggle to get into a working mode after a weekend and sometimes I need a weekend after the weekend to just recover from being busy the two preceding days.
While doing my make up, I feel the thoughts moving through my mind and it feels like 1 million things all at once. When is my own hair going to be nice and thick and long like it was before the Pandemic (and maybe even before my mom’s death)? When will I be able to walk into a shop and buy a denim and know that it fits? Without it looking like I jumped from the top of the cupboard to fit into the pants? Why do I write a Blog? Do people really benefit from it? Do I spend enough time with God?
What is on my planning in terms of work for today and the week ahead? Have I REALLY lost weight and centimeters? Is everyone not lying to me? I still cannot find a denim that fits! The joys of being an A-shaped body type. What if all the coffee I have been consuming is actually making me fatter and is busy working against all the exercising? Oh my word, I have eaten A LOT of rusks the past few weeks!!!! I am going to be bloated like a piece of dough….
Do I spend enough time with my kids? Is my child studying enough for school? Are we not supposed to do something more to help him? My word, I suppose I have to wash my hair again, my scalp is itchy. I work out in my mind about washing hair (yes, really, it needs planning too it feels). I am exercising today and Wednesday so it does not help to wash it today or before Wednesday. My day is short today! What am I getting my husband for his birthday? I miss my mom. I wonder about my two sisters and if they have settled in, living happily ever after. I think it will be nice to move. Or will it? Urgh, who is going to do the sorting and throwing away of stuff? We have gathered junk over time that was just supposed to be thrown away to begin with!!
More and more thoughts are just going through my mind, occupying me while getting ready to tackle the day ahead. It frustrates me to do make up daily. Even if it is the bare minimum, it feels like it wastes time. But I do not like going without make up, feeling pale. I like dressing up, making myself look pretty with make up. It frustrates me even more spending so much time blow drying my hair. It also feels like a waste of time, but I look like a lion that stuck its finger into a plug if I do not make it look pretty.
I realise that there is a bit of a cloud hanging over me, something that does not happen that often in comparison with my younger years. I am not sure what the name of the cloud is, but I sense it. I proceed, doing my thing for the day. I get dressed for exercise, travel to Harties, elated to see that I have a training buddy in the Mom’s class. Something that I have not had for about 6 weeks. Or is it 8 weeks? The time flies so quickly I cannot keep count any more.
For 6 (or 8) weeks or how long ever it may be, I have been exercising alone. My fellow moms in the Moms’ class have all disappeared. Just like that, poof and in the blink of an eye, after the April holidays, it was just me. I wonder if the raptures have taken place when it comes to exercising? Am I the only one that did not make the cut for the exercise raptures? There was someone else once or twice during this time, but she decided to stop the class in the time slot that we exercise. She always has work meetings that do not keep to the scheduled time and then she misses class.
In these 6 to 8 weeks that I had been exercising alone, I wanted to give up many times. Stop exercising. I worked out in my mind that I spend 2 hours a week travelling to exercise. I am sure I can do more in that time at home, maybe even exercise for longer. Yeah right I answer myself in the process. It is no fun exercising alone. My kids are not there (their class is closed until August), all my fellow moms are gone, it is just me and the trainer. There is nothing wrong with her. I just do not know her. And she does not know me. The first exercise that she made me do, I thought Seriously, must I pick up weights this light? I can do heavier.
I then tell her that she is welcome to push me a bit harder to exercise more and use heavier weights – I will say something if I cannot do it. I understand that she has no idea where my fitness levels are and what I am capable of and hence the reason for starting with such light weights. As the time passes, I got used to exercising on my own, I even started to enjoy it. I never experienced personal training before in my life and it was actually very nice! A small little blessing from God’s hand, just so that I can say on my CV one day – received personal training (not that I put stuff like that on a CV but I am sure that you understand what I mean). I don’t even have a CV. Anyway MOVING ON!
It was as if she was customising the exercises for me and all my problem areas! She forced me to jog. The first few times I gave her a bit of lip, because I do not like jogging at all. But I do it anyway. I actually start enjoying it – still not CRAZY about it but I know it does something for the goal I am working towards. Sometimes I cannot put one foot in front of the other after one round’s exercise, but the jogging is nice some how in a weird and unique way. To clean your head some how and to just recover from the hard work during the WOD.
Monday, after the exercise session, I am measured. Again I am sweating in strange places, like I have been doing since I started my personal training (unwillingly). Marisa was so excited after taking my first measurement – around my waist. I lost 8 centimeters! I look at her and think she must be joking. She pinches and measures me in weird places whose names I cannot pronounce, writing it all down. I can feel how the cloud that was hanging around my head is lifting away – was I subconsciously nervous about the measurements and that I would deliver no results?
Today, Thursday 16 June 2022, I received my results. A total of 23,5 cm was lost (that is if I doubled the right results – because I have two legs and arms and only one of each was measured). Really? Can it be? I did not purposefully take on a weight loss challenge. I mean, I have been exercising with the purpose of losing weight, but in the 2 years I have been doing so, I have not really lost any weight or centimeters, in my opinion. I really thought I was going to be one of those people who is now exercising only to not put on more weight. I will stay Dik-a-licious as my husband often jokes with me, singing parts of the song by Snotkop, trying to lift my mood if I feel down about my weight.
With a grateful and thankful heart, I designed something to show the results better so that one can see where I have lost what. I am sharing it with this entry. I also went to count how many weeks it was since my last measurement. It was 7 and a half weeks ago that I measured and officially started training with Marisa. Just between us – I have never in my life done anything like this, measuring myself and then comparing results later. It is all a new concept to me. In this time I also did not exercise 2x per week every week, due to public holidays, a sore throat, swine flu, bronchitis and who knows what was standing between Marisa and I exercising.
I am convinced in my heart that, if I had eaten better and exercised 2x per week in that time, the results would have been even better. I am super excited about the journey that lies ahead. Eventually I feel like I am on the right road. I still drink my coffee, full cream milk coffee nogal and more than one per day. I cut back on the number of cups per day, as well as taking in starch during the week and empty calories in the form of chocolates, salty snacks, chips and so forth. I must now just work purposefully at my rusks intake. Good golly miss Molly, I just LOVE rusks with a lovely full cream milk coffee!
I don’t think I am THERE when it comes to food. I know I can do better. With God’s help and guidance, I can do even better. But, in my heart I feel that I must make small changes over a period of time, lifestyle changes you know? Rather than one massive change all at once. I just cannot cope with too much change at once. Every day’s little bit every single day.
Exercising twice per week for longer times does deliver good results! I cannot exercise five days in the week, as I really would like to do! As I close off here, I realise that God gave me one of my heart’s desires without me nagging Him for it day in and day out. A few years ago, I looked with puppy dog eyes, at a friend’s post on Facebook about her weight loss results, the photo of the big T-shirt vs the size she wore at that time (and still does), probably while I was munching away at another piece of rusk and not exercising at all.
I look at the title for this entry and laugh by myself. I recon I wrote about everything in between too. I realise again that God is in the detail, as usual. He knows what He plans for us. Plans of prosperity. Even if it is something as small and insignificant like becoming fitter, losing weight and becoming firmer. Something I always said that I will do ONE DAY. Well, my ONE DAY has arrived and it was also because I did something purposefully about it. I did not continue to moan and groan with a chocolate in one hand and a Coke in the other hand, all the time while not exercising.
Die koffie, die sentimeters, die oefening en alles tussen in.
