Year: 2022
The Ethics training
It is December 2022. I vowed to finish this Ethics training, which I rolled my eyes to (or is it for?) when the requirements were sent through by SAICA, and I committed to bring it up to date by end of December 2022. Well, all that I can say is that life keeps on happening! My word. I really don’t know how one is supposed to fit everything into a very busy schedule and maintain the balance!
On a cold and rainy day in December, when no one can splash around in the pool, sending me on a pity party because I have to do this training, while everyone else is relaxing, I decided to take on this training thing. What I realised now, is, when I started this training, it feels that I actually approached and did this incorrectly. But, then again, I don’t think there is a right and a wrong way to do this?
In my previous entries that I wrote about this Ethics training, and my experience with it, my focus was more on the journaling side of it, it seems. The part where your brain is stretched a bit. I did do some of the other things in between, watching the videos and so forth, but, my focus was more on the journal side of things it seemed. Which is probably also not wrong, is it? I mean, I experienced it as wonderful and fantastic! Because all the questions that are asked, that you must write about, lets you think, which is wonderful in my opinion! I did not work through all the other documents in detail and in depth. So maybe I should not place the cart before the horses and just do the journaling side of things. I should rather do it systematic, month by month, just like my Boxwood personality loves to do things. The other thing I realised now, is, I cannot do 12 months worth of training in a day. It is designed in such a way to do little-by-little over a longer period….
I then decided to back track with my training, because, you see, after doing each month’s training, you have to answer a few questions to obtain a training certificate. Now this certificate is the most important thing in terms of worldly requirements. This is my proof that I did this thing. I restarted at month two, reading through all the documents, watching all the videos and skipping the journaling side of things, because this has been done. All of these things are very convenient, by the way, and can be done in any way suitable. Either an app on my phone or with an internet link to a website on my computer, available for me anywhere and anytime. I did at some stage, save everything on my Google Drive which also makes it more convenient to access and print as and when needed.
Lynette Berger was so nice to still give me access to this, even if my twelve months since I started this thing, had expired. I am not sure if I am allowed to say this out loud and in the open like I have. But, here it is now! Said and done. Sorry Lynette, if I am the reason for your inbox to overflow with requests after people read this entry.
The documents, which I think, must have taken hours to put together by Probeta, under supervision of Lynette Berger (I am not entirely sure how the structures work there), made me realise just again, how this course fits in with the Pink Feathers of Beroepsvrou. There was absolutely NO way that myself or Lynette and her team, could have known in any way possible, from each other and the content of that which God revealed to us in unique ways and on our different platforms.
The content, it feels, is spot on, page after page. The parts where you have to analyse and dissect your Tall Trees profile, taking it apart, forming and working on being a better person. One of the headings or topics that stood out to me was under the heading Feed your faith and starve your fears. It was month 3 if I remember correctly. WOW. How true is this statement? While reading the content under this heading, it all comes back to what we are feeding ourselves. Emotionally and spiritually. Sounds a bit like my story on the flamingos….I cannot help but to want to give God a fist pump for this, and the fact that He allowed me to discover this course.
Attitudes and outlooks on life is contagious. If you surround yourself with negative people – guess what will happen? You will become one big heap of negativity!! This is exactly how it works in life and here it is, black on white in their notes. I realise just again, how manageable this course actually is. It is our job to ensure that we do not leave everything to the last minute. It took me a few hours to work through a few months’ information. So why do I not do a little every day? 15 minutes daily is manageable is it not?
I just think, in my case, I am so over eager to learn everything, that 15 minutes is not enough. When I find myself again, I am spending hours on these things, working through everything, all while the day job is waiting. Maybe I am over thinking this whole course? Maybe I must set a time limit for myself? Another thing that I also misinterpreted was, the 5 minute ethics moments documents – I thought (I actually do not know what I thought, because clearly I did not think) but, it felt to me that they are all the same. That is probably the reason why I did not read through it in depth…?
Only after further investigation, I saw that the first few paragraphs, which explains the process to be followed, step-by-step, (and is probably aimed at trainees in my opinion), are the same, and then, on page two, somewhere in the middle, the new topics start that must be read, thought about and be answered. It feels that the commentary and statements to be thought about, becomes deeper and more intense as the months progress. Here too I think that God is talking to me, Elsie, directly about my prerequisites – that I am lying to myself, if I think that I am going to feel better about myself and life if certain boxes are checked off.
Now I don’t think that they are trying to say stop everything that you are doing and trying to achieve, because, at the end of the day, that what you are busy doing in your life is what forms a person, to become that which God had planned long ago for each individual on this earth. I do not want to say too much about this, but, there is so much truth that I saw and experienced in this, especially about the anxiety. If you do not live in the present moment, then you tend to live a very anxious life. Ask me!! Been there and done that. I also know people that are still like this. Anxious about what can happen and what happened in the past. I used to live for one day. so much so, that I was missing life and when I woke up one day I was almost 40! It still hurts to think that I missed a bit of my life with this outlook, but, thank God that He woke me up to this. I stopped living for one day and started living in the present moment.
I still have not answered all the questions and reflective moments on all the documents, but, I read through all the content, watched the short videos between 5 and 10 minutes long. Here and there, there is a video that is longer, and this is normally when I approach the Treadmill or switch on the speaker while I am showering and putting on make up. I answered my assessment questions and am now the proud owner of a few Ethical CPD certificates. Enough to satisfy those that do inspections. Enough to satisfy me that I have done what I could with the time available to me. And I just want to add here, that, I am not being hard on myself here. This is reality, there is really no mercy from the professional institutions that we belong to, if you did not comply! Penalties, disciplinary hearings and who knows what else normally lie ahead if you did not do what was expected of you.
This achievement feels like a fist pump moment. With who I do not know, because, I am the only one that has these requirements within our firm. My husband does not understand all the intricate detail of these requirements, but, he supports me when I have to do these things. Even if it is supposed to be holiday time. But it is nice, I enjoy it. Yes, you can say it – I am a nerd and a sucker for these type of things that allow me to develop myself better. Because I just know, that this has a greater impact on my life and the direction that Beroepsvrou is taking. More than what I will ever know or realise. I also realised that my brain was a bit tired after doing three months’ worth of things in one day, and I decided to let it be. I will take on the rest, day-by-day and bit-by-bit in the new year. I know better now what this entails, feeling more comfortable about what to expect and now I know how to approach this. If I could put an emoji here now, it would be the little arm that is flexing his muscles, ready for action.
I truly hope that this entry (of my journey with this training, that felt like the elephant in the room) will inspire someone out there to sign up for this course. Don’t let all the documents and downloads and content overwhelm you. Approach it like you would when eating an elephant (hypothetically speaking of course) – bit-by-bit and day-by-day. Some days you will be able to take on the entire trunk and other days just a little block. But, when you look again, you made progress from the trunk to the tail! Then you would have addressed the elephant in the room. Just do it! Don’t over think it!! You are investing in your life and the best of it all is, the expenses you incurred, are a tax deductible, legit expense (in my case it is because I operate a business – if you earn a salary…maybe not so much). You get hours that count towards your CPD, without the content boring you. It will not provide eye-rolling moments while you are doing this. In my opinion, it is a win-win situation – what are you waiting for?
Die Etiese opleiding
Die Etiese opleiding
Dit is Desember 2022. Ek het voorgeneem om hierdie deurlopende etiese opleiding, waarvoor ek my oë gerol het toe die vereiste deur kom van SAICA af, op datum te bring teen einde Desember 2022. Wel, al wat ek kan sê is dat die lewe die heeltyd gebeur! Liewe aarde. Ek weet eerlik nie hoe mens veronderstel is om alles in te pas en die balans te handhaaf nie.
Nie te min, ek besluit toe wel op ‘n reënerige dag in Desember, toe dit koeler is, en niemand in die swembad kan baljaar, en my op ‘n pity party laat gaan, omdat ek opleiding moet doen, terwyl almal ontspan nie, om maar tog hierdie opleidingsding verder aan te pak. Wat ek wel nou besef is dat ek eintlik dit heeltemal verkeerd gedoen het, voel dit vir my. Maar, dan weer, daar is seker nie ‘n regte of verkeerde manier nie??
Die meerderheid, waaroor ek reeds geskryf het, van die hele Etiese opleiding en my ervaring van dit, was die journaling gedeelte, die deel waar jou brein so bietjie gerek word. Ek het wel van die ander goedjies tussen in gedoen, video’s gekyk, maar my fokus was eintlik meer op die journaling deel voel dit vir my. Wat seker nie verkeerd is nie? Ek meen, ek het dit as wonderlik en fantasties ervaar! Want die vrae wat gevra word wat jy oor moet skryf laat ‘n mens nogals dink….wat wonderlik is! Ek het wel nie in detail en diepte deur al die ander dokumente ook gewerk nie. So miskien moet ek nie die wa voor die perde span en net die joernaal inskrywings doen nie, maar eerder dit sistematies en maand vir maand doen soos wat my Sierboom maar hou van om te doen. Die ander ding wat ek ook geleer het en weet, is ek moet nie 12 maande se opleiding in ‘n dag probeer doen nie. Dis juis so ontwerp om bietjie-vir-bietjie te doen oor ‘n langer tydperk…
Ek besluit toe om te back track met my opleiding, want, jy sien, na elke maand se opleiding, moet jy ‘n paar vrae antwoord om ‘n sertifikaat te bekom. En die sertifikaat is nou in wêreldse terme die belangrikste ding ooit. Dis my bewys dat ek hierdie goed gedoen het. Ek begin toe maar weer by maand twee. Lees deur die dokumente, alles is heel gerieflik op ‘n toepassing op my foon, of met ‘n internet skakel op ‘n webblad op my rekenaar, beskikbaar vir my enige tyd wat ek dit wil doen. Ek het wel gegaan en alles op my Google Drive gestoor, wat dit ook baie gerieflik maak om uit te druk en so meer.
Lynette Berger was so gaaf gewees om my nog toegang te gee, al het my twaalf maande periode sedert ek die proses begin het verstryk. Ek weet ook nou nie of ek hierdie hardop en so openlik mag genoem het nie. Maar nou ja!! Hier is dit nou – sorry Lynette as ek jou e-posse nou laat oorloop het van versoeke na mense die inskrywing gelees het.
Al die dokumente, wat ek dink, ure geneem het om bymekaar te sit deur ProBeta, onder toesig van Lynette Berger (ek is nou nie presies seker hoe hul strukture daar werk nie), laat my net besef, van voor af hoe hierdie kursus aansluit by die Pienk Vere van Beroepsvrou. Daar was absoluut GEEN manier dat ek of Lynette en haar span, enigsins kon weet van mekaar en die inhoud van dit wat die Here aan ons openbaar het op ons unieke maniere en platforms nie.
Die inhoud voel of dit kolskoot tref bladsy na bladsy. Die gedeeltes waar jy so bietjie jou Tall Trees profiel analiseer en dissekteer, uitmekaar trek en begin vorm en werk aan om ‘n beter mens te wees. Een van die opskrifte of onderwerpe wat my bygeval het was onder die opskrif Feed your faith and starve your fears. Dit was maand 3 dink ek. WOW. Hoe waar is dit nie net nie? Toe ek verder onder dit gaan lees gaan dit alles oor waarmee ons onsself voer. Emosioneel, geestelik. Klink vir my maar so bietje soos my flamink storie….ek kan nie anders as om die Here ‘n fist pump te wil gee vir dit en die feit dat Hy my hierdie kursus laat ontdek het nie.
Houdings en uitkyke is aansteeklik. As jy jouself met negatiewe mense omring – raai wat? Jy gaan een groot hopie van negatiwiteit word!! Dis presies hoe dit werk in die lewe en hier is dit swart op wit in hul notas. Ek besef nou net weer hoe haalbaar hierdie kursus eintlik is. Dit is ons werk om te sorg dat ons nie alles los tot op die laaste nippertjie nie. Dit het my vandag ‘n paar uur geneem om deur ‘n paar maande se goed te werk. So hoekom doen ek nie net elke dag ‘n bietjie nie? 15 minute daagliks is mos haalbaar?
Ek dink in my geval is ek so oorgretig om alles te leer, dat 15 minute te min is. As ek myself weer kry, spandeer ek ure op goed, werk deur alles, terwyl die day job wag. Miskien over think ek die hele kursus? Miskien moet ek vir myself ‘n tyd limiet stel? Wat ek wel ook misinterpreteer het aan die begin, is, die 5 minute ethics moments se dokumente – ek het gedink (weet eintlik nie wat ek gedink het nie, want duidelik het ek nie gedink nie) maar, dit het vir my gevoel hulle is almal dieselfde. En dis seker die rede hoekom ek nie in diepte deur alles gelees het nie…?
Eers na verdere ondersoek, het ek gesien die eerste klomp paragrawe, wat die proses wat gevolg moet word stap-vir-stap verduidelik, (en eintlik meer op klerke gerig is dink ek), dieselfde is en dan op bladsy twee, in die middel rond, begin die nuwe goed wat jy moet lees, oordink en beantwoord. Dit voel vir my dat die kommentaar en oordenkinge so bietjie dieper en meer intens word soos wat die maande vorder. Ek dink hier het die Here ook direk met my as Elsie gepraat met my voorvereistes – dat ek vir myself jok as ek dink dat ek eers beter oor myself en die lewe gaan voel as sekere boksies afgemerk is.
Nou ek dink nie hulle probeer sê stop alles wat jy doen en probeer vermag nie, want op die ou einde van die dag, is die ‘n vormingsproses en dit wat jy doen in jou lewe is besig om jou te vorm, om te word dit wat die Here lankal reeds bepaal het vir elke indivvidu op hierdie aarde. Ek wil nie te veel uitlaat oor alles nie, maar ek het soveel waarheid in soveel goed ervaar, veral die oor angs. As jy nie in die present moment leef nie, lei jy maar eintlik net een ongelooflike aaklige angstige lewe! Vra my! Been there and done that. Ek ken ook mense wat steeds so is. Angstig oor wat kan gebeur en oor wat gebeur het in die verlede. Ek het op ‘n stadium so geleef vir een dag, dat ek my lewe gemis het. En wragties, een dag, toe ek wakker word, toe is ek amper 40! Ek dank die Here elke dag dat Hy my wel wakker gemaak het om op te hou so lewe! Ek voel steeds soms spyt dat ek dele van my lewe gemis het, maar, dit is wat dit is, ek het iets geleer, aanbeweeg en ophou om so te lewe.
Ek het steeds nie alles op hierdie reflektiewe dokumente geantwoord nie, maar het deur al die inhoud gelees, die kort videos van tussen 5 en 10 minute lank gekyk. Hier en daar is daar ‘n langer video tussen in, en dis dan wanneer ek die Treadmill nader of die luidspreker aansit terwyl ek stort en grimering aansit. Ek het wel my vrae op die assessments (wat is dit tog in Afrikaans?) geantwoord en is nou die trotse eienaar van ‘n paar Etiese CPD sertifikate. Genoeg om almal tevrede te hou. Genoeg om myself tevrede te hou dat ek wel gedoen het wat ek kon met die tyd tot my beskikking. Hier wil ek ook net noem, dat, ek nie hard op myself is nie. Die vereistes van die professionele institusies waaraan ek behoort is genadeloos. As jy nie doen wat daar van jou verwag word nie, gaan jy boetes hê, dissiplinêre verhore moet bywoon en wie weet wat nog alles. Dis ongelukkig hoe dit is in ons professie – die vereistes is baie, soms te veel om te hanteer. Maar deur God se genade, maak ek dit nog elke jaar.
Hierdie voel soos ‘n fist pump oomblik, met wie, weet ek nie, want dis net ek wat hierdie vereiste het in my firma. My man verstaan nie al die draadwerk nie, maar ondersteun my soos wat ek hierdie goed moet doen. Al is dit veronderstel om vakansie te wees. Maar dis lekker, ek geniet dit. Ja, jy kan maar dit sê – ek is ‘n nerd en ‘n sucker vir iets soos die wat myself beter ontwikkel. Want ek weet net, die het ‘n groter impak in my lewe en waarheen Beroepsvrou oppad is as wat ek ooit sal kan dink en besef. Ek het ook verder agter gekom my brein was bietjie moeg na ek 3 maande se goed in een dag opgevang het, en het besluit om dit daar te laat en die res aan te pak, dag-vir-dag en bietjie-vir-bietjie in die nuwe jaar. Ek weet nou beter wat dit behels, weet wat om te verwag en weet hoe om dit nou aan te pak. As ek nou hier ‘n emoji kon insit, sou dit die armpie wees wat sy spiere flex, reg vir aksie.
Ek hoop regtig dat hierdie inskrywings (van my pad met hierdie opleiding, wat soos ‘n elephant in the room gevoel het) iemand daar buite sal inspireer en oortuig om tog maar op te teken vir die kursus. Moet nie dat al die downloads en goed jou oorweldig nie. Maak met dit soos wat jy ‘n olifant eet (spreekwoordelik gesê natuurlik) – stukkie vir stukkie, dag vir dag. Sommige dae sal jy die hele slurp kan aanpak en ander kere net ‘n kleine ou blokkie. Maar as jy jou weer kry, het jy van slurp tot stert vordering gemaak. Dan is die elephant in the room aangespreek en uitgesorteer. Doen dit net! Moet nie dit oordink nie!! Jy investeer in jou eie lewe en die beste van alles is, dis ‘n belasting-aftrekbare, wettige uitgawe (vir my is dit omdat ek my eie besigheid bedryf, as jy salaris verdien….wel, ek is nie so seker van dit nie) en ure wat tel vir jou CPD sonder om jou te verveel en oog rol oomblikke te verskaf. In my opinie is dit ‘n wen-wen situasie – waarvoor wag jy nog?
The Ethics training
Kersfees gebede / Christmas prayers
Hard labour and the gift
As the year is closing and coming to an end, everyone seems to feel exhausted and over worked, and one cannot have a feeling but to spoil yourself with a little something special. You earned it right? You worked hard this year! Then the devil normally comes, sowing doubt in your mind about that which you think you want to buy for yourself. He even sows doubt after a nice meal you enjoyed. You know? When you spend money on something, rather than being more responsible with it.
My goodness, then you just do not feel good after doing something like this. Even if there was nothing wrong with what you did. Guilt and shame overwhelms you. Just there and then. You try to convince yourself otherwise and that you did work hard and deserve it, but there is no mercy. At the end of the day, you just feel like you do not have the boldness and freedom to do something for yourself, and then you end up not doing it anyway. On top of that, you feel guilty for having that thought (even if you did not follow through with it).
This is how I felt for many years about many things. Felt I am not allowed to purchase new clothes, have a meal in a restaurant with my family, even the house we are living in made me feel guilty (and it is not a magazine house, but, it offers a safe place and a place to sleep for each one of us – big enough for everyone to have their own space). The list felt endless. But then I came across this scripture. From Ecclesiastes (for the life of me I did not know what Prediker was in English! I had to look it up in the Bible again!) and also that every man should eat and drink and see and enjoy the good of all his labor—it is the gift of God. (Amplified version). WOW. What a wonderful piece of scripture!
The something that you feel you want to do AND enjoy, you are ALLOWED to do, because that is a gift from God. What this tells me, the long and the short of it is, if you applied hard labour during the year, and you enjoy the good that comes with this, then you receive a gift from God. This is so profound and I am not saying go and spend all your money on yourself and walk away from your responsibilities. Not at all! But enjoy it, when you do something like this.
I want to leave everyone reading this entry with the following – it is now December. Some people are paid bonusses, and others perhaps not. Some receive a thirteenth cheque (yes I know, cheques do not exist anymore, but we all speak of it in this manner), others receive a smaller bonus, a little something extra. If you received a bonus or not, do not feel guilty about the remuneration that you received. If you worked hard, really HARD during the year, then there is nothing wrong with enjoying it.
Whether you pay your debts or whether you buy something for yourself that you always wanted. Perhaps you only drink a milkshake. It does not matter, use the gift that God has given to you through your hard labour. It was a long year for everyone. Everyone is exhausted… This is officially the last entry that I will do that deals with the scriptures on the very first desk pad that I designed and sold through Beroepsvrou. What a journey it has been!! There will be more in 2023 – new year and new bible verses! Watch this space! May you and your loved ones have a Blessed Christmas. Be safe, enjoy the gift that God has given us. Rest well so that we can take on the new year with new courage and energy! 2023 is the year of Jubilee!
Moeitevolle Arbeid en die gawe
Moeitevolle Arbeid en die gawe
Soos wat die jaar einde se kant toe staan, en almal moeg geploeg is (werksgewys), kan ons nie anders as om soms te voel ons wil onsself bederf met ietsie nie. Jy verdien dit mos? Jy het hard gewerk. Dan kom die duiwel en saai twyfel in jou hart oor dit wat jy dink jy vir jouself wil koop. Hy kom saai selfs twyfel as jy iets gedoen het soos om lekker kos te eet. Jy weet? Wanneer jy geld op iets spandeer het, eerder as om iets meer verantwoordelik met die geld te doen.
Liewe aarde, dan voel mens sommer net nie lekker na jy so iets gedoen het nie. Al was daar niks verkeerd met dit wat jy gedoen het nie. Guilt and shame oorweldig jou. Net daar en dan. Jy probeer teen dit redeneer dat jy wel hard werk en jy dit mag doen en verdien, maar daar is geen genade nie. Op die ou einde van die dag voel jy net nie of jy die vrymoedigheid het om iets te doen vir jouself nie en dan eindig jy gewoonlik op om dit nie te doen nie. Bo op dit, voel jy skuldig omdat jy daaraan gedink het (en nie eens noodwendig deurgevoer het nie).
So het ek gevoel vir baie jare oor baie goed. Gevoel ek mag nie nuwe klere koop nie, gaan uiteet nie, selfs in die huis bly waarin ons bly het my skuldig laat voel (en dis nie ‘n tydskrif huis nie, maar, bied skuiling vir ons en slaap plek vir elke gesinslid – genoeg vir almal om hul eie spasie te geniet). Die lysie voel eindeloos. Maar toe kom ek op die skrif gedeelte af. Uit Prediker uit. En ook — dat elke mens eet en drink en die goeie geniet by al sy moeitevolle arbeid; dit is ‘n gawe van God. Prediker 3:13 (Afrikaans 53 vertaling). WOW. Wat ‘n awesome stukkie skrif!
Die ietsie wat jy voel jy wil doen EN geniet MAG jy doen, want dit is ‘n gawe van God af! Die lang en die kort wat dit vir my sê is, as jy moeitevolle arbeid toegepas het, en die goeie geniet wat saam met dit gaan, ontvang jy ‘n gawe van God af. Dis vir my so profound en ek sê nou nie gaan spandeer al jou geld op jouself en kom nie jou verpligtinge na nie! Nee, glad nie!
Ek wil elkeen wat die lees los met dit – dis nou Desember. Sommige mense kry bonusse en ander dalk nie. Sommige kry ‘n dertiende tjek (ja ek weet, tjeks bestaan nie meer nie, maar ons almal praat maar nog so), ander kry net ‘n kleiner bonus, ‘n ietsie ekstra. Of jy nou ‘n bonus kry of nie, moet nie skuldig voel oor die bonus of salaris wat jy gekry het nie. As jy hard gewerk het, regtig HARD gewerk het deur die jaar, dan is daar nie fout daarmee om dit te kan geniet nie.
Al gebruik jy dit om skuld te betaal, of vir jouself ‘n ietsie te koop wat jy altyd wou gehad het met dit. Of jy drink dalk net ‘n melkskommel. Dit maak nie saak nie, gebruik die gawe wat die Here vir jou gee deur jou moeitevolle arbeid! Dit was ‘n lang jaar vir almal gewees, almal is moeg geploeg… Hierdie is amptelik die laaste inskrywing wat te doen het met die heel eerste desk pad wat ek ontwerp het en verkoop het deur Beroepsvrou. Wat ‘n belewenis was dit nie net gewees nie! Daar gaan nog stukke wees in 2023 – nuwe jaar en nuwe bybelverse! Hou die spasie dop! Ek bid vir jou en jou gesin ‘n Geseënde Kerstyd toe en dat julle die gawes van God sal geniet. Wees veilig, rus goed sodat die nuwe jaar met nuwe moed en energie aangepak kan word. 2023 is the year of Jubilee.
Hard labour and the gift
The word
So I have been walking around with a word in my mind, since last week sometime. The word? Benevolence. Now, for a primarily Afrikaans speaking person, this is a big word. Something that does not form part of my vocabulary at all. I had to go and google the word to see what it meant. The word came to me in English too. Something that does not happen often.
My entries normally start in Afrikaans, my thoughts about it and what I feel God wants me to write are all usually in Afrikaans. But this time it was different. Everything happened in English. I have been carrying this word in my mind, asking God what He wants me to write about it. When something like this is on my mind as much as this was, then I just KNOW I have to write about it.
Of course, when you google the meaning, it means the quality of being well meaning, kindness. I left it there, because what am I supposed to do with this? I KNOW God is Benevolent, so to write about that was a bit of a challenge to me, because what am I supposed to write? The Bible is full of testimonies of God being a Benevolent God.
You see how I have now made this word part of my vocabulary? I have to chuckle at this, a word I have never used before was used more than once in a paragraph. Anyway, I am getting distracted again!
Now before I got the word Benevolence, I had been feeling something in my spirit. I could not quite place my finger on it, because it is a feeling I have felt before but also not felt before, saying all of that in the same breath. I have this agitation hanging over me like a cloud.
I am just so irritated with everything and everyone, why I don’t know. From the dogs, to the parrot, the hamster, the kids, the authorities and their ridiculous requirements for us as CA’s and everything (and everyone) in between was agitating me. This is not normal behavior to me, this is something that I had laid off years ago, yet now it is surfacing again. almost like it is coming up to breathe. Why I could not say.
Then God sent me this word. Everywhere in my mind, I see the word and I am reminded of it. Almost like in life, when you notice something, you NOTICE it if you know what I mean? Like a car brand, once you become aware of it, you see it EVERYWHERE! Now this was the same with this word.
If I have to put this into a picture for you of how it was, it would be as follows – in my mind, I saw it written on a banner, then a billboard, then a road sign next to the road, on pieces of paper, even the mushrooms popping up in the grass seemed to spell Benevolence. That is how in my face it was (only in my mind not physically around me).
This morning I realised WHY God gave me this word. You see, I have a teenager in the house and a little tween, who is becoming a tween too quickly according to me, because she is only 8 years of age. Man oh man, did I forget the knowledge that one supposedly possess at the age of 8 and 13 years.
Being benevolent with them has become a challenge. The arguments of how they think something works and must be, when I know it does not work that way. The attitude that I get when I only put in a sandwich for school (this is the tween by the way) and not something else. Or when I put in the something else in a lunch box that is not to her liking, then all things benevolent fly out the door.
Or when the teenager argues about a steering wheel accessory for the X-Box (yes, we purchased one, something that we said we would NEVER do – well, never say NEVER). And when it is installed and plugged in, it does not work as expected. Something which we told him would happen. Him putting it to one side, because it does not work as he had thought it would, wasting money on something like that not being used. When this happens, all benevolence runs out the door, trying to set a new world record for 100 metre sprints, trying to beat Usain Bolt’s world record.
So here I am. Guilty as charged. Not showing benevolence. I realise that God is pressing very hard on my heart to work on this. I have to use the tools that He is providing. The tools I am referring to, are the Tall Trees Ethics Training from ProBeta and Hettie Brittz. The latest addition to my tools, is the EI Activator, which is an add-on or plug in if I may refer to it in that way (and use some computer lingo, something that I have limited knowledge of), to the Tall Trees Ethics Training.
All of these things take time. It feels like life is happening, not allowing me to get to explore these tools. Lucky for me, it is now a requirement to do Ethics training to remain a CA. That is the reason WHY I chose something useful and purposeful like the Tall Trees Ethics Training and EI Activator. And yes, I say it like that now, because, I decided to look for the positive in this requirement, rather than sitting on the sidewalk, with my can of worms, complaining about the requirements.
I truly hope (and deep down know) that I will find benevolence when I start exploring, dissecting and excavating the field of EI Activator. The ground work and tone is being set in the Tall Trees Ethics Training, I just have to finish that (said tongue in the cheek because I am on month 4 and I have forgotten what was said, so I am probably going to have to redo it all in any way, before I can answer the questions to obtain the CPD certificate), so that I can move on to the EI Activator part of the expedition that I am finding myself in.
I know I have not been Benevolent, this is not God’s plan for me, to not be Benevolent. Let us take up the challenge with the teens and tweens in our house, the authorities, the pets and everything in between. Let us use Benevolence as our tool in this challenge. Benevolence – noun – the quality of being well meaning; kindness. How Benevolent are you?
Die woord
Die woord
Sedert laas week een of ander tyd, loop ek rond met ‘n woord in my gedagtes. Die woord? Benevolence. Nou vir ‘n primêre Afrikaans-sprekende persoon, is die ‘n groot woord. Dis nie iets wat enigsins deel vorm van my woordeskat nie. Ek moes gaan google wat dit beteken, want ek het nie ‘n clue gehad wat dit beteken nie. Die woord het ook so, in Engels, na my toe gekom. Iets wat nie gereeld gebeur nie.
My inskrywings begin gewoonlik in Afrikaans, my gedagtes rondom dit en wat ek voel die Here wil hê ek moet skryf oor iets, gebeur alles in Afrikaans. Maar hierdie keer was dit anders. Alles het in Engels gebeur. Ek het selfs die inskrywing in Engels eerste gedoen, waar ek gewoonlik dit in Afrikaans eerste doen. Ek loop met hierdie woord in my gedagtes en ek vra God wat Hy wil hê ek daaroor moet skryf. Wanneer iets so konstant in my gedagtes is, dan WEET ek net dat ek daaroor moet skryf.
Natuurlik, toe ek die woord gaan google sien ek toe wat dit beteken. Dit is die kwaliteit van goedgesindheid, vriendelikheid. Hier het ek nou net sommer direk die Engelse betekenis vertaal, ek glo dis reg. Ek WEET God is Benevolent, so om hieroor te skryf is so bietjie van ‘n uitdaging vir my, want wat is ek nou veronderstel om te skryf? Die Bybel is dan propvol beloftes en getuienisse van God wat ‘n Benevolent God is.
Sien jy nou hoe ek daardie woord deel gemaak het van my woordeskat? Al is dit die Engelse woord. Ek moet giggel vir dit, ‘n woord wat ek nooit voorheen gebruik het nie, gebruik ek sommer oor en oor in een paragraaf. Ek wonder wat is die Afrikaans vir Benevolence? Ek raak distracted, ek weet. Maar ek het gou dit gaan google en die Afrikaanse woord is Welwillendheid. Wie sou kon raai dat dit die woord in Afrikaans is? Die Engelse een klink beter (en meer fêncy) so ek gaan maar aanhou om hom te gebruik.
Nou voor ek die woord Benevolence gekry het, het ek iets in my gees gevoel. Ek kon nie heeltemal my vinger op dit plaas nie, want dis ‘n gevoel wat ek voorheen gehad het maar ook nie, so in dieselfde asem gesê. Ek het hierdie irritasie wat soos ‘n wolk oor my hang.
Ek is net so geirriteerd met alles en almal, hoekom weet ek nie. Van die honde, tot die pappagaai, die hamster, die kinders, die owerhede en hul belaglike vereistes vir ons as CA’s en enige iets (en iemand) tussen in, het my geirriteer. Dit is nie normale gedrag vir my nie, want dit is iets wat ek jare gelede al afgelê het. Maar nou is dit asof dit opkom om asem te skep. Hoekom weet ek nie.
Toe stuur God vir my hierdie woord. Orals in my gedagtes sien ek die woord en word ek herinner daaraan. Amper soos in die lewe, wanneer jy iets opmerk, dan SIEN JY DIT ORAL as jy verstaan wat ek bedoel? Soos ‘n tipe kar, as jy eers bewus word van dit, dan sien jy dit ORAL! Nou dit was dieselfde met hierdie woord.
As ek dit nou in ‘n prentjie moet skets vir jou van hoe dit was, sou ek sê dit was as volg – in my gedagtes, sien ek dit op ‘n bannier, dan op ‘n billboard, dan ‘n padteken langs die pad, op stukke papier, selfs die sampioene wat in die gras opspring voel of dit Benevolence spel. Dis hoe in my face dit was (in my gedagtes natuurlik, nie regtig fisies om my nie).
Vanoggend besef ek HOEKOM God die woord vir my gegee het. Jy sien, ek het ‘n tiener in die huis, asook ‘n tween, een wat te vinnig na my smaak ‘n tween begin word, want sy is nou eers 8 jaar oud. Mense ouers, het ek nou vir jou vergeet hoe propvol kennis mens is op die ouderdom van 8 en 13 jaar!
Om met hulle benevolent te wees, het ‘n groot uitdaging geword. Die argumente van hoe hulle dink iets moet wees en werk, wanneer ek weet dit werk nie so nie. Die houding wat ek kry wanneer ek net ‘n kosblik met ‘n toeba inpak vir skool (dis nou die tween net so tussen ons wat my hier houding gee) en nie ook iets anders insit nie. Of wanneer ek wel iets anders insit, in ‘n kosblik wat sy nie van hou nie, dan vlieg alle dinge benevolent by die deur uit.
Of wanneer die tiener stry oor ‘n stuurwiel accessory vir die X-Box (ja, ons het een gekoop, iets wat ons gesê het ons NOOIT sal doen nie – wel, never say NEVER). En wanneer dit geinstalleer en ingeprop is en nie werk soos die verwagting is nie. Iets wat ons vir hom gesê het sou gebeur. Hy wat dit een kant toe skuif, want dit werk nie soos hy gedink het dit sal nie, besig om geld te mors op iets wat nie gebruik kan en gaan word nie. Wanneer dit gebeur, dan is dit asof elke stukkie benevolence by die deur uit hardloop, ‘n nuwe wêreld rekord vir die 100 meter probeer opstel en Usain Bolt’s se wêreld rekord probeer breek.
So hier is ek. Guilty as charged. Ek wys nie benevolence nie. Ek besef dat God dit hard op my hart druk om hieraan te werk. Ek moet elke stukkie gereedskap gebruik wat Hy besig is om te voorsien. Die gereedskap waarvan ek praat is die Tall Trees Ethics Training van ProBeta en Hettie Brittz. Die nuutste toevoeging tot my gereedskap is die EI Activator, wat ek sien as ‘n add-on of plug in (as ek nou rekenaar taal kan gebruik, waarvan ek ook beperkte kennis het) tot die Tall Trees Ethics Training.
Hierdie dinge vat tyd. Dit voel of die lewe net gebeur en my nie toelaat om hierdie gereedskap te ontdek nie. Gelukkig is dit nou ‘n vereiste om Etiese Opleiding te doen om ‘n CA te bly. Dit is die rede HOEKOM ek iets nuttig en opbouend soos die Tall Trees Ethics Training en EI Activator gekies het. En ja, ek sê dit nou so, want, ek het besluit om eerder die positiewe in hierdie vereiste te gaan soek, eerder as om op die sypaadjie met my blikkie wurms te gaan sit en kla oor die vereistes.
Ek hoop werklik (en diep binne my weet ek) dat ek benevolence sal vind wanneer ek begin ontdek, dissekteer en uitgrawe in die veld van EI Activator. Die grond werk word gedoen en die toon word gestel deur die Tall Trees Ethics Training, ek moet dit net klaar maak (tong in die kies gesê, want ek is by maand 4 en ek het al lankal vergeet wat gesê was so ek gaan alles dalk weer oor moet doen voor ek my vragies kan antwoord om my sertifikaat te kry), sodat ek kan aanbeweeg na die EI Activator deel van die ekspedisie waar ek myself tans bevind.
Ek weet ek was nie Benevolent nie, dis nie God se plan vir my om nie Benevolent te wees nie. Kom ons vat die uitdaging aan, met die tieners en tweens in ons huise, die owerhede, die troeteldiere en alles tussen in. Laat ons Benevolence as ons gereedskap gebruik in hierdie uitdaging. Benevolence – noun – the quality of being well meaning; kindness. Hoe Benevolent is jy?
The word
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Head vs. Tail
As I was walking through our local shopping centre the other day, I could just feel the end of the year in the air. You know, a vibe that is in the air, around November and December, not at any other time of the year. It feels as if life is just happening all the time, with time flying by and when you wake up one morning, it is past mid-November.
Another year is almost over. Another year to reflect on. What happened? Highlights and low-lights (is this the right word to use for something negative that happened?). This is the nostalgic time of the year. Something that I am not fond of, because it implies that I am yet again, another year older. In my mind I am still a 28 year old. I am not sure if I still look like a 28 year old, or even a thirty-something-year-old… but I still feel young for what it is worth.
This month’s scripture on the desk pad is from Deuteronomy (if you still don’t know what it is about – feel free to visit my online shop, order one and then you too will have something pretty for your work desk and then you will understand why I write about random Bible verses). Now I deemed it necessary to end the sentence right there, because of my long explanation in brackets. Moving on!
This must be the book in the Bible that is the hardest to pronounce, the one that contains this month’s scripture. This scripture is so big and profound to me. The Lord will make you the head (leader) and not the tail (follower); and you will be above only, and you will not be beneath, if you listen and pay attention to the commandments of the Lord your God, which I am commanding you today, to observe them carefully. Deut 28:13 (Amplified).
Wow. Where does one start with the analysis of this and what God laid on my heart about the scripture? Let us start with listening and obeying the commandments. Now I know we are no longer subject to the laws of the Old Testament. Jesus came and set us free from that. BUT, in the New Testament, Jesus refers to the biggest commandment. And Jesus replied to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for others].’ Matthew 22:37-39 AMP
What this tells me, is, if you love God, and your neighbor (which actually implies any person other than yourself and not literally the person living next door), then you will automatically obey the ten commandments. Because, if you love someone, you will not steal from them, you will not tell lies and so the list continues. So I recon that I can say check, I think I understand what this part of the scripture means, referring to the commandments.
So back to the first part – the promise from God Himself. This does not come via someone else. This is God Himself talking here, PROMISING. It is also not half a promise, not a might, or maybe baby type thing. He promises to ME (and you reading this) that He will make me the head, I SHALL be above, not beneath, be the head and not the tail. But, there is a condition attached to it. You must obey the commandments of God.
Only if you do your part, will God do His part. How many times do we still do something that we have supposedly laid off when we decided to follow Jesus? Did you tell a half-truth, which is actually a lie to someone? Promised something and did not do it? Maybe you did something to intentionally hurt someone or cause damage in a way to them? Talking about others behind their backs, oh, the list feels endless.
You see, and this is here where it feels to me that the fight between the head and the tail comes in. Our spirits are willing, but the flesh remains weak. And that is why we need Jesus! Alone we cannot do it! The devil will condemn you, over and over, judge you, make you feel guilty. In Afrikaans we say laer as ‘n luis which just means he makes you feel worthless! All because you have not done this, that and the next. He tries to pull you down below.
But, when you truly turn around your life, laid down your sinful life, and truly try to do everything within your power to love God AND obey His commandments, then it cannot be different for us than to be the head and not the tail, rising up, can it? God’s grace for us is big, He forgives us when we do something wrong and we repent. I choose to cling onto God’s promise, doing everything within my power to show love for others (and myself), also loving God.
Yes, I fail at times. And that is probably also how we learn and grow is it not? Nobody is perfect, but we can strive to be more like Jesus, obeying His commandments. Be a Jesus-Freak, always trying to show love to others and to oneself, turning away from old habits and sinful acts. Then you will see what God will do for you!
Who is winning in your life? The Head or the Tail? What is the outcome of the banner, spread out, is announcing the fight – Head vs. Tail? I surely hope that my results will be Head 1 – Tail 0 and that I will be able to maintain it!
Die kop vs. die stert
Die kop vs. die stert
Soos wat ek die ander dag deur die plaaslike inkopiesentrum stap, voel ek net die einde van die jaar in die lug. Jy weet, net so ‘n vibe wat nie op ‘n ander tyd as November en Desember in die lug is nie. Dit voel of die lewe net gebeur en die tyd net aanstap en as jy een oggend wakker word, is dit verby middel November.
Nog ‘n jaar is amper verby. Nog ‘n jaar om oor te reflekteer. Wat het gebeur? Hoogte punte en laagte punte. Die nostalgiese tyd van die jaar. Iets waarvan ek nie baie hou nie, want dit impliseer dat ek nog ‘n jaar ouer is. In my kop is ek nog al die pad 28 jaar oud. Ek weet nou nie of ek nog soos ‘n 28 jarige, of selfs ‘n thirty-something-year-old lyk nie….maar ek voel nog jonk….vir wat dit wêrd is.
Die maand se skrif op die desk pad is uit Deuteronómium (as jy nou nog nie weet waaroor dit gaan nie – besoek maar gerus my winkel, bestel vir jou een, dan het jy ook ietsie mooi vir jou werkstafel en dan gaan jy verstaan hoekom ek oor random verse skryf). Noodwendig moet ek maar daardie sin daar eindig, omdat ek nou so ‘n lang verduideliking in hakkies gesit het. Moving on!
Nou ja, die boek wat seker die moeilikste is om uit te spreek in die Bybel, is waaruit die maand se skrif kom. Díe skrifvers is vir my so ‘n groot en profound een, (by gebrek aan ‘n beter Afrikaanse woord), een met soveel beloftes in. En die Here sal jou die kop en nie die stert maak nie, en jy sal net boontoe en nie ondertoe gaan nie as jy luister na die gebooie van die Here jou God wat ek jou vandag beveel het om te hou en te doen. Deut 28:13 (Afrikaans 53 vertaling).
Wow. Waar begin mens met die ontleding en dit wat die Here op my hart lê van die skrifvers? Kom ons begin by die gebooie onderhou. Nou ek weet ons is lankal nie meer onder die wet van die Ou Testament nie. Jesus het ons kom vrymaak van dit. MAAR, in die Nuwe Testament verwys Jesus na die grootste gebod. Jy moet die Here jou God lief hê met jou hele hart, en met jou hele siel en met jou hele verstand. Dit is die eerste en groot gebod. En die tweede wat hiermee gelyk staan: Jy moet jou naaste liefhê soos jouself. Matt 22: 37- 39 (Afr 53).
Wat dit vir my sê is, as jy God lief het, en jou naaste, sal jy outomaties die tien gebooie onderhou, want as jy iemand lief het, steel jy nie by hulle nie, of vertel jy nie leuens nie, en so gaan die lysie aan. So ek reken ek kan sê check ek dink ek verstaan die deel in die skrif wat verwys na gebooie.
So terug na die eerste deel – die belofte van God self af. Dit kom nie via iemand anders nie. Dis God self wat hier praat en BELOWE. Dis ook nie ‘n halwe belofte nie, en nie ‘n miskien, maybe baby tipe ding nie. Hy belowe dat Hy MY (en jou wat dit lees) die kop sal maak, ek SAL boontoe gaan, en nie ondertoe nie. Maar daar is ‘n voorwaarde daaraan gekoppel – jy moet die gebooie van God onderhou.
Slegs as jy jou deel doen, sal die Here Sy deel doen. Hoeveel keer doen ons nie iets wat ons eintlik afgelê het toe ons bekeer het nie? Of veronderstel was om af te lê met die sondige mens toe ons bekeer het nie…? Het jy nie dalk weer vir iemand ‘n halwe waarheid, wat eintlik maar ‘n leuen is, vertel nie? Iets belowe en dit nie gedoen nie? Iemand dalk ingedoen, op watter wyse ookal? Seergemaak, geskinder, o die lys voel eindeloos.
Jy sien en dis hier waar dit vir my voel die geveg tussen die kop en die stert inkom. Ons gees is gewillig maar ons vlees bly swak. En dis hoekom ons Jesus nodig het! Alleen kan ons dit nie doen nie. Die duiwel sal jou oor en oor kom condemn, oordeel, sleg laat voel. Laer as ‘n luis, want jy het nou al weer hierdie en daardie nie gedoen nie. Jou probeer aftrek ondertoe.
Maar, wanneer jy werklik bekeer het van jou ou sondige natuur en wel alles in jou vermoë doen om die Here lief te hê EN sy gebooie van liefde onderhou, kan dit mos nie anders as om die kop te wees en op te styg na bo nie? God se genade is groot, Hy vergewe ons as ons iets verkeerd gedoen het en ons omvergifnis vra. Ek kies om God se belofte aan te kleef, alles binne my vermoë doen om naaste liefde (en self liefde) te betoon, asook my liefde vir God.
Ja, ek faal nog soms (ek moes gaan google met ‘n v of f, net so tussen ons, sodat dit ek die regte betekenis oordra). En dis seker maar ook hoe mens leer en groei is dit nie? Niemand is perfek nie, maar ons kan streef na heiligmaking, onderhoud van gebooie. Wees ‘n Jesus-Freak, probeer heeltyd self liefde en naaste liefde betoon en wys, draai weg van ou, slegte gewoontes. Dan gaan jy sien wat gaan God vir jou doen!
Wie wen in jou lewe? Die Kop of die Stert? Wat is die uitkoms van die bannier wat groot gespan is, wat die geveg aankondig – Kop vs. Stert? Ek hoop seer sekerlik dat my uitslag Kop 1 – Stert 0 sal wees, en so sal aanhou!
Head vs. Tail
Being bold… chapter 2
Now I have been meaning to finish this range of entries for some time now and the whole time something else requires more attention from me. Everytime I sit and write about this, storing a draft version, I feel that it is not right. It feels too superficial and actually nothing that God wants me to publish, if I can put it in that way.
Well, one morning in the shower, I think about all my draft versions that have started to write and just never published, and I think about what it really means to be bold. And just like that, the Holy Spirit comes, drops words in my thoughts, almost like when you put coins into a piggy bank.
I think to myself God is terribly on time. Everything on His time. So what God showed me, is, before you can be bold, you must first know what type of letter you really are. And with that I mean your style, your personality type, your body shape (yes this plays a big role in my opinion), who you are as a person, what you stand for on all levels, not only physically. And of course, who you are in Christ.
Then you have to start making peace with it. Apply self-love. I NEVER knew I was an A-shape body type. I always thought that I did something wrong so that my ass (ag I just have to use this word here and those of you who have heard me talk in real life, will understand that this just accentuates what I am talking about) is so big compared to the rest of my body. Instinctively I always purchase dresses rather than pants, because, oh my hat, finding pants that fit this body is just a losing battle it seems. Inherently God built it into me to choose items that flatter my body more, choosing colors and styles that suite my skin’s undertone better, without me even realising it.
Well then, after attending the Masterclass of Aletté Winckler in April, I learnt so much more about my physical appearance. I learnt to make peace with the fact that my bumb is bigger than my upperbody. It is what it is and it is WHAT I make of it.
Then, through all of this, I am busy with Ethics training from Probeta (I have some catching up to do and this is also why you have not heard anything more from me in this regard), based on personality types as described by Hettie Brittz (Tall Trees). Now this is another eye opener if I can call it that. Again, I could NEVER understand how sometimes, I can just go with the flow and be relaxed, taking life as it comes. And then in other situations, I freak out when I feel something does not happen the way I feel it should happen.
Yes you guessed it – THIS is who I am, WHO God made ME to be. I must learn to embrace it, accept it and develop it. This works on an emotional and spiritual level. So between the two things that I do and have done (Tall Trees and Aletté Winckler’s Masterclass), I am busy exploring and discovering who I am and what I am called for. I am also busy with EI Activator (Emotional Intelligence that expands on Tall Trees), but I have not made much progress there as yet, but I just know that the knowledge that I will obtain there will also just add more and more to this process.
So now that I know that I am an A type body letter, a Palm Tree AND a Boxwood, (I cannot elaborate much about EIA because I have to work a bit more through the material to know what I am there), I can proceed to discover myself with God by my side. He is busy teaching me about food (that I feel wants to overwhelm me every now and then) and what I must do to maintain my temple so that I can do the work which He called me for and placed me on earth for. And of course to develop that which needs developing…now my A can be an A that stands out.
To be continued…
Om “Bold” te wees… hoofstuk 2
Om “Bold” te wees… hoofstuk 2
Nou ek dreig al lank om hierdie reeks inskrywings klaar te maak, en heeltyd val iets voor. Elke keer as ek sit en hieroor skryf en die draft weergawe stoor, voel ek net nie dat dit reg is nie. Dit voel te oppervlakkig en eintlik glad nie Goddelik nie, as ek dit nou so kan stel.
Wel, een oggend in die stort, dink ek weer na oor al my drafts wat ek begin skryf het en net nie publiseer nie, en ek dink weer aan wat dit werklik beteken om bold te wees. En so kom die Heilige Gees en begin die woorde in my gedagtes laat val, amper soos wanneer jy munte in ‘n spaar bussie laat val.
God is terribly on time dink ek weer. Alles op Sy tyd. So wat die Here vir my gewys het, is, voordat jy bold kan wees, moet jy eers weet watter tipe letter IS jy nou eintlik. En met dit bedoel ek, wat is jou styl, jou persoonlikheidstipe, jou body shape (ja dit speel ‘n groot rol in my opinie), wie jy as ‘n mens is, waarvoor jy staan op alle vlakke, nie net fisies nie. Wie jy in Christus is.
Dan moet jy begin vrede maak met dit. Self-liefde toepas. Ek het NOOIT geweet ek is ‘n A-shape body type nie. Altyd gedink EK doen iets verkeerd dat my ass (ag ek moet net die woord gebruik hier, die wat my al in lewende lywe hoor praat het sal verstaan dat dit net beklemtoon waarvan ek praat) so groot is teenoor die res van my lyf. Instinktief koop ek eerder rokkies as broeke, want liewe aarde, om broeke te kry om die lyf te pas is net ‘n stryd. So inherent het die Here dit in my ingebou om items te kies wat meer vleiend is, kleure en style te kies wat by my vel ondertoon pas, sonder dat ek dit besef.
Nou ja, na die Masterclass van Aletté Winckler wat ek in April bygewoon het, weet ek soveel meer van myself, wat uiterlike voorkoms aanbetref. Ek het geleer om vrede te maak met die feit dat my boude en bo bene groter is as my bolyf. Dit is was dit is, en dit is wat EK van dit maak.
Dan is ek ook deur alles deur, besig met Etiese opleiding van Probeta (ek het bietjie opvang werk om hier te doen en die dat julle nog nie enige iets sedert my laaste inskrywings gelees het nie), gebasseer op persoonlikheidstipes soos omskryf deur Hettie Brittz (Tall Trees). Nou dis nog ‘n eye opener as ek dit nou so kan noem. Weereens kon ek NOOIT verstaan hoe ek soms net voel ek gaan saam met die stroom dryf en ontspanne wees en die lewe vat soos hy kom nie. En dan weer in ander situasies omtrent uit freak as iets nie gebeur soos EK voel dit moet gebeur nie.
Ja, jy raai reg – DIS wie EK is, dis WIE God MY gemaak het om te wees. Ek moet leer om dit te omhels, aanvaar en te ontwikkel. Hierdie werk op ‘n emosionele en geestelike vlak. So tussen die twee goed wat ek doen en gedoen het (Tall Trees en Aletté Winckler se Masterclass), is ek besig om te ontdek wie ek is en waarvoor ek geroep is. Ek is ook besig met EI Activator (Emotional Intelligence wat uitbrei op Tall Trees) en nog nie verskriklike vordering daar gemaak nie, maar ek weet sommer daardie kennis wat ek daar gaan opdoen gaan ook net nog meer en meer bydra tot die hele proses.
So nou dat ek weet dat ek ‘n A lyf letter is, ‘n Palmboom EN ‘n Sierboom is, (ek kan nou nie iets sê van EIA nie want ek moet nog bietjie meer deur dit werk om te weet wat ek daar is), kan ek voort gaan om myself saam met God te ontdek. Hy is besig om my te leer van kos (wat my kort-kort wil oorweldig omdat ek voel ek weet niks van kos af nie) en wat ek moet doen om my tempel in stand te hou, sodat ek Sy werk kan doen waarvoor ek op aarde geplaas is. En natuurlik om te ontgin wat ontgin moet word….nou kan my A ‘n A wees wat uitstaan.
Word vervolg…
Being bold… chapter 2
The photo studio
In October 2021, when I felt that I had to design the Pink Feathers range, I had no idea what I was letting myself in for, on all levels. Just as well, because if I knew, I probably would not have done it.
What am I talking about? The whole process of having an online store, managing the stock, finding money to pay for it all, but the biggest thing of everything – the photos for the webpage. I did not have a clue. Did not overthink it, because I was so focused on the designs and the physical product at the time.
But none the less. I took the photos in my way and as I saw fit. Looking back, they were AWFUL and the fact that someone purchased anything from me with those photos is actually a miracle!!
In the mean time I was growing during this process, and I decided to change the background, retake the photos, going through the motions of uploading them to my website again. It takes long, just by the way, because you are dependent on your internet speed. Then someone makes a comment on the photos, saying it must be a white back ground, taken from another angle, do this and change that.
Over the Easter weekend I decided to retake the photos AGAIN. The only white thing that I had in the house was a sheet. The lines made from folding, frustrates me, the reflection of the light (I am taking the photos at the dining room table, while the rest of my tribe is watching a movie) irritates me even more. I cannot get the phone’s (yes I use my phone because the Canon camera is also a frustration for me) positions exactly the same when holding it while taking the pictures.
The ring light stand thing that I use, actually just does not work and it feels to me like one huge mess. But now I have to push through, because I have already started the process, so I cannot give up now. With lots of frustrations, as you can clearly see, I push forward. Trying hard not to spend money on unnecessary things.
Some time later (a few months), I had a chat on Whatsapp with Anri Erasmus of Painted Lemons. Can I just tell you how this girl helped me since I got the plan from God? She was the one that I contacted to say I want to design a desk pad. She was the one that taught me about Canva, Creative Market and plenty of other things.
She was the one that connected me with the printers that I use, the tannie that makes the aprons. She was the one that just continued to support and guide me during the whole process. Anyway, I cannot remember how we started the conversation about photos, but I told her that I am not CRAZY about the current photos.
That is when she answered me (in her words) Nee tjommie, jy kry vir jou drie borde met mooi textures. I thought to myself WHAT? Say what now? What must I get? Where does one get the boards that she is talking about? Not too long after that, she sent the link to the boards from Flatlay Studio. Shortly after that another message came through with the app that I must download to take and edit pictures like a pro (and here I believe it stands for professional and not probeerder).
Wow! Such valuable knowledge! I took some money and purchased the necessary items. After the goods were delivered (what felt like an eternity but in reality was only a few days), curiosity got the better of me and I could not WAIT to take photos. I open the one item and think UUUHHMMM I think I purchased the wrong thing, I cannot see how one can take nice photos with this. Well, I was wrong!
One Saturday, while at the Spar, I made an Impromto decision to purchase fresh flowers for the photos. I start to take photos, but struggled with the angle and height while taking the pictures, all because I do not have a stand that works. I continue my photography session, snapping away. I took the pictures inside the house at night (because that is all time that I have). To me they look stunning but I still felt that something is missing.
In the mean time, I Whatsapp Anri YET AGAIN, sharing the photos that I have taken, with her, along with my frustrations. Oh my word, I realise now how frustrating the photographs were to me! Probably because I had no idea what it is that I was trying to do.
She said I must purchase a stand and sends a link on Takealot of one that she uses. She viewed my photographs – giving advice, recommending that I take the pictures in daylight rather than inside with lights switched on. The next day I start AGAIN, retaking the photos. Why I don’t know, because I do not have the stand yet. I start a bit late in the afternoon, and I do not have enough daylight to finish. I continue inside and then I saw the difference between natural light and lights switched on.
I felt so discouraged, because my photos are not finished, the fresh flowers are going to die and we are going on leave. I do not have a stand. I don’t have time to do this in the week, I have to work. The day job’s work does not stop. I decided to put the flowers in the fridge (they are Proteas and I reckoned they will last long), letting the other leaves dry out, putting it in a container to protect it from dust.
The stand arrived while we were on leave. The day after returning from leave, I decided to retake all the photos AGAIN, this time with the stand and some stickers as markers for placing the different items in the same position (I am mos now becoming a pro) in daylight on the stoep. The flowers still look fine so I do not have to go to the Spar AGAIN to purchase some fresh flowers.
Let me just tell you, halfway through this process, when it felt like my back was breaking off from being in awkward positions from taking pictures, I think to myself WHAT WAS I THINKING? WHY AM I DOING THIS? But, I cannot stop now. I have come this far, I need to push through….
Can I just say one thing? I have new respect for website photos. Especially of stationery. Because how on earth do you take photos of these items to make them look pretty and inviting for people to purchase? Anyway. The photography session is done, photos are edited and uploaded to my website. When looking back on where I started less than 1 year ago and where I am now, I cannot help but notice God’s hand in everything.
How He sent me people (ok one person with connections) to help and guide me through the whole process. Anri Erasmus, from the bottom of my heart I want to thank you that you responded to this crazy lady’s Facebook messenger message in 2020. That you invited me to your house to answer all my questions around the Bible that I wanted to purchase, the paint and all the other things I wanted to know. Explaining and answering everything that comes so easy and naturally to you, so patiently to me.
And how you just guided me on and off during this process. When I was stuck with something, sending you 500 messages when I am uncertain about something (only people who have communicated with me on Whatsapp will understand this one), you just keep me calm, explaining everything step-by-step of what I needed to know at that point in time. THANKS for this!!!
Above all, thank you God for the knowledge and wisdom that You gave to me, with what I call God’s crazy plan (said with respect of course) and for the development and growth that I can see in myself on all levels. Emotionally, spiritually and physically. I want to share some photos on this entry of the transformation – where it started and where it is now, the ones that stand proud and tall on my webpage.
This is now truly a testimony of the scripture Anything is possible with God. I hear in my mind how the kids sing-talk together A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G IS POSSIBLE WITH GOD. A-L-L-E-S IS MOONTLIK MET GOD. Something they were taught at Eden Leersentrum. And it is truly so. Everything is possible with God’s help. If a Chartered Accountant can take these types of pictures and be this creative, then anyone can do anything!
Die foto studio
Die foto studio
Toe ek in Oktober 2021 ervaar het dat die Pienk Vere reeks ontwerp moet word, het ek nie die vaagste benul gehad waarvoor ek myself, op alle vlakke, in laat nie. Ook maar goed so, want ek dink nie ek sou dit gedoen het nie!
Waarvan praat ek nou? Die hele proses om ‘n aanlyn winkel te hê, te bestuur, voorraad en voorbeelde te laat maak, geld om alles te betaal, maar die grootste van alles – die fotos vir die webblad. Ek het nie ‘n clue gehad nie. Nie daaroor gedink nie, want ek was so gefokus op die ontwerpe en fisiese produk.
Maar nie te min. Ek het toe fotos geneem op my manier en soos ek goed gedink het. As ek nou terug kyk was dit AAKLIG en die feit dat enige iemand by my iets gekoop het met daardie fotos is eintlik ‘n wonderwerk!!
So groei ek toe nou in die proses, besluit om die agtergrond te verander, neem weer fotos, gaan weer deur die proses om dit op my webblad te laai. Dit neem lank, net so tussen ons, want jy is afhanklik van jou internet se spoed. Dan lewer iemand kommentaar op die fotos en sê dit moet ‘n skoon en wit agtergrond wees, neem bietjie van ‘n ander hoek af, maak so en doen dat.
Oor Paasnaweek besluit ek om WEER al my fotos oor te neem. Al wit ding wat ek in die huis het is ‘n laken. Die vou lyne frustreer my, die weerkaatsing van die lig (ek neem dit in die aand op die eetkamer tafel terwyl die res van my gesin ‘n fliek kyk) irriteer my nog meer. Ek kry nie die foon (ja ek neem met my foon want die Canon kamera is ook ‘n frustrasie vir my) se posisie presies dieselfde vas gehou wanneer ek neem nie.
Die ring lig staander ding wat ek gebruik werk eintlik glad nie en dis eintlik net een vet groot gemors voel dit vir my. Maar nou moet ek deur druk, want ek het nou mos klaar die proses begin, ek kan nie nou moed op gee nie. So karring ek aan, baie gefrustreerd soos jy seker kan aflei, maar ek werk met wat ek het en probeer om nie onnodige geld op fieterjasies te spandeer nie.
Heelwat later (‘n paar maande), gesels ek eendag op Whatsapp met Anri Erasmus van Painted Lemons. Kan ek net vir jou vertel hoe die girl my gehelp het sedert ek die plan van die Here af gekry het? Sy was die een wat ek gekontak het om te sê ek wil ‘n desk pad ontwerp. Sy was die een wat my geleer het van Canva, Creative Market en nog vele ander goed.
Sy was die een wat my in verbinding gesit het met die drukkers wat ek gebruik, die tannie wat die voorskote maak. Sy was die een wat my net aanhou ondersteun en lei het deur die hele proses. Nou ja, ek kan nie onthou hoe ons begin praat het oor fotos nie, maar ek sê toe vir haar dat ek nie MAL is ook my huidige fotos nie.
Dis toe dat sy vir my antwoord (in haar woorde nou) Nee tjommie, jy kry vir jou drie borde met mooi textures. Ek dink by my self WAT? Wat moet ek nou kry? Waar kry mens die borde waarvan sy praat? Nie lank na dit nie, kom die skakel deur vir die borde van Flatlay Studio af. Net daarna nog ‘n boodskap van ‘n app wat ek moet aflaai om soos ‘n pro (en hier glo ek dit staan vir professional en nie probeerder nie) fotos te kan neem en edit.
Wow. Watter wonderlike kennis! Ek haal toe maar geld uit en skaf die nodige aan vir my. Na die goed afgelaai word by my (wat soos ‘n ewigheid voel maar eintlik net ‘n paar dae is), kan ek natuurlik nie WAG om foto’s te neem nie. Ek maak die een oop en dink UUUHHMMM ek dink ek het ‘n verkeerde ding gekoop, ek kan nie sien hoe mooi fotos van dit af gaan kom nie. Wel, ek was verkeerd!
Impromto besluit ek een Saterdag, toe ek by die Spar was, om vars blomme te koop vir die foto’s. Daar begin ek toe om fotos te neem, maar sukkel steeds met die hoek en hoogte waarteen dit geneem word, want ek het nie ‘n staander wat werk nie. Ek begin neem en neem en neem. Ek neem in die huis die aand fotos (want dis al tyd wat ek het). Dit lyk vir my stunning, maar ek voel steeds iets kort.
In die tussentyd, Whatsapp ek ALWEER vir Anri en deel die foto’s wat ek geneem het met haar, asook my frustrasies. Sjoe ek kom nou net agter dat die hele foto-nemery vir my ‘n frustrasie was! Seker maar omdat ek eintlik glad nie geweet het wat ek probeer doen nie.
Sy sê toe ek moet ‘n staander koop en stuur ‘n skakel op Takealot van een wat sy gebruik. Sy kyk na my fotos – gee raad en advies en beveel aan om in natuurlike lig te neem eerder as in die huis met ligte aan geskakel. Die volgende dag begin ek WEER van voor af. Hoekom, weet ek nie, want ek het nog nie ‘n staander nie. Ek begin fotos in die middag te neem, daglig raak min en ek kon nie klaar kry nie. Ek neem in die huis verder in die aand en toe begin ek die verskil sien tussen natuurlike lig en onnatuurlike lig.
My moed sak in my skoene, want nou is my goed nie klaar geneem nie, die blomme gaan afgaan en ons gaan met verlof. Ek het nie ‘n staander nie. Ek het nie tyd in die week om dit te doen nie, ek moet werk. Die day job se werk hou nie op nie. Ek bêre die blomme in die yskas (dis Proteas so hulle sal lank hou het ek geredeneer) en laat maar die ander blare uit droog en bêre dit in ‘n houer om te bewaar teen stof.
Terwyl ons met verlof was, arriveer die staander. Die dag na ons terug gekom het van verlof af, besluit ek om WEER alles oor af te neem, die keer met die staander saam, stickers geplak om die verskillende ontwerpe op min of meer dieselfde plek te laat lê (ek sê mos ek raak nou ‘n pro), in daglig op die stoep. Die blomme lyk nog goed genoeg vir fotos so ek hoef nie WEER Spar toe te ry en te koop nie.
Kyk, halfpad deur hierdie proses, toe my rug voel of hy wil afbreek van die vreemde prosisie wat ek in gestaan en buk het om af te neem, dink ek weer by myself WAT HET MY BESIEL? HOEKOM DOEN EK HIERDIE? Maar, ek kan nie nou stop nie. Ek is nou so ver, ek moet maar deur druk…..
Kan ek net een ding sê? Ek het nuwe respek vir webblad fotos. Veral van skryfbehoeftes. Want hoe op dees aarde neem jy dit af dat dit mooi en aanloklik lyk vir mense om te WIL koop? Nie te min. Die fotos is klaar geneem, geedit en opgelaai op my webblad. As ek terug kyk na waar ek begin het, minder as 1 jaar gelede en waar ek nou is, kan ek net die Here se hand in alles sien.
Hoe Hy mense gestuur het (ok een mens met connections) om my net te help en te lei deur die hele proses. Anri Erasmus, uit die diepte van my hart bedank ek jou dat jy hierdie crazy vrou op Facebook se messenger boodskap in 2020 beantwoord het. Dat jy my na jou huis genooi het om al my vrae te vra oor die Bybel wat ek wou koop, die verf, en net al die ander vrae te antwoord en geduldig, alles wat so natuurlik en maklik vir jou kom, te verduidelik.
En hoe jy my net aan en af lei deur die proses. As ek met my hande in my hare sit, en 500 boodskappe begin stuur as ek onseker is (net mense wat al op Whatsapp met my gesels het sal die een lekker verstaan), kom jy, en hou my net rustig en kalm, en verduidelik net alles stap-vir-stap wat ek nodig het op te weet op daardie tydstip. DANKIE vir dit!!!
Bo dit alles, dankie Here vir die insig, kennis en wysheid wat U my gegee het, met wat ek noem Die Here se mal plan (met respek gesê natuurlik) en vir die groei wat ek kan sien in my as mens op alle vlakke. Emosioneel, geestelik en fisies. Ek deel so paar fotos op die inskrywing van waar ek was en hoe dit getransformeer het na die fotos wat nou met trots op my webblad pronk.
Hierdie is nou wragties ‘n getuienis van Met God is alles moontlik se skrif vers. Ek hoor in my gedagtes hoe die kinders saam in ‘n koor sing A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G IS POSSIBLE WITH GOD. A-L-L-E-S IS MOONTLIK MET GOD. Iets wat hulle by Eden Leersentrum geleer het. En dit is wragties so. Alles is moontlik met God se hulp. As ‘n Chartered Accountant sulke fotos kan neem en so kreatief kan wees, dan kan enige iemand enige iets doen!
The photo studio
The unknown…
Here we are, mid-October already and I cannot help but wonder where the time is going to. I know I have said it in almost every entry (or so it felt like to me), but, seriously, the time goes by so quickly, I feel I cannot keep up! I then look at my desk pad and this month’s scripture.
I compare it with the other versions on my electronic Bible (how wonderful is technology?) just to make sure I have the correct interpretation. And I think I have it!
So Paul (it was he who wrote Corinthians was it not?) wrote here that nothing that we have ever seen, heard or thought about in our hearts, can describe what God has prepared for us. Wow, I think a moment about this and realise just HOW big this is. I think most certainly it refers to the eternal life, but also our time here on earth.
God’s plan for us is prosperity and not harm, is that not so? So why can this not be applicable to our time here on earth too? Practically I can testify about this scripture and what happened in my life. And don’t get me wrong, we need hard and harder times, because that is when we are formed and character is built. But the good times and the prosperous times are needed too.
You see, if I have to think about all my earthly desires that I have, then I think it will be awesome if all my tasks associated with my day job, will be up to date and stay that way. That I have no pressure what so ever and that everything will just go smoothly the whole time, every time. Of course I have a million or three other desires too (we all have this dream about something you know?), but this one stands out to me the most.
So I thought that this was my biggest desire. Well, I was wrong!! You see, during September 2022, God fulfilled a desire for me that I did not think about, heard of before or had seen as yet. You guessed it – the radio interview! What an experience that was! You see, I did not think that it is something that I want to do. And now, said with a tongue-in-the-cheek, it feels like this is ALL that I want to do! The dream job, the one that you always dream about but never get to do.
God fulfilled and surpassed my wildest, biggest desires with that interview. A day or so after the interview, I paged through my desk pad’s scriptures for the remainder of the year and then it struck me – THIS is what God meant with this verse. Now, think to yourself, if something like a radio interview feels big to me, how BIG and WONDERFUL are His plans for us?
It is BIG, very BIG, our brains cannot fathom this, even if we try very hard to wrap it around this. And I think, actually, it is better this way, because now we have something to look forward to! Do you look forward to what God has planned for you? I most definitely look forward to what God has planned for me, Beroepsvrou and my day job…
Die onbekende…
Die onbekende…
So staan ons alweer op middel Oktober en ek kan nie help om te wonder waarheen die tyd aanstap nie. Ek weet ek het dit in amper elke inskrywing gesê, (of so voel dit vir my), maar regtig, die tyd vlieg so vinnig! Ek kyk na my desk pad en die maand se skrif.
Ek gaan vergelyk dit met ander weergawes op my elektroniese Bybel (is tegnologie nie wonderlik nie?) net om seker te maak ek het die korrekte interpretasie hier beet. En ek dink ek het hom!
So Paulus (was mos hy wat Korinthiërs geskryf het?) skryf hier dat niks wat ons al gesien, gehoor het of in ons harte opgekom het, kan beskryf dit wat God vir ons berei het nie. Wow, ek dink so oomblik na hieroor en besef net hoe gróót dit is. Vir seker dink ek dit verwys na die ewige lewe maar ook ons tyd hier op aarde.
God beplan mos dinge van voorspoed vir ons, nie teëspoed nie, nie waar nie? So hoekom kan dit nie van toepassing wees vir ons tyd hier op aarde nie? Nou prakties kan ek getuig van hierdie skrif en dit wat in my lewe gebeur het. Moet my nie verkeerd verstaan nie. Die moeilike en harde tye is vir seker ook nodig, want dis wanneer ons gevorm word en karakter gebou word. Maar die goeie tye is net so nodig vir ons tyd hier op aarde.
Jy sien, as ek nou moet dink aan al my aardse begeertes wat ek het, wat ek nou dink awesome sal wees vir my, is dit sekerlik dat al my werk op datum sal wees en so sal bly. Dat ek nie werksdruk het nie en dat alles net die heeltyd vlot sal verloop wat dit aan betref. Natuurlik het ek seker nog ‘n miljoen of drie ander begeertes (ons almal droom mos maar van ietsie jy weet?), maar díe een staan vir my die meeste uit.
So het ek gedink dat dit my grootste begeerte was. Wel, ek was verkeerd!! Jy sien, gedurende September 2022, het die Here vir my ‘n begeerte vervul wat ek nog nooit aan gedink het nie, nie gesien of gehoor het nie. Ja jy het reg geraai – die radio onderhoud! Wat ‘n belewenis was dit nie net nie, jy sien, ek het nie gedink dat dit is iets wat ek graag sal wil doen nie. En nou, tong-in-die-kies gesê, voel dit vir my is dit ál wat ek wil doen! Die dream job, die een waarvan mens net droom en nooit kry nie.
Die Here het my wildste, grootste begeertes met daardie onderhoud oortref. So ‘n dag of wat na die onderhoud, blaai ek deur my deskpad se skrif verse en toe tref dit my – DIS wat die Here bedoel met die vers. Nou kan jy jouself indink, as iets soos ‘n radio onderhoud vir my gróót voel, hoe GRÓÓT is die planne wat die Here vir ons het nie net nie?
Dis GRÓÓT, baie GRÓÓT, ons breine kan dit nie indink nie, al probeer ons hoe hard en lank! En eintlik is dit ook goed so, want nou het ons ietsie om na uit te sien! Sien jy uit na wat Hy vir jou beplan? Ek sien uit na dit wat die Here nog vir my, Beroepsvrou, en die day job in gedagte het…
The unknown…
Online purchase assistance
The caregiver
The whole week, while we were on holiday, I had this longing for the caregiver in our family. As we were travelling back from our sea side holiday, my thoughts wander. To my sister Erika Breytenbach. You see, those of you who are only tuning in to my blog now, may not know this, but she and her family made the choice one year ago to uproot themselves and to settle in another country.
At first I did not understand why I had this yearning and longing, especially now. But then I saw on Facebook how she shared her heart and emotions of being on the other side of the world for one year and how traumatic it actually was with the Pandemic. My heart was crying when I saw this. Then I understood, because, somewhere my brain made the connection with this time of the year and someone dying alive to me, if this makes sense at all at what I am trying to say here. With this I mean, they are still alive, but out of reach for fleshy hugs and physical contact.
I scroll by the entries fast, because I am scared that I will start crying like I did when I greeted them, what felt like 100 times in Pretoria one year ago. We did not visit each that frequently. When I was younger, yes, and before kids, for sure. At that stage we visited them more often. But then life got too busy and the Pandemic and lock down limited travels between provinces.
I call her the care giver, because she is the nurse in our family. She does not like it very much when called a nurse, because she actually is a Sister. And yes, there is a difference. Probably the same as in my career when people call me a bookkeeper when that is not what I am.
She has this ability to keep one calm. Especially in crisis situations. With our car accident 16 years ago, I trusted her more than all the doctors and nurses at the hospital. When my child sustained a head wound from jumping off a bed (with my mom being in a coma at the time), she was the one that I phoned (yes, I panicked and struck a blank as to what to do with the head wound). If a client received a diagnoses of some form, then I would turn to her to explain what is actually meant with this knowledge that we have just gained.
When my mom was in the coma and had to go in for the MRI, she was the one that was standing next to her, cool, calm and relaxed, holdig our dying mother’s hand. Not once could I detect any panic wanting to overwhelm her. I remember standing there, watching her, thinking to myself How do you do that????
I also think of her husband Jaco. How he inspired me to become a CA. Giving crash courses just before exams on how to operate a financial calculator (something I have forgotten long ago and for the life of me, still cannot operate effectively and correctly).
Well then, my dear sister and heavy (a direct translation for swaar when we actually mean swaer – and yes – go and google all the meanings and then you will connect the dots on this translation), I truly hope that your roots will settle quickly on the new soil that you find yourself on. I hear it is hard to immigrate. Mixed emotions when you decide to do something like this. I don’t know if I told you this, but one year ago, on the camp, God confirmed to me that I have to let you go.
Over and over He said this is how it must be. He even gave me a map of New Zealand on that same camp. As if He wanted me to HEAR and SEE that this is part of His plan and that I must trust the process, even if it does not make sense to me.
Love you sis. Our caregiver. Our eldest sister. The one that made slap chips (fries for those of you who do not know and understand the South-African Afrikaans slang used here) from fresh potatoes for lunch, with a white sauce made from scratch. It probably did not happen that often, but it stood out to me from growing up together.
I cried so much when you went to P.E. to go and study there (and no, I cannot type or pronounce the new name for Port Elizabeth so in my mind it will stay P.E.). Because it felt so far away. So out of reach. Little did I know that you will choose a destination even further away. Miss you. Even if we are only a Whatsapp call apart, the time zones are tricky to work around…
I am trying my utmost best to keep the fern alive that I got from you. It almost did not survive winter. But I think I have found the spot for it, where his leaves are green and soft and healthy – I am most certainly not going to move it again. It stands here right next to my computer and when I see it, I think of you. The fern that stands tall and proud on the cover photo of my blog, next to me on the desk.
Until we see each other again. And to be able to give fleshy hugs to each other. Until then I will swallow back the tears. Pretending that it is just a dream. Putting my head in the ground and making the decision to not think about it too much. Because that helps to ease the pain and longing, even if just by a little bit.
Die versorger
Die versorger
Die hele week terwyl ons by die see vakansie hou, het ek heimwee en verlange na die versorger in ons familie. Soos wat ons terug ry van ons see vakansie, dwaal my gedagtes. Na my sussie Erika Breytenbach toe. Jy sien, die wat nou eers inskakel by my webjoernaal weet dalk nie, maar sy en haar gesin het ‘n jaar terug besluit om hul wortels op te trek en in ‘n ander land te gaan vestig.
Eers het ek nie verstaan hoekom ek die verskriklike verlange, juis nou het nie. Maar toe ek op Facebook sien hoe sy haar hart deel van een jaar daar en hoe traumaties dit eintlik was met die Pandemie saam, huil my hart. Toe verstaan ek, want iewers het my brein die tyd van die jaar onthou en gekoppel aan iemand wat lewendig dood gegaan het vir my, as dit nou enigsins sin maak. Met dit bedoel ek, hulle lewe nog, maar is buite bereik vir fleshy hugs en fisiese aanraking.
Ek blaai dan vinnig verby die Facebook inskrywings, want ek is bang ek begin huil soos ek gehuil het toe ek hulle, wat voel soos 100 keer, gaan groet het in Pretoria 1 jaar gelede. Ons het nie mekaar se drumpels deurgetrap nie. Toe ek jonger was, ja, en voor kinders, vir seker. Toe het ons baie meer gekuier. Maar toe raak die lewe te besig en die Pandemie het ons almal nog meer ingeperk met reise oor provinsies.
Ek noem haar die versorger, want sy is die nurse in ons familie. Sy hou nie baie daarvan as jy haar ‘n nurse noem nie, want sy is eintlik ‘n Sister. En ja daar is ‘n verskil. Seker maar soos my beroep en mense wat my ‘n boekhouer noem wanneer ek eintlik nie dit is nie.
Sy het hierdie vermoë om mens rustig te hou. Veral in mediese krisis situasies. Met ons kar ongeluk 16 jaar terug het ek haar meer vertrou as die dokters en ander nurses by die hospitaal. Toe my kind haar kop oopgeval het (met my ma wat in ‘n koma was) was sy die een wat ek gebel het (ja, ek het gepanic en ‘n blank geslaan oor wat om te doen met die kopwond). As ‘n kliënt ‘n diagnose van ‘n aard gekry het, was sy die een vir wie ek gevra het wat hulle nou eintlik bedoel met die kennis wat ons nou bygekry het.
Toe my ma in die koma was en in moes gaan vir die MRI, was sy die een wat kalm en rustig langs haar gestaan het en haar hand vas gehou het. Nie een keer het paniek haar oorval nie. Ek onthou nog ek het haar so staan en kyk en by myself gedink Hoe doen jy dit?????
Ek dink ook aan haar man Jaco. Hoe hy my geinspireer het om ‘n CA te word. Crash courses net voor eksamens gegee het oor hoe om ‘n finansiële sakrekenaar te gebruik (wat ek lankal weer vergeet het hoe dit werk en om die dood toe nie vandag kan reg gebruik nie).
Nou ja sussie en heavy (‘n direkte vertaling vir swaar wanneer ons swaer bedoel) ek hoop regtig jul wortels vestig gou in die grond in. Ek hoor dit is hard en moeilik om te emigreer. Mixed emotions wanneer jy so iets besluit. Ek weet nie of ek vir jou gesê het nie, maar die Here het vir my op die kamp laas jaar, bevestiging gegee dat dit so is, ek moet julle laat gaan.
Oor en oor het Hy gesê dit moet so wees. Hy het selfs vir my ‘n kaart van Nieu Seeland (ag jitte ek weet nou nie of ek dit reg spel nie) gegee. So asof Hy net wou hê ek moet HOOR en SIEN dat dit deel van Sy plan is en dat ek net die proses moet vertrou al maak dit nie sin vir my nie.
Lief jou sussie. Ons versorger. Ons ousus. Die een wat slap chips vars gebraai het vir middagete met witsous van scratch af gemaak. Dit het seker nie baie gebeur nie maar dit staan vir my uit van ons grootword jare.
Ek het my oë uit my kop uit gehuil toe jy P.E. toe gegaan het om te swot (en nee ek weet nogsteeds nie hoe om P.E. se nuwe naam uit te spreek of te spel nie, so Port Elizabeth sal dit bly vir my). Want dit het so ver gevoel. So buite bereik. Min het ek geweet dat jy nou nog ‘n verder bestemming sou kies. Mis jou. Al is ons net ‘n Whatsapp oproep ver neuk die tydsones so bietjie…
Ek probeer hard om die varing wat ek by jou gekry het aan die lewe te hou. Hy het amper nie die winter gemaak nie. Maar hy staan nou op sy plekkie waar sy blare lowergroen vertoon en waar nuwe blare uitkom – ek gaan hom vir seker nie weer skuif nie. Hy staan hier reg langs my rekenaar en as ek die varing sien dan dink ek aan jou. Die varing wat trots pronk in die foto van my blad, langs my op die lessenaar.
Tot ons mekaar weer sien. En fleshy hugs kan uitdeel en gee vir mekaar. Tot dan sluk ek maar die trane af en weg. Maak ek maar of dit net ‘n droom is. Druk my kop in die grond en kies maar om nie te veel daaraan te dink nie. Want dit maak die seer en verlange net so effens makliker om te hanteer.
The caregiver
Mom of the year
The other day I went onto social media, on Facebook and saw the memories that were shared 3 years ago. It was a conversation with my son, 10 years old at the time. For those of you who know him, knows that he loves facts and that our house is full of various types of fact books.
None the less, I cannot recall the exact conversation. I almost think that he randomly said something to the effect of “Who is the best mommy in the world?”
With a chest swelling up from being proud, I sit and listen, waiting for Mom of the year award to be given to me by my 10 year old son. But soon all my dreams were shattered. His answer to the question? “An Octopus. Because she looks after her eggs for 52 months.”
I could not help but laugh, and I still laugh when I am reminded about these random facts that we learn every so often from Franco! Never a dull moment in the Potgieter household!
And the Mom of the year award goes to….Mother Octopus!!!
Ma van die jaar
Ma van die jaar
Die ander dag gaan ek op sosiale media, op Bakkiesboek aka Facebook en sien die memories wat gedeel was van 3 jaar gelede. Nou dit was ‘n gesprek met my seun. Toe 10 jaar oud. Die wat vir Franco ken sal weet dat hy versot is op feite en dat ons huis vol verskeie tipe feite boeke is.
Nie te min, ek kan nie meer lekker die presiese gesprek onthou nie. Ek dink amper hy het randomly iets gesê in die lyn van “Wie is die beste mamma in die wêreld?”
Breëbors sit ek en luister en wag om die Ma van die jaar toekenning by my 10 jarige seun te kry. Gou was my drome aan skerwe. Die antwoord op sy vraag? “‘n Seekat. Want sy pas haar eiers vir 52 maande op.”
Ek kon nie help om te lag nie en giggel steeds toe ek herinner was aan die random facts wat ons gereeld leer by Franco! Never a dull moment in die Potgieter woning!
And the Mom of the year award goes to….Mamma Seekat!!!
Just another year… or not!
So not everyone has the privilege to blog about their special day. The special day? Our wedding anniversary of course! Last year was the first year that I had the opportunity to blog about our special day and I even thought, mmmmm….I will not be able to blog about this again!
Well, I was wrong. You see, it is not a Same old, same old, Happy Anniversary, I will choose you a thousand times over, love you to the moon and back standard day. To me, every year that we have been spared together, is an absolute miracle right out of God’s hand.
This year’s anniversary will be different – we are on the road the entire day to our holiday destination. It is school holidays and I cannot remember when last we went to the coast during a school holiday. Decembers do not count, as that was almost the norm for so many years of our marriage.
Well then, none the less. I want to share with the world a bit more about my husband Heinrich. The one whom I prayed for. You see, I was not too specific in my prayer to God about my requirements. There were only two things that bothered me when I was young (and I did not know how to pray in my opinion, especially when I look back now, but anyway, moving on).
The first requirement was – my husband must be taller than what I am. So check God sorted that one for me. The second requirement was – my husband must wear pants that are sized bigger than mine. Yes, you may laugh. But at one stage, when I was young and skinny, there were these short and even skinnier guys who were interested in me. Nothing put me off more thinking I must date or marry a guy that wears a size 32 pants while I was a size 34 at that stage.
Stupid I know! But that was literally the only requirements I had. And come to think of it, it was just as well that I did not give God a longer list of requirements. Because I don’t think I would be able to choose it better than what He chose my husband for me. After 16 years of married life, we are even closer to each other than what we were when we got married. That is how it is supposed to be, is it not?
We understand each other better and I recon we bring the best out in each other. There is the odd occasion where we disagree about what seems like nothing, but, that is also needed and part of the process. Most important of all, we serve God together! In our own ways that suite our personalities best and we trust God absolutely for everything that we do.
Heinrich makes me laugh, has the funniest sense of humor (which I think rubbed off on me but was most probably always there, waiting to be found and developed in the right circumstances), he understands me, treats me with respect, calms me when needed, supports me, trusts me and loves me.
Like I said, I would not have been able to choose better. This is absolutely out of God’s hand that we found each other, which feels like a lifetime ago. I went through Facebook’s photos that I uploaded over the years. It was so nice to see and remember with each photograph, where we were at that given moment in time. Of course I wanted to make a slideshow. But to my frustration I am struggling a bit. So I hope the slideshow will see the light!
It feels so relevant to point out some good memories and a few less good ones of our married life together. In the 16 years of being married, we only moved into the house we are currently living in (yes, we have not had to endure the frustrations and patience of packing up a house together to move and I don’t know if and when we will ever do it). We have experienced together – two children, one ectopic pregnancy, one miscarriage, too many to count dachshunds (sausage dogs), one parrot, a whole lot of hamsters and a Pekingese.
We were even together in a magazine – but that was before we got married so that probably does not count? It was in the Accountancy SA so no major circulations and publications of us in a magazine! We started our day job’s business together, also before we got married…. during our married life a blog was born, giving the world a bit of a look into our lives, we experienced a Radio interview with me greeting the readers rather than listeners, something that we laugh about frequently (of course he tuned in and listened in depth hearing the mistake and not being able to help me to say the right thing).
We survived a Pandemic, wearing masks and sanitizing until end of days it felt. There were tough times, humorous laughing times, good times, better times and just normal ticking over times. But in all these times, God was there. He looked after us, provided for us, protected us. So many silly decisions that we wanted to make, thinking it was a good one, was stopped by God and when we look back, we can just stand in total awe and amazement of His guidance and grace that we experienced! We cannot help but to praise God for this!
Heinrich – I dedicate this piece and every piece that I will write for every year after this to you and our lives together. I thank God every day for you, that He borrowed you for my time on earth. At least you are still taller than what I am and I hope the size of the pants is still bigger than mine and that I did not become dikkes over the years, so that one of my two requirements have not fallen off the list. (Because, yes, I have not been a size 34 for many years now!!!).
May God give you even more wisdom and insight on how to handle things. May He bring us even closer to each other as we move closer to Him. May He still use us as a couple together to reach people, in a unique way, suitable for our unique personalities. Happy Anniversary, love you to the moon and back, choosing you a thousand times over!
Net nog ‘n jaar… of nie!
So nie almal het die voorreg en geleentheid om te kan blog oor hul spesiale dag nie. Die spesiale dag? Ons huweliksherdenking natuurlik! Laas jaar was die eerste jaar wat ek kon blog oor ons groot dag en ek het nogals gedink, mmmm…ek gaan nie WEER hieroor kan blog nie!
Wel, ek was verkeerd. Jy sien, dis nie ‘n Same old, same old, Happy Anniversary, I will choose you a thousand times over, love you to the moon and back standaard dag nie. Vir my is elke liewe jaar wat ons saam gespaar is, ‘n absolute wonderwerk uit God se hand uit.
Hierdie jaar se herdenking gaan wel anders wees – ons is heeldag op die pad na ‘n vakansie bestemming toe. Dis skoolvakansie en ek kan nie onthou wanneer laas ons in ‘n skoolvakansie gedurende die jaar see toe was nie. Desembers tel nie, want dit was amper die norm vir so baie jare van ons huwelik.
Nou ja, nie te min. Ek wil net so bietjie meer deel met die wêreld oor my man Heinrich. Die een vir wie ek gebid het. Jy sien, ek was nie baie spesifiek met God oor my vereistes nie. Daar was net twee goed wat my gepla het toe ek baie jonk was (en toe ek glad nie geweet het HOE om te bid nie, in my opinie as ek nou terug kyk, maar nie te min).
Die eerste vereiste was – my man moet langer as ek wees. So check die Here het daai een uitgesorteer vir my. Die tweede vereiste was – my man moes ‘n broek grootte dra wat groter is as myne. Nou ja, jy kan maar lag. Maar op ‘n stadium, toe ek nog jonk en maer was, het daar kort en nog maerder outjies in my belang gestel. Niks het my meer afgesit om te dink ek moet met ‘n ou uitgaan of trou wat se broek nommer ‘n 32 is terwyl ek ‘n 34 was op daardie stadium nie.
Simpel, ek weet! Maar dit was letterlik al vereistes. En ek dink dis ook maar goed so dat ek nie nog ‘n langer lys van vereistes vir God gegee het nie. Want ek dink nie ek sou dit so raak gekies het soos wat God my man vir my gekies het nie. Na 16 jaar van getroude lewe, kan ek eerlik sê dat ons nog nader aan mekaar is as wat ons was toe ons getrou het. Dis mos hoe dit moet wees, is dit nie?
Ons verstaan mekaar beter en ek reken ons bring die beste in mekaar uit meeste van die keer. Daar is die odd geleentheid waar ons vassit oor wat voel soos niks, maar, dis ook nodig en deel van die proses. Belangrikste van alles is, ons dien saam vir God! Op ons eie maniere wat vir ons persoonlikhede werk, en ons vertrou absoluut op die Here in alles wat ons doen.
Hy laat my lag, het die snaakste sin vir humor (wat ook op my afgevryf het en seker eintlik maar altyd daar was en gewag het om ontgin te word in die regte omstandighede), hy verstaan my, hanteer my met respek, kalmeer my wanneer dit nodig is, ondersteun my, vertrou my en is lief vir my.
Soos ek gesê het, beter raak kies kon ek nie. Dis absoluut uit die Here se hand dat ons mekaar gevind het, wat voel soos ‘n leeftyd gelede. Ek gaan deur Facebook se foto’s wat ek oor die jare opgelaai het. Dit was nogal lekker om te sien en te onthou van elke foto se neem en situasie waar ons was. Ek het natuurlik als afgelaai en probeer ‘n slideshow maak. Tot my grootste frustrasie sukkel ek so bietjie. So ek hoop maar die slideshow sien die lig! Maar in die tussen tyd moet die day job se werk klaar, want ons gaan met vakansie!
Dit voel so relevant om hoogte punte (en so paar laagte punte) te noem in ons getroude lewe saam. In die 16 jaar van getroud wees het ons slegs ingetrek in die huis waarin ons nou bly (ja, ons het nog nie daai sakke sout opgeëet van huis oppak en trek nie en weet nie of en wanneer dit ooit gaan gebeur nie). Ons het twee kinders, een buisswangerskap, een miskraam, ongelooflik baie worshonde, een pappegaai, nog ‘n hele rits hamsters en ‘n Pekingese saam beleef.
Ons was al saam in ‘n tydskrif – maar dit was voor ons getroud was, so dit tel seker nie? Dit was wel net die Accountancy SA so geen verskriklike sirkulasie en publikasie van ons twee nie! Saam het ons die day job se besigheid begin, ook voor ons getroud was… gedurende ons huwelik het daar ‘n blog ontstaan wat so kykie vir die wêreld gee op ons lewens, ons het ‘n Radio onderhoud beleef met ‘n blaps in hoe ek die lesers groet eerder as luisteraars, en waaroor ons nou gereeld lag (hy het natuurlik in diepte geluister en gehoor hoe ek die fout maak en kon my nie reghelp nie).
Ons het ‘n Pandemie oorleef, maskers dra en saniteer tot in lengte van dae. Daar was swaar tye, lekker lag tye, goeie tye, beter tye en gewone net oor tick tye. Maar in al hierdie tye was die Here daar. Het Hy na ons gekyk, ons versorg, beskerm. Soveel besluite en dom dinge wat ons wou doen en gedink het goed was, was gekeer gewees deur die Here en as ons later terug kyk, kan ons net in verbasing en dankbaarheid die Here loof vir Sy getrouheid!
Heinrich – ek dra hierdie stuk, en elke volgende jaar se stuk wat ek gaan skryf op ons huweliksherdenking op aan jou en ons lewens saam. Ek dank die Here elke liewe dag vir jou, dat Hy jou vir my geleen het vir my tyd hier op aarde. Jy is darem nog langer as ek en ek hoop die broek grootte is nog groter as myne en dat ek nie dikkes geword het oor die jare nie, sodat die ander een van my twee vereistes darem nog op die lys is. (Want, ja, ek is lankal nie meer ‘n 34 broek grootte nie!!!)
Mag die Here jou net nog meer insig, kennis en wysheid gee oor hoe om goed te hanteer. Mag Hy ons net nog nader aan mekaar bring soos wat ons nader aan Hom beweeg. Mag Hy ons nog saam ook gebruik om mense te bereik, op ons eie unieke persoonlikhede se manier! Happy Anniversary, love you to the moon and back, choosing you a thousand times over!
