This time of the year it always seems to me that there is some or another form of nostalgia (I had to google what the English of heimwee was and I am not entirely convinced that this is the right word…but perhaps it is?) that tries to make itself at home in my heart. This makes that I actually do not like this time of the year. I would not say despise, as that is such a strong word. Dislike is a better word to use….This is the time we are all supposed to celebrate one of the biggest events that occurred for mankind – the birth of Christ. I know there have been many debates on when He was actually born but let’s leave that out of this conversation…
I often wondered WHY it is like this for me this time of the year. Why do I feel like this? Why is this time of the year hard for some people? As the questions spin around in my mind, making something similar to a funnel, it is as if I can feel the Holy Spirit placing His hand in the midst of the turmoil to calm all the thoughts I am having.
I take some quiet time and try to HEAR what it is that I feel God is trying to tell me. The word that stands up above everything else is REFLECT. Reflect? I ask. The answer comes back to me – Yes, reflect.
Reflect. I chew on this word like my son does with his bubblegum the whole day long. Reflect. I decide to look up a more formal meaning in the English Oxford Dictionary. Not because I do not know what it means. No, just to be a bit different in my blog entry and also to be sure that I do understand the context in which God is giving this word to me.
I take the dark blue dictionary off the bookshelf and I blow off the dust that has settled on it from not using it as often as it probably was intended to be used. This dictionary has a few more meanings and explanations than the Afrikaans dictionary. But I find the one that I feel fits what God is trying to say. Here too it is a verb and the meaning I consider the closest to what I am trying to say is meditate. To meditate on something. Another one I found is to remind oneself. So basically I am meditating on or remining myself of what has happened in the past.
The only difference is, I am not only looking back, reflecting on 2021, but rather 2020 and 2021 together. You see, last year and the current year feels like they are intertwined and twisted into one another. I cannot tell the difference between the years. I am sure this is how everyone feels, not only me.
To be continued……
Reflekteer – Hoofstuk 1
