When I started my first job, no wait, when I was still at school and we purchased a second hand computer from someone, around 1996 or 1997, I discovered this game on a computer. It is a game with a whole bunch of blocks. When you right click with your mouse, then you place flags on the blocks.
Two types of flags – red flags and black flags if I remember correctly. If you click on some of the blocks, they open up a bigger area with nothing underneath them. Others reveal the numbers one and two. Nothing that I ever did on this game made sense to me. I tried to read the rules, understand the logic of the game. At some stage I figured out that the numbers one and two is supposed to give you an indication of the amount of bombs close to the one you just selected.
The red flags mean you mark where you THINK the bombs are and the black flags are area’s that you recon is bomb-free. All this time, I just played the game, not fully understanding the rules and not bothering to actually trying to understand it so that I can actually beat the game. Every time I played it, it was just a matter of time before I chose a block with a bomb underneath it.
This past week or two it felt to me as if I was playing a similar game in real life. Ok, since the start of December 2021 it felt like this to me and it feels like we are trapped in some reality game. The bombs that I was trying to miss? The feared virus of the Pandemic that we find ourselves in. You see, to me it feels like it does not matter how closely you follow the rules and play the so-called game, it is only a matter of time before you will step on a bomb.
You read the rules, think you understand it, follow it, mark what you recon are bombs with the flags and the safe areas are also marked by you. But, you take your eye off the game for just a tiny moment only to discover that you have stepped on one. The bomb goes off. Your husband tests positive. The thing is in your house. The thing that no one can see is HERE.
You freak out because you don’t know WHAT to expect. He is NEVER ill. Now he sleeps for hours during the day. All the responsibilities of parenting comes down on the one that is not ill. Goodness me, let me tell you, I felt like a single mom at some stage. It was no fun at all.
It was even worse for me to see him like that. I find myself crying secretly in the bathroom where no one can see me. I don’t want to upset him or the kids. I must be strong. I must ensure that he eats, drinks his medicine and sleeps. The devil tried to catch me with lies in my mind.
He even tried to convince me that my husband is not going to make it. He actually had it very light and his symptoms were not as terrible as one hears other talk about their experience. But, I still fall for the lies – hook, line and sinker. That makes me freak out even more.
I sleep in the children’s room with them. We have to isolate from him. My arms start to feel sore from lack of sleep. My back feels like it is going to go into spasm any moment because I am sleeping on a mattress that is not mine. You see, my mattress feels to me, as if it folds itself around me when I lie down. I miss my bed. About three nights of bad or little sleep leaves me in tears. I cry for nothing and cannot get anything done relating to work. I decide by myself, this is it, now I am sleeping in my own bed again.
That was the Monday evening. The next day I feel like a brand new person. My arms are no longer sore because I actually slept well. It is very strange, but they always ache when I go through stressful times and on top of it all when I don’t sleep well too. Thank God for my mattress and a good night’s rest!
At some stage I hear a song on Spotify. Jeremy Camp’s Out of my hands. I heard it before and have marked it as a favorite song. It comes up every so often on my playlists. But this time it is as if God is TALKING to ME. I listen carefully to the words.
I realise that this whole Pandemic, the virus, the bombs that we are all trying to miss, is something that we do not have control over. It is not in our hands. Does not matter HOW hard you try, you cannot avoid the unavoidable….
I listen carefully to the words again. Take this out of my hands I hear Jeremy Camp sing. Out of my hands and into Yours…..I stand quietly for a moment and LISTEN to what God is trying to tell me about this….He is in control ALWAYS. Nothing is too big for Him. We just have to let Him take it out of our hands and into His so that He can handle it on our behalf.
