Month: December 2021

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2021 – The Year we get things done

As the heading of this entry confirms, that is how it was to a certain extent for me and my family. As we say farewell to the last day of 2021 for ever, and welcome 2022, one cannot help but think back on the past year.

Yes I know, I sound like an old lady and an LP that is stuck (all at the same time) when I say “Thís year went by QUICKLY.” But, man-o-man, it did go by QUICKLY did it not?

It feels like yesterday that I worked my shoulder into spasm, preparing the kitchen cabinets for painting (that is still not finished by the way, because the absolute desire to paint and do some home reno has not yet overwhelmed me). But, that was last December……..December 2020….

I cannot say that I will be greeting 2021 “until we meet again”. No. It is So Long, Farewell. Cheers. Koebaai. Overs-ke-dovers. Over and out. I am sure you understand what I mean. 2021 is over FOREVER. What a scary thought. But it is what it is.

2021 the year we get things done as I had proclaimed it. Indeed it was like that and also not. New things that crossed my path, like this blog. The Beroepsvrou business that started out of nothing and unplanned.

Yes, the kitchen is still not finished, all the cupboards in my house are waiting anxiously for me to work through them and create order. So I can go on and on about everything that has not happened during 2021.

Why not? Because everything that did happen, took time! And the other time that I had available, I tried (I emphasize this for a reason as it feels to me that I fail at this often) to rest and spend time with my family.

Back to my other statement that I utter often – the one about HOW quickly time flies. I have been thinking about this for YEARS and I think I have it. When you are young, time goes by relatively slowly. You don’t have kids and have very little or no responsibilities.

But then, you have to wee-wee on a stick that produces two little lines and breaks the news. You hear the sound of an LP that is stopped abruptly and tires screeching as the car that you were in, going nowhere slowly, makes a U-turn at 180 miles per hour.

Then it is as if someone bashes on the watch hard and continuously that makes the time go by EVEN faster…..suddenly it is 13 years since you were pregnant with your eldest child and not only a few months. Suddenly you realise the milestones that your baby makes and reaches (even if it felt like forever to get them to the age of 4 or 5 where they function a bit more independently).

Suddenly things just happen and if you do not have your safety belt on, then this thing called time throws you out of the car in a similar way that a Crash Test Dummy without a safety belt on is thrown out a vehicle upon impact.

In the process one (hopefully) becomes wiser. Older and wiser. In Afrikaans we have a saying Wysheid met die grysheid which means that as you age and your hair turns grey, you gain more knowledge. Literally. My husband was very surprised and amazed at the same time the other day when he observed himself in the mirror. “Look how grey my hair has become!” he probably said more to himself than to me.

On the last day of the year I am trying to catch up on my tax training hours, marking school stationery for 2022 in between (because my daughter wants to do it NOW). It is hard, the motivation is pretty much zero. The holiday is shouting and screaming my name, so loudly that I struggle to focus to get this over and done with.

At least I managed to resolve some things for 2022 at the end of this year – the kids’ school things. Stationery and clothes. It already feels to me as if 2022 is trying to infiltrate 2021, pushing and bumping like a buffalo to get the old year out the way.

As I observe everything and try to process everything, I know that everything, even time, is in God’s hands. He wants the best for us. Plans of prosperity and not of hardship.

Here is to 2022! May the year ahead move at a glacial pace rather than the speed of light, giving us all time to gather ourselves after surviving the Pandemic. Just yesterday I was thinking – everyone that is still on earth can say that they have survived a world-wide Pandemic. Wow.

May 2022 be filled with prosperity and favour for everyone. May it be the year that the Pandemic stops just as suddenly as it started. May God hold us (and time) in His hand. May we just move closer and closer to Him daily and may our relationship with Him grow stronger.

So long and farewell 2021 and Hello 2022! I look forward to welcome you with open arms into my life…..

“2021 – The Year we get things done”
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“2021 – The Year we get things done”

Nou ja, soos die opskrif lui en dit bevestig, was dit toe so gewees in ‘n mate vir my en ons gesin. Soos wat ons die laaste dag van 2021 vir ewig vaarwel roep en 2022 welkom heet, kan mens nie anders as om terug te dink aan die jaar wat verby is nie.

Ja ek weet, ek klink soos ‘n ou tannie en ‘n plaat wat vashaak op dieselfde tyd as ek sê “Díe jaar het VINNIG gevlieg.” Maar a-la-mapstieks, hy hét VINNIG gevlieg het hy nie?

Dit voel soos gister dat ek my skouer in ‘n spasma ingeskuur het aan ons kombuiskassies (wat nou nog nie klaar is nie want die oorweldigende lus vir verf en home reno het my nog nie weer oorval nie). Maar, dit was laas Desember……Desember 2020….

Ek kan nie sê ek gaan 2021 groet “tot wedersiens” nie. Nee. Dis vaarwel. Cheers. Koebaai. Overs-ke-dovers. Oor en uit. Ek is seker jy vang wat ek bedoel. 2021 is VIR EWIG VERBY. What a scary thought. Maar dit is wat dit is.

2021 the year we get things done soos ek dit proklameer het. Inderdaad was dit so en ook nie so nie. Nuwe goed het oor my pad gekom, soos hierdie webjoernaal (nee blog klink net beter hier). Die Beroepsvrou besigheid wat uit niks uit en onbeplan ontstaan het.

Ja, die kombuis is nou nog nie klaar geverf nie, al die kaste in die huis wag angstig vir my hande om deur hulle te krap en reg te pak en weg te gooi, en so kan ek aangaan van als wat nie gebeur het in 2021 nie.

Hoekom nie? Want alles wat wel gebeur het, het die tyd opgeneem! En die ander tyd wat ek gehad het, het ek probeer (ek lê klem op dit vir ‘n rede) rus en tyd met my gesin spandeer.

Terug by my ander sin wat ek gereeld uiter oor HOE vinnig die tyd gaan. Ek dink al hieraan vir JARE en ek dink ek het dit. Wanneer jy jonk is, gaan die tyd relatief tot matig stadig. Jy het nie kinders nie met min of geen verantwoordelikhede.

Maar dan pieps jy op die stokkie wat vir jou 2 strepies gee en die nuus breek. Skielik is dit amper asof ‘n plaat krap en bande skree soos wat jou kar waarin jy rustig oppad was na nêrens ‘n U-draai (nee U-turn klink net beter) maak teen 180 myl per uur.

Dan is dit asof iemand die horlosie hard en aanhoudend klap en skud sodat die tyd net NOG vinniger gaan…skielik is dit 13 jaar sedert jy met jou oudste swanger was en nie net ‘n paar maande nie. Skielik kom jy agter hoe gou die baba mylpale behaal en verander (al voel dit vir ewig om hulle tot op so 4 of 5 te kry wat hulle bietjie meer onafhanklik funksioneer).

Skielik gebeur daar net goed en as jou gordel nie vas is nie, gooi tyd jou uit soos wat ‘n Crash Test Dummy sonder ‘n veiligheidsgordel aan, uit ‘n voertuig geslinger word op impak.

In die proses word mens (hopelik) slimmer. Ouer en wyser. Wysheid met die grysheid. Letterlik. My man kyk ander dag verbaas na homself in die spieël. “Kyk hoe grys het ek geword!” Sê hy seker meer vir homself as vir my. Dit gebeur toe nou met almal, nie net met ou mense nie. Want iemand moet weer ou mense word….en dis nou ons beurt….

So op die ou jaar probeer ek die laaste ure se belasting opleidingsure inhaal en gedoen kry EN 2022 se skryfbehoeftes merk want, my dogtertjie wil NOU haar tas pak. Dis moeilik, die motivering is min. Die vakansie skree en roep te hard vir my om doelgerig te sit en dit net oor en verby te kry.

Ek het darem so op die amper ou jaar die kinders se goed vir 2022 uitgesorteer. Dit voel al klaar of 2022 besig is om homself in te wurm in 2021 in en 2021 uit die pad te stamp soos ‘n buffel.

Soos wat ek net alles observeer en probeer verwerk, weet ek net dat alles, tyd ook, in God se hande is. Hy wil net die beste vir ons hê. Planne van voorspoed en nie teëspoed nie.

Hier is op 2022! Mag die jaar net so tritsel stadiger verby beweeg en ons tyd gee om tot verhaal te kom na die Pandemie. Ek staan net gister en dink – ons almal wat nou nog op aarde is, kan sê ons het ‘n wêreld-wye Pandemie oorleef. Wow.

Mag 2022 net goedheid en guns inhou vir almal. Mag dit die jaar wees wat die Pandemie net skielik stop. So skielik as wat hy begin het. Mag God ons (en tyd) styf vashou in Sy hand. Mag ons net nader aan Hom beweeg en ons verhouding met Hom versterk.

Vaarwel 2021 en Hallo 2022! Ek sien uit om jou met ope arms te ontvang en welkom te laat voel in my lewe……

2021 – The Year we get things done
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Reflect – The final chapter

Now that my brain has done its channel hopping between my childhood and the past two years, I decide to sit quietly and gather my thoughts…..I have been reflecting all the way. I truly hope that I am not going to end up in a dead end and also hope that I am not going nowhere slowly (or fast for that matter).

I wait patiently for God to put some sense into my mind while he is busy calming the spout of thoughts that have been racing around in my mind. Why does one feel like this? Why is it as if nostalgia is trying to make a little nest in your mind and heart? Grateful is the next word that is starting to take the lead in my mind, racing to make it to the end of my fingertips so that it can be used and typed. Just like that. Grateful? I am starting a conversation with myself and God again about this.

Jip, you got it girl! Grateful. Alrighty then. Grateful it shall be. I chew a little bit on this. It is not long before the light comes on. I got it! I get it! I feel this way about everything and this time of the year, because deep, deep down inside of me, I actually have this huge sense of being grateful for everything that was and is still to come.

Grateful that we have been spared for another year on earth. Grateful that God provided for us despite the Pandemic. Grateful that we have work, can generate income. Grateful that we are healthy.

Now it feels like all these thoughts are streaming in through my mind. It is as if they are all jumping up and down, putting their hands up, as if to say “Pick me! Pick me!!” How can one pick only a few when there is so much to be grateful for?

Grateful for good memories despite the hardship and tough times the entire world finds itself in. That is why it feels like nostalgia. It is actually nostalgia in a good way….thinking back on good times…..fun times…..

With a grateful heart I close this entry. I ask God to give me a song that will fit in with what I am feeling. I close my eyes for a moment. Then I remember a song from Matthew West. Brand New.

I can hear the song, the music notes and lyrics dance through my mind. I am sure I have already blogged about this. But that is the wonderful thing about God’s word and praise and worship music too.

It is as if it lives and each time you listen to it or read it, then there is this whole new meaning that you can identify deep within. He is making you new, He is breaking your chains, he is making you BRAND NEW! I hear the words rumble around in my mind……

As time goes on and things happen, it is God who is constantly renewing us, IF we let Him, I might add. Everything that happens with us, the good and the bad (as it feels for all of us some times) is busy making us better and stronger for the next set of memories that we are going to make…..our time on earth is short. I realise that more and more every day.

When you are 20, 40 feels so far away. But when you are 40 you KNOW 70 or 80 is so close. Have you done your part for God’s kingdom? Do you still have enough time on earth to do what God has placed you on earth to do? Are you busy doing what He called you to do? Or are you waiting for one day? Goodness me, it is as if there is a whole new bunch of thoughts starting to march through my mind….

I listen to the song again…..drinking in the words. I am watering my thoughts like the rain feeds and wets the earth….in the hope that Godly thoughts will grow and come to be and that one will not be caught up in the demands of this world…..He is making you BRAND NEW!!!!!

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Reflekteer – Slot

Nou dat my brein sy channel hopping gedoen het tussen my kinderjare en die afgelope twee jaar, raak ek en my gedagtes weer stil….Ek reflekteer nog al die pad. Ek hoop nie ek is in ‘n doodloopstraat nie en ook nie going nowhere slowly (or fast for that matter) nie.

Ek wag geduldig dat die Here net so bietjie sin in my kop kom sit terwyl hy die spout van gedagtes kom stilmaak het. Hoekom voel mens so? Hoekom is dit asof dit heimwee is wat probeer nesskrop?Dankbaarheid is die volgende woord wat vir my begin voorloop tussen al die woorde wat resies jaag tot my vingerpunte. Net so. Dankbaarheid? begin ek alweer met myself en die Here praat.

Jip, you got it girl! Dankbaarheid! Nou goed dan. Dankbaarheid sal dit wees. Ek kou so bietjie aan hom maar dis nie lank nie of ek het dit. Ek vang dit. Ek voel so oor alles en die tyd van die jaar want diep diep binne my het ek eintlik hierdie ongelooflike dankbaarheid van alles wat was en alles wat nog kom.

Dankbaar dat ons nog ‘n jaar gespaar is op aarde. Dankbaar dat die Here vir ons voorsien ten spyte van die Pandemie. Dankbaar dat ons werk het, inkomste het. Dankbaar dat ons gesond is.

So stroom die dankbaarheidslysie deur my gedagtes. Dis asof hulle almal opspring en hul hande opsteek om te sê “Pick me! Pick me!” Hoe kan mens net ‘n paar pick as daar so baie is om voor dankbaar te wees?

Dankbaar vir goeie memories ten spyte van die swaar en moeilike tyd waarin die hele wêreld hom bevind. Dis hoekom dit voel soos heimwee. Dis eintlik nostalgie op ‘n goeie manier….terug dink aan goeie tye. Lekker tye.

Met ‘n dankbare hart sluit ek af. Ek vra die Here om ‘n liedjie te gee wat hierby sal aansluit. Ek maak my oë vir ‘n oomblik toe. Dan kom Matthew West se Brand New by my op.

Ek hoor al die liedjie. Ek is seker het al hieroor geblog (of webjoernaal soos my skoonsussie my uit my misery gehaal het deur die Afrikaans vir blog te google). Maar nie te min, dis die wonderlike ding van God se woord en uiteindelik praise & worship musiek ook.

Dis lewend en elke keer wat jy dit lees of luister is daar net weer ‘n nuwe betekenis wat jy daaraan koppel…..He is making you new, He is breaking your chains, He is making you BRAND NEW! Hoor ek die woorde sing deur my kop….

Soos wat tyd aanstap en dinge gebeur, is die Here konstant besig om ons te vernuwe, as ons Hom toelaat, bygesê. Alles wat met ons gebeur, die goeie en die slegte (soos dit soms vir ons voel) is besig om ons beter mense te maak vir die volgende memories wat ons gaan maak…..ons tyd op aarde is so kort. Ek besef dit elke dag meer en meer.

As jy 20 is voel 40 so ver. As jy 40 is, weet jy 70 of 80 is bitter naby. Het jy jou deel gedoen vir God se koninkryk? Het jy nog genoeg tyd om te doen waarvoor die Here jou op aarde geplaas het? Is jy nou besig om te doen waarvoor jy geroep is? Of wag jy tot eendag? Liewe aarde, dis asof daar nou weer ‘n hele swetterjoel van gedagtes is wat nou weer deur my kop begin marsjeer…..

Ek luister die liedjie weer…..drink die woorde in. Laat dit oor my gedagtes spoel, soos wat die reën die aarde nat maak…..in die hoop dat daar Goddelike gedagtes sal voortspruit en dat mens nie in die wêreld en sy gebruike en demands vasgevang sal wees nie….He is making you BRAND NEW!!!!!

Reflect – The final chapter
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Reflect – Chapter 3

Today my mind wandered back to my childhood. How it felt when it was December…..as Christmas time approached. My mom usually worked, never had leave over a December month. Not that I can remember anyway but maybe I am just thinking of one December? Who knows….

I think it must have been hard for her. To get up in the mornings and go to work while the rest of us lied around at home. Due to a lack of being able to do anything else, I started to watch cricket. I taught myself how the rules worked and what everything meant. There are normally 5 day games on. That gave me lots of information as it was very boring and long (not the excitement of one day games or 20/20 cricket).

To this day, I still remember the King Pie advertisement. The one where the umpire stands with his finger up in the air, the signal showing a player is out. Then the words at the bottom of the screen would read One Hot Pie Please. My husband and I still laugh about this advertisement and sometimes joke about it when we feel like having a pie….

Then my mind wanders to Christmas eve. It was always at my mom’s parents in Benoni. She grew up English and they rather celebrated Christmas eve than Christmas Day. Come to think of it, maybe we did Christmas eve in that manner because we always used to visit my dad’s brother in Pretoria on Christmas Day, swimming and eating the whole day.

So we had best of both worlds so to speak. Both sides of the families were visited over the Festive season. Not the way we do it nowadays (sort of). This year it is her family, next year his family. We are not as strict with that, we spend most of the time with my in-laws in any event rather than my family, as my family (sisters and their families – not my parents and these days my father and his new wife) were always in different places over Christmas….normally camping at the coast….

We grew up with a Christmas tree. Not that many presents under the tree, but a little something. I always volunteered to put up the Christmas tree. When I was younger, I did not understand the concept of balance on the tree. It ALWAYS used to fall over when I was done, this was my BIGGEST frustration….

When we left to have dinner at my grandparents’ house, there were no presents under the tree. When we arrived home later that night, there were presents. Because I was the youngest, my mom used to pretend that Father Christmas existed for a long time. Today I know that NOTHING about how we celebrated Christmas, the tree or any other worldly celebrations are Biblical.

Back to the Christmas tree and presents. I could NEVER understand HOW Father Christmas got into our house. There is no chimney or fireplace for him to come in with. My mom always said that he used to make himself very small and entered the house through the key hole in the front door. That still boggled my mind, but I think I accepted that explanation.

Innovative and creative, the stories of my mom! When I was older, I used to ask her how she managed that? The presents under the tree. She then let me in on her secret. She always, just as we were about to leave, “remembered” about something she forgot. She would run back into the house, put the presents under the tree and take the forgotten item and put it in the car.

I wonder the whole time why my mind keeps on jumping around to different times in my life….

To be continued……

Reflekteer – Hoofstuk 3
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Reflekteer – Hoofstuk 3

Vandag dwaal my gedagtes terug na my kinderjare. Hoe dit gevoel het as dit Desember was….as Kersfees nader staan. My ma het gewoonlik gewerk, nooit verlof gehad oor Desember nie. In elkgeval nie wat ek regtig kan onthou nie….miskien dink ek dalk nou net aan een Desember? Wie weet….

Ek dink dit was seker swaar vir haar. Om te werk terwyl ons almal by die huis rondgehang het. By gebrek aan enige iets anders om te doen, het ek begin krieket kyk. Myself geleer hoe werk krieket. Daar is mos gewoonlik 5-dag krieket aan. Dit het my baie inligting gegee want dis mos baie boring en lank (nie die opgewondenheid en aksie van een dag krieket of 20/20 krieket nie).

Ek onthou nog die King Pie advertensie. Die een waar die umpire met sy vinger in die lug staan wanneer ‘n speler uit geboul of uitgevang is. Dan lees die woorde onder One Hot Pie Please. Ek en my man lag nou nog oor dit en spot self soms so as ons lus is vir ‘n pastei…..

Dan dwaal die gedagtes na Ou Kersaand. Dit was altyd by my ma se ouers in Benoni. Hulle het Engels groot geword en eerder Ou Kersaand saam gekuier as Kersdag. Ons het dalk Ou Kersaand so gedoen omdat ons altyd gaan swem en kuier het by my pa se broer in Pretoria op Kersdag, nou dat ek daaraan dink.

So ons het elke jaar best of both worlds gehad. Beide families gesien oor Kerstyd. Nie soos ons dit nou soortvan doen nie. Die jaar is dit haar familie, volgende jaar sy familie. Ons is nie so streng met dit nie, spandeer in elkgeval meeste van die tyd met my skoonfamilie eerder as my familie, want my familie (sussies en hul gesinne – nie my ouers nie en deesdae my pa en sy nuwe vrou nie) spat altyd in rigtings see toe om te kamp oor Kersfees….

Ons het met ‘n Kersboom groot geword. Nie woes baie persente onder die boom nie, maar tog ‘n ietsie. Ek het altyd gevolunteer om die Kersboom op te stel. Toe ek kleiner was het ek nie die konsep verstaan van balans op die boom nie. Die boom het ALTYD vorentoe geval na ek klaar was tot my GROOTSTE frustrasie….

Wanneer ons gery het na my Ouma en Oupa toe, was die boom leeg onder. Geen persente. Wanneer ons terugkom laat die aand was daar persente. Omdat ek die jongste was het my ma vir lank gemaak of Kersvader bestaan. Vandag weet ek NIKS van die manier van hoe ons Kersfees gevier het, die boom, of die hele konsep is nie Bybels nie.

Terug by die Kersboom en persente. Ek kon NOOIT verstaan HOE Kersvader in ons huis kom nie. Daar is nie ‘n kaggel of skoorsteen nie. My ma het altyd vertel dat hy homself klein maak en deur die sleutelgat van die voordeur kom.

Innoverend en kreatief, die stories van my ma! Ek het later jare haar gevra hoe sy dit altyd gedoen het. Die persente onder die boom. Sy laat toe die geheim uit. Sy het altyd as ons almal in die kar reg was om te ry, gou “iets vergeet” en terug gehardloop in die huis in, die persente onder die boom gesit en die item wat vergete was kar toe gebring.

Ek wonder heeltyd hoekom my gedagtes my terug vat na verskeie tye toe in my lewe…..

Word vervolg…

Reflect – Chapter 3
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Reflect – Chapter 2

It is as if the call from a certain bird, in Afrikaans we refer to it as the Piet-my-vrou, wants me to Reflect on what was and what happened. This past week I heard him almost the whole day. From early morning. I can hear him sitting in a tree close to our back door.

It is as if he is calling to only me. I hear him. Then my thoughts wander back to 11 April 2021. It feels like yesterday, yet it was 8 months ago already! I calculate on my fingers (yes fingers) how long ago it was. I could have calculated it by deducting 4 from 12 too. But I decided to do this calculation on a physical manner.

Yes I know. CA’s are NOT supposed to do calculations on their fingers. Yet, I still did it, because it works for me. Why I don’t know. Back to the Piet-my-vrou and 11 April 2021. That day we celebrated my birthday.

40 years old. I cannot say one or two hands full, because we only have 10 fingers….but it marked the day that I turned the BIG 40. The Piet-my-vrou also called from early in the morning on that day. It was as if he tried to leave a sound memory in my brain. Every time I hear that sound, I think back to that day.

My mom did not see me turn 40. It was very sad for me, but I know it is also ok. I will survive. Many people’s parents do not see them turn 5 or 10 or even 18 years old.

The previous year, when I turned 39, we were in Hard lockdown. That day I realised and knew why God sent me to earth in 1981 and not 1980 which I had wished for while still at school. Stupid wish that I had, I know…

When I look back on 2020 and 2021, it feels very intertwined and inseparable to me, as I had mentioned previously. It is hard to distinguish between this year and last year. Things that happened in 2020 feels like yesterday and things that happened in 2021 feels like ages ago. And vice versa. It is strange. Weird.

I talk a lot to God about this and WHY it feels like this for us as humans? One thing that I do know is that people are not that eager to hide behind their masks and walls since the start of the Pandemic.

For the first time people SHARE their emotions, how they feel, how they experience things. Previously we all just gave the standard Well thanks and you? answer if someone asked us how we are doing. But since March 2020 it was DIFFERENT.

To be continued…..

Reflekteer – Hoofstuk 2
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Reflekteer – Hoofstuk 2

Dis asof die Piet-my-vrou se geroep my ook wil laat Reflekteer oor dit wat was. Ek hoor hom die afgelope week amper die heeldag. Van vroegdag af. In die boom vlak duskant ons agterdeur.

Dis asof hy roep net vir my. Ek hoor hom. Dan dwaal my gedagtes terug na 11 April 2021 toe. Dit voel soos gister, tog was dit 8 maande gelede. Ek werk uit op my vingers hoe lank terug dit is….ek kon ook 12 minus 4 gebruik het maar besluit op ‘n fisiese manier om hierdie som te maak.

Ja ek weet, CA’s is NIE veronderstel om somme op hul vingers te maak NIE. Maar tog doen ek dit want dis iets wat vir my werk. Hoekom weet ek nie. Terug by die Piet-my-vrou en 11 April 2021. Daardie dag het ons my geboorte dag gevier.

‘n Volle 40 jaar oud. Ek kan nou nie sê een handjie vol of twee hande vol nie want ons het net 10 vingers…..maar dit merk die dag wat ek 40 geword het. Die Piet-my-vrou het daardie dag ook van vroeg af al geroep. So asof hy net ‘n klank memory wil los in my brein….elke keer as ek hom nou hoor dink ek aan daardie dag.

My ma het my nie sien 40 word nie. Dit was vir my baie erg maar ek weet dis ook ok. Ek sal oorleef. Baie mense se ouers sien hulle nie 5 of 10 of 18 jaar oud word nie…..

Die vorige jaar, toe ek 39 geword het (of geraak het soos my dogtertjie steeds soms die verkeerde woord gebruik) was ons in Hard lockdown. Nie Grendeltyd nie. Dit klink te ordentlik vir hoe dit werklik was daardie tyd. Daardie dag het ek besef en geweet hoekom die Here my in 1981 aarde toe gestuur het en nie 1980 soos ek altyd voor gewens het op skool nie. Stupid ek weet, hierdie wens van my toe ek jonger was….

Wanneer ek terug kyk na 2020 en 2021, is dit verstrengel vir my soos ek voorheen genoem het. Dis moeilik om te onderskei wat was die jaar en wat was laas jaar. Goed wat in 2020 gebeur het voel soos gister en goed wat in 2021 gebeur het voel soos eeue gelede. En andersom ook. Dis vreemd. Weird.

Ek praat baie met die Here hieroor en vra Hom HOEKOM dit so voel vir ons as mens? Een ding wat ek wel weet van die Pandemie is dat mense nie meer so gretig is om agter hul maskers en mure weg te kruip nie.

Vir die eerste keer DEEL mense hul emosies, hoe hulle voel, hoe hulle dinge ervaar met mekaar. Voorheen sou ons en ander net die gewone Goed dankie self? antwoord gegee het as iemand jou vra hoe dit gaan. Maar van 2020 af was dit ANDERS.

Word vervolg…..

Reflect – Chapter 2
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Reflect – Chapter 1

This time of the year it always seems to me that there is some or another form of nostalgia (I had to google what the English of heimwee was and I am not entirely convinced that this is the right word…but perhaps it is?) that tries to make itself at home in my heart. This makes that I actually do not like this time of the year. I would not say despise, as that is such a strong word. Dislike is a better word to use….This is the time we are all supposed to celebrate one of the biggest events that occurred for mankind – the birth of Christ. I know there have been many debates on when He was actually born but let’s leave that out of this conversation…

I often wondered WHY it is like this for me this time of the year. Why do I feel like this? Why is this time of the year hard for some people? As the questions spin around in my mind, making something similar to a funnel, it is as if I can feel the Holy Spirit placing His hand in the midst of the turmoil to calm all the thoughts I am having.

I take some quiet time and try to HEAR what it is that I feel God is trying to tell me. The word that stands up above everything else is REFLECT. Reflect? I ask. The answer comes back to me – Yes, reflect.

Reflect. I chew on this word like my son does with his bubblegum the whole day long. Reflect. I decide to look up a more formal meaning in the English Oxford Dictionary. Not because I do not know what it means. No, just to be a bit different in my blog entry and also to be sure that I do understand the context in which God is giving this word to me.

I take the dark blue dictionary off the bookshelf and I blow off the dust that has settled on it from not using it as often as it probably was intended to be used. This dictionary has a few more meanings and explanations than the Afrikaans dictionary. But I find the one that I feel fits what God is trying to say. Here too it is a verb and the meaning I consider the closest to what I am trying to say is meditate. To meditate on something. Another one I found is to remind oneself. So basically I am meditating on or remining myself of what has happened in the past.

The only difference is, I am not only looking back, reflecting on 2021, but rather 2020 and 2021 together. You see, last year and the current year feels like they are intertwined and twisted into one another. I cannot tell the difference between the years. I am sure this is how everyone feels, not only me.

To be continued……

Reflekteer – Hoofstuk 1
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Reflekteer – Hoofstuk 1

Die tyd van die jaar is dit altyd asof daar een of ander vorm van heimwee in my hart probeer nes maak en sy plekkie vind. Dit maak dat ek eintlik glad nie van die tyd van die jaar hou nie. Die tyd wanneer ons eintlik een van die grootste gebeurtenisse vir die mensdom moet vier. Christus se geboorte. Ek weet ook dat daar baie debatte is oor wanneer Hy werklik gebore was maar dit daar gelaat…

Ek het al baie gewonder HOEKOM dit so is. Hoekom voel ek so? Hoekom is die tyd van die jaar so swaar vir sommige mense? Soos wat al die vrae deur my kop maal, is dit asof die Heilige Gees Sy hand in die gekolk en gemaal van gedagtes steek om dit stil te maak.

Ek raak stil en probeer weer hoor en LUISTER wat die Here vir my probeer sê. Die woord wat bo alles uitstaan is REFLEKTEER. Reflekteer? vra ek. Ja Reflekteer kom die antwoord terug.

Reflekteer. Ek kou aan die woord soos wat my seun sy kougom kou heeldag lank. Reflekteer. Ek besluit om die betekenis van die woord in die H.A.T. te gaan opsoek. Nie omdat ek nie weet wat dit beteken nie. Nee, net om bietjie iets anders in my blog te doen vir ‘n verandering en om maar tog seker te maak ek verstaan die konsep waarin die Here die woord vir my gee.

Ek haal die wynrooi woordeboek van die boekrak af, blaas die stof van min gebruik af. Dit blyk ‘n werkwoord te wees. Ander verduidelikings is terugkaats, weerspieël. Dit laat my dink….as ek reflekteer op die jaar wat verby is, dan kyk ek na als wat terugkaats na my toe. Al die gebeurtenisse.

Een verskil is, ek kyk nie net na 2021 nie, maar na 2020 en 2021 so saam-saam. Jy sien, laas jaar en die huidige jaar voel ineen verstrengel vir my. Ek is seker dis hoe dit vir almal voel, nie net vir my nie.

Word vervolg….

Reflect – Chapter 1
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The Minefield Game

When I started my first job, no wait, when I was still at school and we purchased a second hand computer from someone, around 1996 or 1997, I discovered this game on a computer. It is a game with a whole bunch of blocks. When you right click with your mouse, then you place flags on the blocks.

Two types of flags – red flags and black flags if I remember correctly. If you click on some of the blocks, they open up a bigger area with nothing underneath them. Others reveal the numbers one and two. Nothing that I ever did on this game made sense to me. I tried to read the rules, understand the logic of the game. At some stage I figured out that the numbers one and two is supposed to give you an indication of the amount of bombs close to the one you just selected.

The red flags mean you mark where you THINK the bombs are and the black flags are area’s that you recon is bomb-free. All this time, I just played the game, not fully understanding the rules and not bothering to actually trying to understand it so that I can actually beat the game. Every time I played it, it was just a matter of time before I chose a block with a bomb underneath it.

This past week or two it felt to me as if I was playing a similar game in real life. Ok, since the start of December 2021 it felt like this to me and it feels like we are trapped in some reality game. The bombs that I was trying to miss? The feared virus of the Pandemic that we find ourselves in. You see, to me it feels like it does not matter how closely you follow the rules and play the so-called game, it is only a matter of time before you will step on a bomb.

You read the rules, think you understand it, follow it, mark what you recon are bombs with the flags and the safe areas are also marked by you. But, you take your eye off the game for just a tiny moment only to discover that you have stepped on one. The bomb goes off. Your husband tests positive. The thing is in your house. The thing that no one can see is HERE.

You freak out because you don’t know WHAT to expect. He is NEVER ill. Now he sleeps for hours during the day. All the responsibilities of parenting comes down on the one that is not ill. Goodness me, let me tell you, I felt like a single mom at some stage. It was no fun at all.

It was even worse for me to see him like that. I find myself crying secretly in the bathroom where no one can see me. I don’t want to upset him or the kids. I must be strong. I must ensure that he eats, drinks his medicine and sleeps. The devil tried to catch me with lies in my mind.

He even tried to convince me that my husband is not going to make it. He actually had it very light and his symptoms were not as terrible as one hears other talk about their experience. But, I still fall for the lies – hook, line and sinker. That makes me freak out even more.

I sleep in the children’s room with them. We have to isolate from him. My arms start to feel sore from lack of sleep. My back feels like it is going to go into spasm any moment because I am sleeping on a mattress that is not mine. You see, my mattress feels to me, as if it folds itself around me when I lie down. I miss my bed. About three nights of bad or little sleep leaves me in tears. I cry for nothing and cannot get anything done relating to work. I decide by myself, this is it, now I am sleeping in my own bed again.

That was the Monday evening. The next day I feel like a brand new person. My arms are no longer sore because I actually slept well. It is very strange, but they always ache when I go through stressful times and on top of it all when I don’t sleep well too. Thank God for my mattress and a good night’s rest!

At some stage I hear a song on Spotify. Jeremy Camp’s Out of my hands. I heard it before and have marked it as a favorite song. It comes up every so often on my playlists. But this time it is as if God is TALKING to ME. I listen carefully to the words.

I realise that this whole Pandemic, the virus, the bombs that we are all trying to miss, is something that we do not have control over. It is not in our hands. Does not matter HOW hard you try, you cannot avoid the unavoidable….

I listen carefully to the words again. Take this out of my hands I hear Jeremy Camp sing. Out of my hands and into Yours…..I stand quietly for a moment and LISTEN to what God is trying to tell me about this….He is in control ALWAYS. Nothing is too big for Him. We just have to let Him take it out of our hands and into His so that He can handle it on our behalf.

https://www.beroepsvrou.co.za/2021/12/18/die-bom-speletjie/
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Die Bom Speletjie

Toe ek begin werk het, nee wag, toe ek nog op skool was en ons iewers in 1996 of 1997 ‘n tweede handse rekenaar by iemand oorgekoop het, het ek ‘n sekere speletjie op die rekenaar ontdek. Dis ‘n speletjie met ‘n klomp blokkies op. As jy regs click met jou muis, dan plaas jy vlaggies op die blokkies.

Twee tipes vlaggies – rooi vlaggies en dan swart vlaggies as ek reg onthou. As jy op sommige blokkies druk, dan maak dit ‘n hele rits blokkies oop met niks onder hulle nie en ander maak nommertjies oop – een’s en twee’s. Niks wat ek ooit op die speletjie gedoen het, het OOIT sin gemaak nie. Ek het probeer om die reëls te lees en het later uitgewerk dat die syfertjies wat ontbloot word vir jou ‘n indikasie gee van die hoeveelheid bomme wat naby jou gekose blokkies is.

Die rooi vlaggies beteken jy merk waar jy DINK die bomme is, en die swart vlaggies die area’s wat jy reken bom-vry is. So kap ek altyd aan met die speletjie, verstaan glad niks van die reëls nie en trap altyd een of ander bom af, al analiseer ek die nommertjies en merk die blokkies wat ek dink bomme het.

Hierdie afgelope week of twee het dit vir my gevoel of ek ‘n soortgelyke speletjie in die regte lewe speel. Ok, sedert begin Desember 2021 al, voel dit of ons in hierdie realiteitsding vasgevang is. Die bomme wat ek probeer mis? Die gevreesde virus van die Pandemie waarin ons onsself bevind. Jy sien, maak nie saak HOE versigtig jy die reëls probeer volg en die spel probeer speel nie, dis net ‘n kwessie van tyd voor jy ‘n bom gaan aftrap.

Jy lees die reëls, dink jy verstaan en volg dit, merk wat jy reken bomme is met vlaggies en dit wat jy as veilig sien met die ander kleur vlaggies. Maar helaas, jy vat vir ‘n oomblik jou oog van die spel af en daar is dit so. Jy trap op hom. Die bom gaan af. Jou man toets positief. Die ding is in jou huis. Die ding wat niemand kan sien nie is nou hier.

Jy freak uit want jy weet nie wat om te verwag nie. Hy is NOOIT siek nie. Nou lê en slaap hy vir ure in die dag. Al die verantwoordelikhede van ouerskap kom op die een wat nie siek is nie neer. Liewe aarde, ek het soos ‘n enkelma gevoel op ‘n stadium. Dit was glad nie pret nie, laat ek jou vertel.

Nog erger vir my is om hom so te sien. Ek huil kort-kort en gaan doen dit maar in die badkamer waar niemand my kan sien nie. Ek wil nie hom ontstel nie. Wil nie die kinders ontstel nie. Ek moet sterk staan, hulle versorg. Sorg dat hy eet, medisyne kry, rus. Die duiwel kom kort-kort met jok stories in my gedagtes.

Hy probeer my selfs oortuig dat my man dit nie gaan maak nie. Hy het eintlik dit baie lig gehad en sy simptome was nie so woes soos mens ander hoor praat het nie. Tog val ek hook, line & sinker vir die leuen. Dit laat my nog meer uitfreak.

Ek slaap saam met die kinders in hul kamer. Ons moet mos isoleer van hom af. My arms raak seer van sleg en min slaap. My rug voel styf en verslaap omdat ek op ‘n matras, wat nie myne is nie, slaap. Jy sien, my matras voel of hy homself so om my lyf vou as ek gaan lê. Ek mis dit. So drie aande se min of geen slaap los my in trane. Ek is huilerig, kry niks uitgerig wat werk aanbetref nie. Ek besluit by myself, bogger daai liefde vanaand slaap ek in my eie bed.

Dis die Maandagaand. Die volgende dag voel ek soos ‘n nuwe mens. My arms is nie meer seer van sleg slaap nie. Dis vreemd maar dit pyn altyd as ek deur druk tye gaan, en nog bo op dit alles wanneer ek sleg slaap. Dank die Here vir my matras en ‘n goeie nag se rus!

Een of ander stadium hoor ek ‘n liedjie op Spotify speel. Jeremy Camp se Out of my hands. Ek het al voorheen die liedjie gehoor, as ‘n gunsteling gemerk en hy kom gereeld op my playlists op. Maar die keer is dit asof die Here met MY praat. Ek luister aandagtig na die woorde.

Ek besef die hele Pandemie, die virus, die bomme wat mens so probeer mis, is iets waaroor niemand van ons beheer het nie. Dis nie in ons hande nie. Maak nie saak HOE hard jy probeer nie, jy kan nie die onvermeidelike vermy nie…..

Ek luister aandagtig na die woorde. Take this out of my hands hoor ek Jeremy Camp sing. Out of my hands and into Yours…..ek staan ‘n oomblik stil en LUISTER net wat die Here vir my probeer sê hieroor…..Hy is in beheer ALTYD en niks is te groot vir Hom nie. Ons moet net oorgee dat Hy dit kan hanteer namens ons.

The Minefield Game
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Good Bye….

Saturday 4 December 2021. What a lovely morning. Slightly overcast and cool, something that is welcome after the intense heat that we had experienced the few days before. As per usual, the parents park their vehicles at Eden Leersentrum to attend the annual price giving and concert.

But this time it is different, different for our family. It is our children’s last price giving and concert at Eden. Why? you may ask. My answer? The children grow up. Franco, my eldest, is finished with primary school.

You see, we all knew that this day would come, since 2016 when we first enrolled our children, we knew that this day would come. Yet we decided to avoid this subject and not have a stare-down competition with it. Just not giving it any attention.

It is even more strange and different than usual, because I attended this alone. My husband could not attend as he tested positive for the virus and is self-isolating in the house, separate from us, so that we can attend the function. We also tested and the results were negative for the rest of us. We could attend the morning with a peaceful heart (for what it is worth).

My heart is broken on his behalf, because he could not see the last concert, he could not hear them say their speeches that they worked so hard on, hear the songs and see the dances they performed. He had to view everything via a video that I took with my cellphone, which was sent via Whatsapp to him. I keep my distance, keep the mask on, avoid physical contact with anyone. Another thing that is strange for me.

A friend walks closer and waves at me. I can see she wants to give me a hug. I stop her immediately. My heart breaks into even smaller pieces, you see, my love language is not getting the food it needs, especially on a day like this. One of the hardest days that I had secretly hoped would never arrive.

The concert, speeches and rhymes that the kids had prepared go according to their plans, everything was perfect, no one forgot their words. Everyone talks loud and clear while it continues to rain softly every now and then. Certificates are handed to the children, they stand proud with their teachers for photographs, holding their certificates that they had worked so hard for.

The morning goes by quickly, quicker than what one would expect. This is it. The time to say goodbye has arrived. With tears in my eyes, I walk to the first teacher, thank her for all that she had done. I cannot help it, the tears and emotions overwhelm me and take over everything.

I walk towards the other teachers, all emotional and crying I greet them and thank them for all that they had done. It is such a bitter-sweet moment. The kids grow up, we have to move on. This phase is over for ever. Yet it is so hard to say goodbye.

Michélle Nortjé – this is just a small something that I could give you from the bottom of my heart. Something to thank you for all that you had done over time and meant for our kids. May God bless Eden Leersentrum even more and may it grow from strength to strength.

This is certainly not a farewell, but just a goodbye. Until we meet again. The end of a season always arrives and we have to meet the new season with open arms. Bitter-sweet, this is how I would describe the transition to the new season….

Totsiens maar nie Vaarwel
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Totsiens maar nie Vaarwel

Saterdag 4 Desember 2021. Dis ‘n lieflike oggend. Effens bewolk en koel wat baie welkom is na die drukkende hitte van die vorige paar dae. Oudergewoonte stop & parkeer daar karre by Eden Leersentrum om die jaarlikse toekenningsoggend by te woon.

Maar die keer is dit anders, anders vir ons gesin. Dis ons kinders se laaste toekenningsoggend en konsert by Eden. Hoekom? vra jy dalk. My antwoord? Die kinders word groot. Franco, my oudste is klaar met laerskool.

Jy sien, ons almal het geweet hierdie dag gaan kom, sedert 2016 wat ons die kinders daar ingeskryf het, het ons geweet die dag gaan kom. Tog het ons besluit om dit te vermy en nie die ding in die gesig te staar nie. Nie aan hom aandag te gee nie.

Dis verder nog meer anders en vreemd, want dis net ek en die kinders daar. My man kon nie dit bywoon nie want hy het positief getoets vir die virus en self-isoleer in ons huis, apart van ons, sodat ons die oggend kan bywoon. Ons het ook gaan toets en was negatief en kon ons dus met ‘n geruste hart (soort van en vir wat dit werd is) die dag bywoon.

My hart breek vir hom, want hy kon nie hul laaste opvoerings, woorde wat gespreek was, liedjies wat gesing was of dansies wat opgevoer was beleef en ervaar nie. Hy moes alles met ‘n video aanskou, videos wat ek met my selfoon geneem het en per Whatsapp aan hom gestuur het. Ek hou my afstand, hou my masker op, vermy fisiese kontak met almal. Nog iets wat vreemd is vir my.

‘n Vriendin stap nader en waai vir my. Ek sien sy wil my ‘n drukkie gee. Ek keer haar vinnig. My hart krimp ineen, my liefdestaal kry nie kos op ‘n dag soos vandag nie, juis die dag wat ek dit die nodigste het. Die moeilikste dag wat ek gehoop het nooit sou arriveer nie.

Die opvoerings en rympies en gediggies wat die kinders opsê verloop seepglad. Niemand vergeet hul woorde nie. Almal praat mooi en duidelik terwyl die reën by tye saggies neer sif. Sertifikate word uitgedeel, kinders staan trots vir hul foto’s saam met hul juffrouens, sertifikaat in die hand.

Die oggend se verrigtinge gaan verby, vinniger as wat mens sou verwag. Toe is dit nou so. Die tyd om te groet het aangebreek. Met trane in my oë loop ek na die eerste juffrou toe, bedank haar vir alles wat sy gedoen het. Ek kan nie dit keer nie, die trane en emosie oorweldig my.

Ek loop na die ander juffrouens toe, al huilende bedank ek hulle vir alles wat hulle gedoen het. Dis so ‘n bitter-soet oomblik. Die kinders word groot, ons moet aanbeweeg. Die fase is verby vir ewig. Tog is dit so bitter moeilik om te groet en totsiens te sê.

Michélle Nortjé – hierdie is net ‘n ietsie wat ek kon gee uit die diepte van my hart uit om jou te bedank vir dit wat julle vir ons kinders gedoen en beteken het oor al die jare. Mag die Here Eden Leersentrum net nog meer seën en laat groei van krag tot krag.

Die is vir seker nie Vaarwel nie, maar net ‘n Totsiens. Tot wedersiens. Die einde van ‘n seisoen kom altyd en ons moet ook die nuwe seisoen met ope arms aangryp. Bitter-soet, dit is hoe ek die oorgang van hierdie een seisoen na die volgende sou beskryf….

Good Bye….