Commitment. Life long commitment. The wedding march starts to play (which I don’t like by the way but what other song do you use to enter the church on your wedding day?). With sparkling eyes behind a veil, dressed in what I perceived to be a stunning dress, I try to walk down the isle towards my future husband. I say try, because, my dad was so nervous, it felt like he was trying to break Usain Bolt’s 100m record running down the isle, with me hanging onto his arm for dear life (ok not that bad but he was almost sprinting).
My husband stands in the front of the church. We have this childlike excitement within us about our future together. He sees me in the isle, tears spring into his eyes as he watches me walk towards him. The photographer captures the moment (at my request of course). Because of this photograph, I can remember his facial expression in much detail.
It is HOT. The ceremony is in Brits. It feels like a Heatwave! 30 September 2006 was an exceptionally hot day. While I was fitting my dress at the dressmaker, I insisted on wearing pantyhose, because, I was convinced that I would be cold (I often get cold…). She looks at me strangely and says something to the effect that I am going to get very hot under all the layers of tulle. I just have to believe her and trust her. It was, after all, winter while the dress was being made and the season will change.
That day, I was so grateful towards her for convincing me to not wear the pantyhose. Oh my HAT! It is HOT underneath all those layers and layers of tulle! The ceremony takes place and the pastor preaches his sermon. One of the things I can remember about the ceremony was, his comparison of a marriage to a circle – or was it the rings he was referring to? No beginning and no end. He also talks about a marriage being like a triangle. God at the top and each of us at the bottom opposite corners of the triangle.
The closer we move to God, the closer we will move towards each other. Of course nothing makes sense to me, but, I listen, because Mathematically it makes sense what he is saying. I could still remember a little bit of matric Geometry at the time we got married (yes I had to Google the Afrikaans version of Geometry as I almost typed Trigonometry).
And so 15 years passed. Just like that! In the blink of an eye. When I look back at where we were spiritually then and where we are now, then I can only stand in awe and amazement. It is by Grace alone that we are where we are.
We most certainly fought in the past 15 years. Sometimes harsh words were uttered, other times threats (to our own embarrassment). Lots of tears but much more laughter. Amongst everything that was happening, God had appointments with us at regular intervals. They were at different times but every time it was at just the right time. Perfect timing to get our timing to continue to be in sync and just be better than before.
Back to the wedding day. I mentioned before that I do not like the wedding march. I wanted other background music to play with a recording of my voice with a message to my husband, saying what he meant to me and how I feel about him. It sounded cool and romantic when I heard a friend’s sister did that on their wedding day. I wanted to surprise my husband.
BUT, we could not agree to playing something other than the wedding march on that day. Remember, he did not know that I wanted to add a personal touch to this background music. I also did not have the time to find someone to record my voice, layering it over the background music without it sounding unprofessional. Just remember, 15 years ago we did not have smart phones. If I remember correctly I had just upgraded from a Nokia 3310 before our wedding!
These days, it is much easier and you can do it yourself from the comfort of your own home. If you have a smart phone and a laptop, you can do anything it seems! None the less, for years I was mad for not being able to put this personal touch to our wedding (as if there was NOTHING else that was decided upon and made by myself that represented my personal touch on our wedding day. My personal touch was there, I just did not see it).
Today, as I am typing this entry, I KNOW I was not emotionally ready for something like that. I think I would have thought more about how silly my voice sounds over the speakers just stumbling through a bunch of words while making the recording, missing the essence of what I was trying to do.
So, I am grateful. Grateful that God saved me from what could have been a HUGE mishap! Earlier this year, or perhaps even last year, I hear a song playing over Spotify. The words catch my attention. The song is called Commitment from Sanctus Real. I listen to it, replay it. It strikes my heart deeply.
If I could choose a song with which to walk down the isle with, this would be it. It describes so beautifully what it means to be committed to someone. When you are 25 years old, standing in front of the pulpit (this word too had to be Googled by the way), you have NO idea what strikes and curve balls life will throw at you.
You also don’t know how you are going to handle this. But, with God you can remain standing and deal with everything life throws at you. Sometimes it feels like it is Us against the world when things happen and there is pressure. BUT, God has always come through for us. He has always provided. We do not have to fear anything, because we have Him by our side.
I wanna finish the way we started, just two broken souls clinging on to Jesus. We’ve seen His faithfulness and grace and I wanna love you that way I hear the words echo through my mind. My heart sings for joy as we celebrate again the promises we made before God on that day.
Here is to another 15×15 years together! May God strengthen and deepen our marriage even more as we move closer to Him.
Verbintenis
