Commitment. Life long commitment. The wedding march starts to play (which I don’t like by the way but what other song do you use to enter the church on your wedding day?). With sparkling eyes behind a veil, dressed in what I perceived to be a stunning dress, I try to walk down the isle towards my future husband. I say try, because, my dad was so nervous, it felt like he was trying to break Usain Bolt’s 100m record running down the isle, with me hanging onto his arm for dear life (ok not that bad but he was almost sprinting).
My husband stands in the front of the church. We have this childlike excitement within us about our future together. He sees me in the isle, tears spring into his eyes as he watches me walk towards him. The photographer captures the moment (at my request of course). Because of this photograph, I can remember his facial expression in much detail.
It is HOT. The ceremony is in Brits. It feels like a Heatwave! 30 September 2006 was an exceptionally hot day. While I was fitting my dress at the dressmaker, I insisted on wearing pantyhose, because, I was convinced that I would be cold (I often get cold…). She looks at me strangely and says something to the effect that I am going to get very hot under all the layers of tulle. I just have to believe her and trust her. It was, after all, winter while the dress was being made and the season will change.
That day, I was so grateful towards her for convincing me to not wear the pantyhose. Oh my HAT! It is HOT underneath all those layers and layers of tulle! The ceremony takes place and the pastor preaches his sermon. One of the things I can remember about the ceremony was, his comparison of a marriage to a circle – or was it the rings he was referring to? No beginning and no end. He also talks about a marriage being like a triangle. God at the top and each of us at the bottom opposite corners of the triangle.
The closer we move to God, the closer we will move towards each other. Of course nothing makes sense to me, but, I listen, because Mathematically it makes sense what he is saying. I could still remember a little bit of matric Geometry at the time we got married (yes I had to Google the Afrikaans version of Geometry as I almost typed Trigonometry).
And so 15 years passed. Just like that! In the blink of an eye. When I look back at where we were spiritually then and where we are now, then I can only stand in awe and amazement. It is by Grace alone that we are where we are.
We most certainly fought in the past 15 years. Sometimes harsh words were uttered, other times threats (to our own embarrassment). Lots of tears but much more laughter. Amongst everything that was happening, God had appointments with us at regular intervals. They were at different times but every time it was at just the right time. Perfect timing to get our timing to continue to be in sync and just be better than before.
Back to the wedding day. I mentioned before that I do not like the wedding march. I wanted other background music to play with a recording of my voice with a message to my husband, saying what he meant to me and how I feel about him. It sounded cool and romantic when I heard a friend’s sister did that on their wedding day. I wanted to surprise my husband.
BUT, we could not agree to playing something other than the wedding march on that day. Remember, he did not know that I wanted to add a personal touch to this background music. I also did not have the time to find someone to record my voice, layering it over the background music without it sounding unprofessional. Just remember, 15 years ago we did not have smart phones. If I remember correctly I had just upgraded from a Nokia 3310 before our wedding!
These days, it is much easier and you can do it yourself from the comfort of your own home. If you have a smart phone and a laptop, you can do anything it seems! None the less, for years I was mad for not being able to put this personal touch to our wedding (as if there was NOTHING else that was decided upon and made by myself that represented my personal touch on our wedding day. My personal touch was there, I just did not see it).
Today, as I am typing this entry, I KNOW I was not emotionally ready for something like that. I think I would have thought more about how silly my voice sounds over the speakers just stumbling through a bunch of words while making the recording, missing the essence of what I was trying to do.
So, I am grateful. Grateful that God saved me from what could have been a HUGE mishap! Earlier this year, or perhaps even last year, I hear a song playing over Spotify. The words catch my attention. The song is called Commitment from Sanctus Real. I listen to it, replay it. It strikes my heart deeply.
If I could choose a song with which to walk down the isle with, this would be it. It describes so beautifully what it means to be committed to someone. When you are 25 years old, standing in front of the pulpit (this word too had to be Googled by the way), you have NO idea what strikes and curve balls life will throw at you.
You also don’t know how you are going to handle this. But, with God you can remain standing and deal with everything life throws at you. Sometimes it feels like it is Us against the world when things happen and there is pressure. BUT, God has always come through for us. He has always provided. We do not have to fear anything, because we have Him by our side.
I wanna finish the way we started, just two broken souls clinging on to Jesus. We’ve seen His faithfulness and grace and I wanna love you that way I hear the words echo through my mind. My heart sings for joy as we celebrate again the promises we made before God on that day.
Here is to another 15×15 years together! May God strengthen and deepen our marriage even more as we move closer to Him.
Verbintenis. Lewenslange verbintenis. Die troumars begin speel (wat ek nie van hou nie by the way maar mee tevrede moes wees, want op wat anders loop mens in die kerk in?). Met blink oë agter ‘n sluier getooi, in wat ek dink ‘n stunning trourok is, probeer ek in die gang van die kerk afstap na my toekomstige man toe. Ek sê probeer, want my pa is so op sy senuwees, dat hy Usain Bolt se 100m rekord probeer verbysteek, voel dit vir my, terwyl ek agterna fladder (ok nie so erg nie, maar dit het gevoel of hy gehardloop het en nie geloop het nie).
My man staan daar voor in die kerk. Ons is kinderlik opgewonde vir die toekoms saam. Sy oë skiet vol trane toe hy my sien en kyk hoe ek nader stap. Die fotograaf vang die oomblik vas (op my versoek natuurlik). Ek kan vir altyd sy gesig onthou want ek kan gereeld na die foto kyk.
Dis warm. Ons trou in Brits. Dit voel soos ‘n hittegolf. 30 September 2006 was ‘n ONGELOOFLIKE warm dag. Toe ek by die tannie was wat my rok gemaak het, dring ek daarop aan om sykouse te dra. Ek het gedink ek gaan koud kry – ek kry mos altyd koud. Sy kyk so snaaks na my en sê iets in die lyn van dat ek te warm gaan kry onder die lae en lae net. Ek moet haar net glo. Dis mos winter terwyl die rok gemaak word, maar die seisoen gaan draai.
Daardie dag is ek haar ewig dankbaar dat sy my anders kon oortuig, want, vet weet, dis WARM onder al die lae net!! Die diens gaan verby en die dominee preek sy preek. Al wat ek van die preek onthou is dat hy die huwelik met ‘n sirkel vergelyk – of was dit nou die trou ringe? Geen begin en geen einde nie. Hy noem ook iets van dat ons huwelik ook soos ‘n driehoek gesien kan word. God staan bo en ons staan onder teenoor mekaar.
Hoe nader ons aan God beweeg hoe nader gaan ons aan mekaar beweeg. Natuurlik maak niks hiervan vir my sin nie, maar ek luister want Wiskundig maak dit sin wat hy verduidelik en ek kan so bietjie van Meetkunde onthou teen die tyd dat ons getrou het.
So gaan 15 jaar verby. In ‘n oogwink. Verby gevlieg! As ek terug kyk na waar ons was geestelik en waar ons nou is, kan ek net in verwondering staan en weet dat dit net Genade alleen is wat ons tot op hierdie punt gebring het.
Ons het vir seker baklei in die 15 jaar. Soms harde woorde gepraat, soms gedreig tot ons beide se verleentheid. Baie gehuil en nog meer gelag. Tussen dit alles deur, het die Here kort-kort ‘n afspraak met ons beide gehad. Op verskillende tye maar op net die regte tye sodat ons ritme weer net nog beter kon word as voorheen.
Terug by die troudag. Ek het genoem ek hou nie van die troumars nie. Ek wou ander agtergrond musiek laat speel en dan ‘n opname maak waar ek vir my man in my eie stem vertel hoe ek oor hom voel en wat hy vir my beteken. Dit het cool en romanties geklink toe ek hoor ‘n vriendin se sussie het dit gedoen. Ek wou my man verras.
Maar, ons kon nie daarop ooreenkom om enige ander musiek as die troumars te speel nie. Onthou net, hy het nie geweet ek wou die stemboodskap doen bo-oor die agtergrond musiek nie. Ek het ook nie tyd gehad om iemand te soek wat die klank vir my kon doen en die opname bo-oor kon layer sonder dat dit nie simpel klink nie. Onthou ook net 15 jaar terug was daar nie slimfone nie. Ek dink amper ek het net voor ons troue opgegradeer van ‘n Nokia 3310 af.
Deesdae kan mens dit self by die huis doen. As jy ‘n foon en ‘n rekenaar het, kan jy amper alles doen voel dit vir my. Nie te min. Vir jare was ek vies omdat ek nie ietsie wat ek voel MY stempel was kon sit in ons troudag in nie (daar is mos NIKS anders wat ek oor moes besluit het en gemaak het vir daardie dag nie nê? My stempel was reeds daar, maar ek het dit nie gesien nie).
Vandag, soos wat ek hierdie inskrywing maak, WEET ek dat ek nie emosioneel reg was vir so iets nie. Ek dink ek sou meer gedink het aan hoe aaklig my stem klink oor die luidspreker en hoe ek eintlik net ‘n klomp goed afgerammel het op die opname, en in die proses die kern van dit wat ek probeer doen mis.
So, ek is dankbaar. Dankbaar dat die Here my gered het van so ‘n amperse flater! Vroeër die jaar, dalk selfs laas jaar, hoor ek oor Spotify ‘n liedjie. Die woorde trek my aandag. Dis Commitment van Sanctus Real. Ek luister, speel hom weer. Dit tref my hart diep.
As ek ‘n liedjie kon kies waarmee ek in die kerk se gangetjie sou afstap, sal dit vir seker die een wees. Dit beskryf vir my so mooi wat dit beteken om verbind te wees aan iemand. As jy 25 jaar oud is en voor die kansel staan, het jy GEEN benul watter houe en balle die lewe na jou toe gaan gooi nie.
Jy weet ook nie hoe jy dit gaan hanteer nie. Maar met God saam, kan mens dit hanteer en staande bly. Dit voel vir seker soms of dit Us against the world is wanneer dit druk tyd is met wat ookal gebeur. Maar, God kom altyd deur vir ons. Hy voorsien nog altyd. Ons het niks te vrees nie want ons het HOM aan ons sy.
I wanna finish the way we started, just two broken souls clinging on to Jesus. We’ve seen His faithfulness and grace and I wanna love you that way weerklink die woorde van die liedjie deur my kop. My hart sing van vreugde soos wat ons nog ‘n keer ons beloftes voor God kan vier.
Hier is op nog 15×15 jaar saam! Mag God ons huwelik net NOG meer versterk en dieper laat groei soos wat ons nader aan Hom beweeg.
Die weke voor my 40ste verjaarsdag in April, was dit asof die Here vir my klem gelê het oor die nommer 40. Jy sien, 40 is in my opinie, in Bybelse terme, nogals groot en significant soos die Engelse sou sê.
Soos wat die dae verby gaan is dit asof elke stuk wat ons lees vir die kinders elke aand klem lê op 40. Die Israeliete wat vir 40 jaar in die woestyn rondgereis het, konings wat vir 40 jaar regeer het, Jesus wat vir 40 dae in die woestyn was, so gaan die lysie aan en aan.
Ek besluit toe om my boek nader te trek om die dieper betekenis van 40 te probeer bepaal en te probeer verstaan HOEKOM die Here dit op my hart gelê het. Die boek is in Engels geskryf en ek kwoteer dus die Engelse verduideliking.
The numeric association can be calculated by multiplying four (material completeness, worldly kingdom) with ten (fulfilment, completeness) which implies the fulfilment of worldly or material dominion (or trial).
Die boek verwys dan verder na die 40 jaar wat die Israeliete in die woestyn was, Moses se tyd in die woestyn voor hy die instruksie van God ontvang het om die Israeliete te bevry, Jesus se 40 dae in die woestyn en vele ander. Presies soos my vorige paragraaf.
Weer ‘n aanhaling uit die boek: This implies that natural circumstances have to fall in place (fulfilled, matured) so that you can be released to take up your place in your calling (or position of leadership and authority). It symbolises that the time of trial is over and the time of release has arrived. This is also the number of Judah (in Hebrew) whose name means praise the Lord or celebrate. This is also the number for milk (in Hebrew) which symbolises the foundation (basis) of the Word of God which gives people a basic understanding of the teachings of the Word.
Die skrif wat hierna aangehaal word is Hebreërs 5:12. Ek trek my foon nader om my elektroniese Bybel op te soek om te lees wat staan in die vers. Ek kan nie my fisiese Bybel nou gebruik nie, want dit lyk omtrent of ‘n ORKAAN my tafels waarop ek werk getref het. (ja tafels met ‘n s wat impliseer meer as een – die wat my ken sal verstaan hoe ek werk). Dis papiere orals, soos wat ek, wat vir my soos maande voel, probeer orde skep in my werk en goed gedoen kry en geprioritiseer kry volgens dringendheid. Hopies wat bymekaar gemaak word, in afwagting van inligting wat aangevra was, om my te herinner om op te volg met kliënte, sodat ek die goed kan doen en gefinaliseer kry.
Die Afrikaanse vertaling van 1953 lees as volg: Want hoewel julle vanweë die tyd leraars behoort te wees, het julle weer nodig dat ‘n mens julle die eerste beginsels van die woorde van God moet leer, en julle het weer behoefte aan melk en nie aan vaste spys nie.
Ek krap omtrent nou kop oor die vers. Ek besluit om hom te vergelyk met ander vertalings en weergawes, net om te verstaan wat dit is wat die Here vir my wil wys.
Die New International Version verduidelik hom as volg: In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk not solid food!
Ek lees weer die verduideliking in my boek en dan snap ek dit!! Ons het almal as baba’s melk gedrink. Niemand het toe hulle gebore was fyn gemaakte pampoen of Purity geëet nie. Die moedersmelk (of in ander gevalle blik melk – maar melk bly melk) wat ons gedrink het, het ons die basis gegee om te kan groei en op ‘n punt te kan kom om wel die pampoen of Purity te eet.
Die vers impliseer nie dat mens op 40 nog nie reg is vir die spreekwoordelike grof geskud van God se woord nie. Nee, ek sien dit as volg – ons het tot nou toe melk gehad. God se woord ingeneem in makliker verteerbare happies en voedings. Dit is ons basis.
Ek lees verder in my boek. Daar is ‘n opskrif Maturity in Understanding. ‘n Simbolieke betekenis. It can be seen as the age of maturity, understanding and ability to rule, when a man reaches his intellectual prime. It also suggests completeness and conclusion (Num 32:13). It symbolises a period of rest (40 or 80 years). (Judg 3:11, 30; Judg 5:31; Judg 8:28).
Die teks in Numeri verwys na die toorn van die Here wat ontvlam het teenoor die Israeliete en dat Hy hulle veertig jaar lank in die woestyn laat rondswerwe het. Hy het dit gedoen tot die HELE geslag verteer was wat kwaad gedoen het in die oë van die Here.
Sjoe!!!! Hy was BAIE KWAAD vir hulle! Ons almal weet hulle was ongehoorsaam en ons mis soms die skrif oor HOEKOM hulle in die woestyn in gegaan het en WAT God se plan was! Die Here moes skoonmaak, die wat oortree het moes eers doodgaan. Wow. Dis nogals groot….
Die skrif uit Rigters (ek moes eers my Bybel na Engels stel om Judges te vind en weer terug na Afrikaans om te weet wat die Afrikaanse naam van die boek was – lag maar, ek sukkel soms om te vertaal so vinnig terwyl ek tik). Terug na my punt wat ek wou maak, ek het besluit my vorige sin was eintlik te lank en deurmekaar om NOG verder te lees, ek moet nou ‘n hele nuwe paragraaf begin vir dit wat ek probeer sê!
Rigters 3:11 vertel ons die land moes vir veertig jaar rus. Vers 30 verwys na die land wat tagtig jaar moes rus. Al die ander teks in Rigters verwys na die land wat vir 40 jaar moes rus op verskillende tye van verskillende Rigters wat die volk gelei het.
Ek dink ‘n oomblik na oor die teks. Wat probeer die Here vir my sê? Soos wat ek dink en tik, voel ek die roering in my hart. Dis asof die Heilige Gees vir my wil wys dat die tyd voor veertig nog nie reg was nie. Ek was nog nie reg nie.
Miskien was ek soos ‘n stuk grond wat gerus het vir 40 jaar, as mens nou so daarna wil kyk. Ek weet net diep binne in my gees, toe die Here die eerste keer, op ‘n 27 jarige ouderdom vir my gewys het wat Sy planne vir my lewe was, was ek vir seker nie reg nie. Ek was nie mature genoeg nie. Nie volwasse nie.
Ek het tot nou toe net melk gedrink, dit bietjie vir bietjie ingeneem, verteer, oor nagedink en gegroei in die proses. Maar ek is nou reg, reg om die volgende stap te neem na volwassenheid en God se woord te verkondig op die manier wat Hy wil hê dit moet gebeur!
Hier is op 40! Being forty and fabulous (also known as Fortabulous!). Dankie Here vir die geleentheid om U instrument te wees. Mag ek altyd net verkondig wat U wil hê ek moet verkondig. Mag elke liewe mens altyd onthou dat die nie oor my gaan nie maar oor God. Alle eer kom Hom toe, ALTYD!
The weeks leading up to my 40thbirthday in April, it was as if God was showing me the significance of the number 40 over and over. In my opinion 40 is a very significant number in Biblical terms.
As the days passed by, it is as if every single Bible story we read to our children before they went to sleep, featured the number 40. The Israelites that wandered in the desert for 40 years, Kings that ruled for 40 years, Jesus that was in the desert for 40 days, and so the list goes on.
I then decide to look up the meaning of 40 in my book to try and understand the meaning of the number and WHY God laid it on my heart.
Text quoted from the book: The numeric association can be calculated by multiplying four (material completeness, worldly kingdom) with ten (fulfilment, completeness) which implies the fulfilment of worldly or material dominion (or trial).
The book refers further to the 40 years that the Israelites were in the desert, the time Moses spent in the desert before he got the instruction from God to free the Israelites, the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert and a few others. This is more or less the same as a previous paragraph in this blog what God had shown me beforehand.
Another quotation from the book: This implies that natural circumstances have to fall in place (fulfilled, matured) so that you can be released to take up your place in your calling (or position of leadership and authority). It symbolises that the time of trial is over and the time of release has arrived. This is also the number of Judah (in Hebrew) whose name means praise the Lord or celebrate. This is also the number for milk (in Hebrew) which symbolises the foundation (basis) of the Word of God which gives people a basic understanding of the teachings of the Word.
The text quoted with this is Heb 5:12. I decide to look up the scripture on my electronic version of the Bibles on my phone, as the desks that I work on, look like a paper tornado went through them(yes you read correctly – plural, more than one desk. Those who know me will understand that I need SPACE to work on). It looks like that, because I am trying to create order in my work life and it feels like it has been going on like this for months!! The constant prioritizing of urgent matters and working, tending to requests from clients…papers lying, waiting in anticipation for responses from clients after requests have been sent, not wanting to put it away as I will surely forget to follow up on these matters.
Initially I read it in Afrikaans. I then decide to read it in English too, to ensure that I gain a proper clear understanding of the scripture that God has placed before me.
I also decide to select the option to compare versions on the Bible app. This helps me to read it in different versions of English and Afrikaans, to gain a deeper and better understanding of what is being said.
The New International Version explains it as follows: In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk not solid food!
I read the meaning in my book again. Then I grasp it! As babies, we all drank milk. No one ate solid foods like pumpkin or Purity when they were born! The milk that we drank, whether it was breast milk or milk from a tin, gave our bodies the foundation to grow so that you can get to the point where you can eat your pumpkin or Purity.
The verse does not imply to me that, at the age of 40, one is not ready for the deeper more meaningful information contained in God’s word. No, you see, I see it as follows – up to this point in time, I have had milk. God’s word was given to me in smaller portions, the form being easier to digest. This was the basis for me.
I read on in my book. There is a heading Maturity in Understanding. A symbolic meaning. It can be seen as the age of maturity, understanding and ability to rule, when a man reaches his intellectual prime. It also suggests completeness and conclusion (Num 32:13). It symbolizes a period of rest (40 or 80 years). (Judg 3:11, 30; Judg 5:31; Judg 8:28).
The text in Numbers refers to the time when the wrath of God flamed up towards the Israelites and He banished them to the desert for 40 years. He did this until the ENTIRE generation that sinned against Him and in His eyes, were gone.
Wow! He must have been MAD at them!! We all know how unfaithful they were and how disobedient they were towards Him. But sometimes we miss the scripture about WHY they went into the desert and WHAT the plan was with this. God had to cleanse the Israelites, the generations that were unfaithful and disobedient towards Him had to die first. Wow, this is BIG!
The scripture in Judges (just an after thought – I did not know what book Judges was in Afrikaans at the time when I typed the Afrikaans version of this entry. I had to select the English version on my bible first and then go back to Afrikaans to get to the name in Afrikaans….I was chuckling at myself while I struggled to do the translations of the book names…). Anyway, back to the point about the scripture in Judges – I have decided that the previous sentence was now too long and confusing that I have to start a new paragraph to explain this.
Judges 3:11 tells us that the land had to rest for forty years. Verse 30 refers to land that had to rest for eighty years. All the other verses in Judges refers to the land that had to rest for forty years in different times when different leaders were leading the Israelites.
I think for a moment about the scripture. What is God really trying to tell me? While I was typing this, thinking it over, I feel the Holy Spirit press on my heart. It is as if He wants to show me that the time was not right for me before 40. I was not ready.
Maybe I was like a piece of land that had to rest for 40 years, if you want to look at it like that. I know, deep inside my spirit, that, when God showed me the first time, at the age of 27 years what He had planned for me, I was not ready! I was not mature enough for the task.
Until now I had drunk milk. Little by little I took it in, digested it, thought it through, growing in the process. But now I am ready! I am ready to take the next step to the maturity to spread God’s word in the manner that HE wants me to do it!
Here is to being 40!Being forty and fabulous (also known as Fortabulous!). Thank you God for the opportunity to be Your instrument. May I always only preach and say what YOU want me to say. May each and every person ALWAYS remember that it is not about me, but ALWAYS about God. All the Glory be to God and Him alone!
Shortly after attending the camp hosted by Adorned through Christ, I spoke to someone about the logo of the blog. I told her that I could not really explain to her WHY I drew it in the way I did or why I used the colors that I had used.
This past week, I was walking and thinking about the symbolic meaning behind the logo. It was on the back of my mind the whole time. While working, while the blog entry about the camp was being formulated in my mind, even while dealing with a personal matter, I was thinking about this logo.
Now I wonder – do other people also do it like this or is it only me?? Do other people also walk around with what feels like 10 million things on their minds while having to deal with life in general?
Anyway, back to the meaning…..the circle (wow for a moment I struggled to spell that, reverting to Afrikaans spelling….I had a good chuckle with myself now). So the circle represents Gods love. It has no beginning and no end. If not mistaken, this was the message that the pastor that married us, spoke about during our wedding ceremony 15 years ago. (We will be married for 15 years on 30 September).
The little leaves on the circle are also hearts if you look closely. I absolutely LOVE drawing hearts! Since I figured out how to make hearts with the Brush tip pens from Faber Castel I am obsessed with it! Everything has to have a heart in and all i’s have to have a heart instead of a normal boring dot….
The colors – the green symbolises life, like a tree getting new leaves. The pink symbolises being a woman. The hearts / leaves are on top of the circle, because we are in God and He is in us. You cannot see where they start or end. I hope this makes sense?
The writing and font is just how I like to journal at this stage. Some fancy lettering and others just less fancy and more ordinary. This symbolises each person being uniquely and beautifully created by God. We are all beautiful in our own way.
The little curl at the bottom of the words symbolises the beauty of life. I think I saw it somewhere on a bottle of body cream once and liked it. I like florals and the older I get the more I seem to take a liking to florals and floral like patterns.
I hope that I am not becoming a little old lady with my likings to florals increasing and now that I am 40! Long and short is, everything that we do, that is laid on our hearts, even if they do not make sense at the time, usually has a bigger meaning and God will reveal all when the time is right.
The logo will be transformed into electronic format and as soon as it is ready, I will introduce it to the readers…..I drew the logo in March already and only received the meaning of it in September. God is always terribly on time. Maybe I would not have understood the symbolic behind it as well as I do now? Or perhaps I would not have been able to translate it into words? Who knows?
Net na my kamp, wat deur Adorned through Christ aangebied was, gesels ek met iemand oor die blog en die logo wat ek met die hand geskep het. Ek vertel haar dat ek nou glad nie vir haar kan sê HOEKOM ek hom geteken het soos ek gedoen het nie, dit het net gebeur.
So loop ek die hele week en dink oor die logo. Tussen werk deur, die ander inskrywing wat ek besig was om te formuleer oor die kamp, en deur persoonlike uitdagings, deur dit alles loop en dink ek heeltyd aan hom en wonder wat het die Here nou eintlik vir my probeer sê toe ek hom geteken het?
Doen ander mense dit ook? Loop en dink aan wat voel soos 10 miljoen goed? Liewe aarde, dankie tog ons kan nie almal se gedagtes sien nie, want dit sou cluttered gewees het!
Nie te min, soos wat ek dink, begin die Here in my hart werk. Die sirkel is Sy liefde. Geen begin of einde nie, dit gaan net aan. As ek dit nie mis het nie, was dit die kern van die boodskap op ons huweliksbevestiging amper 15 jaar gelede (30 September sal ons 15 jaar getroud wees….).
Die blaartjies op die sirkel is ook hartjies. Ek was nog van altyd af MAL oor hartjies, en sedert ek uitgewerk het hoe om ‘n hartjie met ‘n Brush tip pen van Fabercastel te maak, voel dit vir my dis AL wat ek doen! Elke i moet ‘n hartjie vir ‘n kolletjie hê…..hartjies simboliseer vir my liefde. En wat is God? God is liefde!
Die kleure – groen simboliseer lewe. Jy weet wanneer plante nuwe blare kry en so…..die pienk simboliseer vrou wees. Hulle is bo-op die sirkel geteken, want ons is in God en Hy in ons. Jy kan nie sien waar hulle begin of eindig nie…ek hoop dit maak nou sin wat ek hier sê.
Die skrif is net hoe ek nou daarvan hou om te journal in my Bybel. So bietjie mooi fêncy letters en ander meer gewoon. Dit simboliseer dat ons elkeen uniek is en anders geskape is. Elkeen is mooi op sy of haar manier.
Die krulletjie onder die woorde simboliseer die mooi van die lewe. Ek dink amper ek het dit op ‘n bottel room of iets iewers gesien eenkeer en besluit dit lyk vir my mooi….ek hou van florals en soos wat ek ouer word begin ek meer en meer van blommerige goed en patrone hou.
Ek hoop nou nie ek raak ou-tannie-rig omdat ek nou 40 is nie! Lank en kort is, al doen ons iets wat op ons hart gelê word, wat nie vir ons sin maak nie, het dit gewoonlik ‘n baie groter betekenis en die Here sal dit aan ons bekend maak wanneer die tyd reg is.
Die logo gaan getransformeer word in elektroniese formaat en sodra hy elektronies is sal ek hom bekendstel aan die lesers…. Ek het die logo in Maart al geteken en eers in September het die Here vir my die betekenis gewys…God is always terribly on time. Miskien sou ek dit nie lekker verstaan het of kon oordra in Maart nie. Wie weet?
Heart. Heartbeat. Rhythm. This is something God has been talking to me about for a while now. My husband has been telling me for years now that the mother is the Heart of the home. I never quite got what he was saying. You see, people can tell me things and they don’t make sense. Then later in life, during a non-related event (sometimes while showering…..ok most of the time while showering and getting ready for the day ahead), the light comes on in my brain for things such as this! As I have said before, I feel like a latebloomer in some aspects! But I know that God’s timing is always perfect, so I know I should not feel like that!
During August 2021, I had a conversation with my sister-in-law. She confirmed what my husband has been saying and what I had been feeling in my heart for sometime now. The mom is the one that sets the tone in the house. She determines the pace at which things take place. She determines HOW things take place.
I had lost myself. My rhythm was lost and out of sync.
You see, since the first Lockdown was announced in March 2020, I started to feel lost. I have never in my life felt like that before. I felt alone even when I was surrounded by the ones I loved. I felt trapped when I had a massive piece of property to wander on if the house got too small. I felt squashed in a corner when we have a descent size house.
My rhythm was lost, out of sync and just not working anymore. No matter how hard I tried, I just could not get it back to where it was. I could not get up at 4 am like I used to (I love this time of the day by the way – it is as if I can feel God’s presence more when the rest of the world is still asleep). I did not get up at 4 am EVERY SINGLE DAY before March 2020, but I did do it frequently and the days I did get up at that time, I felt like I had climbed Mount Everest so to speak.
Before I go on typing, go and get your cup of coffee or tea ready! I feel in my spirit that this is not going to be a quick post, as what I have to say here, cannot be broken up into three or four posts! It must all be read together, else God’s message will not be relayed correctly….
The weekend of 10 to 12 September 2021, I attended the Bible journaling camp of Adorned through Christ. You see, God had an APPOINTMENT with ME that weekend! I am not one to go to camps and do things where only women are involved. The mom-guilt usually kicks in and then I decide against it.
But this time, when I saw the advertisement from Carolien Cross on Facebook, I just KNEW I HAD TO GO! Now, some of you may know that I am a serious OVERTHINKER. I am an overthinker of NOTE. I overthink pretty much everything, except my work of course, in life!
I get distracted with detail. This is my brain’s way of remembering the detail and everything I have to say.
Why am I telling you this? Overthinking things? Well, you will laugh now, but, I overthought the idea of Bible journaling. I frowned upon it. Yes, you heard me! I FROWNED upon Bible journaling. I even made it known to Carolien when she started with her arty farty fancy schmancy (not sure of that spelling but you get my drift) Bible journaling that I do not like it.
Back to my story…..let me give some background. Those of you who know me, will understand that I jump around a lot while telling a story.That is my brain’s way of just remembering every single little detail.
If it feels like I am distracted telling you this, well, then I most probably am, but try to keep up! Some background – you all would have (hopefully) read my introductory page on this Blog. At this stage it is in Afrikaans still and I am in the process of changing the blog to transition through to a bilingual Blog.
None the less. I am a Chartered Accountant with my own business. Which God has blessed ABUNDANTLY by the way. Carolien was the first person (in the history of our business) we had interviewed and appointed in the interview and she started working for us.
She brought another atmosphere to our office, a motherly nurturing feel. She made birthdays special, going crazy with decorations sometimes. I just loved it! It was funny, we laughed a lot and made jokes.
Speaking of birthdays – God confirmed to me in a very unique way, what birthday present to get her one year. I think it must have been 2016 or there about? Not sure about the timeline here… She had told someone in the office what she liked and it was this turquoise bible used for Bible journaling.
Of course I had NO IDEA what I had to purchase and while standing in CUM Books, I saw someone I knew. A Pastor – to be more specific, Francis Hartzer’s husband, Danie Hartzer. I told him I have to get a present for someone. If I recall correctly I did not identify “the someone”. He looked at me and said, “Let me show you” and walked directly to the shelf where these Bibles (still unknown to me) were in the shop!
I frowned upon Bible journaling. I over thought the process for many years.
I was amazed with this and of course the rest is history and Carolien has since then done so many beautiful pages in her Bible. Of course I have not seen all of them but I know her talent and that she just enjoys this!
To cut a long story short, Carolien left our employment in 2019 as she had found a job closer to home with pretty much just better benefits than what we could offer. Adorned was born shortly before she left our employment.
Back in 2021 – on my way to the camp that Friday, I realised that Carolien had to leave our employment. If she had stayed with us, she would not have been able to do her ministry the way she has since leaving. We would have held her back and we would have withheld her from her true calling from God.I was convinced that God let my own dog bite me (a story for another day) to send me to the doctor’s rooms where she now works, to see her in action.
Do we miss her and the help that she had provided to us? Of course yes!! I still feel like I am drowning in the work, but we are getting there and God is good all the time! But it was the right time to let her go and God reassured me that this all was in His plan and greater picture! Her surname is not Cross by chance you know….
He sent me to her current workplace to see her in action. To see that she was where she belonged.
So back to the camp people. You see, my brain, ai, what can I say?? I get distracted!! On the camp, it was hard at times being away from loved ones. Often between classes, I would hear woman talk to their kids on the phone or making a video call to her family.
Words I heard the most that weekend? “Mommy misses you my darling! How are you?” I was one of those mommies missing her family terribly much! I have a 7 year old daughter at home who was NOT impressed with her mother going away for a weekend all by herself!
I got a Whatsapp message from her the Saturday morning saying I must please return home! My heart just felt so sad when I read that! At a point during the day on Saturday, I felt like going home. It was too much for me being away.
Perhaps it was my spirit sensing that God is wanting to talk with me? Not wanting to cry yet again over the same old garbage which is supposed to be dumped and out of my life so that I can live the life God had intended for me….
Heritage theme.
Adorned Through Christ
Being away from your loved ones is HARD. But, God needs to get us to become silent, so that we can HEAR Him and get the healing that we need. If the heart of the home is broken, then there is no rhythm and no heartbeat, everything is out of sync and nothing works out and then we just MISS the boat completely!
The theme of the camp was Heritage. Of course, with it being hosted in September, one connects the dots to Heritage day, the Public Holiday in September. That is the one that we have on the 24th is it not???
The message that I picked up, amongst other things, was God’s Heart for the people. He wants to mend our hearts and show us our Heritage. Not our earthly Heritage. Our Heavenly Heritage. Because, we are in this world, but not from this world….
In Matthew 11: 28-30 Jesus invites us to come to Him when our burdens feel heavy. If you read the Message translation (I think this was when Rochelle brought her message and page for us to do) it really just simplifies it so beautifully! I love comparing different translations. I am convinced that God uses all translations to bring His message to His people.
As Rochelle had said during her message, not everyone can understand William Shakespeare type English…I for one cannot understand it, without spending, what feels like 3 hours, reading one sentence! Anyway, I am not going to go into the different translations and all the debates there are around that. The only thing I am going to say is, if God wants to speak to you, He most certainly will. Whether it is Spanish, English, Afrikaans or Tswana. If He has something to tell you, He will make sure you hear it!!
The camp itself was not luxurious at all. We were between 4 and 5 woman who shared a room, with one bathroom (with paper thin walls by the way). In my head I was really worried about HOW we are going to all use the bathroom! If everyone takes 15 minutes, and we are 5 in the room, then that is 1 hour and 15 minutes before everyone is ready for either bed or to get up in the mornings. Are we going to be in time for breakfast?? Yes you may laugh, that is what I was concerned about before the weekend….
God’s heart for His people. He wants to mend us.
Man, that FREAKED me out!!! But I still went through with the camp and arrived at the camp site. I was very grateful to see someone that I knew, Lynn Grobler, and immediately connected with her and her two friends.
Back to the luxury of the Camp – within my heart I felt that God wanted to “treat” us with the luxury of His presence and message and just being able to spend time with Him without constant interruptions of making food or helping with this or doing that. Because that is who we as moms are, right? Working with interruptions the WHOLE time! I have a saying in Afrikaans. “Alles gebeur in paaiemente in my lewe.” Direct translation? Everything happens in instalments in my life.
Friday evening, while unpacking my things in the hall where the journaling was to take place for the weekend, I noticed writing on my table where I picked a spot. Now this is where the FUN starts. Because God has such a great sense of humor and just TALKS to us (if we let Him).He is in every single detail….
The writing on my table? God be praised in all we think and do. WOW! That is HUGE! I had, just the week before, ordered a desk organiser for my work space at home with a similar scripture on it. The scripture on my organiser? Colosians 3:23-24 CEV (Contemporary English Version).
There was no luxury at the camp. This is when God can spoil you with His heavenly luxuries.
Work as though you work for God and not an earthly master…..that is the message of that verse. A confirmation to me. You see, sometimes I get caught up in the noise of the people who are dissatisfied with what we do in our business, what seems like EVERYTHING, complaining about fees, work that has to be done, and so the list goes on and on…..
That Friday evening, Elmarie who was the presenter, brought a message from Joshua 1:6 where God promises that He has made a covenant with all of us, irrespective of where we come from. The promise from God’s word related to Rahab who had a shameful past. When you read in the new testament, she became part of Jesus’ family! Wow!
Now this is where the fun started – doing the page. You see, everyone was so uncertain about what they had to do. Techniques were being taught that were unknown to the most of us. As soon as you are put out there, out of your comfort zone, doubt starts to come in and whisper the biggest load of rubbish in your ears.
Friday evening was no different for me, and I think for most ladies around me! What I realised was, we did not UNDERSTAND what we were doing. We were told to do things, that, in our minds, did not make sense at all!! And because there is this lack of understanding, you start doubting that you are on the right track.
Every piece of art has an ugly stage.
Elmarie
Is that not how it is with life? When you are in a moment, you do not understand WHY something is happening the way it is. As soon as you have gone through what ever it is that you had to go through, and when you look back, you then understand the steps and processes a bit better.
I experienced that weekend like that! Hardly ever fully understanding WHY we were doing something but as soon as the page was done, looking at the results and feeling proud, then only did I understand WHY I had to do things the way I did.
Elmarie often said “Every artwork has an ugly stage”. That was so true. Because my page that I was doing, which Elmarie presented was looking TERRIBLE at one stage! Then, God gave me an idea and it turned out fantastic! That comment made me think. Do we all not have an ugly stage? We are all God’s artwork, but at one time or another, we feel and look UGLY so to speak. But then God steps in and does a little bit of this and a whole lot of that and then suddenly we are where we are supposed to be doing what He had created us to do.
You see, shortly after this weekend, I felt ugly again. It was like the devil tried to take away my voice to write about that wonderful God inspired weekend. Things happened and as a human being I acted on emotions. Misbehaving like I did before I truly met God. I was ashamed of my behavior and immediately apologised for my actions towards someone close to me.
This whole week I felt unable to write, feeling that, when people that know what happened, will read this piece of art that God has instilled in me (I see writing as a form of art) with “judgy” eyes. Rolling their eyes saying to themselves and others how can I write about God and glorify Him while I had the behavior that I had.
But, I am reminded by God over and over again to keep on looking forward and not look back on the past. Someone once told me that, the more you fail, the stronger you become. You see, in weakness He is made strong. God made each and every person imperfect, because there is only ONE perfect human being that was ever on this earth. Jesus.
No one slept well. The donkey kept many people awake.
From Glory to Glory we all go. We have our moments. God uses broken people to heal a broken world. We are the instruments in His hands. If we do not respond to His call, He will just keep on calling and if you keep on ignoring Him, He will use someone else to do the task set before you but He will also keep on calling. You see, God has every person’s name and address. You can run but you cannot hide!
Back to the weekend again. Saturday morning arrives. Everyone looks weary and tired. Hardly anyone slept well. I, for one, never sleep well the first night away from home. When chatting to others about how they slept, I realised that I had a GREAT sleep as I did not hear the Donkey during the night.
Apparently there was a Donkey making a whole lot of noise! Thank God I did not hear the Donkey, but I still didn’t feel too great. We all go to the hall and it is as if the exhaustion that everyone felt is lifted when we start with the first page of the day.
Francis Hartzer presented her page. Let me just also back track a bit – everyone presenting, shows the final product first. Everyone oohs and aaahs about the beauty presented in the page. Then the fun starts actually DOING the page.
Here we go again. Confucius seems to be roaming the hall yet again that day! With much uncertainty we start following the steps presented. We draw a block and leave spaces open, mix colors for sand, unsure how much of what to use, we all continue with our art work….very uncertain of whether we ARE in fact DOING the right thing.
Confucius was roaming while doing pages….we were uncertain of what to do most of the time!
You see, what I realised is, that most people (here I thought it was only me), but most people want to KNOW WHY they are doing something. I do not like it when I receive an instruction but have no idea what I am doing!!
We all went about, doing our pages and making Francis CRAZY with all our questions. The result? Beautiful, individual, and very different pages done by all the ladies. Somewhere during the day on Saturday, God instilled in my heart to “Trust the process” when there was confusion.
Trust the Process…
– God –
I then started uttering those words every time anyone was confused around me. “Trust the process” I would hear myself say. Just trust the process. I recall Tammy Tambourlas (I had to check my phone for the spelling of her surname and STILL don’t know how to pronounce it!) laughing at me every time I said it…..
Rochelle was up next and AGAIN we were out of our comfort zones having to Trust the Process. She brought a beautiful message with her page that touched everyone deeply. As I was listening to her, I was so amazed, yet again, at God and His detail that He works with.
You see, each of the ladies presenting their pages that weekend, just got the word Heritage and had to work with that. Right through the weekend it was as if God was building up to a climax, bringing the same message over and over again.
Heritage. That made me think again. I am not sure at what stage I had this thought, but I realised that, like every other person, I have a history, a heritage that I come from. An earthly one. I know all the stuff if I can call it that, about our heavenly Heritage. I was thinking about my earthly Heritage. Where did I come from.
Earthly Heritage.
Being brought up bilingual, remembering my Heritage confirmed the bilingual blog
I felt the Holy Spirit whisper in my heart that my Heritage, for me, Elsie Potgieter is one of a Bilingual upbringing. You see, my mother was English (I say was because she has completed her race on earth and now worships Jesus every single day that we are still here on earth) and my dad is Afrikaans.
I was brought up Afrikaans, yet visited with my mom’s side of the family frequently. My best friend was my dear cousin Jacqui (who now resides in Australia). Having an English best friend whom I spent holidays with reading English books, telling jokes, playing games, reading funny passages from the books to each other, helped develop my linguistic skill (wow is that even a word?? Linguistic….sounds so formal).
I then thought it was very appropriate that God further prompted me to write in English too. Hence the blog post about Metamorphosis. Writing in English like this is harder than in Afrikaans, as it just runs out through my fingers so to speak while I am blogging in Afrikaans.
BUT I am going to TRUST THE PROCESS with this. With the new platform that I am blogging on, it is like God is FORCING me to get some structure in my life. Something I have been BEGGING and praying to Him for years! Having your own business, working from home makes is so hard to put up the Chinese Walls they refer to in our world. Creating controls to ensure that other processes within an environment are not tainted.
O my hat, I see I have wandered off again! Back to the weekend. After Rochelle, we had the privilege to do a page with Thea. But it was not a page. We thought it was a page, but then we ended up making a junk journal. Yes, I heard you saying HUH? A junk journal? Don’t worry – that was my thought exactly.
We had no idea what we were doing with Thea’s junk journal.
With Thea, I was LAUGHING more than what I was doing my junk journal. You see, Thea has this dry sense of humor. I love it and enjoy her to bits! Again Confucius was roaming and we were all yet again CONFUSED beyond words.This time, the words TRUST THE PROCESS seemed to be spoken and uttered more and more. We had NO CLUE what we were doing.
Sticking two envelopes together, careful NOT to glue it in places where it should not get glue. Not understanding what we were doing, but doing as instructed. It was during this time, that God started to speak to me about a very personal matter that I had questions about for some time.
I was not questioning God. I was questioning a process in my life….. Amongst the pages that Thea had handed out and prepared for everyone, there were so many messages from God I could not ignore. I started to get my answers as the day progressed.
Thea’s message was about Joseph and how his journey went. Let me tell you, it was not a pleasant journey! I am pretty sure that He questioned the process more than what I had done in the past. Yet, God sent him ahead to fulfill the greater plan that He had for the Israelites.
I received a very personal answer directly from God that weekend about things I had asked Him questions about.
Bottom line is that God uses any person and all people who are willing to serve Him. He uses broken people. Broken hearts are hurtful. God needs us to mend our hearts so that we can do what is needed to spread His word and love.
Suppressing a broken heart does not heal you! Read that again! When you suppress something very painful, you do not receive your healing that you have to receive to become the person that you have to be so that God can use you!
I learnt, yet again, over that weekend, that, running away from the heartsore is not the answer. God had an appointment with not only me, but each and every lady that was there that weekend! Let me tell you something else, the devil also knows each person’s potential.
I always say, when the going gets tough, then you must be elated with joy that you are in the right place doing the right thing. The devil does not like it and does what ever needs to be done to hinder you from progressing and doing what you have to do. I am by no means giving the devil credit for everything, but I can see very clearly what he is up to.
I further learnt that the weeks leading up to the camp were tough for many people attending, not only me. Things would happen that would discourage you to not attend. By the grace of God, everyone arrived. Because He had an appointment with each and everyone of us there! A very intimate healing appointment. Healing hearts.
A mended heart makes you a better person.
When your heart is mended, you are a better and different person. Many times you hurt those closest to you because of your broken heart. You do not intend on doing it, it just happens. Those closest to you are the ones that God sends to you. He puts people together for a reason and sometimes only for a season.
The message that I got was that we have to pay attention to our footsteps that we leave behind and be conscious of where we are going. We have to always choose the better option! We remain His children no matter how broken we may feel and appear to others.
We are still His heirs, no matter our past. Just keep on trusting the process. It is almost like the song from the movie Finding Dory.“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!” Back to Thea’s envelope, we trusted the process and with much laughter we all managed to get our junk journals finished and in a working order.
42 – the number of ladies that attended the camp.
The meaning of the number 42 is not a coincidence.
Even if we do not understand WHAT God is doing and it does not make sense at all, we have to continue TRUSTING Him and His process. Everything ALWAYS happens for a reason! Something BIGGER than what our minds can fathom. Who are we to stand in the way of HIS plan?
I heard from Carolien the Friday that there were 42 ladies that attended that weekend. 42! I could not believe it! That is BIG! For us living on the platteland that is HUGE! Now remember, we do not live in one horsed towns but things are just different in the rural areas, or platteland as I refer to it.
I sought the meaning of the number 42. My book tells me the following: The numeric association can be calculated by adding two (agreement) to forty (mature leadership) which implies a readiness to lead (or to reign). It is also calculated by multiplying seven (perfection) with six (spirit of man, natural man) which point to the perfection of the natural man that can be achieved as a “spiritual man” or follower of Jesus Christ.
WOW! WOW! WOW! A further meaning, with scripture, states that Jesus was the 41st generation in His natural lineage, we as His children are the 42nd generation which is the perfection of man in Christ Jesus. Gal 6:1; Rom 8:15 and Eph 1:5 are the scriptures linked to this meaning.
Prophetic song had me in tears.
Back to the camp and the very personal message that God had for those attending….shortly after Thea’s junk journal was finished, a lady, whose name I did not get, stood up and started to speak. She said that we should listen to what God has to say and that we should not sit with our arms folded.
Next thing I know, she bursts out with Prophetic singing. I jolted in my seat as I did not expect that! BUT God got my attention. Hours before she started singing, I was complaining about the weird clues that God was giving me. Lynn was encouraging me that He was giving me promises and I was complaining saying I want a telephone call or Whatsapp message.
Well, I got something better than that! Prophetic singing. By the second line I was in tears. Crying like I have not cried in a very long time. Tammy held my hand while I was crying. My nose was running, my eyes were starting to swell, but I did not care! God was busy cleaning my heart.
The Protea has to go through fire so that the seeds can germinate.
Carolien
I do not remember much of what was sung and it sounded perfect like it was composed before hand. Which of course it was, it was composed in heaven sent through the instrument that God placed there on that camp at that time.
Saturday evening, shortly after Carolien presented her page, listening to her message about the Protea and that it has to go through fire to let the seeds germinate (I did not know this word and had to ask my husband AND google it to make sure that he did not give me the wrong word), God started WORKING with each and everyone that was there.
I remember Carolien saying this about the Protea before, while still in our employment. I always thought to myself that it is very interesting that such a gorgeous flower has to go through something as harsh as fire.
Then I hear my mom’s words that she uttered once, while I was sitting next to her hospital bed, crying about the diagnosis about cancer. She said that we all have to go through the fire to be purified.
Crying like never before, feeling and experiencing God’s healing to my broken heart.
Back to the point of no return, so to speak. Saturday evening. Carolien felt it in her heart to explain to us what to do (and strangely enough, I did not feel confused with her process….a bit uncertain but not confused like before). She then said we can choose how we worship God now. We can either journal, sing praise and worship or do what ever we feel necessary to bring Him praise. Nastassja Potgieter lead the praise and worship. Wow, what a voice! I never knew she could sing!
I was of course, crying like there was no end to my tears (I mean have I not cried enough before this weekend??). Then it was my turn to be ministered by Carolien and her sister. We were crying, praying, talking. At one stage it felt to me that Carolien was crying more than what I was about the heartache that I was feeling.
I realised that this was God working through her, TALKING TO ME! At one stage I was irritated with myself for crying over the same thing over and over and over. But then I realised that this was the last time that I was going to cry about this. The last time that I was going to believe the lies the devil has told me ever since I was a little girl that my best will just never be good enough.
That evening, after crying what felt like forever, I finished my page. I went to the room and got ready for bed. As I was lying in bed, God pressed it on my heart to pray for Carolien the next morning. She was praying for everyone, but no one was praying for her. He pressed on my heart to also join her ministry when it was required and to help pray when needed.
From the rooftops I proclaim, I am yours!!! I am yours!!!
Extract from Rooftops by Jesus Culture, Kim Walker-Smith.
You see, I am a prayer warrior! I felt so moved after being cleansed for the very last time of not feeling worthy to be me, to do what I was placed on this earth to do. I felt ready. Ready for the next step. Ready to start spreading the news (no not the Frank Sinatra song but you can sing it if I just placed the idea in your head).
I woke up with the song from Kim Walker-Smith from Jesus Culture Rooftops that Sunday morning. When I shared with her what I felt, she looked me in the eyes and said that she knows. Jesus showed her the night before. We hugged (ignoring the Pandemic rules) and almost “shook” on it if you can call it that.
Sunday’s closing message from Lynn Grobler was AMAZING! Again the golden thread that started Friday evening, was woven through the message portrayed that entire weekend. I loved her spin on things. She turned it around saying what legacy are we leaving? Our inheritance becomes someone else’s lecay.
Prayer warriors. That is my legacy.
Wow. I never thought of that! We are all leaving legacies behind. She gave an example of a friend of hers and how, for four generations, a legacy was built and left behind. That made me think of my heritage and what legacy my mother and grandmother left me.
Both my Grandmother and Mother were prayer warriors, without them realising it. My grandmother always prayed for me before an exam. She knew when I was writing exams and then she prayed. I believe that is partially why I passed. Of course I studied and prayed myself, but it is just so much better when more people do purpose filled prayers.
My mom always prayed. She always talked about how she prayed about things and the testimonies she gave about what she prayed for. I was one of her prayers. She prayed for another child. When scientifically it was not possible for them to fall pregnant again (that is a story for another day) my mom fell pregnant with me.
I look at my daughter. Sometimes while we craft together I see her murmuring. Always fascinated, I look at her, asking her what she is doing. Her answer? Praying. Just that. Then she would elaborate stating that she was asking Jesus to help her with something that she was unsure of doing. This is something that she learnt from the Tutoring Centre she attends.
Back to Lynn’s message – forgetting breeds Rebellion. When you REMEMBER what God has done for you, it gives you faith. Lynn’s page was simple, and by this time we all had learnt to trust the process. Here and there, there was uncertainty, but we made it! We did it!She closed off her message with a song from Steffany Gretzinger – No one ever cared for me like Jesus. What a powerful song!
Trust the process. Even if NOTHING else makes sense in your life. Trust God. Always. Just a last afterthought – all the pages I journaled in my bible fell on the left side of the page. It only dawned on me towards the end of the camp….God was showing me that I must be the passenger in His vehicle. He is busy driving. Trust the process.
Metamorphosis. That is what my Blog is currently undergoing. You see, when I started this blog, I truly thought that I would keep it Afrikaans. However, as time has passed by, God has shown me that there are English readers too.
When they have to read long Afrikaans entries that I wrote on this blog, it takes them hours. My husband told me shortly after starting the blog that he thinks I should make it English as well.
I did not listen and felt that it should remain purely Afrikaans. This past weekend, I had the absolute privilage to attend a Bible journaling camp hosted by Adorned Through Christ.
On this camp God connected me with three woman whom I shared a table with while having meals. Two of these woman were English. One of them was not shy to say that it takes her a few hours to read through one of my blog posts, because she is English.
Lynn Grobler, from Journaling on the Way, you confirmed to me, that I should start writing in English. I hope I will be able to think more English when writing these posts. Ek is mos Afrikaans en wanneer ek praat oor die Here dan is dit in Afrikaans!
I know that God will not fail me when writing and that I will be able to produce what he places in my heart in English when it needs to be English and Afrikaans when it needs to be Afrikaans.
The cover photo that I had selected was the Monarch Butterfly. The reason for this is to symbolise the change, the metamorphosis that this blog is undergoing. I also chose it, because of the distances these butterflies travel over a short period of time, how they are created for a purpose and how they survive.
A dear friend of mine told me about this butterfly approximately one year ago. I have not studied it in depth as much, but I have read about them and what they must go through to survive. Now I am not at all saying that this blog is a Monarch butterfly! No surely not, what I am saying and praying over the blog is for God to help this Blog to reach people that He wants to be reached.
To cover long distances over short periods of time. To do what it was created to do. All the glory be to God always. It is never about me, always about Him. May He always inspire my thoughts, my words, my hands that type these blog posts. In the Name of Jesus. Amen and Amen.
Koebaai. Dis seker vir my die woord wat die beste beskryf wat jy aan iemand sê wat jy vir ‘n baie lang tyd (indien ooit) nie gaan sien nie. Nie Totsiens of Tot later of Bon Voyage nie. Nee, net plein KOEBAAI. Net dit.Maar dan gaan google ek Bon Voyage en sien dat jy dit iemand toewens wie op reis gaan. Used to express good wishes to someone about to set off on a journey.Om nou presies te wees met die woordeboek wat google uitgespoeg het. Maar dit voel nie reg nie want ek het altyd gedink jy sê dit vir iemand wat op reis gaan en weer terug kom. Hierdie groet is net ANDERS jy weet?
Jy sien, dis hoe ek gevoel het Sondag, toe ek my sussie, haar man en twee dogters gaan groet het vir die laaste keer. Liewe hemel weet, dit was erg vir my. Erg om te dink dis nou die laaste keer dat ek ‘n fleshy hug (die huidige Pandemie nou glad nie in ag genome hier nie), gaan kry by hulle.
Die pad van Pretoria na ons huis is lank. Dik oë se gehuil lank. Liters en liters trane. Kort-kort weer dink aan wat besig is om te gebeur, oë wat vol trane skiet. Nog ‘n tissue vat en WEER my neus blaas. Dis ‘n BAIE lang pad want almal is stil in die kar. Elkeen besig met hul eie gedagtes.
Teen die tyd dat ons tussen die eerste en tweede tolhek is op die snelweg, besluit ons om musiek te luister. Ek koppel my foon op die kar se radio (hy is mos fêncy met Bluetooth en al) en ons almal jive en sing saam. Ons lag en dis vir ‘n oomblik beter.
Ek het natuurlik ALMAL in trane gehad Sondag. Selfs my swaer het met tranerige oë na my gekyk toe ek aframmel hoe BAIE hy vir my beteken het. Dat hy een aand tot middernag gesit het en my geleer het hoe werk ‘n financial calculator want ek het eksamen geskryf die volgende dag. Ek het daardie vak nogals met ‘n onderskeiding geslaag (bewys dat my korttermyn geheue fantasties werk). Nie dat ek nou meer weet hoe hy werk nie by gesê. Maar dit daar gelaat…want dit gaan nie nou oor my vermoëns om ‘n financial calculator te werk nie.
My familie dink daar is fout met my. Eers dink almal dis oor die brief wat my ma geskryf het vir my sussie op haar 21ste verjaarsdag. Dit was toe nou glad nie dit nie. Ek het net begin huil want die oomblik was te groot vir my. My middelste sussie roep my eenkant en praat met my. Ek knik my kop want ek hoor en verstaan wat sy probeer sê. Huil net nog meer. Maar ek besef dat my eerste inskrywing oor immigrasie nie noodwendig reg gelees en geinterpreteer was nie. Ek is nie kwaad omdat hulle wil gaan nie, wil hulle nie hier hou vir myself nie. My hart is net stukkend.
Hoe verduidelik jy dit aan iemand? Dat jou hart so seer is dat jy huil en snik tot jy leeg is? My pa stuur kort-kort ‘n Whatsapp boodskap om te hoor of ek ok is. Bel my man om te hoor of ek ok is.Ek WEET my sussie hulle neem die besluit vir HUL gesin en ek kan nie iets anders sê hieroor nie, want ons elkeen lei ons eie lewens. Soos my vorige inskrywing was – ek weet glad nie presies waardeur hulle was of besig is om te gaan om so ‘n besluit te neem nie.
Ek is ok. Ek weet ek sal ok wees. Met tyd sal dit beter word. Maar vir hierdie oomblik, gaan ek, as ‘n mens deur God geskape, deur stap nommer-hoeveel-ookal van die rou-proses. Ek ervaar dit as ‘n rou-proses. Ek is net wragties realisties as ek sê ek dink nie ek gaan hulle weer sien nie. NZ is VER (jy sien ek weet nie eers HOE om die land se naam reg te spel nie so ek gebruik die afkorting – dis nie omdat ek dit nie WIL spel nie – ek weet nie nou op die oomblik dat ek die inskrywing maak nie want my brein voel soos ‘n sif met alles wat hy deur gaan en moet verwerk). Weet jy hoe ver is dit? Nee ek ook nie, ek weet net dat dit BAAAAAIE ver met ‘n LAAAANG vliegrit en baie duur vliegkaartjies is.
Ek dink, die rede hoekom my familie dink daar is fout met my, is omdat ons nie so “huilerig” groot geword het nie. Hierdie is nou bloot hoe ek my grootword jare ervaar het en ek is oortuig, soos in 100% nie 99,9% nie, dat my sussies dit weer anders ervaar het.
Jy sien, ek het NOOIT gehuil in ‘n hartseer fliek nie, om nou een voorbeeld te gee. Dit was hartseer en als, maar ek het stilweg aan die binnekant gehuil. Hoekom kan ek nie vir jou sê nie. Ons het net nie regtig ons emosies voor mekaar gewys nie. Dis nou hoe ek dit ervaar onthou.
Onthou ook nou dat ek die jongste is. So baie goed was anders toe ek 7 was as toe my oudste sussie 7 was. Sy was die oudste, ek die jongste….sy het meer verantwoordelikheid gehad as wat ek gehad het as gevolg van ons “rangorde” as ek dit nou so kan noem.
Ek kan dink dat dit ‘n skok vir hulle moes wees om my so te sien. So weerloos en “huilerig”. Iets wat hulle nie ken nie. Jy sien, ek het oor tyd geleer om ‘n brawe gesig voor te sit, al voel ek of ek in ‘n hopie wil sit en net tjank (by gebrek aan ‘n beter beskrywende woord). Want ek het gevoel ek moet sterk wees. Kan nie swakheid wys nie. Om te huil was vir my ‘n teken van swakheid.
Maar jy sien, met tyd, het ek ook geleer dat trane en huil God se meganisme is waarmee Hy ons elkeen geskep het, om ons harte skoon te maak. Letterlik skoon te huil. Hoekom voel mens beter na jy gehuil het? Ek is seker as jy die wetenskap agter dit gaan google sal daar weer een of ander hormoon wees wat afgeskei word na mens gehuil het.
Ek het dit nie gaan google nie so ek raai nou maar hier…maar nie te min – ek voel ALTYD beter na ek gehuil het. Die skrif van The joy always comes in the morning kom by my op. Dis hoe ek voel na ek gehuil het. Natuurlik is die oggende beter na so huil-sessie. Dik oë en al. Al sukkel ek om grimering op te sit want my oë is so puffy.
Vir seker so twee weke tevore hoor ek gereeld op Spotify die liedjie van King & Country – Relate. Die woorde wat my ore vang is “I don’t know what it is like to be you, you don’t know what it’s like to be me…”
Ek kyk dadelik die liedjie se naam, wil nie die awesome liedjie mis nie. Ek speel hom weer. Ek luister hom weer. Drink die woorde in. Luister hom weer, speel hom vir my man. Wow. Dis vir my so mooi. Hoe die kunstenaar eintlik wat ek probeer sê het nou in ander woorde gesit het.
Dan besef ek, DIS waaroor dit gaan. Ons moet probeer VERSTAAN waardeur ander mense gaan (iets wat al lank reeds op my hart lê en wat ek regtig probeer toepas). Al is dit nie wat ons besluit vir onsself nie, moet ons hul harte sien en verstaan. Stadig om te oordeel en te praat, vinnig om te verstaan. Is daar nie so ‘n skrif nie? Prediker of Spreuke iewers?Ek weet nie, maar ek gaan vir seker soek!
I don’t know what it’s like to be you,you don’t know what it is like to be me. But by the Grace of God we’ll see each other’s heart. Can you, can you relate?
Dit is tyd….die dag het aangebreek. Die nuwe voorkoms van my “blog” het pas lewe gekry….
Hierdie is amptelik my eerste inskrywing direk op die nuwe platvorm en nie op Facebook nie.
Ek is so opgewonde om dit aan die wêreld bekend te stel!
Gisteraand net soos wat ek aan die slaap raak kry ek Spreuke 10:21. Ek gaan soek my foon se bybel op, wil seker maak en dit nie vergeet nie. Ek lees die stuk (baie dankbaar dat dit nie ‘n valse stuk skrif is nie want dit het OOK al gebeur….ek dink ek kry skrif en jitte dan soek en soek ek en kry wragties nie die vers nie).
Ek dra die en elke inskrywing hierna weereens op aan die Here. Mag Spreuke 10:21 elke liewe keer deurkom op my inskrywings. Mag God elke liewe keer my inskrywings inspireer om mense te help en aan te raak….
Daar is nog baie te leer aan hoe die nuwe konsep werk en as daar foutjies ingeglip het sal ek dit regstel….in die tussen tyd geniet ek die nuwe platform en waarheen dit oppad is!
“Speed dating” – ‘n georganiseerde sosiale byeenkoms waar ‘n reeks kort gesprekke met vreemdelinge om te bepaal of julle iets in gemeen het. Iets soos dit is die amptelike beskrywing volgens die woordeboek.
Ek sien voorlopigebelasting as die “speed dating” van belasting. Dit voel nie altyd “georganiseerd” soos die woordeboek sê nie, want ander werk EN die lewe gebeur tussen in. Orde moet EK skep….strukture in plek stel anders verloor ek myself in die proses….
Jy sien, elke 6 maande verplig die staat jou om vinnige 5 tot 10 minute gesprekke met jou kliënte te hê. Daarna moet jy NOG vinniger jou berekeninge doen want jy moet nog ‘n gesprek hê om te bespreek wat jy bereken het (ok nie regtig moontlik in 5 min nie, maar dis hoe dit voel….)
Jy kyk dan basies, in ‘n oogwink, wat jou kliënt se belastingsituasie is, hoeveel hulle moet betaal en hoeveel reeds betaal was.
Senutergend – dis hoe ek dit ervaar. Jy het net basies een week of dalk 2 as jou beplanning goed uitwerk (en almal natuurlik saam werk en betyds hul inligting stuur) om deur die stappe te gaan om te bepaal wat jou kliënt moet betaal….as jy foute begaan is daar finansiële implikasies en sal boetes gehef word…..
Dit is waarmee ek myself besig hou gedurende Augustus en Februarie elke jaar….en ook hoekom my “blog” stillerig was die afgelope tyd.
In die middel van die BESIGE tye kom maak die Here my stil.
“Dit is tyd” voel ek in my hart.
“Tyd vir wat?” wonder ek….
“Tyd vir iets anders en waarvoor Ek jou geskep het” kom die antwoord.
Ek bly ‘n oomblik stil. Voel oorweldig maar opgewonde op dieselfde tyd.
“Ek is reg Here. Ek sal dit doen.” is my antwoord….
Hierdie “blog” se platform is besig om ‘n transformasie te ondergaan….ek moet net eers my verantwoordelikhede as ‘n mamma en vrou nakom en natuurlik die werksverpligtinge vir my beroep….MAAR tussen alles deur probeer ek die tyd maak vir dit wat die Here op my hart gelê het. As ek dit nie doen nie, is ek ook nie gehoorsaam nie…..
Tot die volgende “speed dating” sessie en, ek glo, voor dan, gaan die transformasie reeds plaasgevind het…..
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